It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them – the opposite of idealistic.
And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic – the opposite of fresh.
The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to ‘Ethical conundrums’. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded?
One reader’s response captures the issue I raise above (our key terms inserted):
A jaded person [someone who has fallen for a sociopath] has loved and lost. A cynic [sociopath] has never loved at all.
Another provides some clues as to how come the sociopath and his or her victim get together in the first place:
I don’t like either alone, together though: the jaded person before becoming jaded makes friends with a cynic and then they both have a great time. So long as the cynic enjoys the doses of optimism and doesn’t get annoyed by them. And the optimist doesn’t become disillusioned by hanging out with the cynic. Because that would be boring, pointless and gloomy. Cynics and optimists together can be really proactive and make great company: CAN be…
Or not, right?
One reckons that positivity can turn into negativity, but seldom the other way round:
Pessimists tend to become cynical, as they tend to believe the existence of a hidden motive. Optimists, with experience, tend to become jaded, as the world falls short of their expectations. Jaded people tend to become cynical, but cynical people rarely end up jaded. So, being jaded is kind of the scenic route to cynicism.
One reader sees the merit of cynicism:
Cynicism is essential for surviving this lousy superficial society. Being jaded is the result of being insufficiently cynical.
I was tickled by this one:
Someone who’s jaded hasn’t lost the will to change, they’ve just lost the means….Polish the surface of a jaded person and you’ll find they’ll come up good as new.
As we get a new year underway, what are your thoughts?
one-step……..may you be blessed a hundred-fold. You’ve said the hard words, and I’m reading them. I’m even MORE pissed, but they are so frigging sensible. I am angry.
Oh, and I’m not pissed at you, one_step. I’m pissed because I almost bought it. THANK GOD FOR LOVEFRAUD – that’s all I can say. I wonder if I’m going to cry over this, or just get to work? I think I’ll get to work. I’ve cried enough, lately.
Buttons,
I think One Step gave you some good advice. If he can’t be honest and forthcoming about what he needs or wants now, chances are you are in for trouble.
I think that one of the biggest indicators where your OWN words: All of my senses are saying, “Don’t DO it….
If your gut is telling you not to then you have to listen to that.
Isn’t that the one major thing we have learned after an experience with the spath? Listen to our inner voice.
I am in a similar situation. My son left home and I have been waiting for the day that he looses the roof over his head.
I was informed that he is to be out of the place where he was staying by next month. The family that has been enabeling him of course doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t be fine with him coming back home.
I have been able to “ward him” off on previous occasions when my son has come here and insisted that he come back home. But always before my son was lying, why he had to come back home.
This time it is real. The people are having their sons girlfriend move into the house.
I don’t want my son to come home. However my choices are more limited because he is only 17 years old. I am pretty sure that the school will report me when he goes to school “homeless”. And I am sure that is exactly what he would do. Announce it to everyone. Just as he did when he moved out of here.
Feeling like a prisoner in my own home, is something that I HAVE experienced with him, before he left. I don’t want to live like that again.
However I also don’t want to be arrested for parental neglect. That doesn’t seem like a wonderful option either.
You do have a choice buttons. Your son is 19 years old. It is a painful choice at any age. I KNOW that. “Age” doesn’t make that pain go away. But search your soul and listen to your inner voice.
If you think that he would respect your boudaries, get a job, and be responsible…That is one thing.
But if you are going to be his next enabler…..Don’t do it.
Buttons – glad to see that a few words on my part shook things loose. you go girl!
One_step…..God bless you, and everyone who has been so encouraging! The Truth isn’t always pretty – in fact, it can be downright ugly. But, Truth is freedom, and I’m opting out of this game, right now, for the first time in my life!
{{{{{HUGSTOEVERYONE}}}}}
🙂 🙂
Dear Buttons,
One-step echo’d the phrase that “don’t get your hopes up” as a RED FLAG as I mentioned in another thread to you about this. That “I MIGHT do you a favor by coming to live with you, but don’t get your hopes up”….until I look you over and see if you will be a new supply for me.
Yea, that phrase does STICK out as some sort of caution FLAG at the very least! If he is homeless or destitute you might give him a ride to the nearest Salvation Army shelter, that would be nice of you to do, but I am with One_step, I wouldn’t let him sleep on the couch even for one night.
getting him out of the car might be difficult. perhaps cab fare would be wiser.
Hey, One_step!
That’s a GREAT idea. “I’ll call you a cab, would you like me to help you with your bag? you can just wait here on the porch, Ill be inside with the door locked.”
okay, i feel bad about laughing because this is someone’s life/child….but the phrasing is getting a big chuckle oxy.