Editor’s note: Although this post describes the Judeo-Christian scripture, Lovefraud respects and honors all religious and spiritual traditions.
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
One of my favorite books of the Bible is Proverbs, which was attributed to Solomon, King of Israel, the son of King David. Though reputedly the wisest man in the world, Solomon didn’t always put his philosophies and wisdom to good use in his own life. Nonetheless, the book does have a lot of wisdom in it, including this description of a psychopath.
Proverbs 6:12-19, I think, is a perfect description of the psychopath.
The New Living Bible translation:
12 What are worthless and wicked people like? They are constant liars,
13 signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers.
14 Their perverted hearts plot evil,Ӭand they constantly stir up trouble.
15 But they will be destroyed suddenly,Ӭbroken in an instant beyond all hope of healing.
16 There are six things the Lord hates —”¨no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes,Ӭa lying tongue,Ӭhands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil,Ӭfeet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
Psychopathy is not something new in the world, it is just that we, as former victims or associates of these people, have become acutely aware of the evil that people can do to others. We have personally experienced the pain that comes from the betrayal of a lover, friend, family member, child, parent, or someone else who was very close to us, someone we trusted.
Psychopaths have been around since the beginning of humanity and they have preyed on others. They have risen to the highest levels as kings and dictators of countries, like Stalin and Mao, who have been responsible for the deaths of perhaps a hundred million of people, or they have simply preyed on those that were close to them. The majority of the suffering that mankind as a whole endures, both in mass and individually, is because of the actions of psychopaths.
We may not be able, as individuals, to avoid the mega-troubles brought on by psychopathic rulers, but by learning the “red flags” of a psychopath, by learning how to avoid these people on an individual level in the future, we can keep ourselves safer. We can teach others and teach our children how to recognize these evil ones, and how to avoid becoming intimate with them, how to avoid letting them con us financially and emotionally.
There are many great articles here at Lovefraud that talk about the things that we can spot in a person to see that they are possibly high in psychopathic traits. We call these traits “Red Flags,” because they signal that there is danger in the person who is behaving in that manner. If we ignore these red flags, we will absolutely become embroiled in their deceit and chaos.
The eight short verses above describe perfectly the psychopaths in our lives, who leave behind misery and pain.
The Bible (in verse 17) refers to “haughty eyes,” where in today’s language we would call it arrogance. If a person acts in an arrogant and “entitled” manner, we can see that there is a good chance this person does not value other people highly, but values himself above others.
Verse 12 calls them “constant liars,” which is pretty plain in even today’s language. People who lie continually, sometimes “when the truth would fit better,” are not people we can trust. Doing “business” of any kind with a person who is a “constant liar” is very risky because they cannot be trusted.
Verse 13 speaks about how they “signal their deceit” with a wink of the eye. They make light of their dishonesty, showing that honesty and forthrightness is not something that they value highly.
Verse 14 talks about how they “stir up trouble,” and if that is not a perfect signal, a bright red flag, that someone is up to no good, I don’t know what is. People who are “drama queens and kings” are continually creating chaos and unnecessary pain for others.
Verse 18 speaks about those that “plot evil,” which is pretty clearly something that a psychopath does. This may be something that can be observed from the way they treat others, or it may be something that they tell you about how they have treated someone else. Be assured if they treat others badly, you will eventually become one of the people that they will also treat badly, no matter how nicely they treat you today.
“Stirs up trouble in a family” is mentioned in verse 19 (“sows discord in a family”), and is particularly evident in family interactions with the psychopath, as well as business dealings and relationships with their neighbors.
When we see these characteristics in a person’s daily life, or in their past life, we should realize that there are “red flags” waving to warn us that this person, even if they do not qualify as a “full fledged psychopath,” is high enough in the traits of the psychopath that he or she is toxic to those that are connected with them. They are not worthy of our trust…even if it is just a “little bit” arrogant, or a “little bit” of a liar, or stir up a “little bit” of drama, because people who will do these things, who are dishonest and arrogant, will turn on others at their whim. Avoiding toxic and dramatic, lying and deceitful people is the only way that we can protect ourselves. We can’t change these people, any more than we can change a venomous snake. All we can do is to avoid their proximity to us, so that they are not in a position to harm us.
Our trust is something that is precious and something that we must guard by watching for the red flags in the behavior and actions of others. Guard your trust well.
One Joy,
wouldn’t it be great if we could feed our spathst to each other? LOL!!!
My spath can beat your spath any day of the week. LOL!!
ROTFLOL!!!!
OK, i’m gonna get a patent on that bumper sticker. LOL!
Maybe I’ve been up too late…. I’m cracking myself up!!
Dear Oxy,
Very nice article – I knew there was a point to all those years that I spent in Sunday School!
I had to form a sardonic grin today when I opened the morning paper to discover TWO stories about children murdering their parents! Can you believe that? One guy killed his dad and stepmom and then threw their bodies into a pond. The other article was about three teenagers in Minnesota who put a bag over their mother’s head and tied it with a belt until she suffocated! – all because she wanted them to play a game of Yahtzee (Apparently they had very stong feelings in the contrary direction.)
At any rate, while I’m usually prepared to agree with the statement that “there’s nothing new under the sun,” I really am starting to wonder if we aren’t in fact witnessing a gradual movement towards something novel and unprecedented. If not in kind, then at least in degree. Even making allowance for the fact that History has known some pretty lamentable and immoral epochs (Nero’s Rome, the England of Charles the Second, Stalin’s Russia, etc.), it’s starting to seem like we’ve taken the old theme of human depravity and carried it to a new level! If nothing else, I never thought things would get this bad in my lifetime…
That said, I would add to your comments that P.s are not only responsible for rape, wars, pillage, and so on, but have likewise a very significant role in the current financial and economic collapse. Whether we blame the unbridled narcissism of consumers, or the outright psychopathy of many “stockjobbers” and Wall Street swindlers, there is no question at all that they deserve a huge share of the responsibility for our present difficulties. (There are other factors, of course, but they are better left to other forums!)
Dear Donna,
To answer your question, I would say that you probably ARE being oversensitive, but at the same time you are most likely correct in taking her failure to respond to your text as a “slight.” Of course, in a world where such inconsideration is all but the norm, it might be better to have a thicker skin. But unfortunately, that is something that is largely beyond one’s control!
I also agree with Onestep that this might have something to do with a “smear campaign” on the part of your ex. But even so, I would try to rise above the whole thing, and just look at it as so much pettiness that is beneath your dignity to notice.
Good Luck!
sky – i started to riff on the feeding to each other thing. wrote it, looked at it, and deleted it. it would scare new folks.
i thought i wrote this last night but i think you need some really big dudes to help you fix your place. BIG, brawny guys. we could put an ad on craigslist! (sorry, i am actually serious. where could you find some folks that would help?)
If we are spiritual beings, this encounter is double faceted in the sense that it actually shakes and rattles our faith in human decency and that which composes the thoughts of goodness.
If you relate our experiences in a ‘biblical’ sense, expounding all that is right, good and just, in any faith or belief, it suddenly proposes a new and different aspect to all of this:
The shaking of our very core values and beliefs.
Five years ago, when this experience began with me, 1,000%, almost to the point of my needing to be hospitalized – I felt as if I were truly going insane. I believe “IT” actually tried to drive me insane and I probably was for a few years there….
All manipulation and mind control.
The epidemy is that it overtakes us in a way…
The way that matters the most in this life…
Our very souls. If you find another way to ‘process’ all of the trauma associated with our respective “IT”S, we can move away from this phase of our lives and into the future. The future may be unknown, at this point, but one thing that “IS” known, we are going to be on a path to OURSELVES and away from “IT”.
I always wonder if I were becoming “like it” just associating with it. All of the little overtones that went un-noticed, by myself, I believe they affect us once we take recognition of them…
They sit down deep inside us and multiply like cockroaches until suddenly you just start thinking negative things and turning like the very monster we were so lovingly trying to defeat.
I wonder if there is anything to this?
I often have said: “I am trying real hard NOT to turn into the very monster I have been trying to defeat all these years.”
When you start thinking things such as this, they have won.
I refuse to let “IT” win. I know the difference between what is good and what is not. Conscious choice no matter how much it hurts….
“Step away from the darkness….”
“Walk towards the Light”…
I believe it is true.
Our basic sense of goodness has been rocked by our experiences and that is another ‘mark’ to judge by…
When we start questioning OURSELVES and we know better!
There is no way I am NOT going to make it through this.
It is making me ‘older’ real fast, but it’s part of life….
Dealing with the hard things. No one is immune.
Life can at once, be very ugly but so very beautiful.
Have a good weekend, all you Angels, out there…
Dupedster
Joyce: thank you for writing this article! One of the best! I saved, printed and pegged it to my board, to read on a daily basis.
Dear Constantine,
Good post and I agree with you entirely !
Donna Dixon,
I understand and yea, you probably ARE being very “sensitive” however, I THINK THERE IS VALIDITY IN YOUR “TAKE” on her lack of response….I also think that there has been some SMEAR CAMPAIGN as well..
And, in addition, some people feel that they should “choose sides” rather quickly and the one who gets there first with the DIRTY STORY is the one who “wins”—-
I am sorry that you must go to the wedding and “pretend that everything is lovely” when it surely is NOT. It is one of those “social niceities” that we supposedly must do in order to “keep the peace” and be “social” whether or not we feel like it.
There are so many of these occasions when we are expected to do this to keep everyone else happy….but I am coming to the conclusion that I am not going to participate in such situations unless I AM WILLING and the price is not too “high.”
I hope for you Donna that by the time the wedding comes around that you will be in a better frame of mind and more able to tolerate such a day! (((hugs))))
TB, you are welcome sweetie! I am glad it resonated with you, we just have to realize and accept that the children we bore and loved chose a path toward wickedness, and that we cannot save them from themselves. (((hugs)))) and God bless.
I need help! Apathy texted yesterday asking if I was still pregnant. I figured it would be a matter of time before he would find a way to ease his way back into communicating with me. I still haven’t responded and I don’t think that I will. I am no longer pregnant so there’s no sense in answering his question. I know he’s only trolling for old supply anyway because there’s no way he could genuinely care about a pregnancy after the way he treated me when I initially told him. I just need some advice. But I think I’m better off just ignoring him. Spaghetti are pretty predictable and I’m sure a response would only lead into a convinced to see where my head is. Help!
Dear Farwronged,
HOLD ON TIGHT! Don’t respond, you are RIGHT, he does not care, he is using any excuse in the world to get a dialog going so he can get back into your head/heart/life.
You are RIGHT a response is the LAST THING THAT IS GOOD FOR YOU….NC, NONE, NADA, ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH….good going!@.......