It could be argued that the sociopath is cynical: contemptuous; mocking; concerned only with his own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them – the opposite of idealistic.
And there is a danger that one who has learned the hard way about sociopaths becomes jaded: dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic – the opposite of fresh.
The online version of the Guardian newspaper runs a series in which readers provide their responses to ‘Ethical conundrums’. Given the nature of our interests on this blog, this one caught my eye: Is it worse to be cynical or jaded?
One reader’s response captures the issue I raise above (our key terms inserted):
A jaded person [someone who has fallen for a sociopath] has loved and lost. A cynic [sociopath] has never loved at all.
Another provides some clues as to how come the sociopath and his or her victim get together in the first place:
I don’t like either alone, together though: the jaded person before becoming jaded makes friends with a cynic and then they both have a great time. So long as the cynic enjoys the doses of optimism and doesn’t get annoyed by them. And the optimist doesn’t become disillusioned by hanging out with the cynic. Because that would be boring, pointless and gloomy. Cynics and optimists together can be really proactive and make great company: CAN be…
Or not, right?
One reckons that positivity can turn into negativity, but seldom the other way round:
Pessimists tend to become cynical, as they tend to believe the existence of a hidden motive. Optimists, with experience, tend to become jaded, as the world falls short of their expectations. Jaded people tend to become cynical, but cynical people rarely end up jaded. So, being jaded is kind of the scenic route to cynicism.
One reader sees the merit of cynicism:
Cynicism is essential for surviving this lousy superficial society. Being jaded is the result of being insufficiently cynical.
I was tickled by this one:
Someone who’s jaded hasn’t lost the will to change, they’ve just lost the means….Polish the surface of a jaded person and you’ll find they’ll come up good as new.
As we get a new year underway, what are your thoughts?
Gem + Oxy- bad years and decades – i SOOO hear you!!
Mine bad times seem to come in chunks of 5 – years that is.
renewedhope: stay strong! 🙂
dulled, blunted, deadened, inured; tired, weary, wearied; unmoved, blasé, apathetic
I am all of the above where love is other than my children, I used to be impulsive, happy, inquisitive, zany, emphatic and pliable…Miss the old me although it was not really getting me any where.
Thanks One Step!
I agree with OXI that Donna has a 5 star blog here. I have tried to start blogs and forums on other sites about politics and other subjects and I must confess.. I didn’t have near the success that she has. But we are talking about a much needed outlet here not just talking about a subject..but we ARE the subject! This site go along way to begin the healing process. Thanks again Donna! In case I haven’t said it lately!
Dear Muldoon,
You still have the best parts of the ‘old you.’ You will probably spend a while letting them show again…but you will.
And when you do you will be a stronger you… having shed so much of the poison of your experience and the old you that ‘bound’ you into feelings of powerlessness to change things … I have absolute faith in things being SO much BETTTER than they EVER were before for all of us AS LONG AS WE KEEP GOING FORWARD, with our minds open and ours.:)
I’m not anywhere, but I am on my way….even through my many many ups and downs I know its better than it was… and I am still me:) … cant wait for more and more better than befores :)x
(just hope I dont cark it with the stress related carks, I want to live a long time to see how good things CAN be!;)xx
I like this thread – and, I feel that I’ve gotten “wiser” with a mild dose of cynicism. I’m not jaded because I feel that one who is jaded has no hope. For me, cynicism means that I’ve learned the hard way and that I choose NOT to trust, immediately. Like anything else, cynicism can become an uglay addiction, and I have to consider keeping a good attitude where human beings are concerned. No, they aren’t all out to “get me,” and they aren’t all spaths. I just have to take the lessons that I’ve learned and apply them to new situations and new people that I meet.
Learning the hard way that when you deal with the legal system it has NO REGARD for the rights of CITIZENS!
I am amazed that there is no requirement for court records on the facility assignments to be accurate – Nationwide GO FISH when you are dealing with the incarcerated!
I am amazed that when the paperwork procedures are NOT performed correctly by state and federal employees that there is NOTHING to be done about it. And that NOBODY has responsibility to make it right by me when they screw up!
I tried to have the bigamist served for over a month and nobody could say why it wasn’t happening until after he was moved and then it was my problem to find out where to and to pay more and wait longer to get anything done- which it still isn’t and nobody can tell me why not.
I am furious and frustrated. I contacted ny congressman and am told the best I can hope for there is a form letter in a month’s time but no action.
I’m the victim here and the system is NOT working on MY legal rights to dump the the guy who lied to me. What is up with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Where do we go with this? Anybody?
Silver – i went insane a few months ago trying to find out what court the the ppath was charged in. i don’t know your legal system – i called a dozen courts and not one damn person answered a phone or got back to me.
can a PI help with getting him served?
xx one step
Silver:
Is there an incumbent in your state facing re election…..
They tend to be more ‘open ears’….
Also….Call every day….then after a week….call twice a day….then three times….Until they KNOW your not going away!
Also you can get their email addys online…..send emails along with the phone calls.
Use other terminology….something alarming….that catches attention…..like FRAUD or Bigamy…..ask them if they are familiar with CLUSTER B personality disorders….
Something to the effect…..an attention catching phrase….
If you dont they will look at you as ‘one’ person with a ‘meager’ issue they can set aside….
You GOTTA grab their attention……
Maybe find out when they will be appearing at a public forum and approach them there……LOUDLY…..
Have you tried DIFFERENT FBI OFFICES? Different guys in different offices …..
Have you tried DV services in your area….for advice?
DID you try PACER? The online court records site?
DONT SETTLE FOR A FRIGGEN FORM LETTER …..and LET THAT BE KNOWN!!!!
COntact your state senators………
CONTACT YOUR STATE GOV.
CONTACT YOUR STATE GOVERNORS WIFE…..
The first lady……
THIS IS A STATE PROBLEM….not just your marital issue!!!
He’s a FRAUD!
Keep the calls and emails going……UNTIL YOUR HEARD!!!
Do you google his name periodically? Some reports on google disappear in 7 days……some don’t stay on forever!
When I’m ‘looking’ for someone……I do a quick google search at least once a week……
EB. i just love you, you mushy warrior princess. you are so helpful and hardcore.