By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
BIG STRONG LONG HUGGS HENRY LOVE jere
Henry I can do that now ! I give a dollar to the hobo , I know it’s going for more maddog . Mama did’nt raise no fool LOVE jere
Hi everyone…I was wondering if anyone here has experienced friends or relatives being angry at you for ‘letting’ the P into your life. One of my good friends, who of course tells me I “just need to get over it” that “I am lucky I got out when I did”, etc…also tells me that ‘I should have known better’ and that “I should have seen the signs’…I guess this might all be true, but it just makes me feel worse and really isn’t constructive. I think anyone who has not had their life turned completely upside down by a sociopath really doesn’t get it…Perhaps I should just stop expecting certain people to understand; maybe it isn’t fair to them…
Peace
Aftermath; Surviving Psycopathy
This is a very good read and needs to be upfront after the greeting here! Thats what so many of us are looking for is how to survive this experience LOVE jere
Maniatissa read this it is in the resources of LF I will go look and find exactly where it is ! and yes my Folks dont want to hear his name nor talk about it at all ! common !
Google Robert D, Hare and aftermath;surviving Psycopathy
for survival stratigies LOVE jere
maniatissa:
Some friends and family members may never “get it”. The Sociopathic relationship does not fall within the realm of their experience, and thankfully so. Unfortunately, these individuals cannot grasp the depth of your pain or understand why you made the choices that you did (or do). And that’s ok.
You’re right, their criticisms may not be constructive and your relationships with these invididuals may become strained for awhile. It is important for you to find people who are compassionate and empathetic. Communicating with people at Lovefraud has been immensely helpful. In time, as you grow and heal, your relationship with your friend will hopefully improve. At a point in your life when your self-esteem may already be at an all-time low, you need to focus on being around positive people, and thinking good thoughts.
Good luck.
Yes and the obsessing over the psyco I found an artical here for you on forgiving yourself Oxd and Donna wrote it it is absolutly a must read
I need some help!!!! I have been doing very well trying to get over my soon-to-be ex husband’s mentall illness. Our daughter was diagnosed with asthma yesterday and I asked him to reimburse me his 60%. The meds were over 100.00. He went into a long drawn out thing about what the papers say about him paying. He did NOT once ask how she was doing he was only concerned about the payment issue.
He sees her once a week for 3 hours. I ask him to get her more often but he won’t. He has a son with his mistress which is what he always wanted a son. So I guess he has thrown us away. He picked up my daughter from daycare at 6:50 last week and they close at 6:30. I was at the show and did not get the call. I was so mad at him. She was in daycare for over 11 hours. In a calm voice he told me that she is fine. No, she was hungry and needed her parents.
I don’t know what to do. Our daughter is only 2. I don’t see having to deal with him for 16 more years. I remember reading something on here about children being property/obligation or something like that (I guess I should reread it). I guess that is why he gets her at least once a week so he can still feel like he is being a dad to her. I am so livid. Sorry for rambling.
I get the same treatment from family members and friends alike. My mother is at the point that I deserve what I get for allowing him to keep coming back, I had a friend who stopped being friends with me because she was tired of the drama. But it was like I didn’t know how to get out. I would and it would last for about a week then I was right back in deep. Its like I know he is lying, I know he is full of crap, but I stick around trying to keep things civil and nice. I mean I fell in love with the man I thought he was…I am seeing more and more how it is control and the articles here are so helpful. I just wish I wasn’t having guilt with trying to leave. I mean I know I deserve better, but he always points out that I never had love and I wont find it either because of how “i am” (he does no wrong) But back to my mother, She literally gets mad at me and asks what is wrong with me…All I can do is cry and say I Know…I cant explain it….I cant say anything because deep down I know she is right. I just need to get it over with and move on…but it is some strange obsession that even I dont understand. Do I need drama in my life…is that it..or am I just so under his control I dont know what I am doing…(She says I must just want drama in my life) I really dont tho.
nic we are here for you lean on me