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By | July 21, 2010 33 Comments

Donna Andersen’s video for Love Fraud book

“Most of us want to believe that there’s good in everyone. Unfortunately, it isn’t true. There are people in the world who are rotten to the core, and they’re called sociopaths.”

That’s how I begin my video interview about my new book, Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. I answer questions about what happened to me, and why I wrote the book. The six-minute video is posted on my blog for the book, and I invite you to watch it.

Pre-order special ends July 31

Right now, we’re offering a pre-order special for the book. If you place your order now, we’ll send you an autographed and numbered first edition, shipped free to U.S. destinations, and 40 percent off to international destinations. I especially encourage our international readers to take advantage of this offer—it’s the best shipping deal you’ll ever see. One book per order.

The pre-order special ends July 31, 2010—that’s when the books will be printed. We’ll be sending out all pre-orders during the first few days of August.

The official publication date for Love Fraud is August 25, 2010. That’s when it will be available on Amazon.com, on other online retailers, and in bookstores. During the month of August, the book will be available exclusively on Lovefraud.com. However, copies will no longer be autographed, and regular shipping rates will apply. So if you want to take advantage of the special, please do it by July 31.

Goals of the book

I wrote this book for two reasons. First, to alert people to the fact that sociopaths exist, and describe what they look like. Secondly, to help those of us who have tangled with these predators to heal, and offer a possible explanation for why then entire experience happened.

The feedback I’ve received from folks who have read advance copies of the book has been heartwarming—several reviews are posted on my blog. It looks like Love Fraud may be accomplishing the goals I set for it.

I can’t wait to share my story—and my recovery—with you.

Order the book in the Lovefraud Store.


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purewaters3

Thank you, Donna. While my spiritual beliefs differ from yours, I very much appreciate your message and intention.

I am happy that you used this horrible experience in such a positive way. You are a true role-model, and when I have some extra cash, I’ll be ordering your book.

Ox Drover

Donna,

you have done so much for so many, and I want you to know that I appreciate how hard you have worked for Lovefraud, the blog and Lovefraud the book. Thank you, and also Terry, for all your hard work and for all the good it has accomplished for others. That good spreads out like ripples in a pond, moving off into the horizon.

Thank you!

teacher123

Sounds like a great book. I want to also thank you for helping so many people. Here is a quote from the stolenvalor site that I think applies to you; “it takes the heart of a Warrior to find deception and take it down.” Your courage to take your life back when someone tried to take it from you serves as an example to many that you can not only survive through all of it, but thrive as well. I am hoping you recoup all of the $ lost, and then some as well. I have been sidetracked a few times in my life as well- not everything goes as planned. But you have to adjust your goals sometimes and pray that things will work out eventually.

Frank Lee Speaking

I agree completely with your take on the issue Donna.

bulletproof

can anyone tell me how much the book and shipping costs in euros?

Frank Lee Speaking

Bulletproof – it cost me with shipping 29 Euros.

Ox Drover

You’ll have to e mail donna for that question, she could answer that for you.

bulletproof

Thanks Frank Lee..

bulletproof

Donna I have just ordered your book and can’t wait to read it! YAY! and just a few quotes to express my gratititude for Lovefraud and to you for DOING SOMETHING and being there when the world suddenly turned very cold

“The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing” Albert Einstein

“Thou shalt not be a victim, Thou shalt not be a perpetrator, above all Thou shalt not be a bystander ” Holocaust museum
Washington DC

Keep talking, Keep walking…Thank you for your relentless courage in exposing the evil that exists, and shining a light that is Lovefraud…

ErinBrock

Donna,
What an extrordinary book you have written!
Congratulations!
Continued success with educating the public to the dangers of these predators.

Education……
Exposure…..

and geterdone!!!

Buttons

Donna, I watched your video and it’s wonderful. It’s courageous to be candid about our choices, and this is one of the things that makes this site a successful healing place for people.

Your spiritual approach to your healing process is awesome – getting balanced and centered, and discovering the “reason” for the spath exposure is so important to the healing process.

Congratulations to you, and thank you for giving me the courage to move forward on my own healing path!

Brightest, most heartfelt blessings to you!!!

learning

Donna – Im so looking forward to reading your book.

You shared that you believe “sometimes our souls choose painful lessons” – having gone through the situation I went through – Ive come to learn and grow and believe this to be true too.

You are an inspirational person and Im so thankful that you had the strength and courage to create Lovefraud and bring awareness and healing to so many people.

This book is just more step in creating good out of something bad. Thanks again.

Long time, bloggers 🙂 I didn’t know where to put this, but I have small reason to celebrate. Here schools cease for the holidays, and I submitted my final paper for a diploma in abnormal psychology. Much of my inspiration drew from my experience, but the entire making of my thesis is a wonderful way to view the DSMers with much abstract thinking. No sensitive connections or reactions exist, but startling fascination. Each and every day brings about new revelations, which I find endearingly predictable and always fodder for new reseach. There came a time when nothing these DSMers do mattered anymore. Pity and fascination take over strongly. This site certainly had a good deal of inspiration as it basically ‘greenlighted’ my ideas in a ‘formal’ and very public arena. So I have much to thank for the inspiration I got from here and ofcourse the DSMers themselves (never short of material!).

This video/book is something I’ll be more than happy to invest in. It’s so positive when healing becomes action and moving on and being in a different place entirely.

I’ve also been approached to do a publication of a slightly different nature; so I’ll be on here less and focussing on new ventures. I shall however always have time for a Donna Anderson publication. This site is one thing, but it makes sense to sell this thing widely. Congratulations, Ms Anderson.

MySonsMom

Donna, I live in New Orleans where politics are very corrupt. I was in a relationship with a sociopath, I met him in 2002 and got pregnant with his child. For over 3 years we were in a relationship where he told me he worked and lived in Baton Rouge, he would always visit me Late at night or sporadically on weekends always showing up without first calling. he was able to fool me until Hurricane Katrina hit us, when his live in Girlfriend who knew noting about me or his son, found out and he moved in with us in early 2006, I kicked him out of my home in march of 2007 he continued to pursue me and in November 2007 he Attacked me in front of our 4 year old son, (He was suffocating me) I called the police and he was arrested. My son has been diagnosed with PTSD because of this and have been on Medications for the last 2+ years which has caused Heart Problems and Earlier this year in March he was diagnosed with Aspergers, Now his father after not seeing him for over 2 years is petitioning the Court for Custody, He is Dating a Woman 20 years his Senior who is politically Connected, she belongs to the FBI Citizens Academy in New Orleans and is on the Alliance for Good Government. He is in arrears in the thousands of dollars and on our first court hearing he was arrested by a district attorney who handles the Child Support Enforcement for Orleans Parish, Needless to say she may lose her job for doing her Job. My ex has a very powerful attorney who was connected with Edwin Edwards when Edwards was Governor of Louisiana, He the attorney and my ex’s Girlfriend are getting people in Political high places to make calls to the District Attorneys Supervisor to get her fired or taken off the child Support case. My ex’s arrest on July 7 is not on the books and he did not have to pay the money he owes us in Child Support. Any Suggestions would be appreciated.

Ox Drover

WOW! dear MySonsMom,

It sounds like you have a “mell of a hess” on your hands. I used to live in Slidell and I am aware of how crooked politics is there. Everywhere actually, but especially crooked there!

Welcome to LoveFraud, I’m glad you found this site. There is a book in the LF store called the LEGAL ABUSE SYNDROME and I suggest you read it. Sometimes the ABUSE we get through the “legal” system is as bad as what the psychopath did to us before, and sometimes worse.

As far as “what to do” I hope Donna or someone else has some suggestions better than mine, all I can say is “get a good connected lawyer” if you can find or afford one. I would speak with the DA about recommending one. Sounds like he/she may need one too. In fact, the two of you might band together if it looks like they may be fired for doing their job it might be that the MEDIA is your best bet to get your story out in the public. Sometimes these political back room deals will wither under the LIGHT OF MEDIA ATTENTION. God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers. (((Hugs))))

chinagirl

So true your comment OxDrover abuot the legal system being more hurtful then spath…I feel that currently. He is connected, has tons of money, can bury me in court. I cannot afford the attorney that I have found….so i bide my time.

question: a therapist I see, who does understand the spath thing, said to me “what if you exposed him in the media? Would it help to put your story out there..since at this point everyone knows everything about you since he has been slandering you”
it is a valid question and one I think about. I think about writing about the story…it certainly involves a lot of very juicy stuff…his dentist father being an addict, his mother alcoholic, weird sex stuff, he slept with his sister, his mom sexualized him very early…his family is weirdly and sickly enmeshed…I have pages and pages of stories….and he lives in small town, where he is big man on campus, the usual for his life…and something he told me he needed. (sick) and since he continues to attempt to sabotage and slander me and has been successful…what the hell. What do I have left to lose? Nothing. So, if I were to do something like that would that be suicide? Or would I out him and hopefully turn my own life around?
His first wife and I tried to tell third wife a few days before their wedding about him…she didn’t believe us although I know it did cause some problems on the day of the wedding….but they went through with it. they keep having kids because she is not the uterus for golden boy…and he lived in Oklahoma where he has a big family, very small town…it would hurt him but it might also validate other women he has come into contact with…he told me he used to be a womanizer in college at a very small bible college in Oklahoma, wish I could remember the name….and he had to womanize he said becuase he was a baseball player but didn’t feel “good enough” around the other athletes and need some place he could “win”. Does that sound like an spath?
Just wondering because after I was in the article and photoshoot on Domestic Violence in 2006 with is first wife in New Beauty my life go much worse…no doubt he was pissed. But at this point I want to show the world who he is but I also want to be smart. I don’t want to do it in a way that makes me look psycho. God knows I don’t need that! I already feel psycho….after this life with him. what do you think?

chinagirl

One thing, has anyone heard about the foundation Give Back a Smile? It is for women who have been victims of DV…dentist, oral surgeons repair teeth, facial fractures etc pro bono of women who have suffered from domestic violence. If anyone needs that kind of help please look for this foundation in your area. It is huge in Atlanta, where spath’s first wife is from. she was on Atlanta news that year talking about spath and me and her and his third wife to be….
Someone sent his third wife the video clip…
I’d like to be a part of that foundation doing therapy eventually, after I get my own life together as I am still weathering the aftermath of spath hell. his first wife would always use the word sociopath to describe him. Initially I was doubtful that he was that but now I get it. He would also try to call me that which is actually pretty funny since…well….I have empathy for one.

Ox Drover

Dear Chinagirl,

There is debate about “justice” vs. “revenge” etc. and sometimes people get both and come out okay. Donna the owner of this blog is one that seems to have gotten both. Believe me, I wish I had an answer to your question, but with things like they are now for you, I would advise you to put your energy into you and your relationship with your daughter. If anything it might be like poking a sleeping tiger with a stick. It might not be worth it and you only know AFTER you have done it.

Most of us have fantasies of revenge, of torturing them like they tortured us, but I think in the end, those revenge fantasies make us bitter and angry more than they relieve our souls.

I have tried to get the bitterness out of my soul because it is like you drinking poison and expecting the one you hate to die! It doesn’t help much. I have “forgiven” them by getting that bitterness out of my soul (still a work in progress but most days okay) but doesn’t mean I will trust them again, or let them close enough to hurt me again.

I am doing my best to get justice by keeping my P son in prison and protesting his release on parole. I’m doing the best I can to get justice. He of course thinks it is revenge, but it is really self protection because if he gets out, I am in more danger from him than if he is still in prison.

Everything we do takes ENERGY and energy is limited just like money, we have to decide what is most important to spend it on. For me at this point even, I am spending my energy on ME. I too want to volunteer and help others who are DV victims, but I have found a way to do some of that but limit the amount of energy I spend on it to a level with which I am comfortable and still have enough for myself. Being a “recovering enabler” I tend to throw too much of my energy into “helping others” and not keep enough to be healthy myself. So it is one of the “recovery” things I have to work on to not give all my energy away!

Keep on asking questions, keep on reading. I suggest you go back through the archives and read and read the articles (save the comments for later) and some articles will resonate with you now and some maybe not so much, but you will gather so much insight into YOU. It starts out about them, but ends up about ourselves. ((((hugs)))))

chinagirl

thank you again…
As you see I am all over the blog today! reading….processing…praying….
Thank you for prayers and encouragement. In a way I feel like I am growing up. Working smarter now…less over the top emotion and crazy feeling. I said this before but I tried to change everything after the divorce and I wish I would have just stayed in my nice condo, spent time with D (which I did….we did a lot together these last five years) but I reacted, not resonded…progress, not perfection…it’s all I can do now.

Ox Drover

Keep on the calm and peaceful path Chinagirl, we make soo much more progress on that than we can when we are ape sheet crazy, which I spent so much time being! Breathe, breathe, breathe!!! It’s hard sometimes, but we make more progress that way.

I think I am the poster child for “gone crazy” but when I’m calm and peaceful, I do well, so I try to stay in that mindset.

As a doc I used to work with would say “some days is magic, and some days is tragic” LOL ((((Hugs))))

Ox Drover

PROBLEMS WITH LOADING THREADS. For some reason all the threads except the ones with only a VERY FEW comments will load for me. Anyone else having problems? I am not having loading problems on any other blogs or sites. Usually I dont have any problem loading them until 300-400 comments on a thread since I got the new Verizon air card and have better connection. Advice?

GettingIt

Oxy, did you try refreshing the page? logging entirely out and returning by typing in the address as opposed to hitting the Quick button. Try that, maybe, it’ll work.

hens

Ox I just double click on the thread title then scroll down to the bottom of thread..

Ox Drover

I can bring the thread up that way—or PART OF THE THREAD—but it won’t get those ADS on the side and won’t scroll down to where the comment box is. I tried refreshing, going to a smaller thread FIRST , then the larger one, but none of them were mover 150 comments so it shouldn’/t have been doing that at all.
Seems to be working today. Thanks for suggestions though!

hens

if all else fails turn off puter and ‘unplug’ puter for a few minutes then try again

bulletproof

china girl- you are sounding stronger…yay! I would just question why you would waste your time writing a story about the idiot..God life is short…unless its a huge scam or loads of money involved who cares? sure we all need to get the word out, and maybe as a way also to excorsize the demon once and for all, get closure, revenge whatever…but at the end of the day you have got to ask yourself is it worth it? some days I feel yes!!! expose him, tell the story.but I resent making a career out of him…he is an asshole who would feel a little too impportant either way…there is no getting these types “back” they don’t have a back to get….but if you are doing something…Do it FOR YOU

neveragain

Bulletproof—VERY WISE, great advice for all of us!

Ox Drover

BP, I totally agree with you, but sometimes just writing it all down helps to exorcise the demon spirit. My sperm donor (before his death) was quite well known nationally and even internationally, and I wanted to Out him, and I wrote the book, but once I had it on paper, (actually in the computer) I realized I didn’t want to publish it, it was no longer important. Not too long after that he died—and I was free of him at last. He quit taking up good oxygen on the face of the earth and is where he belongs finally! Until that day he never believed there was a God, but I am sure he knows and believes NOW!

I’m glad though that I decided not to publish it—he wasn’t worth the ink. He didn’t really care what people said about him as long as he was the center of attention!

bulletproof

neveragain, OxDrover- thanks for affirming a very strong feeling I had yesterday, that of not promoting the P as a ‘master scammer’ or a true ‘psychopath- the worst of the worst’ this affirms their true nature and it’s a high for them..(all their lives they had to hide what brilliant scammers they were, how convenient then to have a book written about their exploits)

Oxy again you astound me..that you decided NOT to publish that book …it would have kept him going in peoples memories that now do not even give him a second thought. Perfect. Let’s give ourselves the choice and perhaps not give them that attention, the ink wasting, the energy spent. You stopped paying attention… and he withered away without the fuss…excellent.

There is more to life, even just sitting and enjoying the breeze across the fields, the shimmer of sunshine in the leaves of the trees…is time better spent…but if it cleared out the poison for YOU then that’s the main thing…we have to be aware how our actions benefit them..especially our need for revenge….they do not have the faintest interest in looking humiliated or being caught out…because they do not operate them same way we do.

I know for some, a book is the perfect cleansing healing ritual, but the other side of it is the amount of attention these ‘waste of space’ people get vicariously through it…makes me a little sick. In the P ‘s head, I know he would be saying to himself…”God I meant that much to her she wrote a book about ME…what a moron…everyone will see what a shmuck she was..” EVEN IF HE ended up in jail….he would still be convinced everyone got it wrong..He was a brilliant scammer and deserved worldwide attention for it…and he will get that attention in jail!!!there is a criminal underworld where they ADMIRE eachother just like we admire eachother here…

the P secretly thought he was GREAT for duping others, his self esteem went through the roof…when he was exploiting people for what he could get if they happened to see what he was doing…he got further excited by it…it was like..AT LASt he was getting RECOGNISED for the master scammer he REALLY wanted to be…rather than just blending in undetected…which is a wasted unconsciously failed life for a sociopath where they never reach fruition..(fame for their “true” nature)

He has taken a year of my life in PTSD but every day and in every way I am getting better and better….I reclaim every moment he stole from me by expressing myself here on lovefraud…and then stepping back OUT into the world in a way that he no longer exists for me.

I will work with other people who are in trouble and I will still always be fascinated with the mystery of evil…but the P will be left behind…sad and boring…nothing to do with me.
I will even forgive him..when I can…hating him is fun for now…but he will wither in the light of forgiveness like the wicked witch of the east…dissolve into a trickle of hissing water…gone! sorry bulletproof that does NOT sound like forgiveness…more revenge!! ha ha but I just do not know yet what it would be like to be free of him…others have it more on this site, like Kim Frederick…Hi Kim…are you still feeling forgiving? how do you do it!!

sorry for the rant…only lovefraud would listen!! xx

kim frederick

Morning, BP. It’s so funny, I was saying that mantra to myself this AM, “every day in every way, I’m getting better and better.”

I so agree with your post above. A couple of days ago Frank Lee mentioned that he didn’t like the use of the title, “spath”, and he made a good point, but when I sat back and thought about it, I decided that for me, Spath works, mostly because what we want to do is disempower them, not endow them with all this mysterious evil, scary, speciallness.
do you know what I mean?

I agree they are powerful, and dangerious, but only as long as we are unknowing, and unconscience, and playing into their hands. I think they crave infamy, and suck it up just like they do our blood. I take every opportunity to think of mine as an annoying insect, not some powerful being that has a hold on me. Nope, not anymore.

BP, I said I’m working on forgiveness, not that I had it mastered. Most days, I’m not there yet, abuat I do understand that this is my life, and I want to have a large spirit, and be happy and free….so, I’m working toward that.

Disempowering them, and seeing them as pitiful helps.

That doesn’t mean falling for their pity ploy, it means disengaging from an out of order spirit.

I also agree about how short life is, and learning to apreciate the most mundane things that we take for granted, like a heavenly cool breeze, or how beautiful the trees look in the Spring, or the sound of crickets…or frogs.

Some day, all to soon all those things will slip away from me and I won’t have them anymore. I don’t want to waste this precious time nursing a bitter resentment. Know what I mean?

bulletproof

Kim- I DO know what you mean…it’s music to the ears. Wasting precious time nursing a resentment….yes! Disempowering them and seeing them as pitiful…Yes! and ultimately “disengaging with an out of order spirit”…yes….I would be more than happy to leave his fate in the hands of something perhaps bigger than me.

I think you said before (I may be wrong) that it wasn’t for you to “forgive” him that was not your job…but forgiving yourself was your job….I really agree with that. To forgive yourself is key to letting this whole thing go….but it takes time and refuses to be rushed…the more I try to hurry it along the more it rebels….so I’m going with the flow which seems to be taking me ‘away’ from him and his negative residue…and hence his power over me.

Calling them a spath is okay by me…they are what they are, there are days when they really seem up there on the pedestal of mean…and other days they are in the gutter..meaningless.

The P is powerless over me. The P has no hold over me. It is still the illusion I cannot let go of…something won’t let it go. I need to be angry with him, have memories, trawl through the deceptions one by agonising one….but really? He has no power over me. What is it in ME that needs to go over it and over it…and use this experience to demonstrate to me why this world is not safe..and I can’t trust anyone? surely that is no more true than he stole my life? he didn’t steal my life…I still have it!!

I’m back and forth Kim…TALKING to myself like two different characters trying to negotiate a happy medium!! It must be a stage in healing..trying to bridge the gap and explain it all bit by bit and converse it all through within so it makes sense and most importantly it does not take over…it does not deserve to take over…it needs to be put in it’s place, where that is… that is up to US

Thanks Kim for explaining your journey so well, I feel I’m with others going through the same thing…I’m not alone..Thank God ( I would have gone stir crazy on my own trying to get out of the maze) here’s to the sound of frogs and crickets! x

kim frederick

BP, I jst went back and read Kathleen Hawks, “How Do We Heal part 5” on anger, tried to post on that thread to bring it back, but since there are over 700 comments, I guess it’s closed…but can still be read.
really good stuff for anyone in that particular stage of recovery.

I personally think it’s about seizing our power back from a place where we lost it. I also think we believe it protects us from the hurt beneith it. It is good for us to be angry, but not to be stuck in it….at some point we have to let it go to move on and be able to enjoy the crickets and the frogs.

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