Aren’t sociopaths supposed to be rule-breakers? Isn’t this a main indicator of their sociopathy? If so, then what’s up with sociopaths when they’re following, not breaking, the rules?
Hmm. This appears to be confusing, but then again, is it really?
Perhaps it’s oversimplistic to see sociopaths as incapable of following rules? In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s fair to say that sociopaths will break rules; they will violate boundaries; they will hurt and violate others with a startling—indeed sociopathic—lack of accountability and conscience.
The sociopath, I think we can say reasonably, will inevitably transgress others, and he will transgress them heartlessly.
However, when we compress the grand scheme of things into something less grand—for instance, day to day, week to week, month to month, even for longer periods—things may be different. When we break down time into shorter periods, we discover that sociopaths, much like many individuals gripped by compulsive, addictive tendencies, often possess the capacity, at least temporarily, to suppress their inclinations—in the sociopath’s case, his inclination to violate and exploit.
Otherwise, how would the sociopath manage, as often as he does, to operate so effectively undetected, or under-detected? In other words, if sociopaths couldn’t, and didn’t, follow rules; indeed, follow many rules—social rules, legal rules, interpersonal rules, employment rules—then there could be no such thing as the sociopath’s “mask?”
Because the sociopath’s mask, ironically, is dependent on, supported by, his capacity to follow rules.
The sociopath’s mask, in a certain sense, is precisely this—the social, legal and interpersonal conventions and rules he follows between, or in simultaneity with, his violating, exploitive behaviors.
His mask is his capacity to follow enough rules, enough of the time, to “blend in,” to seem normal and well-adjusted, to cast himself as among the least likely suspects to be perpetrating the transgressions he perpetrates while operating behind the mask.
And so there is a certain irony here. Yes, the sociopath, in the greater scheme of things, is a rule-breaker, a transgressor with a seriously defective conscience. And yet, at least in many cases, in the smaller scheme of things, he is a good enough rule follower to abet the construction of the very mask behind which he unconscionably violates, or surely will unconscionably violate, his victim(s).
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake, and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
EB–You ROCK, exclamation mark{my computer wont type certain numbers and symbols, dont know why.}
But Hey,, you ROCKK||girl.
You are AWESOME.
Mama gemXX
Thanks mamma gem!!!
XXOO
And now I’ve finally read the article and all the comments … I can so relate to this puzzlement that they can seemingly follow the rules in some instances and not in others. Mine could hold down a job – a fulltime job, but drove drunk and with no licence after it was suspended. He could do the grocery shopping (not often mind you) and not go nuts with the money for it, but would hide household bills in his sock drawer.
It seems to me that the effort of constantly living a lie ‘by the rules’ of the fake character they’ve created causes so much pressure that occasionally there are cracks – maybe they know the right thing to do and just can’t be bothered? I don’t know – now I’m puzzling a bit about this. The problems my ex had were mainly lying and compulsive spending (apart from the familiar superficial charm, flat affect, lack of conscience and all theother signs we all know so well) His specialty was random spending and lying like other people breathe. Are there different genres of sociopaths? I’ve seen here that some have the prediliction towards multiple affairs and sex addiction, others have active substance abuse problems (mine abused booze – can’t be sure he didn’t have affairs but not that were found). It looks like each individual sociopath has many of the traits, but some of those traits are more PRONOUNCED. What does everyone else think?
Erin – how lovely to see you – risen from the dead!!! What a spectacular lie to tell – one that obviously can be combusted without much effort by your merely showing up somewhere. what audacity!
polly: ‘constantly living a lie ’by the rules’ of the fake character they’ve created’ this is particularly salient for me as the character(S) all came with rules and codes that they followed – they were often practiced and preached so intensively that i didn’t even notice at first when the exact opposite of the ‘rules’ (such as kindness) were practiced as the PREACHING ABOUT WHO THEY WERE GOT LOUDER AND LOUDER AS THE PRACTICE ERODED.
EB, indeed – back from the dead is a great place to be! LMAO!!!! It’s so interesting how often spaths use the “someone died” ploy in their endless spath games, eh?
Pollyannanomore, my exposure to spaths has taught me one thing: they all have the same cycles. Whether their scams involve money, sex, or substance abuse, they cannot – will not – DO NOT – vary in their games. Regardless of their scams, their next move can often be called way in advance. It’s almost as if these methods and cycles are hard-wired in each one of them by the same developer. Crazyiness.
OxD was spot-on. The rules are flexible with spaths – rules can be twisted, bent, contorted, and discarded as the spath sees fit. When they DO “follow” rules, I believe that it’s a conscious effort to “prove” that they are “good” people. “See? I put my seatbelt on, so I’m a law-abiding citizen. Just because I made a false insurance claim doesn’t make me a ‘bad’ person.”
Brightest blessings! 😀
One_step, exactly!!! The louder they proclaim their “goodness,” the worse their behaviors become. Spath son is the most vociferous of Christians and proclaims to be such a devout follower. YET…this same pious person can willingly perpetrate fraud, forge government documents, etc., to live scot-free without having a job! ROTFLMAOTMNR!!!
eb – Your ex is SUCH a F**ktard!
EB, DEAD??????? ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!
I am just NOT believing the f-tard killed you and you didn’t know it. Who was it, that said “the reports of my death are premature?” LOL or something to that order. I imagine your friend was totally gobsmacked to get a phone call from HELL! LOL You have made my day EB, that is the best laugh I have had in a long time!!!!!
Oh, and I love the friend calling you and wanting to RENT a jet ski without “knowing” you had one. LOL YOUR X IS SO RETARDED. I guess he thought that SUBTLE call would be so SLICK and he’d get the ski and you’d feel so freaking stooopppid!!!!!
I actually think yours is GETTING DESPERATE and he might even go on the RUN for real and not show up for court….after all the rules don’t apply to him, you know. He is way too good to go to jail—just like Lyndsay. LOL I’m putting my money on him skipping out on the bail—who put up his bail anyway? Any one want to bet against me? Not if you’re smart you won’t. That farker is gonna run!
BTW are you getting any CS via the brother or anyone else?
Just curious. Getting interesting!
EB, Now you have officially risen from the dead, I expect you to be able to WALK ON WATER. Oh, and if you dont mind, please turn some water into wine,-the best of course, LOL,
Mama Gem.XXX
You wont need the jet ski, just walk on the water gal.
ROTFLMAO, JET SKI, WALK on WATER!!!! ROTFLMAO Gem, you are tooooooo much!~