Aren’t sociopaths supposed to be rule-breakers? Isn’t this a main indicator of their sociopathy? If so, then what’s up with sociopaths when they’re following, not breaking, the rules?
Hmm. This appears to be confusing, but then again, is it really?
Perhaps it’s oversimplistic to see sociopaths as incapable of following rules? In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s fair to say that sociopaths will break rules; they will violate boundaries; they will hurt and violate others with a startling—indeed sociopathic—lack of accountability and conscience.
The sociopath, I think we can say reasonably, will inevitably transgress others, and he will transgress them heartlessly.
However, when we compress the grand scheme of things into something less grand—for instance, day to day, week to week, month to month, even for longer periods—things may be different. When we break down time into shorter periods, we discover that sociopaths, much like many individuals gripped by compulsive, addictive tendencies, often possess the capacity, at least temporarily, to suppress their inclinations—in the sociopath’s case, his inclination to violate and exploit.
Otherwise, how would the sociopath manage, as often as he does, to operate so effectively undetected, or under-detected? In other words, if sociopaths couldn’t, and didn’t, follow rules; indeed, follow many rules—social rules, legal rules, interpersonal rules, employment rules—then there could be no such thing as the sociopath’s “mask?”
Because the sociopath’s mask, ironically, is dependent on, supported by, his capacity to follow rules.
The sociopath’s mask, in a certain sense, is precisely this—the social, legal and interpersonal conventions and rules he follows between, or in simultaneity with, his violating, exploitive behaviors.
His mask is his capacity to follow enough rules, enough of the time, to “blend in,” to seem normal and well-adjusted, to cast himself as among the least likely suspects to be perpetrating the transgressions he perpetrates while operating behind the mask.
And so there is a certain irony here. Yes, the sociopath, in the greater scheme of things, is a rule-breaker, a transgressor with a seriously defective conscience. And yet, at least in many cases, in the smaller scheme of things, he is a good enough rule follower to abet the construction of the very mask behind which he unconscionably violates, or surely will unconscionably violate, his victim(s).
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake, and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
RIGHT ON TIME , STEVE !!!!1
I keep puzzling over how he can be so intent on financially hurting me through this 2 year non-divorce while at the same time appearing benevolent to me and the kids in the eyes of the OW and his family.
How in the world can he keep 2 mindsets going on in the same head at all times – I guess the mask is the answer.
This week he sent an e-mail with 2 completely contradictory statements right next to each other. He has been coming on Wednesday morning – his regular mid-week visitation night for the last 27 months – during the day while my daughter is in charge and I am at work. He calls the house and coaxes my son to leave the house and go with him without permission or telling my daughter .
So – the first sentence says :
“Wednesday is our agreed upon night and so what if I take him earlier in the day – it is summer and I am his FATHER !” The second sentence says :
“We have NO agreement on scheduled visitation so I will take my son whenever my schedule allows- I am his FATHER !”
W T F ? It is just this kind of talk that made me feel crazy !!!
My problem is :
that the more time they spend together the worse my sons behavior gets
he does this without notice or agreement
He should be working during the day on Wed and Thursday and not particularly bouncing around with his son for 2 weekdays every week over the last 4 weeks !!! Buried in debt and he is glib over it.
hens – good morning 🙂
this is the kind of fearful reality that makes writers like stephen king rich.
it would haunt me, too.
but more importantly – you were protected by that night (not saying by what). it was not to happen.
Onestep Without going into alot of explaining, I don’t think it was the shotgun that stopped her, I think it was something else, but not saying what, cause I dont know…but all the same glad I had my dust covered unloaded 12 gauge shotgun given to me by my dad who he got from his dad and now my son has it…..
hens – i saw a very clear picture when i read about it. all the pieces were not in place, and she knew it; something was ‘off’.
my dad bought my mom a lovely small rifle the first year they were married (she was not amused); i hope to have it someday.
gun acquisition and ownership here requires licensing, paid courses and testing (and not practical things like, ‘can you shoot what you aim at’); special locked storage of unloaded weapons. you cannot legally have a weapon handy anymore – let alone a loaded one. when i was a kid my dad kept his rifles and shotguns in the hall closet (unloaded unless there had been a recent prison break) or on the tractor with him; and a 44 magnum loaded, right beside his bed. i belonged to the rifle club at school (we had a rifle range in the basement) and used to carry my rifle ON THE SCHOOL BUS). there was a gun culture in the rural areas – but i never took to killing ground hogs,etc. like my male counterparts did. I only shot targets. I was thinking I would like to do that again, now that I have a little money.
The male energy is primiarly concerned with ego and penis.
http://www.womenexplode.com
Check out converstion with a man, needy penis and outrage of explosion…
Hens.. you are always welcome there.
Boy, I go down with a nasty head cold and miss SO much good stuff!
Steve, thank you for this! You brought up some very good points and this article is definitely a “thinker”.
“The sociopath’s mask, in a certain sense, is precisely this—the social, legal and interpersonal conventions and rules he follows between, or in simultaneity with, his violating, exploitive behaviors.
His mask is his capacity to follow enough rules, enough of the time, to “blend in,” to seem normal and well-adjusted, to cast himself as among the least likely suspects to be perpetrating the transgressions he perpetrates while operating behind the mask.”
I am copying and pasting the above to my journal. My ex knew EXACTLY when to follow the rules. It was all just another part of his own mask, his plan, his game. He only followed the rules when it made him look good, yet at the same time, he was silently busy breaking others. This was enough, at times, to drive me crazy. I was standing there watching two people and I couldn’t figure out how others could NOT see this. But then again, he had those close to us very well trained, as I had once been.
The judicial system is just another tool for so many of them. Me? I’m afraid of getting a speeding ticket! So, there is this huge gap in how I perceive the laws and how he does. And I’m GLAD there is this gap. I’m not the one looking at prison time right now as he is. He screwed up his own plan and got caught…again and again.
Hugs!
Cat
syle – not sure if you intended the above to be an empirical statement, political stance or marketing flash. i find it inflammatory and sexist. and given the context (of the article), it would be more accurate if the word ‘ego’ was replaced with the phrase ‘predatory win’.
Style1, I have gone to that site, whywomenexplode, and really enjoy it! It’s now a favorite on my computer. Thank you for sharing it!
I went to that site and felt offence at one of their blog articles. To each their own, though.
GettingIt says: – With all their structural brain changes, Ps are now found to have, perhaps, the humanity is separating, just like (questionable) homo sapiens separated from the apes. Ps are growing in number, strength and ability to influence and destroy more lives. I ache for the stories of more Mothers Theresa and Ghandi.
********************************
I think you make an excellent point and I agree – but one thing I would like to add is:
THE WAR ISN’T WON YET!
For the rest of my life, I intend to inform as many people as I can about sociopaths and psychopaths and spread the message our educators and mental health professonals have suppressed on purpose.
I have already given two very well attended talks on the issue at my community centre and now half the town is reading the Martha Stout book – my next book which comes out soon and has nothing to do with sociopaths, will include a chapter on the issue as part of a general aspect of dangers on the path toward spiritual and creative personal growth. More people informed…
It seems that every day more and more websites/blogs are popping up on the net with articles on sociopaths. I have started threads on many message boards about them and often they run for pages and pages. People are facinated by the issue I find and want as much info as they can get. I reckon I have educated several thousand people already on the subject who heard nothing about sociopaths before. I have only been doing this for a year.
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
I am but one warrior among a growing unstoppable army.
Remember, Hitler’s “Master Race” ended up scattered in shallow graves from Moscow to Dunkirk and they were also at one point the future humans, not just in Germany but in most countries before World War Two as the disgusting science of Eugenics was in vogue stating more or less what this article above claims.
We are still here, and this is how it is staying.