Editor’s note: Although this post describes the Judeo-Christian scripture, Lovefraud respects and honors all religious and spiritual traditions.
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
One of my favorite books of the Bible is Proverbs, which was attributed to Solomon, King of Israel, the son of King David. Though reputedly the wisest man in the world, Solomon didn’t always put his philosophies and wisdom to good use in his own life. Nonetheless, the book does have a lot of wisdom in it, including this description of a psychopath.
Proverbs 6:12-19, I think, is a perfect description of the psychopath.
The New Living Bible translation:
12 What are worthless and wicked people like? They are constant liars,
13 signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers.
14 Their perverted hearts plot evil,Ӭand they constantly stir up trouble.
15 But they will be destroyed suddenly,Ӭbroken in an instant beyond all hope of healing.
16 There are six things the Lord hates —”¨no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes,Ӭa lying tongue,Ӭhands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil,Ӭfeet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
Psychopathy is not something new in the world, it is just that we, as former victims or associates of these people, have become acutely aware of the evil that people can do to others. We have personally experienced the pain that comes from the betrayal of a lover, friend, family member, child, parent, or someone else who was very close to us, someone we trusted.
Psychopaths have been around since the beginning of humanity and they have preyed on others. They have risen to the highest levels as kings and dictators of countries, like Stalin and Mao, who have been responsible for the deaths of perhaps a hundred million of people, or they have simply preyed on those that were close to them. The majority of the suffering that mankind as a whole endures, both in mass and individually, is because of the actions of psychopaths.
We may not be able, as individuals, to avoid the mega-troubles brought on by psychopathic rulers, but by learning the “red flags” of a psychopath, by learning how to avoid these people on an individual level in the future, we can keep ourselves safer. We can teach others and teach our children how to recognize these evil ones, and how to avoid becoming intimate with them, how to avoid letting them con us financially and emotionally.
There are many great articles here at Lovefraud that talk about the things that we can spot in a person to see that they are possibly high in psychopathic traits. We call these traits “Red Flags,” because they signal that there is danger in the person who is behaving in that manner. If we ignore these red flags, we will absolutely become embroiled in their deceit and chaos.
The eight short verses above describe perfectly the psychopaths in our lives, who leave behind misery and pain.
The Bible (in verse 17) refers to “haughty eyes,” where in today’s language we would call it arrogance. If a person acts in an arrogant and “entitled” manner, we can see that there is a good chance this person does not value other people highly, but values himself above others.
Verse 12 calls them “constant liars,” which is pretty plain in even today’s language. People who lie continually, sometimes “when the truth would fit better,” are not people we can trust. Doing “business” of any kind with a person who is a “constant liar” is very risky because they cannot be trusted.
Verse 13 speaks about how they “signal their deceit” with a wink of the eye. They make light of their dishonesty, showing that honesty and forthrightness is not something that they value highly.
Verse 14 talks about how they “stir up trouble,” and if that is not a perfect signal, a bright red flag, that someone is up to no good, I don’t know what is. People who are “drama queens and kings” are continually creating chaos and unnecessary pain for others.
Verse 18 speaks about those that “plot evil,” which is pretty clearly something that a psychopath does. This may be something that can be observed from the way they treat others, or it may be something that they tell you about how they have treated someone else. Be assured if they treat others badly, you will eventually become one of the people that they will also treat badly, no matter how nicely they treat you today.
“Stirs up trouble in a family” is mentioned in verse 19 (“sows discord in a family”), and is particularly evident in family interactions with the psychopath, as well as business dealings and relationships with their neighbors.
When we see these characteristics in a person’s daily life, or in their past life, we should realize that there are “red flags” waving to warn us that this person, even if they do not qualify as a “full fledged psychopath,” is high enough in the traits of the psychopath that he or she is toxic to those that are connected with them. They are not worthy of our trust…even if it is just a “little bit” arrogant, or a “little bit” of a liar, or stir up a “little bit” of drama, because people who will do these things, who are dishonest and arrogant, will turn on others at their whim. Avoiding toxic and dramatic, lying and deceitful people is the only way that we can protect ourselves. We can’t change these people, any more than we can change a venomous snake. All we can do is to avoid their proximity to us, so that they are not in a position to harm us.
Our trust is something that is precious and something that we must guard by watching for the red flags in the behavior and actions of others. Guard your trust well.
behind_blue_eyes: life is sometimes like a book and we are the characters. Or else we choose books based on what we relate to-have been thru-hope to become etc. I find I do that.
These P’s are never satisfied. Oh, they appear to be, for awhile, but that’s mostly facade and fleeting. Besides, it’s not their goal to be happy and peaceful.
Sick, demented children trapped in adult bodies with evil in their hearts and brains.
Duped;
One dating site profiled my x-spath as a Manchild:
“Hopeful. Awkward. Soft-headed. Fire intrigues you. You are The Manchild.
Okay, Manchildren have some good qualities. They can be unpredictable, brash, magnetic—and therefore highly charismatic. Particularly, you’re passionate and are often a hell of a lot of fun.
But we’d like you to consider not using our site. You can be unthinking and hurtful, and we think you LIKE seeing bad things happen. You’ve had a moderate number of relationships, but broken a disproportionate number of hearts. In total, you mean well, but don’t really have it together.
It’s up to you, of course, whether to continue dating. There are plenty of people out there who do deserve you.”
Twice;
Funny, in talking about that particular book with him I said that the book on my life is not over along with several other things that to be honest, were very open and hopeful for the future in I intend a happy ending. He almost word for word mirrored me.
Typical.
I still intend a happy ending to my book. I does not make me feel good that his will not have such an ending, but not only is he a sociopath, he was not taking care of himself, is most likely HIV+ and both parents died of cancer before they were 50.
BBE: A dating site said that??? OMG.
How embarrassing. But then, spaths don’t get embarrased; do they? They just forge ahead….
Duped;
Yes, its called the “Dating Persona Test.” There are about 50 questions and from that you are profiled as 1 of 16 dating personas. (Actually 32 — 16 male, 16 female).
The female corollary is the Wild Rose:
“Colorful, but unpicked. You are The Wild Rose.
Prone to bouts of cynicism, sarcasm, and thorns, you excite a certain kind of woman. Hoping to gather you up, she flirts and winks and asks you out, ultimately professing her love. Then you make her bleed. Why? Because you’re the rare, independent, self-sufficient kind of woman who does want love, but not from a weakling.
You don’t seem to take yourself too seriously, and that’s refreshing. You aren’t uptight; you don’t over-plan. Romance-wise, sex isn’t a top priority—a true relationship would be preferable. For your age, you haven’t had a lot of bonafide love experience, though, and this kind of gets to core of the issue. You’re very selective.
The problem is them, not you, right? You have lofty standards that few measure up to. You’re out there all right, but not to be picked up by just anyone.”
This fits him well too. I tried this test a bunch of times and the only way to score a Manchild is to be kinky, always on the look for somebody new but interestingly, not too relationship/sexually experienced.
TBH, everyone should have a prospective dating partner take this test!
HA! I am going to have to check that test out, BBE…
thanks. 🙂 muahhhhhh! xxoo
((((hugging BBE)))) You hang in there; you are a wonderful person….I can ‘feel’ it. You deserve THE BEST anyways. 😉
Duped
Here is the link I found:
http://www.okcupid.com/online.dating.persona.test
Duped;
You are right about not getting embarrassed — if I tested Manchild, I retake the test until something else came up.
But as I said once before, and this shows how messed up this guy is, online, his profiles are nothing like the my experiences with him in person, other than in retrospect this test pretty accurately describing him. However, he uses photos in which he appears much younger than in person, not that at 36 or 37 he is a bad looking guy.
Thus, online — real person, appearance mask.
In person — real appearance, personality mask.
Duped;
I think all of us are wonderful people — that is not only why we became victims of sociopaths but out empathy makes letting go difficult.
Thanks.
you are right, BBE…
our empathy makes it difficult to let go and they are banking on it.
xxoo