Editor’s note: Although this post describes the Judeo-Christian scripture, Lovefraud respects and honors all religious and spiritual traditions.
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
One of my favorite books of the Bible is Proverbs, which was attributed to Solomon, King of Israel, the son of King David. Though reputedly the wisest man in the world, Solomon didn’t always put his philosophies and wisdom to good use in his own life. Nonetheless, the book does have a lot of wisdom in it, including this description of a psychopath.
Proverbs 6:12-19, I think, is a perfect description of the psychopath.
The New Living Bible translation:
12 What are worthless and wicked people like? They are constant liars,
13 signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers.
14 Their perverted hearts plot evil,Ӭand they constantly stir up trouble.
15 But they will be destroyed suddenly,Ӭbroken in an instant beyond all hope of healing.
16 There are six things the Lord hates —”¨no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes,Ӭa lying tongue,Ӭhands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil,Ӭfeet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
Psychopathy is not something new in the world, it is just that we, as former victims or associates of these people, have become acutely aware of the evil that people can do to others. We have personally experienced the pain that comes from the betrayal of a lover, friend, family member, child, parent, or someone else who was very close to us, someone we trusted.
Psychopaths have been around since the beginning of humanity and they have preyed on others. They have risen to the highest levels as kings and dictators of countries, like Stalin and Mao, who have been responsible for the deaths of perhaps a hundred million of people, or they have simply preyed on those that were close to them. The majority of the suffering that mankind as a whole endures, both in mass and individually, is because of the actions of psychopaths.
We may not be able, as individuals, to avoid the mega-troubles brought on by psychopathic rulers, but by learning the “red flags” of a psychopath, by learning how to avoid these people on an individual level in the future, we can keep ourselves safer. We can teach others and teach our children how to recognize these evil ones, and how to avoid becoming intimate with them, how to avoid letting them con us financially and emotionally.
There are many great articles here at Lovefraud that talk about the things that we can spot in a person to see that they are possibly high in psychopathic traits. We call these traits “Red Flags,” because they signal that there is danger in the person who is behaving in that manner. If we ignore these red flags, we will absolutely become embroiled in their deceit and chaos.
The eight short verses above describe perfectly the psychopaths in our lives, who leave behind misery and pain.
The Bible (in verse 17) refers to “haughty eyes,” where in today’s language we would call it arrogance. If a person acts in an arrogant and “entitled” manner, we can see that there is a good chance this person does not value other people highly, but values himself above others.
Verse 12 calls them “constant liars,” which is pretty plain in even today’s language. People who lie continually, sometimes “when the truth would fit better,” are not people we can trust. Doing “business” of any kind with a person who is a “constant liar” is very risky because they cannot be trusted.
Verse 13 speaks about how they “signal their deceit” with a wink of the eye. They make light of their dishonesty, showing that honesty and forthrightness is not something that they value highly.
Verse 14 talks about how they “stir up trouble,” and if that is not a perfect signal, a bright red flag, that someone is up to no good, I don’t know what is. People who are “drama queens and kings” are continually creating chaos and unnecessary pain for others.
Verse 18 speaks about those that “plot evil,” which is pretty clearly something that a psychopath does. This may be something that can be observed from the way they treat others, or it may be something that they tell you about how they have treated someone else. Be assured if they treat others badly, you will eventually become one of the people that they will also treat badly, no matter how nicely they treat you today.
“Stirs up trouble in a family” is mentioned in verse 19 (“sows discord in a family”), and is particularly evident in family interactions with the psychopath, as well as business dealings and relationships with their neighbors.
When we see these characteristics in a person’s daily life, or in their past life, we should realize that there are “red flags” waving to warn us that this person, even if they do not qualify as a “full fledged psychopath,” is high enough in the traits of the psychopath that he or she is toxic to those that are connected with them. They are not worthy of our trust…even if it is just a “little bit” arrogant, or a “little bit” of a liar, or stir up a “little bit” of drama, because people who will do these things, who are dishonest and arrogant, will turn on others at their whim. Avoiding toxic and dramatic, lying and deceitful people is the only way that we can protect ourselves. We can’t change these people, any more than we can change a venomous snake. All we can do is to avoid their proximity to us, so that they are not in a position to harm us.
Our trust is something that is precious and something that we must guard by watching for the red flags in the behavior and actions of others. Guard your trust well.
Oxy:
Yep, they have to want the help. They will settle down if they want to change, but very few do. Thinking a lot about my X spath again, but I am OK. Thanks, Oxy.
Here, here, Ox: NO ONE can be healed until they WANT it or unless they want it.
You can lead a horse to water….yah, yah…
Nobody can MAKE them do anything against their will and their will is that somewhat like a wild stallion.
No, I don’t believe they can be healed.
They don’t want to change; they LIKE it the way it is…
It is their life; their adrenalin rush; their excitement….
Without us, they would have no entertainment.
I don’t need this turmoil, stress and dysfunction in my life.
I AM TRYING TO LIVE. LIVE what I have left.
“IT” spent a long time ‘grooming’ me to be the mindless soul I was. It almost ‘groomed’ me right straight into oblivion and I just let it. How’s that for taking responsibility? I let it because I truly believed that, like the normal rest of us, “IT” would SEE and voluntarily appreciate everything but it never has and I can see that now. Like I told “IT”: “You were suppose to be my best friend, yet, you left me here to die alone and THEN tell me to shut up?” I don’t think so.
Have a good night everyone.
Sleep with the Angels about you…
xxoo
The Dupedster
Goodnight, guys, I am off to beddie bye!
Yah, thinking about your x, Louise….
(((sorry))) It will be okay. You are doing the right thing by protecting yourself inside and out. So am I. We don’t need that back. That was poison; toxic to us and our being.
Yes, I think about “IT” too…when you think of “IT”, go reward yourself with something good or something nice. Do that every single time you think of “IT” and start to feel sad…sooner or later, you will forget about the sadness because you will be equating it with something pleasurable instead. Despite what shrinks say, I am a FIRM BELIEVER in avoidance behavior when it comes to our circumstances.
This takes LOTS of self discipline and LOTS of stamina and really, really, wanting it but if you do, it will come. I promise. I have been learning this myself.
But, diagnosis today was still kind of ‘gloom’…
Seems my PTSD has moved into the ‘ice cold blank stage’…
The no emotion stage. It is so lifeless; like I am just floating and have no place to land. The more I teach myself and educate myself and the more I talk about my experience and share it with others, the more healed I become.
I am grateful for having this place to come = where we can all meet and share our stories and give support. “I” think this is where some of the Angels reside….in each of you. xxoo
Have a nice weekend…
Oxy:
Good night. Thanks so much for your help tonight! x
I just came from an evening out with friends. Or so I thought.
Maybe I am becoming suspicious of everyone around me. I know I am still reeling from the after math of a long marriage that went bad.
My son is engaged to be married within the next 9 months. Even though I have difficulty facing my ex spath at the ceremony I know I must do it. Tonight we were celebrating my daughter in laws birthday. I had sent a text message to her mother right after they were engaged saying “Goody for us” and Congratulating her on our kids engagement”. Never heard a word. Tonight when I asked her she said she got the text but was “just busy”. (This is a woman who I have spent time out with socially and partying….I thought we were friends). My heart fell. But then I realized I must not open my heart to anyone. I thought I had a good relationship with this mother who adored my son.
There have been a couple of other incidents that have happened with a couple of other so called “friends”. I am starting to believe I am a “lone wolf”. I don’t consider myself better than other but maybe “more caring”~ or “honest?”.
Is it possible that I am being too sensitive? I don’t think so.
I think I am just more in tune to my surroundings.
I hate to say this but I am almost dreading my son’s marriage. I will have to see my ex and his newest “gal pal”.
I know I do not want him back but my dreams flood back to me of seeing my ex and me (still married) at my son’s wedding as a happy loving couple. Just too much to soon, I guess.
I hope it does get easier. I am here writing at this hour because I believe it must.
Can anyone shed their thoughts? I am lost at the moment.
Hi ((Donna Dixon)),
yes, you are being too sensitive.
It’s possible she doesn’t like you. not everyone gets along with everyone. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you or with her. It just means that you aren’t compatible. Maybe she is a narcissist, maybe not. There is no way for anyone to know without more data. But you were looking forward to being friends with her and now it doesn’t look that way, don’t worry about it or take it personally.
You aren’t a lone wolf. You have me. and I think you have many others here too. Sometimes, no, most of the time, I feel very alone too. We are very sensitive, we don’t always fit in. http://www.hsperson.com/
The study into the human condition is very new. join in. Do research. There is so much to learn and your insights are valuable.
I’m very happy for your son to be married, congrats, I wish him all the very best. There are no perfect people and there is no perfect life. He is moving forward and that’s what counts. Be at peace. Set an example. try your best. It’s all any of us NORMAL people can do. (hugs)
donna dixon – there is one possibility that sky has missed in your soon to be inlaw’s response: the smear campaign. What has your ex been saying to them about you?
I don’t know the particulars of the situation, but is it possible that he is saying things to them?
One Joy,
you are right. But what can/should we do about the smear campaign? They are so good at it. It’s unbelievable.
I’m still afraid to go fix/sell/ rent my house because the spath has left SEVERAL trojan horses, including the cops, in my neighborhood. They are so evil. I’m much better at armchair quarterbacking than actually dealing with the spaths. When I was in the fight, I could do it, but now that I’m out, it’s really hard to get the gumption to go back in.
The spath tried to ensnare many of my neighbors. Some he succeeded. Others he brought in. Some he failed. It sucks to find out that some neighbors were so readily eager to kill me. But it’s good to know. When you have a spath in your life, he can serve a purpose.
Here’s the really scary part: I had one neighbor, whom I never even met but spath had lots of contact with her husband. She owned the house. Andy was her new husband. She got MS. Spath went over there all the time and came home to tell me how sad her condition was. She went blind from the MS. Her husband, Andy, was so strange. I called him “digital man” because his smiles came on so quick. It was like, no emotion, then BIG SMILE, then no emotion… whatever… anyway, they had to move, couldn’t pay bills because she was dying. Sold the house to a couple that was DEFINITELY ONE OF SPATHS ACCOMPLICES. I found a tape recording of spath and the bitch woman talking at the marina (on my video camera).
I’m convinced that he gave andy some poison to give to his wife so that they would have to move and the spathy couple could move in. I mean, if he poisoned me, why not the neighbor? OneJoy, I’m beginning to see that these people are everywhere. the only thing that made my spath more diabolical was his audacity and imagination. Most people don’t have that.
My spath did, yours was a close runner up.
up late here, too. and i hear your new found (and I say to be applauded) refusal to engage with these turds.
damn robin thinks it’s dawn – STFU! between him and the drunken skateboarders there’s is little sleep tonight.
first off, i think you are a brilliant armchair critic – your incisiveness is a thing of beauty to watch. i think in donna dixon’s case we need to arm her with knowledge of how to deal with these folks if indeed their is a smear campagin underway.
audacity and imagination – spath has it in spades.