In my post last week, I referred to an article on Salon.com called, Facebook status: In a scam relationship. The article starts with an anecdote about a guy who met a woman on Myspace. She supposedly lived in Ghana and proclaimed her love, then told him a hard luck story. He sent her a total of $14,000, even though they never met. The person did not exist. The guy was scammed.
After relating the anecdote, the article stated, “He’s a victim of what’s called ”˜love fraud.’”
I had two reactions to that sentence. The first was, “Wow—”˜love fraud’ has entered the lexicon.” The second was, “This writer doesn’t get it—love fraud is not limited to cyber scams.”
Then, a few days ago, I received an inquiry from a television talk show producer who is considering doing an episode about “love fraud.” He Googled, “love fraud,” and of course, immediately landed on this website and blog. He too, however, seemed to think that love fraud was limited to fake romances conducted over the Internet, which turn out to be money scams.
It’s time to set the record straight.
When I learned that my ex-husband, James Montgomery, was a sociopath, and that millions of sociopaths were out in the world putting peoples’ lives through a meat grinder, as had happened to me, I realized that the public needed to be educated. Although I was in the midst of my divorce and couldn’t immediately embark on an education program, I decided that I would eventually build a website.
So 12 years ago, on August 7, 1999, I reserved the domain name, “Lovefraud.com.” If you want proof, check the Who Is information.
Lovefraud.com launched on July 20, 2005. Our logo is trademarked. “Love fraud” is my term. Therefore, I will define it:
Love fraud is the intentional exploitation of an individual through manipulating emotions and trust in a personal relationship. The exploitative relationship is frequently romantic, but can also be between family members, friends and associates. The relationship can take place in real life, or exist only through communications media. The people who engage in love fraud are sociopaths.
For years, I’ve heard from people who want to tell me about their “love frauds.” In fact, I have collected more than 2,500 cases of people who tangled with sociopaths. Yes, I’ve heard about online scams. But I’ve also heard about betrayal by high school sweethearts, long-term spouses, family members, first dates, co-workers and business partners. This type of exploitation is widespread. In fact, it is epidemic.
So to all you bloggers and journalists who are suddenly interested in love fraud—this is not just an online money scam. Love fraud occurs any time a disordered individual uses a personal relationship of trust for the sole purpose of exploitation. Unfortunately, it happens much more frequently than most of us realize.
Back_from_the_edge
what we are basically talking about here is the decline of social values. Right? How do we back that up and get back to those? One thing about history…we never seem to go backwards; right? It’s frightening to me, NOW, after having experienced everything in my life the way I have, YES: even to ME: it’s frightening to see the decline in social morals and values. Without those, what are we going to have? Are these things going to ‘die off’ with the passing of MY generation?
Yes, I find myself not very accepted in society being I am 60 years old and single. I am told all the time that I must be gay, I don’t have a man in my life. I must be a man hater…blah, blah, blah….My Gramps taught me a saying:
“When people criticize you and you have done nothing wrong, they are doing so because they are jealous of you for some reason. Pay them no attention and continue on being the way you are and don’t let other people change you.”
He was absolutely right. I have clung to that premise all my life. Gramps was a good man; a Christian man, with good morals and values. I shall eternally be grateful to him for all of the things he taught me in this life to enable me to survive all of the things I have. He helped make me stronger so I can better deal with this world.
I am an outcast to society. Although I am a reasonably attractive, vibrant, 60 years old, I am “old” – just like spath threw at me, defending himself with another OW…
I said: I would rather be old than STUPID. 🙂 hahahaha
So put THAT in your pipe and pack it up your you know what! 🙂
STRIKES:::JUST LIKE A SNAKE:::LIKE THE SNAKE IT IS!
Slime. Slime is just like that. Yep.
All of it is just ugly. Didn’t they used to take people like this and lock them away in dirty hospitals and disect their brains, trying to find out why they acted like they do? I remember a couple mental hospitals back when I was a kid that were brought up on some charges for experimenting with mentally disabled people. Do any of you remember this?
Didn’t they used to take ‘the loonies’ off the path and put them in mental hospitals? Like electro-shock therapy and the like…? IT needs to be in a place like that. I am sorry. All of the “IT’s” do. Let’s make the world a happier place. Life is already hard enough without soul less spaths gunking up the works.
There is nothing wrong with being single. Not one thing. In fact, I think some people are meant to walk this life solitary and I think I am one of those people. But, what do I do with that solitary life? I can do good or I can do evil. I have chosen to follow the light, unlike STUPID SPATH. I refuse to go to hell for it any further than I already have.
Dupity DOO duh, Dupity DOO
zimzoomit
What it felt like when he regularly rented bought porn videos (hard core..typically of a violent nature, usually GAY MALE PORN or porn depicting females in degrading positions..anal fisting and the like.., while living with me…Well.., to rent/buy them, he had to show his drivers license, which reflected where he was living (his home..with ME!) When my work, my typical occupation required a high level govt. clearance (often when I gained new contracts, my new ER would have me “re-investigated” to clear me, which meant the FBI looking into my neighborhood, my work history, etc.) His address, of course, back then, could be traced, to my own. Who’s to say that his porn renting/buying activity did not REFLECT on ME, personally, and on my ability to get the NEXT job, requiring a high clearance? These things went through my mind, over and over again, after he left, and I was left in the lurch, without work, after he was gone.
Back_from_the_edge
Yes: I have seen this: projecting his own faults onto you. I have seen this over and over again. In fact, after 9 years, suddenly I was to blame for EVERYTHING that has happened to IT it’s whole lifetime. Now try that one on!
Everything was always everyone elses fault except for it’s own. Oh sure, it would say it’s ‘token: i am sorries’ or it’s ‘token” i know better, i shouldn’t have’ but they wouldn’t hold water no more than a pail with no bottom!
They have a tendency to RUIN every single relationship they have. OUR’S was a friendship until “IT” decided to play with me. I was coming from sincerity and IT was coming from HELL. Right where it came from.
Yes; I agree.
zimzoomit
Was I to be “punished forever” .. left “unhire-able” because of HIS activities? .. these things haunted me for some time, after he left me. After all, to hold a high-level govt clearance, the holder should not be able to be “influenced”… know what I mean?
Back_from_the_edge
Yes, clearance jobs do require a clean background. I know this. And yes, it could be detrimental to you. I have another friend in this same position. The best thing YOU can do for YOURSELF is clean up your internet tracks. Are you still with this ‘person’?
Is this person still in your life?
You are the only one who can make the final decisions but I tell you what I have done: cleaned up my internet tracks and I would choose to take care of myself at all costs necessary. Period. Especially after such betrayal.
Mine left me for dead on more than one occasion. He was never there for me in the normal sense. Yet, he could bash MY HEAD into the curb and run and be with someone he met on the internet that he didn’t even know her real name for six months, by his own admission. I have tolerated way more than I ever should have. It was my fault for tolerating it for as long as I did. He was right about that, when he SNEERED it at me. How’s that for a friend; hmm?
“Yes, I guess I DID try to kill you; didn’t I?” Sneering…..
yah, well, WHO IS LAUGHING NOW? Hmm? I MEAN the things “I” say. Oh yes I do. So, who is laughing now?
zimzoomit
The reason I even mentioned the word, “communist” in my comment, above, is because, I noticed, a couple of years ago, on line, a blog on which my ex SPATH’s new love [the MARRIED woman he seduced and destroyed her marriage] was railing/blogging about communists (yes..I found her blog) .. Well..my father was a DIPLOMAT who served in the Armed Forces and received a HERO’s burial in our national cemetery. Do you think I, of all people, would turn out to be a communist?1 Hell, no! I wondered what could have led her to blog about communists. I know, too, that, when my ex spath lived with me, he seemed to be “conflicted” as to his political views. The woman he left me for was a DEMOCRAT, who, when we were invited to her parties as a couple, she celebrated the inauguration of Clinton. Yet, meanwhile, when living with me, he regularly listened to the Dr. Laura radio program. It was as if he was preparing to “morph” himself into some “ethical/moral Giant”, who could later “cast” me as being merely his “mistress” (therefore, less than any “wife” .. dismissing the remote possibility that I had been his COMMONLAW WIFE for almost a decade!)
MoonDancer
oh my
Louise
Hens:
Wow, that sounded like a nightmare. There is always something with them, isn’t there?
Back_from_the_edge
well, that completely sucks, hens. What a nasty person. Are you sure that isn’t my X? 🙂 Yah, I haven’t had no issues like that, with money, credit cards, etc., because we were never glued together like that. I forbid it right from the beginning. I sort of realized, when I first met “IT” that it didn’t have all the lights on. So, I sort of kept myself at a distance and I am glad I did. If I had married it or lived with it, I seriously doubt I would be alive right this moment. . So far (knock on wood) I haven’t had any of these kinds of issues and I hope I never do.
I stressed MYSELF into a heart attack over all this. Actually, I had LOTS of help.
MoonDancer
oh my