Aren’t sociopaths supposed to be rule-breakers? Isn’t this a main indicator of their sociopathy? If so, then what’s up with sociopaths when they’re following, not breaking, the rules?
Hmm. This appears to be confusing, but then again, is it really?
Perhaps it’s oversimplistic to see sociopaths as incapable of following rules? In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s fair to say that sociopaths will break rules; they will violate boundaries; they will hurt and violate others with a startling—indeed sociopathic—lack of accountability and conscience.
The sociopath, I think we can say reasonably, will inevitably transgress others, and he will transgress them heartlessly.
However, when we compress the grand scheme of things into something less grand—for instance, day to day, week to week, month to month, even for longer periods—things may be different. When we break down time into shorter periods, we discover that sociopaths, much like many individuals gripped by compulsive, addictive tendencies, often possess the capacity, at least temporarily, to suppress their inclinations—in the sociopath’s case, his inclination to violate and exploit.
Otherwise, how would the sociopath manage, as often as he does, to operate so effectively undetected, or under-detected? In other words, if sociopaths couldn’t, and didn’t, follow rules; indeed, follow many rules—social rules, legal rules, interpersonal rules, employment rules—then there could be no such thing as the sociopath’s “mask?”
Because the sociopath’s mask, ironically, is dependent on, supported by, his capacity to follow rules.
The sociopath’s mask, in a certain sense, is precisely this—the social, legal and interpersonal conventions and rules he follows between, or in simultaneity with, his violating, exploitive behaviors.
His mask is his capacity to follow enough rules, enough of the time, to “blend in,” to seem normal and well-adjusted, to cast himself as among the least likely suspects to be perpetrating the transgressions he perpetrates while operating behind the mask.
And so there is a certain irony here. Yes, the sociopath, in the greater scheme of things, is a rule-breaker, a transgressor with a seriously defective conscience. And yet, at least in many cases, in the smaller scheme of things, he is a good enough rule follower to abet the construction of the very mask behind which he unconscionably violates, or surely will unconscionably violate, his victim(s).
(This article is copyrighted © 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is strictly for convenience’s sake, and not to suggest that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)
apt/mgr
Oxy, Hens, Wini and anyone else who packs heat! I admire you. The only weapon I have is my mouth and I’m always shooting it off! I have to evict trouble makers, slackers, etc., and I’m sure I’ve earned a reputation. I said my name is probably in all the local bar bathrooms and it’s not for a good time. You all are so brave.
shana31
Frank–While I do appreciate the lesson and knowledge gained from this train wreck, it is one I would gladly have bypassed had I known the outcome. I am probably one of the biggest proponents for learning from a situation and being a better person for it. I have been to Hell and back a few times, but nothing like what this loser stole from me. In all honesty, were the procedure available for me to have Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I would have him erased.
bulletproof
The P had no time for ‘supernatural’ talk…he balked at past lives telling me it was rubbish…he beleived once we run out of energy, just like batteries we die and that’s it…no after life…no hocus pocus gone..end of…he was an athiest, hedonist and not a spiritual bone in his body.
His whole attitude seemed to be…while you are here take what you can get, use, exploit, enjoy and die having done that as best you can! I do not feel any “connection” to him in other lives, I have felt it for other people but not him…he is the lie and I will not accept connection to the lie…as for following me over lifetimes? bring it on…and see what happens…but it’s much more likely “they” are the people of the lie, they have to be here for all the reasons you mention…but do not think you have to be connected to them…ha ha you will be able to spot em soon and walk around them…wonder what they will do then..yikes
bulletproof
Frank Lee…..I did notice people watching us…like you say and it did give me the creeps, NEVER was I scrutinised more than on the arm of that loser..could people see something? lol in hindsight I think he was always flirting..he would flirt with anything..and I reckon he did it with his expression on his face ALL the time..when he was talking to women air hostesses, casheirs, waitresses he was silently vibing them with that psychopath charm stun gun energy…ooh that’s it that’s what he was doing…they are ALWAYS interviewing the next victim…
Frank Lee Speaking
Oh I agree Shana that we all wished we could of been passed over and ignore by the soc/psys- but here we all are now and we have to make something of the experience.
This is the only real “get out of jail” card for us when you really think about it.
Frank Lee Speaking
Bulletproof – that’s very common with sociopaths They mock people who are on a spiritual journey to find themselve. Or else they are extreme Holy Rollers.
A lot of these debunkers and pseudoskeptics on the internet message boards calling people “tards” are all sociopaths IMHO. The most disgusting male psychopath I ever met destroyed an entire woman’s life and robbed her of her money – yet he still sees himself as a defender of “science” because he read a Richard Dawkin’s book and thinks anyone who is interested in any kind of spiritual development is a moron and he states this with a sense of moral superiority even though he is just a nicotine ravaged midget dependent on enablers and hand outs his entire life to keep a roof over his head.
Frank Lee Speaking
bulletproof says – I did notice people watching us”like you say and it did give me the creeps, NEVER was I scrutinised more than on the arm of that loser..could people see something?
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There you go! She used to “it is because you are so handsome!” – but after a while I noticed they were studying the situation. Like in they were think “hmm, so she managed to get him” as if it were sociopaths getting tips from each other. Either that or “oh he’s pussy whipped!” – which tragically I have to admit was true.
bulletproof
eh no…not handsome… he was actually the picture of evil!
and I’m right here, stop displaying my quote to back up your theory!!lol I do not actually agree with it. I do not beleive they have psychic powers anymore than they have feelings!! I don’t care what people were thinking either…I will never know so it’s futile speculating..just gettem off the planet is what I say…
lostingrief
bulletproof: i think we may have been on the arm of the same sociopath? are you in nyc? geesh … they sure are an army of like-minded mutants!
steve: everytime i’m wondering about something, you write on it! thanks for the great post.
regarding the legal repercussions of their actions, the s/p/n was so damn stealth he could get away with anything, get other people to take the rap, if necessary. and yet, he would flagrantly violate the law (especially while driving) and was never caught once! amazing. it’s like he could smell a cop.
once, he even drove up on a sidewalk for two blocks with me, his mother and his son in the car, just so he wouldn’t have to wait for a red light! the more we protested, the faster he drove. (WHAT WAS I THINKING!?)
Frank Lee Speaking
Bulletproof – I wasn’t highlighting your comment to back up my theory. There is no “quote fuction” for these discussion and I clipped out the section of your text I was referring to. Not looking for validation.
You did acknowledge my point about being looked at and this is the only thing I quoted.
As for the “handsome” quote that what my ex-soc said to me. Nothing to do with your ex.
You seem to have taken everything I said completely out of context.