In my post last week, I referred to an article on Salon.com called, Facebook status: In a scam relationship. The article starts with an anecdote about a guy who met a woman on Myspace. She supposedly lived in Ghana and proclaimed her love, then told him a hard luck story. He sent her a total of $14,000, even though they never met. The person did not exist. The guy was scammed.
After relating the anecdote, the article stated, “He’s a victim of what’s called ”˜love fraud.’”
I had two reactions to that sentence. The first was, “Wow—”˜love fraud’ has entered the lexicon.” The second was, “This writer doesn’t get it—love fraud is not limited to cyber scams.”
Then, a few days ago, I received an inquiry from a television talk show producer who is considering doing an episode about “love fraud.” He Googled, “love fraud,” and of course, immediately landed on this website and blog. He too, however, seemed to think that love fraud was limited to fake romances conducted over the Internet, which turn out to be money scams.
It’s time to set the record straight.
When I learned that my ex-husband, James Montgomery, was a sociopath, and that millions of sociopaths were out in the world putting peoples’ lives through a meat grinder, as had happened to me, I realized that the public needed to be educated. Although I was in the midst of my divorce and couldn’t immediately embark on an education program, I decided that I would eventually build a website.
So 12 years ago, on August 7, 1999, I reserved the domain name, “Lovefraud.com.” If you want proof, check the Who Is information.
Lovefraud.com launched on July 20, 2005. Our logo is trademarked. “Love fraud” is my term. Therefore, I will define it:
Love fraud is the intentional exploitation of an individual through manipulating emotions and trust in a personal relationship. The exploitative relationship is frequently romantic, but can also be between family members, friends and associates. The relationship can take place in real life, or exist only through communications media. The people who engage in love fraud are sociopaths.
For years, I’ve heard from people who want to tell me about their “love frauds.” In fact, I have collected more than 2,500 cases of people who tangled with sociopaths. Yes, I’ve heard about online scams. But I’ve also heard about betrayal by high school sweethearts, long-term spouses, family members, first dates, co-workers and business partners. This type of exploitation is widespread. In fact, it is epidemic.
So to all you bloggers and journalists who are suddenly interested in love fraud—this is not just an online money scam. Love fraud occurs any time a disordered individual uses a personal relationship of trust for the sole purpose of exploitation. Unfortunately, it happens much more frequently than most of us realize.
I saw SOME of the violence. But because we never ‘lived’ together, and because of who I am and my intimidating ‘presence’ because of who I am, it kept it’s hands to itself when we were together, although, when far apart, it would spew it’s ugliness and threats, but only AFTER I became ‘on to it’.
Oh yes, porn addiction: with mine it was sex. Mine is like the world’s biggest whore. Just can’t keep it zipped up. It especially liked sex with people it doesn’t know: strangers. Older, well to do women. That is how the new OW showed upon scene: didn’t even know her name for the first six months he lived with her and continued to have sex with her anyway, the whole time lying to all the other women he had all lined up in a row…..
THEN had the OW and several other OW’s contact me and start chaos and drama. The “new” OW was quite involved with it’s plot against me…laughing and laughing, they were! Well, I would like to seriously know WHO IS LAUGHING NOW???! Hmm?
Suddenly it isn’t funny anymore; is it?
That’s alright, my ‘trump card’ is already in play.
I refuse to let someone make my life as inconsequential as theirs has become.
Oh yes, they always come back, BBE. Sooner or later. Like we are something they have ‘forgotten’ for a moment because their thoughts were elsewhere. Usually, sooner or later, all of the manufactured persona and lies they tell to be where they are NOW will wear off. As soon as the ‘newness’ wears off the relationship, OW will be right where I am. I don’t feel sorry for her either. She is as bad as HE IS if she can find his life acceptable in ANY WAY. I tried to warn her but she called me a liar, etc., etc…..
Nope, I am not changing my mind. If I have MY WAY there will be TWO LESS SPATHS IN THIS WORLD by the time I am laid to rest. That’s all there is to it. I mean every word I have said.
***HUGS BBE***
Do something wonderful for yourself today and consider it a ‘gift’ from me; alright? xxoo
Dupedster
To DUPED_IN_SOCAL’s entry,
“They may be able to hide that monster for a while but that monster ALWAYS eventually comes out”
I sure hope so, but he was able to hide it for >8 yrs. with me, and was able, I think to hide it from his 2nd wife for years, too, it appears. I think he was married to her for 13 years. So yes…they can HIDE IT FOR A LONG TIME!
Oh yes, they can hide it for as long as necessary but it always rears it’s ugly head sooner or later…..
They delight in tormenting others for it’s sake is very overpowering for them. MINE kept things ‘nice’ and ‘romantic’ and ‘dreamy-like’ for a total of 9 years with me…only the last five has it been showing it’s ugly head. That monster has worked my “IT” into a definite corner now. One from which there is no return….
Oh yes, dear zimzoomit, it all serves their purpose for us in the first place. They are master deceivers and manipulators. But that monster will always, eventually, show itself. They may be able to hide it for a while…but it always comes out, eventually.
To DUPED_IN_SOCAL’s statements:
“it would spew it’s ugliness and threats, but only AFTER I became ’on to it’”
Exactly like my ex SP..after he was out of my home, I got a nasty blackmail e-mail, accusing me of being homophobic. He falsely accused me of having “dripping panties” while watching a movie that he rented at Blockbuster, merely because it had lesbians in it. He threatened to “expose” me for watching a movie that had lesbians, and with his SICK LOGIC, PROJECTED me falsely as a lesbian, because of that ONE movie. You see, I think he wanted me to have a CONFUSED sexual identity, like HIS was confused, so projected his faults onto me. I was never prejudiced against homosexuals, but I veared on being prejudiced, after him, BUT ONLY TOWARD CLOSET HOMOSEXUALS WHO ACT OUT A 2ND DL LIFE, sexing women AND men!
“Mine is like the world’s biggest whore. Just can’t keep it zipped up. It especially liked sex with people it doesn’t know: strangers. Older, well to do women. That is how the new OW showed upon scene”
DUPED.., mine was the same way..sex with strangers, and in the end, for a MARRIED woman who gained her inheritance years before I did. Thank God I didn’t gain mine until AFTER he left me, or it would have been long gone!
“THEN had the OW and several other OW’s contact me and start chaos and drama. The “new” OW was quite involved with it’s plot against me”laughing and laughing, they were!”
Mine also projected on me that the next woman had accused me of “badmouthing” him, when, if anything, she had only gotten “wind” of the truth, but would not believe me. Oh yes..she will GET HERS, too, eventually. He flew the coop when I was nearly age 50. The new woman was about my same age. Guess what? When that mask of his falls for her, she will be MUCH MUCH OLDER, and the pain I experienced will probably be MUCH WORSE for her, because it will be THAT MUCH MORE DIFFICULT to find another mate after him, at her age. Just the facts, ma’am.
My Higher Power blessed me, though..had better intentions for me, put a GOOD man in my life who has his SHIAT together, emotionally, financially & otherwise, no bratty kids (he can’t have any), well-traveled like me, and he is still with me >10 years later. He is a GOOD PROVIDER, is TRULY spiritual..the way he handles EVERY FACET of his life, doesn’t whine about supporting a “family” (or, at least doesn’t balk when it comes to “slapping leather” for our basic needs, shelter and the like, nor expects me to be merely a “friend with benefits” or a “merger mate”; does not want a woman as a “merger mate” .. is not mercenary like my ex SP; doesn’t say about his ex “she only wanted me as a cash machine”, the way my SP said about his 2nd wife. The GOOD man (NOT A BOY) came into my life only months after the SP left me (picture me thumbing my nose at the SPATH..HA HA..tada baby and good riddance!), so yes, I am blessed. I wish the same good kismet for all of you. There is still hope.
Oh.., and the table & chairs garden set, [that the SPATH assembled for me..take that! Sucker SPATH!], that I bought and moved to my new home, with my new life partner, .. the filagreed, aluminum, imported chair/table set I moved from that rental house where I lived with the SPATH, to my new partner’s home, looks EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL in our back yard. Yes. So I can entertain new friends made since the spath left my life. Yes. The new love of my life LET ME SET DOWN ROOTS, unlike the SPATH wanted for me. Had the SPATH gotten his way, I would have been in a woman’s shelter. Leave your mind/spirit open for a NEW DREAM, ladies, but make sure your next partner has his SHIAT together, okay? Shut that old door so that a new one can open..and IT WILL, I promise. Again, I care not if my ex SP knows or guesses it’s me posting up here, if he does, he’ll SEE me thumbing my nose at him, and I’m TICKLED PINK at the thought. Giggle giggle…
what an inspiration you are zimzoomit! 😉
THREE CHEERS FOR ZIMZOOMIT!!!!
I am absolutely THRILLED you have a wonderful life!
That goes to show you IT CAN AND IS BEING DONE!!!!!
I am so happy for those who find that ‘real love’ in their lives.
I just don’t think it is for me. I believe I was meant to walk this life single. I have had PTSD most of my life and have struggled to find any semblance of normalcy. I have worked myself into a nice, peaceful, sole existence, comfortable and blessed kind of life, all by and unto myself without all the tortures and dramas of that dream in my life.
“LOVE” has never been kind to me, although I consider myself to be a very kind and gentle person. It just doesn’t ‘welcome’ me in the sense it does everyone else because most of the “LOVE” I have experienced in my life, even as a very small child, was all an act and a lie. If it wasn’t it would have survived and stayed the course. I have never found anything like that at all in my lifetime. “I” have loved – tremendously, at times. But I have never received it back. Not ever the way the storybooks portray it to be.
I definitely have a ‘higher power’ that watches over me in this life. The Good Graces of the Angels have spared me and helped me along this path. There is no other explanation for why I have even merely survived all of what could be categorized as ‘my life’. Lots of successes, lots of failures, but life has never taken away ME or MYSELF. All of the disappointments and heartaches – all of the drama, the chaos, in-decisions and indecisiveness – through all of it, I AM STILL MYSELF and we all have to go to bed and wake up with OURSELVES before we do anyone else. We have to GROUND OURSELVES by standing up for what we know is right and true.
Oh yes, ITS exit was very ugly: IT is 48 and I am 60. “OW is YOUNG; not like you! hahahaha – YOU ARE OLD. GO FIND YOURSELF someone like me – never happen. You are old, crazy and dried up…” for example. The whole time I stood there, listening to the insults, spewing forth from that demon’s mouth, I stood there smiling, with that twinkle in my eye and a smirk on MY FACE. It became frightened. I actually SAW with my own eyes how frightened it really was. It was absolutely amazing.
There is NOTHING it can say or do to harm me any longer.
I have brushed that bird poop off my shoulder and am STRONGLY moving on. I refuse to allow my heart to dictate to ME that I should even anywhere BE REMOTELY NICE or KIND to it ever again, as long as I live. THAT is what it deserves. It has sentenced itself to a lifetime of misery and a lifetime of paying for it’s evil misdeeds. NOBODY DONE THAT TO IT BUT IT.
Thanks for that sparkle of hope, zimzoomit… xxoo
May the Angels continue to Bless your happy life and family.
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!
Dupedster
BBE:
Yes, close…mine is 44 though…a bit older, but only about 5′ 9 1/2″, blue eyes, more blondish hair than brown. Small, but mighty. Very muscular. Very white skin. Pale British boy.
Sorry you are losing in the stock market. I just took my 401k out from my old job and put it into an IRA managed by a major corporation. I hope I don’t lose my a**.
🙂 zimzoomit: YOU ROCK!
We need to start a club. hahahaha
Thanks for the heart-to-heart, Dear.
On my way to a cardiology appointment and you gave me a smile to carry with me….
Nice chatting ya.
Dupedster
zimzoomit:
Yipppppeeee for you!!! I am glad you moved on and found happiness!