Editor’s note: Although this post describes the Judeo-Christian scripture, Lovefraud respects and honors all religious and spiritual traditions.
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
One of my favorite books of the Bible is Proverbs, which was attributed to Solomon, King of Israel, the son of King David. Though reputedly the wisest man in the world, Solomon didn’t always put his philosophies and wisdom to good use in his own life. Nonetheless, the book does have a lot of wisdom in it, including this description of a psychopath.
Proverbs 6:12-19, I think, is a perfect description of the psychopath.
The New Living Bible translation:
12 What are worthless and wicked people like? They are constant liars,
13 signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers.
14 Their perverted hearts plot evil,Ӭand they constantly stir up trouble.
15 But they will be destroyed suddenly,Ӭbroken in an instant beyond all hope of healing.
16 There are six things the Lord hates —”¨no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes,Ӭa lying tongue,Ӭhands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil,Ӭfeet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
Psychopathy is not something new in the world, it is just that we, as former victims or associates of these people, have become acutely aware of the evil that people can do to others. We have personally experienced the pain that comes from the betrayal of a lover, friend, family member, child, parent, or someone else who was very close to us, someone we trusted.
Psychopaths have been around since the beginning of humanity and they have preyed on others. They have risen to the highest levels as kings and dictators of countries, like Stalin and Mao, who have been responsible for the deaths of perhaps a hundred million of people, or they have simply preyed on those that were close to them. The majority of the suffering that mankind as a whole endures, both in mass and individually, is because of the actions of psychopaths.
We may not be able, as individuals, to avoid the mega-troubles brought on by psychopathic rulers, but by learning the “red flags” of a psychopath, by learning how to avoid these people on an individual level in the future, we can keep ourselves safer. We can teach others and teach our children how to recognize these evil ones, and how to avoid becoming intimate with them, how to avoid letting them con us financially and emotionally.
There are many great articles here at Lovefraud that talk about the things that we can spot in a person to see that they are possibly high in psychopathic traits. We call these traits “Red Flags,” because they signal that there is danger in the person who is behaving in that manner. If we ignore these red flags, we will absolutely become embroiled in their deceit and chaos.
The eight short verses above describe perfectly the psychopaths in our lives, who leave behind misery and pain.
The Bible (in verse 17) refers to “haughty eyes,” where in today’s language we would call it arrogance. If a person acts in an arrogant and “entitled” manner, we can see that there is a good chance this person does not value other people highly, but values himself above others.
Verse 12 calls them “constant liars,” which is pretty plain in even today’s language. People who lie continually, sometimes “when the truth would fit better,” are not people we can trust. Doing “business” of any kind with a person who is a “constant liar” is very risky because they cannot be trusted.
Verse 13 speaks about how they “signal their deceit” with a wink of the eye. They make light of their dishonesty, showing that honesty and forthrightness is not something that they value highly.
Verse 14 talks about how they “stir up trouble,” and if that is not a perfect signal, a bright red flag, that someone is up to no good, I don’t know what is. People who are “drama queens and kings” are continually creating chaos and unnecessary pain for others.
Verse 18 speaks about those that “plot evil,” which is pretty clearly something that a psychopath does. This may be something that can be observed from the way they treat others, or it may be something that they tell you about how they have treated someone else. Be assured if they treat others badly, you will eventually become one of the people that they will also treat badly, no matter how nicely they treat you today.
“Stirs up trouble in a family” is mentioned in verse 19 (“sows discord in a family”), and is particularly evident in family interactions with the psychopath, as well as business dealings and relationships with their neighbors.
When we see these characteristics in a person’s daily life, or in their past life, we should realize that there are “red flags” waving to warn us that this person, even if they do not qualify as a “full fledged psychopath,” is high enough in the traits of the psychopath that he or she is toxic to those that are connected with them. They are not worthy of our trust…even if it is just a “little bit” arrogant, or a “little bit” of a liar, or stir up a “little bit” of drama, because people who will do these things, who are dishonest and arrogant, will turn on others at their whim. Avoiding toxic and dramatic, lying and deceitful people is the only way that we can protect ourselves. We can’t change these people, any more than we can change a venomous snake. All we can do is to avoid their proximity to us, so that they are not in a position to harm us.
Our trust is something that is precious and something that we must guard by watching for the red flags in the behavior and actions of others. Guard your trust well.
I like the emphasis on lying and deceit:
“…signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye…”
Several of the photos my x-spath uses online are disturbing because of the look in his eyes. For one in particular, signaling deceit with a wink of the eye describes it better than I could ever have.
Yes, he lies when the truth, or better yet even something other than a lie would be acceptable.
BBE, Yea, I liked that “signaling their deceit” part too….because they want you to know they are being deceitful….”winking” about it, laughing about it as well. My P-son wants an AUDIENCE, it makes the “con” all the better because he gets away with it.
Dear Farwronged,
Yes, I say let him sweat it! As soon as you contact him, no matter what you say, he will take that as a sign of weakness/interest, and you will thereby surrender your power. Besides, nothing good can ever come of throwing yourself back into his toxic drama.
Speaking of which, I hope that you are also keeping firm with N/C Dupedster! (You mentioned a bit of “wobbling” the other day…) At any rate, if either of you ever happen to get tempted, just remember that this is basically “Neanderthal Male Psychology 101”: where ANY form of contact will always meet with the reaction of, “Ha ha, she still can’t stop thinking about me!” Really, this is how it works. Even if you are yelling at him and telling him how much you hate him, he will only hear you saying, “But I’m still interested even though I despise you!” – and he will be half right. Which is why indifference and no contact are the most devastating weapons at your disposal.
Indeed, when you show the Neanderthal complete indifference, THAT really will drive him crazy! Because he will correctly interpret it as, “Oh, man, she really DID mean what she said about wanting me out of her life!” (The paradox, of course, is that since you can’t actually talk to him, you have to picture this reaction in your IMAGINATION. But trust me, this is how things will play out.)
Anyhow, have a nice weekend you two, and all the best to you!
farwronged – Hang in there Far. He is just trying to hook you in. He does not give a shite about you, the lost pregnancy, all he cares about is HIM. NC NC NC
Constantine,
GREAT POST!!!! RIGHT ON!!!!! YEA!!!!!!
ANY notice is + for them, even if you are sending the “po-leece” you are NOTICING THEM.
Ox: You are Joyce! I did not even know that!!!!!! TOO COOL!
It did ring with your wisdom, no doubt about it! â¤
Oxy –
Yes, it seems to be one of the great ironies of human existence, that when we chase after things in a state of craving and desire, they have a tendency to flee from us. But precisely when we stop wanting them or caring about them altogether – well, that’s when they end up forming a line at one’s front doorstep!
Constantine,
I noticed, too, during the one year that none of us (even my egg donor) corresponded with P son or sent him money, the letters he wrote were a HOOT! He used the pity ploy, then the anger, then this and then that to try to get my egg donor to contact him. He contacted EVERYONE he knew to get them to call my egg donor to see “if she was okay” since she had not written him….LOL
Of course, eventually she did crumple and write him back and send him money….but ANY contact, even cussing them out in a blue streak is ATTENTION and they don’t care if it is negative or positive, it is attention. If they can get your attention, they can HOOK YOU…it is ONLY when we ignore them, refuse to have any contact that we can indeed BREAK FREE of their clutches.
I have a little story. I was just thinking about Florida, the system and P’s and remembered this incident.
The second time we moved to Florida I was with a real estate agency, looking for a place to lease, until the closing on the house we purchased, which was going to be six months, because the owners were transferring to CA. In the meantime, I came across this place listed in the paper. The ad read: “Nice cottage available for lease to couple with small children. Perfect for second marriage honeymoon, where your small children are free to play while you enjoy time together.” We had one small daughter. After contacting this person [male], he gave me directions to the place. WOW! I almost never found it. It was on a secluded street, totally surrounded by water [found that out AFTER going inside]. Inside a gate, was a totally enclosed HIGH wall, with a large garage door that opened when he coded us in! NOTHING visible from the street but gate/door. RED flag. Cottage with two sides; he claimed to live in the other side with his GM, whom he said was bedfast and asleep. [we were stuck there several hours [waiting for a nonexistent real estate agent, apparently] and he never checked on her nor did I hear anything coming from that area]. Later we found out he would continue to live in the other side of the cottage sharing the kitchen with whomever leased the place. He was a VERY strange looking character and cautioned my daughter about the lake, saying he recently stocked it with some aggressive fish…???? OK, perfect for kids????? Anyway, after offering us a glass of ice cold lemonade [which I ditched down the potted plant in the corridor when he was not looking], he proceeded to chat in circles about various odd topics. I noticed large photos of children on his table and picked them up. He saw me looking at them and said: “Wondering who and where those kids are? I killed them and they are in the attic.” Then laughed. I didn’t laugh. My now X husband who was/is a P just kinda gave me a wide eyed look. We were working our way outta there ASAP. As we started to exit the place, he said: “I have to price this higher for you all.” And proceeded to double the lease price. Obviously to keep us from leasing, which he had NO worries about at all. I thought about reporting him, but had nothing to report except conversation. Heck, Granny could have been dead and gone, for all we knew. But, still, what would I have said? It’s bothered me over the years.
TB…back when I had that interview on Aftermath radio I decided to “come out of the closet!” I sent Donna a pix of me and my ox “Jim” at a living history event, and set up an e mail address at G mail so anyone who wanted to from LF could contact me directly (without giving away my entire life history and physical address LOL) But actually, if they really wanted it they could get it here off LF cause there is not much I have “not told” LOL But I am tired of living in the closet and protecting the psychopathic son of mine. The shame is HIS NOT MINE.