Editor’s note: Although this post describes the Judeo-Christian scripture, Lovefraud respects and honors all religious and spiritual traditions.
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
One of my favorite books of the Bible is Proverbs, which was attributed to Solomon, King of Israel, the son of King David. Though reputedly the wisest man in the world, Solomon didn’t always put his philosophies and wisdom to good use in his own life. Nonetheless, the book does have a lot of wisdom in it, including this description of a psychopath.
Proverbs 6:12-19, I think, is a perfect description of the psychopath.
The New Living Bible translation:
12 What are worthless and wicked people like? They are constant liars,
13 signaling their deceit with a wink of the eye, a nudge of the foot, or the wiggle of fingers.
14 Their perverted hearts plot evil,Ӭand they constantly stir up trouble.
15 But they will be destroyed suddenly,Ӭbroken in an instant beyond all hope of healing.
16 There are six things the Lord hates —”¨no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes,Ӭa lying tongue,Ӭhands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil,Ӭfeet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
Psychopathy is not something new in the world, it is just that we, as former victims or associates of these people, have become acutely aware of the evil that people can do to others. We have personally experienced the pain that comes from the betrayal of a lover, friend, family member, child, parent, or someone else who was very close to us, someone we trusted.
Psychopaths have been around since the beginning of humanity and they have preyed on others. They have risen to the highest levels as kings and dictators of countries, like Stalin and Mao, who have been responsible for the deaths of perhaps a hundred million of people, or they have simply preyed on those that were close to them. The majority of the suffering that mankind as a whole endures, both in mass and individually, is because of the actions of psychopaths.
We may not be able, as individuals, to avoid the mega-troubles brought on by psychopathic rulers, but by learning the “red flags” of a psychopath, by learning how to avoid these people on an individual level in the future, we can keep ourselves safer. We can teach others and teach our children how to recognize these evil ones, and how to avoid becoming intimate with them, how to avoid letting them con us financially and emotionally.
There are many great articles here at Lovefraud that talk about the things that we can spot in a person to see that they are possibly high in psychopathic traits. We call these traits “Red Flags,” because they signal that there is danger in the person who is behaving in that manner. If we ignore these red flags, we will absolutely become embroiled in their deceit and chaos.
The eight short verses above describe perfectly the psychopaths in our lives, who leave behind misery and pain.
The Bible (in verse 17) refers to “haughty eyes,” where in today’s language we would call it arrogance. If a person acts in an arrogant and “entitled” manner, we can see that there is a good chance this person does not value other people highly, but values himself above others.
Verse 12 calls them “constant liars,” which is pretty plain in even today’s language. People who lie continually, sometimes “when the truth would fit better,” are not people we can trust. Doing “business” of any kind with a person who is a “constant liar” is very risky because they cannot be trusted.
Verse 13 speaks about how they “signal their deceit” with a wink of the eye. They make light of their dishonesty, showing that honesty and forthrightness is not something that they value highly.
Verse 14 talks about how they “stir up trouble,” and if that is not a perfect signal, a bright red flag, that someone is up to no good, I don’t know what is. People who are “drama queens and kings” are continually creating chaos and unnecessary pain for others.
Verse 18 speaks about those that “plot evil,” which is pretty clearly something that a psychopath does. This may be something that can be observed from the way they treat others, or it may be something that they tell you about how they have treated someone else. Be assured if they treat others badly, you will eventually become one of the people that they will also treat badly, no matter how nicely they treat you today.
“Stirs up trouble in a family” is mentioned in verse 19 (“sows discord in a family”), and is particularly evident in family interactions with the psychopath, as well as business dealings and relationships with their neighbors.
When we see these characteristics in a person’s daily life, or in their past life, we should realize that there are “red flags” waving to warn us that this person, even if they do not qualify as a “full fledged psychopath,” is high enough in the traits of the psychopath that he or she is toxic to those that are connected with them. They are not worthy of our trust…even if it is just a “little bit” arrogant, or a “little bit” of a liar, or stir up a “little bit” of drama, because people who will do these things, who are dishonest and arrogant, will turn on others at their whim. Avoiding toxic and dramatic, lying and deceitful people is the only way that we can protect ourselves. We can’t change these people, any more than we can change a venomous snake. All we can do is to avoid their proximity to us, so that they are not in a position to harm us.
Our trust is something that is precious and something that we must guard by watching for the red flags in the behavior and actions of others. Guard your trust well.
Twice Betrayed
Duped: Sounds like you had a WONDERFUL grandfather! 🙂 I am sorry life was so hard, especially sexual abuse! Evil victimizes the kind, giving and vulnerable. I would disagree with your counselor telling you to ‘harden’. I tried that and it didn’t work for me. I think ‘get wise’ is a more accurate goal. Seeing down the road, so to speak. When we do that, we are not so vulnerable to every pity party/play. We also become aware that not every broken wing is really a broken wing…..and it’s not OUR job to save the world! We begin to understand some things are NOT fixable by us and no longer our job to try and fix them. Some people are just broken and while we don’t know why, many CHOOSE to stay broken! In other words we are wiser in WHO and WHAT we give our sympathy and that in turn protects us. Scripture says we are to be” wise as serpents—and harmless as doves.” We don’t have to become hard, just wise. ⤠We don’t have to fight, we can STAND!
“How come WE do, but they don’t?” Because we are the accountable salt of the earth. Feel your soul/spirit and know that you can be no other way. Your conscience and heart will never let you become one of the ‘walking dead’.
It is a fight for our/your peace! OH YES IT IS! It’s a war/struggle, but it comes within when we know what to accept and what to reject. And that happens on a daily basis, sometimes minute by minute. 🙂
You are a good person with a kind heart[from] even as a child. Embrace that wonderful gift and never let it go…….it’s a heavenly light from above.
Hugs to you, duped! â¤
one/joy: Thank you so much for your gracious kindness and I am glad you liked the post.
You say you are not a more understanding person….oh yes, you are! That’s why you are more irritated, fearful and judgmental. Irritated: because your patience at wrong and evil has run out! Fearful: because you are aware there is much to FEAR! Judgmental: because you know /understand there is right/wrong! You have grown in understanding. 🙂
I am alone too, lost many ‘friends’ and family when my X and I parted. They were toxic in many ways, though.
I guess we are all ‘freaks’ in one way or another. 🙂 HUGS!
Back_from_the_edge
Thanks for that post, Ox…
It came at a perfect time!
We are going to have to take your ‘skillet’ away from you and give you a pair of wings. xxoo
Dupedster
Back_from_the_edge
Thanks Twice Betrayed: Yep, “Gramps” was a wonderful, kind, upstanding person. He was the ‘light’ in my life. I never had a doubt he loved me. The only person in my life who really has, except for my children. And even though that is true, I am blessed and have been blessed by having them love me. Because of them, I know what REAL LOVE is.
Yes, I agree with you ‘evil’ DOES abuse the kind and the gentle people. It’s easier to pick on them. Out of the goodness of our hearts, we allow it to happen thinking we are doing some good. I loved “IT” unconditionally, for a long time and that was my downfall. Now it is “IT’s” downfall because he has finally played all his cards out and there is nobody left except the very evil he has grown and nourished.
Oh yes, ‘get wise’ – yep! Consider me ‘wise’ now! Hard lesson to learn. Having your soul ripped out through your head and your life almost snuffed.
Yah, ‘harden up’…well, I could use a little of that; perhaps if I learned to be a little ‘harder’ and ‘tougher’ I wouldn’t be such a pushover for a sob story. 🙂
Right: not every broken wing is a broken wing.
I know it’s not my job to save the world, I was trying to save just one very special person; or used to be…my trust and everything I had ever thought about caring about someone has been completely devastated. I don’t think aside from my family, that I will ever be able to trust anyone ever again. That is why I said what I did. “IT” has taken the joy from my life and snuffed my basic desire and will to live and survive. I almost gave in.
My life was spared during my heart attack for a reason and a purpose and I will believe that to the day I die. What that reason and purpose “IS” is yet to be seen. Maybe it’s sharing my story; but I don’t think I will ever care again the way I did, trying to ‘help “IT”‘!
Thanks for saying I am a good person. I don’t feel very ‘good’. I feel stupid; used up; worthless; ugly and old right now. I feel like I have had my whole entire life stolen from me and although I don’t let that make me bitter it does effect my perception of things from time to time. Hence: why I keep to myself a lot and most of the time. Is it a ‘gift’ or a ‘curse’ to be so empathetic?
Thanks for the hugs – I genuinely feel them.
You have been an amazing support – xxoo
Thanks candy for shaking your head…I have done that often myself. 🙂 *HUGS BACK*
Dupedster
Twice Betrayed
Duped: I relate! I felt that way for a long time. Then I realized I am not ALL of those things! AHAHAHAHA!
AS far as your life being stolen, I used to feel that way too then……..
As C. S. Lewis said: “”If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”
You are most blessed to have wonderful children that love you! Many of us here, including me, have not been so fortunate, as they became adults. Sigh…….
Much care and ⤠to you!
P.S. Another C. S. Lewis quote: “Experience is a brutal teacher. But, you learn. My God, do you learn.”
Ox Drover
TB, among my husband’s papers in his desk I found one that I thought was particularly apt, and similar to the one of yours above.
“Experience is a difficult teacher, she gives the test first, and then the lesson.”
We both and I think most people here got the TEST before we got the LESSON. bah ha ha hahaha
Back_from_the_edge
TB: My kids are all grown up now and it would appear as though the roles have reversed. 🙂 Suddenly, they have become the parents and me the child. heheheheh
I am alone but they are grown and it’s oh, so quiet and peaceful.
I love it a lot. And when me and the kids DO get together, we always have a nice time. They are awesome kids. Just awesome!
Thanks TB for the support… xxoo
Duped
Twice Betrayed
Ox: I heard that!!!!!! AHAHAHAHA! How nice to find that among your husband’s papers. I found a lot of things in my brother’s home[he was killed seven blocks from his home in an auto accident]. He was a historian. Including a small diary of sorts. Never really know sometimes what people think….
Duped: I am happy for you! ⤠Thanks for your support and love too! â¥â¥â¥â¥â¥â¥ 🙂
Ox Drover
Thanks, TB— how do you make those hearts? I can make a smiley face, but the hearts are COOL!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
OXY – ♥ ampersandheartssemi-colon (that’s the word ‘hearts’)
codex for wordpress found here: http://codex.wordpress.org/Fun_Character_Entities
emoticaons for wordpress:
http://codex.wordpress.org/Using_Smilies
my fave
skylar
♥
LOOK!! I made a little one. I pressed ALT and 3 at the same time!