When history is a predictor of future behavior

Dear Whyme, Yes, we do seem to have a lot in common!
I dont know if Ill ever get back to any kind of Painting, much less my chosen Art form, portrait painting. In a way I feel that Ive DONE it, and dont necesserily have to do it again.Having reached the sort of pinnacle,{not wishing to brag, but at the age of 21-22, i was the youngest woman to be elected to the “hanging committee,{ie,the ones who choose what paintings to exhibit,} of the Scottish Society of Women Artists, who exhibited their work in th e Royal Scotish Academy, in Edinburgh, Scotland.
Two of my portraits of children{commissioned works} were exhibited there,I had great writeups in both the “Scotsman” newspaper,and the “Evening News”in 1962
-an age ago!I won the James Guthrie award in 1962 for the most promising young Scottish Portrait Painter.The winning entry was hung in the front court of the RSA with a spotlight trained on it from each side.
The following year, at the age of 23, I secured a job teaching overseas with the British Army school in Singapore.{FARELF}
I met my first husband there, and within 3 months of meeting him I was pregnant with older daughter.I decided to marry him altho I didnt really know anything about him,
a bit like an Indian marriage I thought. The first 2 yers were very good, -we were happy, and then the heavy drinking began, and everything started to go very wrong.
Anyway, to cut a long story very short, in 1967, we were back in Scotland, my ex went to A.A, and managed after a year or two to get off the drink. We emigrated to Australia in 1973. He stayed sober altogether for 10 years,{till D no. 1 hit Puberty and the shiat hit the fan!My ex couldnt cope with the disappointment of her leaving school and running away from home for 6 months, and he hit the bottle again, big time.I then had 2 abusive drunks in my home, my ex and my olde D.Thepolice were quite useless they refused to help me.
When my art studio was trashed by her, in 1980, several portraits were destroyed,by her,{both oils and watercolours} along with valuable art books Id won at College as prizes, I was working on a commissioned work,an 8 ft, panel of “Christ in the Tree of Life.”She painted”F–ing Bitch !” on it, in letters 4 inches wide in black oil paint. Utterly destroyed it,I never completed it.It is hard to describe ,it felt like an attack on my very soul.I had one sold painting of galloping white winged horses, -she entirely obliterated the whole painting, covering it all over with red acrylic paint.It was already sold, and waiting to be picked up by the buyer. Luckily I managed to peel the red acrylic paint of, and re touch it, and re framed it.Some of the red paint splashed onto one of my best works, an oil painting ofa seagull flying over dangerous jagged rocks, with tossing waves.Its on my living room wall now.
Some years a go, D aske d me how the red paint got there. I honestly think shd forgotten all about the incident,-maybe she was drunk, or stoned. I only said to her,”Darling,it was an accident.” and left it at that.
Its only recently Ive been able to see that Ive been suffeing from PTSD for 30 years. I felt that I should have been able to”let go” of all this pain before this.Its only recently as Ive discovered about gaslighting, etc, Ive been ble to forgive myself for not being able to move on from this nightmare. So far, Ive been unable to paint again, and I dont have a studio now, as I had when I was married to my ex.
My D has NEVER ever acknowledged this and other incidents, much less apologise for them!Maybe one day Ill paint again, but who knows. I still feel too vulnerable to bare my soul again.
Much Love,
Mama gemXX

Dearet One-step,
Thank you so much for your kind and sensitive input.Yes it did,[and still does} feel like an attack on my soul. I have forgiven her, but its VERY hard to forget and TRULY forgive when a} she wont even admit she did these terrible things{and would, Im sure fiercely deny everything if pressed.},and b] refuses to meet my one boundary and apologise for this and many other incidents, such as banning me from her wedding in 1994. That very nearly did me in, esp. as she invited my ex and his new wife, and also invited David,a lovely gilt edged invitation card! I got a note telling m to stay away, despite me having given her A$1,000 as a wedding gift, plus dave and I paid for half of the total wedding costs.Even tho we didnt go.She had actually said in the note that if I showed up, shed get the police to escort me away!! Can you truly believ it?? I was shocked to the core and hurt beyond belief.What the F—k is wrong with these people?
Maybe Ill get back to painting one day, who knows? I am no close to understanding these sick creatures.
I am now grieving my Grandkids,as its becoming clear that my ex SIL will NOT bring them over as hed promised.{Its been one year since I saw the girls, and almost 2 years since I saw my Grandson, now 12.}Hes as weak as water., and unreliable.
By the way, any paintings that I did not manage to rescue, my ex burned in a bonfire in the back yard, after Id left, along with all my clothes.The only reason I have my portraits back, is that my pompous Narc brother stored them in his shed since 1992.{up to that time theyd been in my parents loft, but after they died, Rob had everything moved down to south of England.It took 16 plus years ,of me pleading with him to get a quote to have them shipped out to Australia. Deafening silence from him for all that time, then suddenly around 6 months a go, they turned up!!! And hed paid for the transport costs! No note or anything, but least he sent them.A few of the portraits were exhibited in the RSA Edinburgh.I wrote immediately to thank him but no reply.If Id had them in my studio here in Oz, theyd either have been trashed by her, or burned by my ex.So, Im very lucky to have them back.
I feel weve moved closer, One, to understanding each other. I always felt you in some way didnt approve of me, or like me, now I know thats not true.Thank you, dear.!!Best to you,and
Love,Mama Gem.XX