Aren’t sociopaths supposed to be rule-breakers? Isn’t this a main indicator of their sociopathy? If so, then what’s up with sociopaths when they’re following, not breaking, the rules?
Hmm. This appears to be confusing, but then again, is it really?
Perhaps it’s oversimplistic to see sociopaths as incapable of following rules? In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s fair to say that sociopaths will break rules; they will violate boundaries; they will hurt and violate others with a startling—indeed sociopathic—lack of accountability and conscience.
The sociopath, I think we can say reasonably, will inevitably transgress others, and he will transgress them heartlessly.
However, when we compress the grand scheme of things into something less grand—for instance, day to day, week to week, month to month, even for longer periods—things may be different. When we break down time into shorter periods, we discover that sociopaths, much like many individuals gripped by compulsive, addictive tendencies, often possess the capacity, at least temporarily, to suppress their inclinations—in the sociopath’s case, his inclination to violate and exploit.
Otherwise, how would the sociopath manage, as often as he does, to operate so effectively undetected, or under-detected? In other words, if sociopaths couldn’t, and didn’t, follow rules; indeed, follow many rules—social rules, legal rules, interpersonal rules, employment rules—then there could be no such thing as the sociopath’s “mask?”
Because the sociopath’s mask, ironically, is dependent on, supported by, his capacity to follow rules.
The sociopath’s mask, in a certain sense, is precisely this—the social, legal and interpersonal conventions and rules he follows between, or in simultaneity with, his violating, exploitive behaviors.
His mask is his capacity to follow enough rules, enough of the time, to “blend in,” to seem normal and well-adjusted, to cast himself as among the least likely suspects to be perpetrating the transgressions he perpetrates while operating behind the mask.
And so there is a certain irony here. Yes, the sociopath, in the greater scheme of things, is a rule-breaker, a transgressor with a seriously defective conscience. And yet, at least in many cases, in the smaller scheme of things, he is a good enough rule follower to abet the construction of the very mask behind which he unconscionably violates, or surely will unconscionably violate, his victim(s).
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake, and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
she is able to follow rules well enough to not get caught by the law- although i am sure she’d love to have seen what she could ‘get out of me’, she got caught with her ‘mail fraud’ behavior with one of the last dupes, so she’s real careful not to accept gifts via the mail.
she would say things like: just do what the landlord wants, don’t let it become a ‘thing’, don’t stand up to the those miscreants yelling and hollering on the street in front of your place, i think your father has strings attached to that money what is he after, that person you work with is playing you, i wish you and my bf would just have a fight and get it over with, good true people would never, only a predatory person can tell another predatory person…and on and on and on…..;funny how some things rise as time goes on. lately it’s been all these little do and don’t edicts of the various characters.
today i met with an ‘important’ board member of the org i am working for. he is one of the peeps who interviewed me. the one that stayed awake, but who was really hard to read. he’s a freking weird one. it’s 12 hours later and i am still affected. he’s dismissive, bombastic, seems like a f***ing control freak.
oh yah….
now, what do i do with that?
really unhinged me. thanks once again to the various toxins, including j. the spath that have eroded my ability to think and to be in the world.
think this guy has big potential to be an N – and yesss, he is very successful in business.
mine used to call faithfully – i mean FAITHFULLY. never missed a call – now this is impressive within the context of the con – she had more than one con running and she had several characters deeply involved with a few people, AND she had a ‘real’ life with a husband and a couple of life long live in dupes.
usually she would write me as 2 characters most days – at least. and sometimes really long emails, AND talk to me for a couple of hours. faithfully. and yessss, it built trust and dependence on my part.
Rules are “fluid” and “situational” with the psychopaths…some apply to them, some to others, and some situations…just “depends”….
Lying is a TERRIBLE thing, unless the P is doing it, and then it is okay cause it was NECESSARY….if you, however, lie to them, BIGGGGGGG difference and you should be harshly punished.
I wish you guys could just get it through your thick heads that they are SPECIAL and for them the RULES can bend, because they are ENTITLED don’t you know. Everything that is theirs is theirs and everything that is yours is theirs cause that’s just the way it SHOULD be…after all, they DESERVE IT! Whesh, I just tell you and tell you how worthless you are and you never seem to get it. Now beg me to kick you. ROTFLMAO Sound like anyone you know! LOL
Women Explode – thats is a great website. I have both energys male and female. I empathize with both sex’s, but I am not Bi sexual. Think I will join the website as Henryetta just in case I am not welcome.
oxy are you being sarcastic tonite?
Yea, Henry, you sure caught that one—and I thought I was being so sub-till! LOL
I guess EB is still computerless! I miss that chick!!!
This weather is horrible! I hope you are drinking plenty of water Henry when you are outside working and you better get to bed, you need to have your work done outside by 9 a.m. because after that it is too hot for any living thing outside! Be careful in theh eat, I’m staying inside.
Ox I cant remember the last time somebody told me to get to bed. I work till 2pm and then start up again around 6:30 pm till dark. I drink lot’s of water, the heat is better lately because the humidity is down. I tolerate heat better than the cold…ok I am off to bed with three weiner’s and I bet your jealous…ps..email me
…bet she’s jealous, of the weiner’s! 😉
that’s another damn thing the j ppath used to say allll the time, better get to bed….thought it was a misplaced sense of responsibility or ‘his’ part. now i figure her husband was probably wanting her attn. an this is funny, ’cause she sued to pretend she was calling from another time zone most of the time, and would wake in the middle of the night naturally – but that i was supposed to feel sorry for him ’cause he couldn’t sleep – when she was in a time zone that was actually an hour f*****g earlier than me, so IT WAS BLOODY WELL ME STAYING UP LATE.
Yipeeeeeee IayIayIay……the computer is home!!!!
Dang….a week!
So…..Hi Ya’ll!!!!
I got ANOTHER dupe call tonight……he picks peeps that were friends with us both (sorta)….to contact me.
Tonight it was a call out of the blue….from a guy I haven’t spoken to in at least 5 years!
He say’s….EB….Hi it’s shithead……I was VERY COLD and distant….I said….”WHAT”.
He jumps right into his ‘need’….from me…..
He says…..Do you know anyone who has a jetski I can rent?
UH YEAH……NOT!!!!
I said…no.
He said, nobody……(hint, hint,hint).
I said NO.
NOBODY?
NO. They rent them at the hotel on the beach and the next town over…….
Pause…..silence…..(not the response he wanted).
He never asked specifically to rent mine?……but I was supposed to jump on que and say…..YEAH…..I got one!
He knows we ‘used’ to have one…..but I would never in a millilon years (even then) loan it out.
WIERD!!!
So…….he said, he didn’t want to rent on from the rental places because he’s cheap and they don’t go as fast.
I never responded.
Awkward silence…..(For him)! 🙂
I said…….Why are you calling me, don’t call me again!
He said, why are you so cold.
Are you still sick…..I said….NO….I died!
He said spath called him a ‘few months ago’….(meaning tonight)…….and I siad….Oh, did he happen to mention his pending jail sentence of FIFTEEN YEARS…..
He coughed and choked and said….WHAT?
I said….well if your a freind of his….you know this already…..
He then chokes out that he’s spoken to him when spath was in Hawaii….and Florida…….and said…he sure get’s around a lot…..I said…..yeah, well…..that’s what happens when you are on the run! HAHA!
Spath told him everything was WONDERFUL…..and I stopped him……I said…..at 48 years old……you lose everything you ever had, you kids won’t have anything to do with you…..and your faceing felony drug charges…..and EVERYTHINGS WONDERFUL??????? Does that make any sense?
I said……he always give you the impression taht ….don’t you wish you were him? He agreed…..I said….well…..give THAT some thought…..and don’t call me again!
He said….well, we may stop by when we are in town…..I said, yeah…..maybe…….Fair warning…..I carry a concealed weapon, got the cops on speeddial and my whole property is under 24 hour survelience and floodlit……..so keep that in mind……
DON”T CALL ME AGAIN!
Click!
Heres the translation of this call…..spath has paid him to come into town……thinking i’d be happy and thrilled to ‘rent’ him the jetski……and spath would bolt town with it and move it to Colorado to his brothers…..on his way to his pretrial in that other state…….
AND I”M STUPID???????
Okay!!!!!
This morning I contacted a contractor I worked closely with on a project about 5 years ago…..I loved this guy and his brother and the whole family……we went camping (spath excluded). I needed a bid on a job he could do, so I looked him up again……
I said, hey Steven….this is EB…..SILENCE…..
He said, ‘who is this’ ……’this isn’t funny’……very sternly….
I said….It’s EB……He said..>EB?????
Yeah…..EB……you know….from sally and jeffs house…..
He said, I know who you are……but are you SURE this is you, because this isn’t a joke……
I’m like….yeah….i’t me!!!
He said…..how can you call me, your dead?!?!?!?!?!!?
I said…..well, I didn’t like it ‘there’, so I came back….and laughed, knowing now spath had gotten to him……
WEIRD!!!!!
REally weird talking to someone who thought you were dead!!
He’s so thrilled I’m alive, he’s coming up for breakfast in the am to see me!!!
I said…..Hey, BTW…..did you go to my funeral??????
He laughed and said….NO. I said…..well I’m pissed off you didn’t go!
He said spath called him a few months ago…….and he didn’t return his call……but he did speak to him last year……he got a call out of the blue and his caller ID didn’t get the number…..but again…..all is great in spathland….
He was really pissed to find out he was lied to and they mourned me……he said, I cross his mind from time to time and all the fun we used to have……and he now felt betrayed…..
I said…..WELL, WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!!!!
How sick do they stoop?
So….it’s EB….dead woman walking…wreaking havok with the BACKSPATH!!!!
Don’t know if anyone has seen this – it’s pretty old, but I’ve watched it a couple of times and read through the comments and it’s just got me thinking so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ME2wmFunCjU&feature=related
It’s the story of a child who was badly abused in infancy and then displayed severe socipath type behaviours towards her adoptive family. Apparently now she is a pediatric nurse and educates others about early attachment disorders.
This is the perfect thread to post the link to – watch all three parts and you’ll see an innovative method of dealing with her behaviour by her respite home. I have to wonder if early attachment is part of this disorder? And which came first – the socipathy that caused the attachment problem or the attachment problem that caused the sociopathy>? Is this child the norm or an exception – a type of subset of sociopaths who somehow are treated out of it or are excellent actors? I’m puzzled by it all and would be interested to hear the thoughts of others on this video.