It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them – the opposite of idealistic.
And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic – the opposite of fresh.
The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to ‘Ethical conundrums’. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded?
One reader’s response captures the issue I raise above (our key terms inserted):
A jaded person [someone who has fallen for a sociopath] has loved and lost. A cynic [sociopath] has never loved at all.
Another provides some clues as to how come the sociopath and his or her victim get together in the first place:
I don’t like either alone, together though: the jaded person before becoming jaded makes friends with a cynic and then they both have a great time. So long as the cynic enjoys the doses of optimism and doesn’t get annoyed by them. And the optimist doesn’t become disillusioned by hanging out with the cynic. Because that would be boring, pointless and gloomy. Cynics and optimists together can be really proactive and make great company: CAN be…
Or not, right?
One reckons that positivity can turn into negativity, but seldom the other way round:
Pessimists tend to become cynical, as they tend to believe the existence of a hidden motive. Optimists, with experience, tend to become jaded, as the world falls short of their expectations. Jaded people tend to become cynical, but cynical people rarely end up jaded. So, being jaded is kind of the scenic route to cynicism.
One reader sees the merit of cynicism:
Cynicism is essential for surviving this lousy superficial society. Being jaded is the result of being insufficiently cynical.
I was tickled by this one:
Someone who’s jaded hasn’t lost the will to change, they’ve just lost the means….Polish the surface of a jaded person and you’ll find they’ll come up good as new.
As we get a new year underway, what are your thoughts?
Dear Buttons and One_step,
The GALLOWS HUMOR I think is a “relief valve” for a problem that is so HUGE that there is no real way to comprehend it.
That’s why we laugh AFTER a car wreck which totals the car, or after you walk away from an aircraft crash! Buttons has at least “walked away” from this WRECK. Of course it was a painful wreck, and one in which she didn’t escape unscathed, but she is alive and Sees the “close call”—please excuse me from speaking of you like you are not in the conversation, Buttons—I’ve been there, and escaped, gravely wounded, but ALIVE. YOU have too, One_step, we all have and the gallows humor is what we replace the self pity with. “How stooooopid I was, and it nearly got me killed,” but laughing about it now. RELIEF that we survived.
Once my sperm donor P rented an aircraft from a man who had personally built that plane, and ended up crashing and destroying the plane (which he had to pay for) but we LAUGHED after the crash, the man didn’t see the humor at all and was very angry that we laughed, but it was our RELIEF that no one got killed! Even as a kid of 18 I saw that!
I think I finally got to where I could laugh again when I started to heal. I sure wasn’t laughing at first in this last chaotic trauma, but later I DID get to where I could laugh and that laughter and gallows humor saw me through. A little vindication too.
Personally, I’m glad to see you laugh about ANYTHING, cause you sure were NOT laughing when you first came here. Neither was Buttons! I’ve seen tremendous progress in both you and Buttons since you two came here! LF is amazing isn’t it????!!!!!!
Dear Sara, you have to understand that these…’people’…are operating on a different level than you or I. Whereas we can admit that a relationship is not right and move on with sadness…these ‘robots’ have no feelings and are grabbing for what they can ‘get’ before the door is closed.
You need to listen to these lovely folks on LF who have ‘been there, done that’ before it gets worse.
I would have never known of NC and my local Woman’s Group if I had not come here.
oxy – i NEVER lost the ability to laugh; it was just hard to with the machete in my teeth.
“i NEVER lost the ability to laugh; it was just hard to with the machete in my teeth”
Ha! That was great…I get such a great visual from this!
dear one_step LOL ROTFLMAO!!! 🙂
YOU tell my dentist that…man, is he vexed.
Just as a thought, here is my attitude today….sad and tired
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP2SS8ggLtU
“Quicksand”
I’m closer to the Golden Dawn
Immersed in Crowley’s uniform
Of imagery
I’m living in a silent film
Portraying
Himmler’s sacred realm
Of dream reality
I’m frightened by the total goal
Drawing to the ragged hole
And I ain’t got the power anymore
No I ain’t got the power anymore
I’m the twisted name
on Garbo’s eyes
Living proof of
Churchill’s lies
I’m destiny
I’m torn between the light and dark
Where others see their targets
Divine symmetry
Should I kiss the viper’s fang
Or herald loud
the death of Man
I’m sinking in the quicksand
of my thought
And I ain’t got the power anymore
[CHORUS]
Don’t believe in yourself
Don’t deceive with belief
Knowledge comes
with death’s release
I’m not a prophet
or a stone age man
Just a mortal
with the potential of a superman
I’m living on
I’m tethered to the logic
of Homo Sapien
Can’t take my eyes
from the great salvation
Of bullshit faith
If I don’t explain what you ought to know
You can tell me all about it
On, the next Bardo
I’m sinking in the quicksand
of my thought
And I ain’t got the power anymore
[CHORUS]
jazzy – wow, that’s an oldie. i like bowie’s voice like that.
but i counter your melancholy and raise it an inspiration, with lyrics from Feron’s 1980 song, Tesitmony. (i have emailed her manager trying to find a link to this, but she knows of none. but she has forwarded it to Feron, so maybe something will come of it. i do have the CD if anyone wants to hear a clip from it)
There’s godlike
And warlike
And strong
Like only some show
And there’s sad like
And madlike
And had
Like we know
But by my life be I spirit
And by my heart be I woman
And by my eyes be I open
And by my hands be I whole
They say slowly
Brings the least shock
But no matter how slow I walk
There are traces
Empty spaces
And doors and doors of locks
But by my life be I spirit
And by my heart be I woman
And by my eyes be I open
And by my hands be I whole
You young ones
You’re the next ones
And I hope you choose it well
Though you try hard
You may fall prey
To the jaded jewel
But by your lives be you spirit
And by your hearts be you women
And by your eyes be you open
And by your hands be you whole
Listen, there are waters
Hidden from us
In the maze we find them still
We’ll take you to them
You take your young ones
May they take their own in turn
But by your lives be you spirit
And by your hearts be you women
And by your eyes be you open
And by your hands be you whole
One-Step…oh, how true. It reveals the tattered festoons of my youth….the youth that still looks at me at the mirror when I stroke the laugh and frown lines I now see there. I’m still here!
One?