It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them – the opposite of idealistic.
And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blas̩, apathetic Рthe opposite of fresh.
The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to ‘Ethical conundrums’. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded?
One reader’s response captures the issue I raise above (our key terms inserted):
A jaded person [someone who has fallen for a sociopath] has loved and lost. A cynic [sociopath] has never loved at all.
Another provides some clues as to how come the sociopath and his or her victim get together in the first place:
I don’t like either alone, together though: the jaded person before becoming jaded makes friends with a cynic and then they both have a great time. So long as the cynic enjoys the doses of optimism and doesn’t get annoyed by them. And the optimist doesn’t become disillusioned by hanging out with the cynic. Because that would be boring, pointless and gloomy. Cynics and optimists together can be really proactive and make great company: CAN be…
Or not, right?
One reckons that positivity can turn into negativity, but seldom the other way round:
Pessimists tend to become cynical, as they tend to believe the existence of a hidden motive. Optimists, with experience, tend to become jaded, as the world falls short of their expectations. Jaded people tend to become cynical, but cynical people rarely end up jaded. So, being jaded is kind of the scenic route to cynicism.
One reader sees the merit of cynicism:
Cynicism is essential for surviving this lousy superficial society. Being jaded is the result of being insufficiently cynical.
I was tickled by this one:
Someone who’s jaded hasn’t lost the will to change, they’ve just lost the means….Polish the surface of a jaded person and you’ll find they’ll come up good as new.
As we get a new year underway, what are your thoughts?
many many moons ago i thought it did too.
i have about 10 sunflowers up! In my little garden that’s a lot! things are going along just dandy – but we do need some sun!
oh my, it is late here…i better go off to bed…another day of frolicking in the outdoors tomorrow! (if it doesn’t rain too hard – it’s a holiday!!)
On my favorite show the Gilmore Girls, Lorelai Gilmore named her dog Paul Anka!
numb, exhausted and frightened.He is my stepson.Have been dealing with it for 31 years.Had I known I never would have married my husband.Due to his chronic acting out, jail time and drug abuse he developed MRSA.Left the hospital with MRSA pmeumonia and a heart catheter and drove to my home, called both my teenage sons to him to hug them because he had’ missed them”. Visited my daughter where she goes to college and asked to use her bathroom.Afterwards told her that he had wiped himself on her bath mats because he couldn;t find the tp, laughing left.Sent my 15 yr old a blog saying we over reacted and he wouldn’t kill us with mrsa, if he was going to kill us he would kick the door in and use a shotgun.The only way to get away is to leave my husband who for 31 years has minimized every hateful creepy thing he has done. He has cost me everything and keeps upping the ante.I really am lost. He’s angry because I stopped loving him.When he did what he did to my children I had to protect them.When they entered into their teens he tried to get them into drugs and I banished him.My kids are doing great.They don’t like him but now I am afraid because of that post he is seriously thinking about killing us.Am I over reacting?
Dear Cococo,
((((Hugs)))) and welcome to my world! NO you are not over reacting, the fact that he would MENTION that he “wiped himself” with the bath mat, and that he KNOWS he has a TOXIC killer bug infection, shows that he is INTENDING HARM and enjoying it.
As far as your husband is concerned, my egg donor (mother) has refused to quit sending money and support to my PSYCHOPATHIC SON WHO IS IN PRISON FOR MURDER, even after he reached out through the bars and sent one of his ex cell mate ex convict friends to KILL ME…..and she knows it as the man was arrested and sent to prison.
I have gone NO CONTACT with my egg donor though she lives on the same farm I do and I am her only child.
I know the thought of divorcing your husband of 31 years because he allows his son to TORMENT YOU is “strong” but at the same time….HOW LONG CAN YOU GO ON LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF DANGER? IS IT WORTH IT TO YOU?
Should you be afraid? I can’t answer that question, but I was not afraid, but I sure as HECK AM NOW, AND I AM VERY CAUTIOUS and realize that people can behave in EVIL WAYS.
Good luck and God bless you. REad and learn both about psychopaths and how to heal yourself….(((hugs))))
Cococo – This one sentence from your post says it all
‘He has cost me everything and keeps upping the ante’
RUN as far and as fast as you can.
Candy, good observation!
Thank you for your feedback.Today I am just crying and wandering around my house that I don’t want to be in anymore.I really appreciate the feedback because this all makes me feel crazy.My husband says I’m over reacting and he called his son and his son said it was just a methaphor but his son was in jail for attempted murder when he stabbed someone several years ago.His son is angry because none of my children will speak to him. Also his drugs have been cut off at the pain clinic because he failed several urine tests and he was arrested for buying drugs .I just feel that he is escalating.
Dear cococo,
Of course he is escalating! Your husband is MINIMIZING the man’s behavior, and is not going to accept that his son is DANGEROUS to you and your children….your step son is NOT GOING TO CHANGE, HE IS NOT GOING TO REFORM.
I realize it is a difficult situation for YOU…but protect yourself and do NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND CONVINCE YOU that your GUT IS WRONG. Your gut is RIGHT! YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!!!
cococo,
You are SO right (about your stepson) – be careful where he is concerned. What he’s done (in the past) and how he lives his life is no laughing matter. You’re right to be concerned. Unbelievable, how relatives, friends, etc. can downplay a spath’s behavior. I would tell your husband that his son is dangerous, unpredictable (you know what you know), that you would rather be safe than sorry (where your own family is concerned), so you’re No Contact with this dude. You can take a stand and not have to apologize. Your husband can delude himself into thinking whatever he wants to about his flesh-and-blood, but you’re opting to be cautious and careful (using good common sense). Good luck to you.