By Peggywhoever
Welcome to Lovefraud Land! Again, welcome. Cyber handshake.. (Smile).
This is not a vacation location. But it is a destination. You can find your path to healing here.
Tell me, you Googled the word “Sociopath.” You have just ended a most painful relationship. Or rather, THEY ended the relationship. And you are left as an emotional shipwreck.
See how many adjectives apply. Hurt. Betrayed. Confused. Damaged. State of Disbelief. Questioning them. Questioning you. Questioning everyone. Questioning everything. Why? Why? Why? What is going on here?
You have come to the right place. Having come out of the most bizarre, twisted and contorted relationship of your life as though you were an emotional contortionist, you will find answers. And peace.
You have been abused, perhaps for the first time, and perhaps you have a lifetime of abuse. You are in pain. You can barely function. It is difficult to get out of bed in the morning. You feel frozen. You can barely make the effort to eat. Sound familiar? You are sick”¦emotionally sick, physically sick, sick to the core of your psyche.
Being in a relationship with a Sociopath takes everything you hold dear”¦your values, your code of ethics, your trust in love, honor, and commitment and turns them upside down. And then they are stomped on. Your body is on alert, you may have feelings of depression, anxiety, paranoia, as well as PTSD symptoms. You can barely function at your job… Your friends and family are tired of hearing your story. Nobody understands. Nobody listens. You feel that nobody cares.
Well, at Lovefraud Land, we DO care. You have friends now. New friends. People who have walked in your shoes. You have friends who will listen, REALLY listen to you and help advise you. Free counseling. Not necessarily from licensed professionals, but people who are seasoned and licensed in the game of life.
Because, to a sociopath it is a game. A one-sided game. They win, you lose. They are the victims. Always. You can never play the game right. The rules change as soon as you figure it out.
You are never enough. Were never enough. You were not bright enough, handsome/pretty enough, clever and witty enough, attractive enough, enough, ENOUGH!
It is not about you. It was never about you. It is about them. Everything, EVERYTHING about a Sociopath revolves around them. Always has, always will.
YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH.
What is about you is your ”¦ well, YOUNESS! Your uniqueness. You were chosen, targeted even by a sociopath for your intrinsic goodness. Your loving heart, compassionate nature, blind trust, and helpfulness were strong factors in them choosing you as a victim.
You cannot change a sociopath. Ever. You cannot fix them. The best thing you can do is STAY AWAY FROM THEM. Always. Forever. This is known at Lovefraud Land as NC (No contact).. That means no face-to-face contact, no telephone conversations, no e-mail, no text messaging, NOTHING. Because any contact with them will only bring you pain.
Oh, and the obsessing. Thinking of them night and day. Day and night. Over and over and over until you feel like you are watching the same video in your head. And the ruminating (another Lovefraud word) ”¦ which relates to the obsessing and constantly thinking “what if” or how much you love and miss them and how wonderful they were and “what if” you had only done this or that?
Well, nothing, NOTHING you could have done would have changed anything. Or fixed anything. You are left with”¦you. And you will learn to understand yourself, and love yourself, and appreciate yourself in a way you never have before.
It is a journey, this seeking the answers, this journey of understanding, a journey torward physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Your new friends will walk with you and hold your hand.
Welcome. Welcome to Lovefraud Land. Cyber handshake. (Smile).
Peace
Peggywhoever
i wish my ex would move across the country. he always manages to stay with 10 miles of my home, whether hes renting a room or living in his van.
letting-go:
He wants to have power and control over you. It is their game. It feeds him. Peacefulnow is wise in the advice to you. Read and learn. NC. NC. NC.
TOO MANIATISSA I would like to respond to your guestion about friends and family getting mad at you and saying “I warned you!” The truth is they warned us after he/she had their hook’s firmly planted. They watched our decline into hell and when we went to them for help and support they were their to support us – but how many times did we go back and try to cover up our shame that we had taken them back? – how many times did we hide the fact that they were back? At some point they (friends and family) don’t understand our confusion because they are not hooked emotionally like we are – and at this point how many times have they asked or warned us not to take he/she back? I had a friend tell me recently ( I warned you) like he was some kind a guru or something. I said ( I was hooked before you ever met him). So don’t beat yourself up – they dont get it. But they have good intention’s…(This is a life lesson – don’t fail it_ (The truth will set you free – but first it will piss you off!!!) These are quotes from love fraud bloggers who ever they be………..Maniatissa hold my hand – my name is Henry – and I am here for you- please no contact – no nothing – and you will find yourself again –
to henry and maniatissa; for years i let my p abuse and threaten me, back and forth i went to my parents, then i would go back hoping it would be different. my family went thru alot of stess because of him. i finally left for good when he got drunk one nite and held a knife to my throat saying i kill you then me. i fled for my life and my childrens, that was 7 years ago, i am now doing intense therapy for me and my 2 kids, and my family couldnt be more proud of me, they think a am the strongest person they now. they realize now thru books and articles that at first its hard to just leave, they have you convinced (brainwashed maybe) that you cant make it what them. well i did. like a said in my past blogs, he still lurks in the shawdows and manages to live close, but i try my hardest and pray each day he wont get to my children. cause he knows he cant get to me anymore, his power is slowly ending. (thats when i hope he leaves town and goes across the country!)
Dear Peacefulnow,
I appreciate your kind words in an earlier blog today (can’t find them now–CRS) I typed out a long reply to you and it went into cyberspace when my server went down momentarily.
Having a child who is a P is a heartwrenching experience, even though they are adults now. But, you are NOT alone at all. I hope you will stay around Love Fraud a while and continue to post, it sounds like you have got your head on straight and that is important. I’ll be 62 next month and I feel like I have been “reborn” a new and happy person in the last few months! Every day that I get up I think God for the blessings He has given me and the peace in my heart. It took me so long to find that peace, to root out the pain, and it was only through NO CONTACT with my P-son and “emotionally” burying him—remembering the wonderful fun child he was, but that “child” is dead, and buried, and the “man” who now has his organs is a stranger to me, they are not the same individual. I can weep for the child, grieve and move on, and cut the man out of my life. I MUST do those things in order to have a life.
I have gone NC with all of the Ps in my life, and all those people who ENABLE them to victimize me. Life is good, filled with JOY–I would say “again” but I am seeing that I have NEVER felt such JOY in my life before. I AM P-FREE. (((hugs))))
To Brenda and all. Mine used a gun and the exact same quote.The more I read the more I’m amazed at all similarities amongst all the “p”s . As diversified as humans are in general the psychos seem to have alot more specific traits and behaviors. I truly believe if we all combined our experiences with them would could create a “common person” PCL-RR that may save those lucky enough to avoid them all together. Mine was female by the way which brings a few xtra weapons to the table. i.e fake pregnancy, using the system to the nth degre for blackmail etc. using my daughter and societies propensity for bias for females in custody issues. How many others have had weapons pulled on them or at least the same threat? Fake terminal or serious illness? Lies about assets ? Previous or current employment? Number of significant others? yada yada yada. My brain hurts again. Recently I’ve gotton to the point where I dont even try to figure “why lie about that” or what is and what isn’t. She’s not worth the brain energy and I’ve already wasted too much life on her as it is.
Dear Peggy,
This essay brilliantly describes that shocked and paralyzed state we go through as we try to find a solid piece of ground to stand on once again. That solid piece of ground represents what we know to be true. What we thought we knew gets wiped out.
For me, the Bad Man was a complete start over for me… and haha.. I went to Hawaii to “start over”. Now I have started over starting over…
Who’s on first? (Just kidding!)
Anyway, this essay really knocked me over when you read it to me. I think it should become required reading. In fact, I think I will keep this one for my files… never know when someone might need to read it.
Aloha everyone!
LET US REMEMBER that all of on this site have unselfishly shared their wisdom, ideas/thoughts (old and new) values … as words came pouring onto this blog, naked and raw as we … bearing our souls and knowledge given from the depth of despair … moved together in peace and harmony towards healing from the depth of our own individual situations … willing to share and provide new insights, ideas as well as cherished family values with others who also share the common bond of horrific pain, knowing oh so well, what touches the very core of us … every one sharing and caring from the professionals to the bloggers … opening each others minds, hearts, and souls … to generate future hope for those that are inflicting and have been afflicted.
God Bless us all and keep us humble as we continue to make progress …
Peace.
Correction:
LET US REMEMBER that all of US on this site have unselfishly shared their wisdom, ideas/thoughts (old and new) values ” as words came pouring onto this blog, naked and raw as we ” bearing our souls and knowledge given from the depth of despair ” moved together in peace and harmony towards healing from the depth of our own individual situations ” willing to share and provide new insights, ideas as well as cherished family values with others who also share the common bond of horrific pain, knowing oh so well, what touches the very core of us ” every one sharing and caring from the professionals to the bloggers ” opening each others minds, hearts, and souls ” to generate future hope for those that are inflicting and have been afflicted.
God Bless us all and keep us humble as we continue to make progress ”
Peace.
My Pay -Pal acct.# is 1234 evil 999
that will be $100.00 per brilliant revalation :)~