In my post last week, I referred to an article on Salon.com called, Facebook status: In a scam relationship. The article starts with an anecdote about a guy who met a woman on Myspace. She supposedly lived in Ghana and proclaimed her love, then told him a hard luck story. He sent her a total of $14,000, even though they never met. The person did not exist. The guy was scammed.
After relating the anecdote, the article stated, “He’s a victim of what’s called ”˜love fraud.’”
I had two reactions to that sentence. The first was, “Wow—”˜love fraud’ has entered the lexicon.” The second was, “This writer doesn’t get it—love fraud is not limited to cyber scams.”
Then, a few days ago, I received an inquiry from a television talk show producer who is considering doing an episode about “love fraud.” He Googled, “love fraud,” and of course, immediately landed on this website and blog. He too, however, seemed to think that love fraud was limited to fake romances conducted over the Internet, which turn out to be money scams.
It’s time to set the record straight.
When I learned that my ex-husband, James Montgomery, was a sociopath, and that millions of sociopaths were out in the world putting peoples’ lives through a meat grinder, as had happened to me, I realized that the public needed to be educated. Although I was in the midst of my divorce and couldn’t immediately embark on an education program, I decided that I would eventually build a website.
So 12 years ago, on August 7, 1999, I reserved the domain name, “Lovefraud.com.” If you want proof, check the Who Is information.
Lovefraud.com launched on July 20, 2005. Our logo is trademarked. “Love fraud” is my term. Therefore, I will define it:
Love fraud is the intentional exploitation of an individual through manipulating emotions and trust in a personal relationship. The exploitative relationship is frequently romantic, but can also be between family members, friends and associates. The relationship can take place in real life, or exist only through communications media. The people who engage in love fraud are sociopaths.
For years, I’ve heard from people who want to tell me about their “love frauds.” In fact, I have collected more than 2,500 cases of people who tangled with sociopaths. Yes, I’ve heard about online scams. But I’ve also heard about betrayal by high school sweethearts, long-term spouses, family members, first dates, co-workers and business partners. This type of exploitation is widespread. In fact, it is epidemic.
So to all you bloggers and journalists who are suddenly interested in love fraud—this is not just an online money scam. Love fraud occurs any time a disordered individual uses a personal relationship of trust for the sole purpose of exploitation. Unfortunately, it happens much more frequently than most of us realize.
Per superkid10’s statement, “We all have had discussions about the similarity in our sociopath’s physical features”
Per skylar’s statement,
“ My exP would definitely fit the ratio. He has a very broad face.
Per Louise’s statement,
“My X spath also has a wide face”skylar says hers did, too. Weird. My X spath was wide, but small at the same time”
Ladies.., OMG!! Mine had a wide face, too, very broad, with eyes wide apart, and a “puck-like” kissable mouth.
In fact, his “slab-like” face, as he described it, he said was just like his sister’s, his oldest sister’s. He had five older sisters, and he was the ONLY BOY. His oldest sister, though, was brilliant, had an excellent professional career, ultra white collar. I won’t say which profession, though, or he’ll know it’s me posting up here. He was self-conscious about his “big slab” of a head, felt insecure about it. He said so.
And about that theory of consecutive boys being born, so that the last boy is “more likely” to be gay, well, that doesn’t hold with my ex’s case, but he also wanted to sex ANYTHING, male or female. He also had a gay male cousin who he told me he had oral sex with when he was 12 and his cousin was a few years older, so yes, I think that created a MONSTER with a CONFUSED SEXUAL IDENTITY.
That is all for now.
Zim
I am now convinced that my ex had no only borderline personality disorder, dissassociative identity disorder, but probably schizoid, too. He is also an alcoholic (but was dry when he lived with me), and an admitted dyslexic. He was a large/tall man, with large hands and forearms, long bones, but had small feet for his size. I distinctly remember that. Any of you have an ex who had feet that seemed too small for his body size?
To describe my ex (SPATH) further..I would say he resembled, facialwise and in size, a cross between Hanibal Lecter and Jack Nicholson, but VERY MUCH and MORE SO like one spath, who I DID NOT profile..someone else did (so I can mention his name up here), but who is profiled on datingpsychos dot com: OWEN KOZLOVICH .. I suggest you all read that profile. It will give you CHILLS, and not good ones!
Oh, and what that “Facing the truth” article informed about wide-faced men being more likely to hit a woman? Well, my ex DID lift his fist to my face one time. Fortunately, it did not land on my body. I stopped him short. But he DID throw a set of keys toward my face. They put a hole in the wall. He was also a CHRONIC masturbator and voyeur of gay male porn videos. He onanated while watching them. I caught him. But when I caught him, he seemed to ENJOY my catching him. Just sick.
My ex SERIALLY honked after MARRIED women WHILE he either lived with another woman or was married to her. He did this for DECADES..serially hurt the former woman with the NEXT woman..ENLISTED the next woman to hurt the last..seemed to get a sick prurient thrill out of the pain he caused, only, his third wife..the woman after me, refused to believe me and his 1st wife..refused to heed the warnings. Yep. A true LEAPFROG. I know I’m probably repeating myself or at least a few things I’ve posted before, on a previous blog, but some new LF members are on this blog for the first time, so don’t know me, and I had to add that part about his wide features. Yes, features that were handsomely symmetrical..when symmetrical features are known to attract partners moreso, or at least I read that somewhere.
zimzoomit: yes, clamored after older, married women while he was either married to her or lived with them. DECADES. Yes. Exactly the same thing as my sp. LEAPFROG: new word! 😉
Yes, IT was very handsome and very attracting. It could charm the pants off of anyone until you get to REALLY know it. Yes, Its features were very symmetrical and always had a playfulness about it but the playfulness would bring forth the wickedness inside it. One moment it could be playful and the next trying to plot murder against me. It took a long time for me to figure out the mixed signals it was sending but that is part of the ploy; the con.
CHILLS: yes, I know all about those. The thing is though, although I FEEL those chills, they do not terrify me because I KNOW IT BETTER THAN I KNOW THE BACK OF MY OWN HAND. It knows I do and that is precisely why it tried to kill me.
Yes, sexual addicts; yes, adrenaline junkies; yes voyeurs in every sense of the word.
DUPED
Superkid;
Thanks and I agree that this site is a Godsend, as most, including many mental health professionals, do not understand the impact can have on an individual or even an organization.
We each bring a different experience. Mine is with both a “sort of” sociopath and the effect that even a short-term relationship with one can have, particularly when that relationship occurs at the wrong time.
“Sort of” sociopaths are difficult to spot because they tend to be nonviolent and non-criminal, at least in there immediate past. A short-term relationship with one robs you of your dreams and because none of their damage to you is physical or financial, it is particularly easy to fault yourself. Because of this, even to this day, part of me holds that there is some good in my x-spath waiting to be brought out, even though I have never found of shred of evidence that he is not a sociopath.
To the latter point, I am always floored when somebody posts a link such as yours regarding facial width. Yup, that is my x-spath. But he is not overtly violent, but that may only be because he is only 5’8″ and 140 pounds. If he was built like me, 6′ and 200 pounds, I am sure he would be. Certainly, he is a liar.
Louise;
In many ways, my x-spath sounds like a gay version of yours. From what I remember, they are about the same age (37), born in the same UK city, same height (5’8″), brown hair, blue eyes and we both had a short-term relationship that has been hard to forget.
Well, if there is one good thing about all this stock market turmoil, I do find myself thinking of him less and less as I lose more and more :(:(:(
Is there such a thing as ‘sort of’ sociopath?
All sociopaths are sociopaths. That evilness is in there just waiting to burst out. It just needs to find a victim to unleash it on. Someone kind and soft and unsuspecting.
They may be able to hide that monster for a while but that monster ALWAYS eventually comes out. Make no mistake about that. Just because you think your’s is ‘sort of’ BBE…be careful with that notion. It brings great danger. The ‘criminal’ effect just hasn’t started yet, so you can SEE IT.
I can relate: “even to this day, part of me holds that there is some good in my x-spath waiting to be brought out, even though I have never found a shred of evidence that he is not a sociopath.”
We all held the same feeling and belief. It is implanted in that deception they created for us, so accurately and depicting the mirroring back to us. Of course it was perfect! WE are the ones who manufactured it….that dream and that illusion. That is why it is so easy for them to just turn their heads and say: “YOU are responsible; YOU are the one who did this…” When it wasn’t really, IT WAS THEM the whole time.
Yes, I agree, with the level of intelligence they have, they could do ANYTHING IN THE WORLD CONSTRUCTIVE THEY WANTED TO. But they CHOOSE to delve into wickedness instead. THAT is from their extreme hatred and bitterness that they are not like us: they can’t feel or love or find anything of substance because THEY are not ‘substantive’ themselves.
All spaths are liars. They can’t help themselves. It’s part of the webs of mass deception. Gotta tell one more lie to cover up the next one and on and on. They are HABITUAL in their actions. They do NOTHING without an alterior motive. NOTHING.
Be careful of that thread it still has on you BBE: I believe there is no such thing as a ‘sort of’ sociopath. That monster always comes out – ALWAYS; sooner or later.
DUPED
Duped;
I saw the “monster” but because my x-spath controls his exterior so well, or perhaps because I physically intimated him, I never saw violence and even his anger was muted. But I guess only a true “monster” would discard somebody when that person needed him the most.
In a sense, it is my x-spath porn addiction and vile tastes that are most telling and I keep that as my trump card should he ever contact me, something I fully expect.