By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
One more thing…How do you stay away when you have kids? But you are so right Peggy every time I have contact with him I feel pain.
your not going to like the answers maybe you should just take some time to focus on Peace, Quiet,Love, You have your daughter and she is safe your safe ! Breath
LOVE jere
Letting-go you need to go to counseling. That helped me tremendously. I was deeply in love with my husband also. I don’t know if I would have ever left but he left and I thank God for that every day. He asked to come back a month ago and I just laughed in his face and told him no (while his phone was ringing with the mistress calling who he was still seeing). It was very hard in the beginning and I went through the grieving process and now I feel like I am too good for him. He does not deserve my faithfulness and love. My family was telling me to get over it also. I wish they could read this site.
I posted about a situation and what helped me was to come on this site and read over the symptoms and articles and realize that my husband can’t change. He can’t love or feel empathy. After I yelled at him for being a horrible father and I came on here I sent him an email apologizing for how I acted.
I need the answers indigo. But I guess I need to be thankful to a certain point that he does not get her more than once a week.
letting-go,
As long as you listen to him and his lies he wants you to believe about yourself, he will have control over you. You are not the bundle of lies he tells you, such as “he always points out that I never had love and I wont find it either because of how “i am”. These are lies he’s told you so many times you’ve internalized them. YOU are MORE than that. Once you get away from him you will be able to find out who YOU are! You really will! But you first have to decide not to listen to anything he says. You have to think all your thoughts for yourself. It’s like rehabilitating an un-exercised muscle. But you are still in there! That is why you are here!
(((hugs))))
I kind of wish he would just leave me. I have tried and tried so hard to end things…but he won’t allow it…says he loves me and only me and that will remain regardless. Even tho I know he goes to see the others He still insists that I am the only one he loves. He knows I struggle with finances so he sends me money and trys to help out in that area but then it is used big time against me. But he will just send cash out of the blue..even if we are not speaking. He claimed he will never let me go, but he goes off with the other woman…I dont get it. Just let me be if you cant leave the other one alone either. I mean why? why keep me around?? I know I need counseling…I am going to look into it. But I just feel like why cant I just smarten up and say “hey leave me alone and stick with it. Why after a week or so I miss him. I know it doesnt help when the other chic would email me and mention they were together and what not. I ended that communication availibility tho so hopefully that will get better, because even tho I know he was wrong for me and I knew he was with her it still bothered me to hear about it. Gosh am I just sick in the head…..
1. For give your self ! none, nothing , nota , single thing you ever did is/was your fault ! It is LIES !
Forgiving Yourself For Being Human
Tue. 9 Sept. 2008
Ox Drover
Scroll Lovefraud blog to bottom of page go to next page scrll till you find this Artical. LOVE jere
Hi, I am new to the site and only figured out what was up in my world about two monthes ago. As I am seeing from the posts I am sure not alone. I have been reading for a few weeks and realize all of us seem to be in the same boat. I was married to my x for five years and lived with him for 5 prior to our marriage. About 5 yrs. ago things started going bad. I thought it was menopause on my part. As time passed I was being told I was crazy and began to wonder if I wasn’t. I went to my dr. asked for a referral to a physologist, went, she said I was one of the sanest people she had seen. Asked me to bring my husband in (you know that went over well) and when we went she told me @....... the end in private to get out. It took me awhile, I asked all the why’s, how comes, and what if’s, to no avail. In Sept. I was watching Law and order SVU, and saw a show about P. I came to work and found this site and have had so many things make sense to me now. I cried for the last 2 yrs. and now I have answers. The sad thing was he got disability and the phy. report said he had “Anti-social behavorial disorder” and I laughed when I read it (obviously I didn’t know what it was) I have only been able to start to laugh again in the last couple monthes. He has had me arrested, put a restraining order against me, hurt the new guy in my life (we were just friends,my x had run off w/his wife). Crazy Crazy Crazy that is what my life has been and I miss normal (whatever that is, I don’t remember) Glad I found this site, as I have said, the road has been hard. The no contact thing is the only safety I have. I didn’t stay away until May of this year and now I am sleeping better, don’t cry as much and I am trying to stop missing him, I know it is the only way I will make it out of hell.
Let go please read this LOVE jere