It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them – the opposite of idealistic.
And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic – the opposite of fresh.
The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to ‘Ethical conundrums’. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded?
One reader’s response captures the issue I raise above (our key terms inserted):
A jaded person [someone who has fallen for a sociopath] has loved and lost. A cynic [sociopath] has never loved at all.
Another provides some clues as to how come the sociopath and his or her victim get together in the first place:
I don’t like either alone, together though: the jaded person before becoming jaded makes friends with a cynic and then they both have a great time. So long as the cynic enjoys the doses of optimism and doesn’t get annoyed by them. And the optimist doesn’t become disillusioned by hanging out with the cynic. Because that would be boring, pointless and gloomy. Cynics and optimists together can be really proactive and make great company: CAN be…
Or not, right?
One reckons that positivity can turn into negativity, but seldom the other way round:
Pessimists tend to become cynical, as they tend to believe the existence of a hidden motive. Optimists, with experience, tend to become jaded, as the world falls short of their expectations. Jaded people tend to become cynical, but cynical people rarely end up jaded. So, being jaded is kind of the scenic route to cynicism.
One reader sees the merit of cynicism:
Cynicism is essential for surviving this lousy superficial society. Being jaded is the result of being insufficiently cynical.
I was tickled by this one:
Someone who’s jaded hasn’t lost the will to change, they’ve just lost the means….Polish the surface of a jaded person and you’ll find they’ll come up good as new.
As we get a new year underway, what are your thoughts?
Dear Angel,
It seems sometimes that I have put up a “front” most if not all of my life! Trying to “pretend all is well” takes SO much energy that we can and should use for healing ourselves. I hope you will start to put some of your “keeping up a front” energy into your own well being!
To some extent we all ahve to go to our work when we are feeling less than ideal, but sometimes we also have to take a “mental health day” and take care of ourselves. I hope you will let today getting some sun and taking care of YOU be the start of your RECOVERY! (((hugs)))) and prayers.
The song that comes to mind for me here is from the Beatles Abbey Road Album –
Little Darlin- Its been a long cold lonely winter…..
Remember here comes the sun?
Well, the days are getting longer and the sun will keep getting warmer and even if its harder on dark, cold nights the fact is that over time, it does get better.
I think that is a “front” that we have to keep in mind and keep stepping into over and over even on days (and for me this is one) when it really doesn’t feel like that.
But the big picture is it won’t unless we believe it can and fall more in love with the whole and healthy integrated life than the one where we live in distress behind a facade of “ITS ALL GOOD”.
I used to think it was just an antebellum more but the truth is it was just flat dysfunctional and doesn’t work for grown ups.
We’ve all been through the Snow White myth thing about the price charming who with one single kiss can take away all the evil danger ….Well, mirror, mirror on the wall lets be the REALEST ones of all.
And that means, when the sun is warm on our skin we can enjoy being happy about it without looking over a shoulder.
Have a great day Angel! Your story is here for me and it made a difference in mine.
Banana, Yes, a little gratitude goes a long way if you want to chase off the blues. I’m happy for you.
I feel pretty blessed myself, most days….:)
How Sweet!
Silvermoon, it will get better! Are you breathing easier today? I am. I am feeling a whoosh of goodness filling me and I am so comforted here.
I worked with a real sweetheart person today. And I praised her and sincerely complimented her , and she genuinely was grateful . So, more of the same tomorrow and the next day and the next day!
LIFE IS GOOD!
Having gotten trapped in the snare. I am enlightened, by the experience. The sooner life begins again, the better.
I am tired of faking it. No more eggshell precautions. I am going to crunch and stomp on a few eggshells. Now I will probably get in trouble. I need and want to be PRESENT. .
Knowing evil, only reinforces all the good there is around, and there is no way it can win. I thought it was a “win /loose” situation,. And it was, but now I know, I WIN.
Dear banana and all of you,
Sometimes I cry because Im having a bad day, and then I remember, I used to have BAD YEARS!!
Aint that the truth!
Love to all,
Gem.XXX
Dear Gem,
THAT’S A GREAT POINT!!!!! I’ve had BAD DECADES, so what is one bad day or another compared to THAT!!!! And, the nice thing is that from those bad times it can ONLY get BETTER!
I think I will sit down and write a list of my blessings and the list is a lot longer than the problems I have!!! GOD IS GOOD! (((hugs))))
How is my Attitude Afterwards?
I am 2 months now NC and feel stronger everyday. I have a few weak moments because i keep thinking about her the way”It could have been IF ONLY”. Knowing now what I know..knowing that If Only is not possible and never will be. I am still angry at her for her lying about things for 27 years. Mad as Hell at myself for falling for it for so long.
But I have my eyes open now so I will never allow her to pull anything over on me ever again. Mainly because I will never let her back into my life. That is it.
Congratulations, Renewedhope, 2 months of NC!!!!! TOWANDA!!!! and good job! That NC will give you strength and help your recovery. Can’t do it as long as they are IN our lives spreading more chaos and pain! (((hugs))))
Thanks so much Oxi!
I could never had gone this long had it not been for the support here! 2 months means I am still an infant but I am growing and getting stronger. Hugs back at ya! 🙂
Dear Renewedhope,
I’m glad that LF is here for not only you but for ALL of us. I feel like Donna is my fairy God-mother! That woman knows what it is all about and has the guts to put her story forward and to keep this blog going, and I know it is not something that is easy, cheap or doesn’t take a LOT of time and energy and I am so grateful that she has been willing to put this blog on the web for all of us.
I know that when I first came here, A couple of years ago, I remember sittingin my RV (which my son D and I were living in at the time in hiding) and blogging on here and being so nervous (even if it didn’t maybe show) and reading and weeping and weeping and reading. Glad so many people who need this blog have found it. Love Oxy