It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them – the opposite of idealistic.
And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic – the opposite of fresh.
The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to ‘Ethical conundrums’. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded?
One reader’s response captures the issue I raise above (our key terms inserted):
A jaded person [someone who has fallen for a sociopath] has loved and lost. A cynic [sociopath] has never loved at all.
Another provides some clues as to how come the sociopath and his or her victim get together in the first place:
I don’t like either alone, together though: the jaded person before becoming jaded makes friends with a cynic and then they both have a great time. So long as the cynic enjoys the doses of optimism and doesn’t get annoyed by them. And the optimist doesn’t become disillusioned by hanging out with the cynic. Because that would be boring, pointless and gloomy. Cynics and optimists together can be really proactive and make great company: CAN be…
Or not, right?
One reckons that positivity can turn into negativity, but seldom the other way round:
Pessimists tend to become cynical, as they tend to believe the existence of a hidden motive. Optimists, with experience, tend to become jaded, as the world falls short of their expectations. Jaded people tend to become cynical, but cynical people rarely end up jaded. So, being jaded is kind of the scenic route to cynicism.
One reader sees the merit of cynicism:
Cynicism is essential for surviving this lousy superficial society. Being jaded is the result of being insufficiently cynical.
I was tickled by this one:
Someone who’s jaded hasn’t lost the will to change, they’ve just lost the means….Polish the surface of a jaded person and you’ll find they’ll come up good as new.
As we get a new year underway, what are your thoughts?
Given what you’ve learned the hard way, what’s your attitude like?
Honestly, it sucks. Today is the one year anniversary of the day when my ex turned into Mr Hyde and discarded me. The day before he was making all sorts of plans for the rest of our lives together. I found out yesterday more lies that he had told me. Now I just want revenge. The only reason that I don’t seek revenge is that he promised to come after me and sue me for ruining his reputation and he definitely has the money and resources to do that. It would also jeopardize me getting my real career back.
I am SICK TO DEATH of sociopaths-they are all around me, especially at work. They make me so angry. Just this morning I got a text from one from work asking to be my friend on facebook. WTF? My facebook is something that I do OUTSIDE of work. None of my coworkers are connected to it. I don’t want them knowing or reading about my life.
I found out that one of my coworkers is interested in dating me. He seems to be a normal nice guy and is very attractive but I DO NOT want to date anyone from work EVER again. I met my ex socio at work and had to leave 2 jobs due to our breakup. I don’t want to date anyone until my self esteem is back to where it belongs. The ex socio brought my self esteem way up and then dropped it into the absolute lower than low.
I am just full of anger and disgust right now. I am trying the best that I can to work on me and to make ME feel better!
For One…I’d rather stay here…with all the madmen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlVbLgxokEo
Listen to All The Madmen
Play All The Madmen from David Bowie now.
playme.com
All The Madmen Lyrics
All David Bowie Lyrics from largest lyric site on the net!
best-song-lyrics.com
Ads by ClickFuse
All The Madmen Lyrics
Artist(Band):David Bowie
Review The Song (0)
Print the Lyrics
Send “All The Madmen” Ringtones to Cell
Day after day
They send my friends away
To mansions cold and grey
To the far side of town
Where the thin men stalk the streets
While the sane stay underground
Day after day
They tell me I can go
They tell me I can blow
To the far side of town
Where it’s pointless to be high
‘Cause it’s such a long way down
So I tell them that
I can fly, I will scream, I will break my arm
I will do me harm
Here I stand, foot in hand, talking to my wall
I’m not quite right at all…am I?
Don’t set me free, I’m as heavy as can be
Just my librium and me
And my E.S.T. makes three
‘Cause I’d rather stay here
With all the madmen
Than perish with the sadmen roaming free
And I’d rather play here
With all the madmen
For I’m quite content they’re all as sane
As me
(Where can the horizon lie
When a nation hides
Its organic minds
In a cellar…dark and grim
They must be very dim)
Day after day
They take some brain away
Then turn my face around
To the far side of town
And tell me that it’s real
Then ask me how I feel
Here I stand, foot in hand, talking to my wall
I’m not quite right at all
Don’t set me free, I’m as helpless as can be
My libido’s split on me
Gimme some good ‘ole lobotomy
‘Cause I’d rather stay here
With all the madmen
Than perish with the sadmen
Roaming free
And I’d rather play here
With all the madmen
For I’m quite content
They’re all as sane as me
Zane, Zane, Zane
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Zane, Zane, Zane (ah ah ah)
Ouvre le Chien
Dear erin, Boy can I relate. After the healing help from LF and my therapist I just don’t trust my judgment. I am very angry that my ex-sociopath has put me in this mindset. I have always felt ‘different’, but never such in fear of my fellow human beings. I have put my lovelife on hold for now, and if anyone objects, I don’t need to to bother with them.
Jazzy-I have more of an irritation and annoyance with fellow human beings rather than being afraid of them. I like what you said about your lovelife. I want my real career back before I get interested in any kind of lovelife. I’m not happy with myself right now at all. I don’t trust my judgement and I feel like it’s time for me to be completely selfish and uphold myself as some kind of princess and give myself everything that I want and screw everyone else. I’m starting to feel like I joined the I HATE EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME CLUB, and strangely, it’s very satisfying! I still want to put my ex’s pic on a billboard in the middle of downtown saying-ALL WOMEN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES IF YOU SEE THIS MAN ((Danger))!
I tend to not bother with most family. If the’re not entirely of supportive of me and my choices, then by bye !
Ha! I’m still waiting for my potatoes to finish boiling so i came back. I want to rent billboards in EVERY FREAKING CITY and say….what? This man won’t care for his children…2 beautiful sons…this man’s Mommy will buy him anything…a hot dog truck, even…to make him legitimate (to gat him out of her life)? I want this man’s Mom to realize that she can’t make him into the son she wants?
Oh, erin. I have never hated before. I hate (hate, hate, hate) him…. yet his brothers, his boys, his Mom, his Step-dad… I love and miss them. I can give no more than what he has already ripped from me. It will never leave me. I can only hope that with the help of my family, friends, LF, and my therapist that the strength and KNOWLEDGE I have learned from this will keep me as I am…a loving, caring human being.
Silver? i’m here.
jazzy – a couple of things you said were important to me:
‘I can give no more than what he has already ripped from me.’ – this resonated for me, maybe not exactly the way you meant it, not sure, but for me it was like being flicked between the eyes; i have nothing for others, all that i had has been already ripped from me. bingo.
‘the youth that still looks at me at the mirror when I stroke the laugh and frown lines I now see there’ this is so beautiful. i think i will start doing this.
and perhaps his mom would like to get rid of me; I sure would like a hot dog truck.
best,
one step
Here is my question for the day:
I’ve been through way too much this year and it’s been the worst year of my life. I have to the conclusion that I do not need a man in my life right now. I am plenty enough all by myself. Why, why, when I arrive at this point, do I suddenly have men around me who keep trying to get into my life and get near me. One of the guys who lives downstairs keeps trying to talk me up all the time. I am not interested in anything he has to say. One of my coworkers, whom I believe is a socio (and married), keeps trying to get close to me. I am not at ALL interested in anything about him either-including being his friend. I tolerate him for the 8hours that I’m there. Another coworker who is actually very nice, attractive and seems to be completely normal is interested in me-I’ve been told. That is a red flag for me. I will NEVER NEVER EVER EVER get in a relationship with someone at work ever again, no matter how great he is.
Why does it seem like people just can’t leave me the hell alone? Why? I try to put on the most unapproachable and uninterested vibe that I can possibly display but it is not working.
Erin1972, it just may be that you notice the attention, more. When our focus isn’t narrowed down into the Spath Tunnel, there is this whole other world out there that’s been going on around us.
And, remember – unapproachable is VERY tempting to some people. 😉
buttons-I just want them all to get away from me. I am very selfish right now since I’m trying to heal and bring my self esteem and confidence back. If I want to speak to someone I will and if I don’t I won’t. I am in general disregard of everyone except the very FEW people that I actually trust. Outside of that very small circle I really don’t care about anyone else. I am trying to be as unfriendly as possible.