Aren’t sociopaths supposed to be rule-breakers? Isn’t this a main indicator of their sociopathy? If so, then what’s up with sociopaths when they’re following, not breaking, the rules?
Hmm. This appears to be confusing, but then again, is it really?
Perhaps it’s oversimplistic to see sociopaths as incapable of following rules? In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s fair to say that sociopaths will break rules; they will violate boundaries; they will hurt and violate others with a startling—indeed sociopathic—lack of accountability and conscience.
The sociopath, I think we can say reasonably, will inevitably transgress others, and he will transgress them heartlessly.
However, when we compress the grand scheme of things into something less grand—for instance, day to day, week to week, month to month, even for longer periods—things may be different. When we break down time into shorter periods, we discover that sociopaths, much like many individuals gripped by compulsive, addictive tendencies, often possess the capacity, at least temporarily, to suppress their inclinations—in the sociopath’s case, his inclination to violate and exploit.
Otherwise, how would the sociopath manage, as often as he does, to operate so effectively undetected, or under-detected? In other words, if sociopaths couldn’t, and didn’t, follow rules; indeed, follow many rules—social rules, legal rules, interpersonal rules, employment rules—then there could be no such thing as the sociopath’s “mask?”
Because the sociopath’s mask, ironically, is dependent on, supported by, his capacity to follow rules.
The sociopath’s mask, in a certain sense, is precisely this—the social, legal and interpersonal conventions and rules he follows between, or in simultaneity with, his violating, exploitive behaviors.
His mask is his capacity to follow enough rules, enough of the time, to “blend in,” to seem normal and well-adjusted, to cast himself as among the least likely suspects to be perpetrating the transgressions he perpetrates while operating behind the mask.
And so there is a certain irony here. Yes, the sociopath, in the greater scheme of things, is a rule-breaker, a transgressor with a seriously defective conscience. And yet, at least in many cases, in the smaller scheme of things, he is a good enough rule follower to abet the construction of the very mask behind which he unconscionably violates, or surely will unconscionably violate, his victim(s).
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake, and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
Bends down low in mock humility, Why thank you, Miss Oxy.
Ya gotta laugh, its the best medecine||
Apparently laughing sets offa chain of feel good endorphins and dopamins in the brain. Sure beats cryin||
||–excamation mark, my computer is F—d.Will have to ring jeff, our computer whizz in the morning. Night night all you great peeps|||
Night, Oxy, Luv ya gal,
Gem.XX
PS were going to havea GREAT LF party with all the free wine that EB is going to magic up for us LOL||
Not forgetting the loaves and fishes||
one step
yes the faithful calls, He wouldn’t miss a beat at the beginning…with strategic “I love you”calls, and “I can’t wait to see you” “we are meant to be together” calls….It must be just part of the job description of being a sociopath at the beginning of projects. they would have to view each relationship as a “project”…you are an object to be manipulated and exploited and each spath would have their own way of doing that…
maybe they find it a fun challenge to juggle dupes and come close to getting caught…The P used to spend time staring deep into my eyes and proclaiming true love, he would come home every evening, sometimes with gifts…but this was part of his JOB to lull me into the falsest sense of security…so he could THEN proceed to take my money, trawl the internet for another victim as I began to wake up and then DUMP me…he orchestrated the whole scam every step of the way…
they stoop REALLY low, brilliant at it…so low it wouldn’t cross your mind there was anything happening…that’s what’s making it soooo damn hard for me to get over…He groomed me flawlessly to assist in my own debasement….nothing could be worse news..nothing….when I woke up from the nightmare he was gone, with the money!! eeeeh..”STOP THIEF!!!!” people looking at me…what are you talking about, that’s your boyfriend….oh God then to try and explain…they are still looking at ME as if I’m a bit mental…and what’s funny is….I am after it!!!
amay61 says: – Have you checked this guy’s criminal record? He has probably done significant time and doesn’t want to do it again.
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Well now it is funny you mention that because she never showed me a single photo of her in her 20’s or early 30s or even late teens. I asked a few time. She always told me that she tore them up as she didn’t like them. Now I am wondering if she was locked up. I discovered she has used at least one alias in the past.
Nite nite, Gem, it is blazing morning here now at 9 a.m. where I am though the LF time stamp above me says 9:52. You are also having a lovely COOL season to our humid and hot one. I wish I could come there in the winter time (our summer) My friend just got back from the mountains of Colorado here and some nights it got below freezing, and was 70s in the day time with a little shower, but really is semi-arid….oh to walk outside again! Soon enough I guess I will be biatching about the cold! LOL
Yes, I had forgotten the loaves and fishes to go with the wine! You are too tooo TOOOOO funny, have a good sleep.
Hi, again Oxy Poxy. I cant sleep, its twelve thirty PM here, and VERY cold. David cant sleep either, his back itches, and Im all aches and pains. Just been rubbing each other with deep heat cream,[sexy, NOT||} thirty yearsa go wed have been hot and heavy , but not now, LOL||This has been and still is the coldest winter in Sydney for sixty seven years, and were not used to it, were spoiled.During the day it warms up, but the nights are about 6 degrees.C.
Oh for summer,were never satisfied|
Lotsa love, gem.XXGlad I made you laugh|
Frank Lee
Oh my goodness! And this is for ALL of us.
An online criminal background check is so easy. Save yourself some mental anguish and get the truth. Do be careful you have the right one though!!
Bullet
“We were meant to be together”?
Do they actually have a quote book that they share?
FrankLee
Sorry, if I’d read more carefully, I would have realized she’s not a guy.
Yea, they have the “psychopath’s play book” sort of like a foot ball or basket ball coach’s play book, they just learn them by rote and pull out whatever lie or con is appropriate for whatever situation they are in. Rinse and repeat! Easy!
No worries amay – I did not mention the gender. But you got me really thinking now. Doing the background check… I dunno. I have moved on and it would feel to me a bit like going back into the sociopathic matrix if I did that.