When women are sociopaths/psychopaths

Nearly all of the research into sociopathy has involved evaluating the personality traits of adult men in prison. The reason for this is that researchers have easy access to adult prisoners and more prisoners are male. Think about it—how else would a researcher find sociopaths to study? The problem with studying sociopathy in male prisoners is that we learn nothing about sociopaths who never get arrested. We also don’t know if the research results apply to women.

There is actually very little research data available regarding sociopathy in non-criminals and in women. The little research that has been done reveals that sociopathy in women entails two or three main features that are similar to those found in men. Namely, female sociopaths lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. Violent and impulsive behavior is less common in sociopathic women. This fact may make them more dangerous, as they more easily blend in with the rest of society.

The key traits of sociopathic females

A recent study of adolescent girls in detention performed by Crystal L. Schrum, M.A. and Randall T. Salekin, Ph.D. of the University of Alabama and reported in Behavioral Sciences and the Law, revealed the core qualities that best described young female sociopaths. The teens were callous and lacked empathy, had a grandiose sense of self worth and were conning and manipulative. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships. Importantly, the researchers revealed that female sociopaths did not necessarily have “shallow emotions.” Again the lack of impulsivity and shallow emotions may make a female sociopath more difficult to spot.

Please read the true Lovefraud story of Michelle Drake. Notice that female sociopaths victimize other women as well as men. This vignette illustrates many of the core qualities of a female sociopath. As I read this case, I was painfully reminded of the male sociopath who was once part of my life; so perhaps the similarities between male and female sociopaths are more important than the differences. What struck me about the story is the elaborate con she perpetrated for really very little money. This case illustrates something truly amazing about sociopaths—the degree to which they derive pleasure from conning others. Their hoaxes are often outlandish and grandiose.

A friend of mine, who was once in law enforcement, says that conning is the sociopath’s profession and that that he/she may not even do it for the money. Conning is instead the work they have a passion for. As my friend says, “When a sociopath wakes up and opens his eyes in the morning, it’s show time!” I can envision Michelle saying that to herself as she donned the fake pregnancy costume.

The public and the courts are sympathetic toward female sociopaths

The case of Michelle Drake also illustrates something else about female sociopaths. The courts are more likely to go easy on them. This attitude of the courts may reflect the fact that many people excuse the behavior of female sociopaths and feel sorry for them. Look at the cases of women in the news lately. We don’t know if the women involved are sociopaths, however, these cases do illustrate the double standard that exists in how we judge female as opposed to male antisocial behavior. Several women teachers have been found guilty of sexually exploiting students. They were treated very leniently for the same crimes that would have put a man in jail for many years.

The NASA astronaut arrested for attempted murder is another example of the way people treat women differently and don’t take their crimes seriously. This week, a restaurant owner in Florida held a benefit night to raise money for the astronaut’s family. News commentators have been quick to voice sympathy for the astronaut, yet I have not heard a one express sympathy for the victim. I remind you that it is alleged that the astronaut sprayed her victim with mace and planned to kill her.

In conclusion, sociopathy is less common in women. Women who are sociopaths may not appear as shallow as men who are sociopaths. They are also less angry and impulsive compared to men. Although violence is less commonly perpetrated by women, if you are the victim, these statistics don’t matter.

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i was married to a female sociopath for almost 18 yrs. the things we found out about her and her double life! the saying love is blind is true. she showed no feelings even while watching a tear jerker of a movie. in a 7 hr trial over custody, she was made to read outloud a 3 page love letter she wrote to one of her boyfriends 22 yrs younger than her!, showed no feelings or emotions! my oldest son testified against her, it seems the only way to hurt a sociopath is through money. i feel so bad for my sons, they lived all this and they didn’t deserve it! i had to put a restraining order on her when she attacked me in front of my sons. my oldest said to me later, dad i don’t know how you didn’t just beat the hell out of her!……..i said i can’t raise you from a jail cell can i?……..i feel like the whole thing was like a damn soap opera!.when i got custody and she had to pay me child support, she lost it, she destroyed my motorcycle with a hammer and threw paint all over my javelin……….i didn’t care all i wanted was my sons………she is with a ex con now who is 13 yrs younger than her, and i thank god every day we are away from her!…………..the sociopath will lie to your face without blinking an eye!……….it is scary as hell! there has to be something missing in the genes or something. it’s been almost 10 yrs since all that happened, and sometimes the pain comes back when you try to understand it all, but these people will destroy themselves, my sons want nothing to do with her at all and haven’t seen her in almost ten yrs she has missed out on so much and doesn’t even know she will be a grandmother!, in a way you have to feel sorry for her……………………..not! even these people have a choice, they are adults not little kids if anyone has ever gone through this and would like to talk my e mail is [email protected]……thanks

All Names are Pseudonyms.

In 2001 my ex-sociopath shot a 20YO man named “Dale Woods” nine times including three times in the back of the head while he lay face down on the floor, she claimed it was self defense despite her weight of 180lbs and his of 140 and no weapons.

In 2004 after my ex-wife (my family calls her “T-Rex”) began another affair I took her back four times; she arranged for strong sedatives to be prescribed for me and they disappeared. She tried to kill me at least two times while drugged. I taped one episode when I knew weird stuff was happening (90 hour digital recorder). I have been paid criminal compensation by the state for one attempt, but she has never been charged for any of the 290 documented crimes against me since separation. It is as if law enforcement just wants us all to go away. (Small county of about 20-30,000)

I first met Dale’s mother Misty in 1999 to discuss the purchase of the home belonging to the estate of her late in-laws. The home was next door to our Victorian home in a rural Iowa town which was one of two relatively large homes in the town. T-Rex and I had decided to commit a substantial amount to renovating our home but were concerned about the state of the abandoned house next door. It was a wreck; unoccupied for years and in need of a new roof, paint, windows, doors or maybe a bulldozer. The “street appeal” differences between the grand Victorian and the hodge-podge Iowa cottage could not have been wider.

We were told by Martha Higgles that the home was owned by a Hospital because the Woods’s were unable to pay the medical bills for the deceased parents. Martha introduced herself to us within days of us moving to Pleasantville and seemed to know everything about everyone and demonstrated little restraint in making her knowledge known. Martha is such a significant character in this tale that she has earned at least one chapter to herself. Martha’s rumor was the first of many rumors that proved false in this bored little town. I am sure that my family’s debut into Pleasantville society has fueled the town’s propensity and love for rumors for many years to come. This is of course “generally speaking”; which is something I usually avoid doing at all costs; my sincere desire at this time is to emphasize that there are some wonderful people in the little town of Pleasantville. However, the emotions felt when recalling the words and actions of the shameless minority that I encountered during my brief time as a resident tends to overwhelm the impact of the noble and discreet majority.

Misty did an exceptional job in clearing up the liens on the old Woods family home and we were able to purchase it for just a few thousand dollars. We then invested tens of thousands more renovating the home in order to convert it into an office for my then growing business.

In Late1999 Misty was sitting in our living room with T-Rex and me. We were discussing the progress of the house sale. We somehow got onto the topic of her husband Bob and his problems with Alcoholism and his relationship with his children. It was what many would consider “too much information” but I tend to have that effect on people, probably because I am guilty of the same thing. Being and open book can be a good thing sometimes but it can be taken too far. As an evangelical Christian I turned the conversation to issues of the heart and the only place I knew that a remedy could be found for the burdens Misty described. Misty was initially hesitant to take this turn, but with gentle persuasion she participated in the conversation with cautious enthusiasm. Over the next hour or two I had described my “testimony” with respect to the wonderful things God had done in my life and the “hope that is within me”. I asked Misty if she thought I believed what I was saying or if I was mad, she indicated that she didn’t think I was mad so I then invited Misty to take a blind step of faith to God’s open invitation to the world to join him on His terms in a love relationship. Misty accepted, I explained to her the prayer that I prayed when I first truly believe on the Lord as well as the sacrifices required to follow Him. Namely the very real possibility that she would be labeled and a nut-case by family, neighbors and others that have not tasted or comprehended God’s amazing love. I told her it would be like trying to make them understand how a strange and exotic fruit tastes that they had never seen, smelled or touched. Misty accepted the challenge with apparent enthusiasm and we prayed together. Misty was beaming and had happy teary eyes. No sooner than Misty’s exit and T-Rex poured water on the happy time by bluntly announcing “you know she only did it to get close to you don’t ya?” I responded “I’ll take Misty’s prayer at face value until her fruit proves otherwise”; I was referring to the fruit produced by her “new life in Christ” which is the only way scripture gives us with which to determine the authenticity of another’s faith.

Within a few days Misty asked if I would help her with her troubled son Dale who was then 18 or 19. She went into great detail about his addiction to computer games and his lack of friends from an early age. With a heavy heart she recounted how even family would react when she and her children would arrive at a gathering. Apparently at the sight of Dale there would be eyes rolled and backs turned. Misty described Dale’s relationship with his father Bob as almost non-existent due to his drinking problems and because Bob had effectively given up on Dale. I have heard some conflicting accounts to this subsequent to Bob’s tragic suicide at Dale’s grave a year after T-Rex killed him, but it may have been in response to the pity felt for the broken man as opposed to having any basis in fact. For the record, I NEVER observed Bob and Dale together, so I have no direct knowledge on the subject, however, a close friend that had a very emotional run-in with the grieving father shortly before his suicide has convinced me that Bob truly loved his son.

Misty asked if I would be willing to spend some time with Dale and to tell him about the same good news that I had shared with her. We brain stormed a few ideas and she asked if I would teach him about gun safety and target shooing; a sport in which I was seriously involved at the time. I had just bought a new target rifle which needed to be “broken-in” so I agreed to take Dale with me. Misty said Dale had been involved with some National Guard youth program and enjoyed the program. I warned her that it may be a little boring because the break-in process takes considerable time in that one bullet is fired and then the barrel has to be thoroughly cleaned before the next shot and the process repeated.

Misty brought Dale to my home a day or two later for introductions, it was either the following weekend or possibly one day after work that I packed up the shooting gear and picked up Dale. During the twenty minute drive to the rifle range I engaged Dale with topics such as “what do you want to do with your life?” Dale’s response to this question had me laughing until I realized he was serious and a little annoyed by me response. The reason I laughed was because Dale said he was going to invent a “time machine”. Not knowing the best way to react I humored him and asked what qualifications he had in quantum physics. Dale then began a detailed explanation of how the machine would work. I recognized some of the dialog as having been sampled from various episodes of Stargate, Star Trek and maybe the BBC’s vintage “Dr. Who”.

After listening to Dale’s theories and explanation, and having recently noticed his annoyance at my initial rejection (or scoffing as he may have perceived my laughter) I decided that rather than rejecting his ideas out of hand I would approach the concept of career alternatives by asking about his “back-up plans” should there be a bug in his worm-hole theories”. there was none, not even to join the Army which tends to be the universal back-up plan anywhere in the world for young men without specific ambition. I should add that I consider a military career to be a noble choice and that many young men deliberately choose and purpose to be professional warriors.

At this point Dale began asking questions about my business, once I had given him an overview he began expounding on his considerable computer talents, it was painfully and uncomfortably obvious that he was pitching himself as a potential employee. Dale’s fear of rejection coupled with his suffocating arrogance and unwillingness to consider the counsel of others if it any way conflicted with his ideas was becoming very apparent. Later that day after privately recounting the experience, I determined that this arrogance may have been a defensive mechanism or “wall” built to shield him from rejection, ridicule and disappointment which was by all accounts the story of his life.

Dale and I spent two or three hours at the rifle range where I gave him basic safety instruction and explained ballistic trajectory as it relates to wind, humidity, distance and velocity. Dale “seemed” to know everything so the conversation was scaled back to small talk.

In the following months I tried to include Dale in a few activities, his mother and sisters accompanied him to a church service once and he also came to a presentation on “creation science” at a local church. On the way home he questioned the logic of my faith and we had a very in-depth discussion on the logic and science that backs up biblical Christianity. The conversation continued for almost 50 minutes in my SUV with the engine running in his parent’s driveway that snowy night. In that time I laid out for him the same good news that I shared with his Mother some months prior.

There was a terrific group of young men from a local church that played paintball regularly. I explained Dale’s situation to them and my commitment to mentoring him and they agreed to let him participate. I was excited about Dale experiencing unconditional acceptance by local guys of similar age, none of whom had met him previously. Dale only played twice, maybe three times; unfortunately he wore out his welcome because he would not retire from the field when tagged (hit), he would continue to shoot paint balls at the other team despite numerous and painful tags to himself. On the last time he played Dale stole paintballs from two young men and a small piece of equipment from me. On the way home I explained that I had a very busy life and could not justify investing any more into our relationship under the current circumstances. I told him that he should take a few months to think about the friendship I offered and to let me know if he felt it was something he wanted to salvage. In the last conversation we had I asked him if he had given any more thought to God’s invitation to join Him in a personal love relationship. Dale’s response was simply “well I’m not stupid”. I do not know exactly what Dale meant, but by the tone used I sincerely believe that Dale was trying to tell me that he couldn’t argue with the argument for Christianity. What he did as a result of this conclusion God only knows. I said “does this mean you have made a decision for Christ?”, he gave a non-committal response. At that point I asked “are you familiar with the account of the thief on the cross besides Jesus at the crucifixion?” He was. I told him that this is an amazing example of God’s mercy and love in that a criminal, a thief and maybe even a murderer who lived a selfish and probably violent life, in his very last words acknowledged Christ as Lord, and as a result gained eternal life. I told Dale that after noon “It is my prayer that if you don’t make a decision about God before your time comes that the Lord will have mercy on you when you die. Whether it is tomorrow or in sixty years, I hope that you will know that you are going to die and that you will have enough time to remember the thief on the cross, and that at that time you will call out to Jesus and that as a result I will see you in Heaven. Who knows, maybe you’ll be hit by a bus and you’ll have five or ten minutes to consider your fate”.

Those were the very last words I had with Dale Woods; the irony is that according to the autopsy, the crime scene and T-Rex’s account of the shooting, he did have at least a few minutes before dying. Dale was shot six times in the torso by a 40 caliber Beretta pistol; he then lay broken, bleeding and probably paralyzed on my bedroom floor for several minutes. If he was conscious, which T-Rex claims he was, he was laying on his left side slightly facing the ground.

T-Rex claimed he was on his back trying to get up into a kind of fetal position which was her justification for shooting him in the head. However, crime scene photos and autopsy may suggest an execution style shooting in the back of the head. Copies of the autopsy and these horrific images are available. He probably paralyzed by the first 6 hollow point 40 caliber rounds

T-Rex had already left the room after shooting him the first six times, some time later he would have heard T-Rex walk up from behind him, he was facing away from his killer as she approached, he was powerless to do anything, he heard her stop and then he was shot twice in the back of the head with the 40 caliber Beretta and then once more by a .357 magnum revolver, also in the back of the head. According to T-Rex the first of these head wounds was a warning and that she aimed away from him.

The crime scene was horrific, the town clerk and her husband graciously volunteered to clean up the mess after the forensics team finished. They were just finishing when I was allowed to return to the home (I had been out of town for 2 days). There was blood, bone and brain matter everywhere, it was on the floor, on the walls and even splatter on the light fittings. The smell was like butcher shop, it was overwhelming. I am very thankful to Mr. & Mrs. Town Clerk, and sorry that they had to experience that task

T-Rex was never charged, she is still free and after this homicide and three subsequent attempted murders and other crimes too numerous to mention. She is living at the time of this writing as primary care giver to our two children My Son 8 and My Princess 6 while I am living in Europe in fear for my life from her and those acting on her behalf.

Subsequent evidence revealed 3 or 4 separate $1Million Life policies on me without my knowledge. The theory of the crime is that T-Rex asked dale to kill me when I was to arrive home at about midnight from the business trip; he refused and she killed him to cover up the crime.

She has managed to have me arrested twice, one night in jail and convinced the judge in our divorce case that I should not be permitted to have a firearm for self defense in my home, her dad is a dirty ex-cop with about 150 guns hidden in the walls of the house where T-Rex lives with him and my two beautiful kids. All charges against me were unfounded, but hey, the men are guilty till proven innocent in these matters right?

I am seeking expert witnesses to help in a modification of child custody:
Psychiatrists with expertise in female sociopaths
Psychologists with experience in parental alienation syndrome
An Excellent attorney offering pro bono or an extremely deferred payment plan
(I am now effectively bankrupt)

Dr Leedom & Donna both know who I am, so if anyone can help, please let them know.


This sounds so much like my ex wife and her two younger daughters its not even funny. Now in their teens they have learned from the best con their own mother. It took me only 7 months married to her to figure out she wasn’t the person I married. After the divorce she trashed the house, and left me with 25,000 dollars in credit card bills I didnt even know I had. She had gotten cards in my name as the main person and her as the co person which left me with all the bills. I didn’t even know about them until I got a call one day asking when I was going to pay my bill I asked what bill? They said you are overdue our collection agency has been trying to reach you. I told them to send me the bill at my parents address and immediately did a credit report on myself. I had several credit cards I hadn’t ever seen or signed up for before. So not only did she do over 17,000 dollars worth of damage to the house after I got her evicted (holes in the walls, writing on walls, cut wires in walls, etcetc trash everywhere door jams busted locks changed etc) She also took all the appliances which were to be left with the home as it was my mothers home which we lived in rent free. All in all we figure over 65,000 dollars between repairs replacing things she stole and credit card debt and more. The problem is shes very smart and very sneaky she opened up a post office box in my name and had bills forwarded there. She stole my mothers credit card number and ordered things with my email address which were tracked back to her computer and I.P. address by the local sherriffs department.
The problem is she hasn’t been charged with anything. Shes so smug and defiant she believes she can do whatever she wants and will get away with it. Unfortunately she may be right. When she stole all the items out of the house she took my file cabinet as well which had all the paperwork for all the appliances and more with all the serial numbers and receipts in them. The cops told me well no serial numbers we cant help you. So shes gotten away with that.
She also filed false injury reports at several places shes worked to get workmans comp checks I know one place she got over 25,000 and another a little less and just did one other place here recently so 3 places in all for the same injury. Also she was fired from one for “defrauding a retail store” in the cost of over 5,000. thn went to work at her next place and 2,500 came up missing and reported stolen as it didnt show up in the drop box for th nightly deposit. She was the manager on duty and was the one to take the drop.
Somehow none of the places do background checks or check references and no one sues her or pursues jail time against her some how.She has gotten away with so much for so long no one can stop her.
She has been evicted multiple times and has done damage to every house she has lived in. One was burnt to the ground. Stolen items were found in all the yards reported by other people who lost items in the neighborhood. After they moved out peope found what was left of their items in her yard. No convictions there either.
The good news it may have caught up with her. Now if they only fine her with something. She is in a local jail on multiple charges. One is unpaid rent from the last guy she lived at s house. And not sure of the other charges. Her daughters have been caught by YDC and family services failed drug test and had them visit the house in 4 different counties she has lived in. I’m sure the girls have wrap sheets a mile long. One was arrested for stealing a lawnmower and that was recovered. But being minors all their records are sealed so once they grow over 18 no one will know what they have done in the past.
I just want there to be a paper trail for others to see what all she has done and continues to do but somehow she sweet talks her way out of things and no judge takes it seriously enough.
I have had to take a restraing order out against her and her kids and I know they have broken a restraining order once before in florida because that is on her record down there. I have also had to file 4 contempt of courts and one no show.
I cant believe how ballsy this woman is.
I will stop ranting now I need a break but I hope others see that there are these fake caring loving so sweet and innocent Ive had a hard life story kind of people who then take advantage of you and take you for everything that they can.

Reading these histories is frightening! But it is true that there are female sociopaths, they are more subtle than their male counterparts, and the legal system protects them.

My fiance is trying to finalize his divorce now from a woman who I believe is a sociopath. They were married in 1979 and separated three times during the course of the marriage. They separated in 1998 and have not lived together since that time. He took her name off everything — bank accounts, credit cards, etc. He has filed his taxes separartely since 1999. He bought a house in 1999 where she has never lived. However, their two sons came to live with him there and they still are living there today.

However, last week in one of their useless court appearances she claims that he has been supporting her for all these years, that she is very depressed and can’t work because he promised he would nnever divorce her and would always take care of her; she claims they have a “father-daughter” relationship although she is only three years younger then he is (and she is no Anna Nicole Smith!). She has also been living with her boyfriend since 1999!

She claims that she lives on less than $20,000 a year but her expenses are $75,000! And her bills are all up to date because “friends help her.” By the way, she holds TWO mortgages in her name and both mortgages are paid up to date. However, the woman has not filed an income tax return since 1999. She collected HUD money for Section 8 apartments she was renting out in two houses that she owned — one house she and her lover had their names on, the other house she put in the two sons’ names.

There is much, much more — businesses she has started during the past three years that she put in the older son’s name. The older son, now almost 27 years old, has never held a job in his life. He has only “worked” with his mother doing real estate schemes, etc. We have eveidence of them filing fraudulent loan applications, etc.

This woman’s divorce lawyer says her client needs therapy becauyse she is so distruaght over her husband seeking a divorce and her helplessness.

There is so much more but the bottom line is that the judge’s law clerk is very sympathetic to this woman. And the older son is has been totally brainwashed by her. He accuses his father of “destroying hte family” even though his father had custody of the two boys and has been supporting them all this time. In fact up until two months ago, we were paying the mortgages on both hte house where we currently reside and the house where his sons reside. Two months ago, he asked his sons to pay rent. They both work — one in law enforcement and the other with his mother. The older son and the mother are running their business out of my fiance’s house!

The real devastation is that this woman will destroy the relationship he has with his sons. She is trying to destroy him by refusing to come to any sort of settlement agreement in the divorce case, forcing him to now commit to a lengthy and expensive trial. She is angry that he wants to marry me because I will get “get all the benefits she is entitled to and steal their sons’ inheritance.” I guess she thinks everyone thinks and acts like she does — despicably.

There is no honor, no ethics or morals between this woman, her lover and the oldest son. Sometimes my fiance fears for his very life because now he just doesn’t know the full extent of what she is truly capable of doing. The older son threatened his father if he insists on going to trial thereby causing all of their financial records, etc. to be subpoenaed.

I pray every day for a resolution to this so that we can just move on and focus on creating our lives together. I pray for a good relationship with his sons but sometimes it is very hard!

Althought I am not willing to use the lables “sociopath” or “psychopath”, I think my ex wife is a just an old fashioned “She Devil”. She turned out to be the most domineering, deceptive, abusive and manipulative person I ever met. Let me provide examples to illustrate, in case you’re doing what even I would do if I read a man writing something like that (doubting him). It might help some other poor sap out there trying to wrap his mind around the living hell a she devil has placed him in.

I really don’t know what she was in terms of lables, and don’t know if it matters. She constantly lied, manipulated, mislead, withheld information, got drunk regularly to “decompress”, acted absurdly jealous, and talked down to me every day in a way that reminded me of one of my frat brothers joking around and trying to “punk me”. At first, I laughed it all off.

Nevertheless, I was the greatest fool. The first red flag I chose to ignore came when she spit on the guy parking the cars on our first date when we first me. It was so far out, I thought it was amusing. Looking back, I see how stupid this is. Next, she told me in seriousness that she would shoot her step father dead if she saw him again. I laughed and jokingly offered to help, thinking she had to be joking about some really powerful feelings she was trying to get over. So I can’t say she didn’t come with a warning lable. Nevertheless, I married her, because I though she was unique, funny, smart, beautiful and basically a good person (yes, I can be very stupid sometimes).

Soon after we married, the hell began. She accused me of working her like a slave, and called the police on me as a reflex at least 10 times over 2 years, lying right to their faces in order to punish me. I stood by the truth, and was never really hurt too badly, but it was always gut wrenching when police took my liar’s word a face value time and again, in spite of her pattern of deception. However, let me say that I was once nearly killed, was falsely arrested and jailed, was professionally investigated the entire time, was robbed of thousands by check fraud and credit card fraud, was falsely detained based on her report that I was carrying drugs interstate, and was humiliated in front of friends and family, and was many more things that would have made the TV news if it were the other way around. It seems the system counts on that (men not making too much of the harm they suffer vs. protecting woman from the well known and broadly publicised danger of wife beating, which was made so in wake of OJ. They call it the “OJ effect” as one policeman put it). I like to call it “superbowl sunday syndrome”, because of the national PR about all the wife beating that takes place when losing team fans take out frustrations on their wives.

On the other hand, there is my reality. My wife once ran me over with her car. After getting out of the ER, where the doctor told me I was nearly killed (the massive trauma was close to the liver), I reported it, and the police did nothing, telling me it was a “he said, she said” situation, even though I had emergency room documentation. Police just told me over and over to leave, stay away and get a lawyer. When wifezilla was questioned, she just walked out of the police state “to feed the meter”, and bragged to me about never going back. She is a licensed private detective, and the most unethical professional person I’ve ever seen in action.

When we went for therapy the first time and the therapist was no good because she read the definition of love from the bible to us. At that point, I didn’t know she needed thousand of dollars in fertility treatments for us to have a chance at having a baby, time was running out, and it was all my fault from her point of view.

The second therapy we went for was worse, as I found out she could not have children, was blaming me for it, and was demanding we adopt ASAP, even though we were broke. With the second psychologist, I found that she was calling him each week privately to voice her problems with me, trying to get me to go for private sessions. I found out later she was lying to him about me when the truth about us came out in due course. Soon thereafter, this second therapist’s work came to an end when she got the answer to the question she ask him: “is a person who has had several love relationships harder to treat, or is a person who has never been in love, or had few (by the age of 40)?” He told her a person who has lived without loving anyone was harder to treat, and she quit because that was her. She thought she had proof that our problems where really just mine because I had several relationships in 20 years, where feelings of love existed. She thought she would establish that I was at fault in some way more than she. But she was shocked when the psychologist told her it was harder to treat someone who did not really feel love toward anyone for 20 years (since childhood). On the ride home, she just smoked hard, pulling all the smoke she could, and saying “huh” (as in suprise) all the way home for 20 minutes.

When the next therapist asked her if she was molested, she said she was (which she never admitted to me until then), until a week later when she told me she was just lying to the doctor about being molested. She’d done that before, when she told me that she tried to commit suicide when she was 15, then told me months later that this was a lie. She never could answer why she’d lie when asked. She did it again when she told me her best friend proposed to her after we were engadged, but with a special plan. He said he would marry her “when our marrage did not work out”. There again, months later, she said it was a lie too. So it was month after she told me all her male friends ask her to have sex when she told them she was getting married.

When I left, she trumped up an affair to push her agenda, which is still ongoing. While she admits to “never trusting” me, she calls herself “a pioneer” for marrying me (whatever that means). Every time she got angry with me, she’d post a personal ad online, with a false age and marital status. She told me it was a way of “releasing”. She has trouble with booze too. There are just too many instances of fraud and lying to recount. Whether it’s to “protect herself”, or some chemical thing does not make a bit if difference to anyone who’se living the nightmare.

So is there a bias? It does not matter brother, if you are dealing with a she devil like mine. You just better listen to people around you and run like hell, no matter what you heart or chemicals, are telling you, because you can bet the only thing her heart is telling her is to pick your bones Jim. It’s reptile or insect politics, and you are just dead meat; your fear, obligation or guilt are just wasted energy when you are outrunning at crocodile.

Anyone any comments on coping with an adult daughter?

Mine fell back into our home 3 months ago, having been evicted after promising to sort out rent for a year (even back then both her father and I refused to be guarantor – we already knew in our bones, but had nothing enough concrete), with an astronomical amount of debt that she just doesn’t care about, and has fleeced EVERYONE close to her, including her little 15 year old sister.

Every day has been a shocking disaster, with promises and appointments broken, our home swamped with rubbish (possessions) that’s never sorted out.

I’ve busted myself trying to get some order and routine going, and to get her to get a job, but again she’s slipped the net, and is moving onto the boyfriend’s house, having convinced them what an unreasonable mum I am.

Every tomorrow she’s going to pick up her stuff, but no phone call, no appearance. If I cave and call her, I can already hear the tears, and the relentless patter of lies and excuses………..

The list goes on and on – the night she landed, she smashed up the car we’d given her only 3 months earlier, and that was the 3rd we were silly enough to give her. At least we refused to sort that one out.

I just twigged what was happening 3 days ago, and since finding these websites ( thank you google for making information accessible), it’s finally for the first time since she was 13 starting to make sense.

Any odd expressions I use, you’re reading English from New Zealand, last stop befor Antarctica!

I’ve also lived through her accusing her stepfather and a previous boyfriend of molesting her, and she’s been stalked, molested and raped by so many men over the years!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lostmother- So glad you found this site. You recognizing the situation is first step. And keeping close to the blogs here will help. I suggest a good counselor, one who understands the dynamics of a sociopath personality and the persons close to them. One plus you have is that you are aware and can educate yourself not to be a victim and fall into the manipulation and conning trap. I am not in your particular situation, yet understand it must be devastating being that it is your own flesh and blood. You not buying into the lies and excuses will not make you much of a candidate for the role she needs you to play. Therefore, she will move onto someone/s that will be part of the game. Hang in there, be strong, keep reading and get help if you can.

Finding this site was a blessing. I am frightened for my female friend as I believe her mother is a psychopath and may actually carry out her threat to kill her. The mother has assaulted her and had the police arrest my friend for the assault, hopefully we will be able to expose what she really is in Court next month!! My friend is the product of her mothers’ first marriage and mum detests her with a passion as she reminds mum of her first husband and cannot stand the sight of her or any successes she has, she wants to destroy her any way she can. MUm is also extremely manipulative and convincing, conning the authorities to permit her to take care of her grandmothers financial affairs. (there are 4 generations in this family) I also believe mum is after her own parents estate as she was taking all the right steps to get control. I have stepped in and removed some of those to protect the grandparents of my friend at this stage, and I hope it’s enough. Mum has also got two other daughters who are just like her – frightening – and they all know how to ‘play the system’ to their advantage. I’ve never seen anything like this before, how unbelievably good they are at acting – they deserve an Academy Award for their performances, yet people fall for their lies even despite ‘Evidence’ to the contrary. To say this is scary as well as frustrating is an understatement. My friend is terrified her mother will kill her, and /or her grandparents for their assests and / or set her up for their deaths, and I have seen enough to be totally convinced and extremely concerned, but don’t know enough about what to do to help protect them from mum at this stage, but I’m learning, I just hope fast enough. The lawyer we have spoken to said mum fits the classic definition of a female psychopath, so we’re hoping he will have enough skill to expose her lies and manipulations in Court.
Fingers crossed. Any advice from others who relate to this?

Somehow I missed this thread until Relly brought it up to the recent comments list—unfortunately, most of these stories describe my P-son’s “behavior” and his “wild A$$ plots”—-plots that would sound like a bad novel no matter how true they are.

These stories of female cons and psychopaths are truly scary. They seem so much more filled with RAGE than the average male Psychopath—a sneaky rage that seethes and festers. Of course this may just be because so many of the female Ps actually go undetected and only the really blatant ones get reported in the news. If we only judged psychopaths by the “serial killers” maybe we would get the same picture of most male psychopaths as we seem only to get the media notice of the really outrageous females.

The female prison population IS rising faster than the male prison population, so maybe they are being prossecuted more, but certainally not enough, and not harsly enough. My X-DIL-P got only 5 yrs probation and a felony conviction, while the Trojan Horse-P, her BF got 3 yrs for one crime, with a long list of previous crimes (all felonies, including child molestation X3)

Apparently she has moved on to her next male victim (probably met on the internet) since I was successful in making sure her BOy Friend did NOT get out on parole quickly after she got out of jail, and owuld be in there at least another two years, and she wasn’t about to wait for him to get out and support herself in the meantime. She seems to have an aversion to working at a job to earn money for her own support. She seems to think that it is easier to steal from old ladies who trust her.

I am just grateful to God that this woman is out of my son’s life and that he is OUT OF THE FOG of trying to make that “marriage work.” Without her actually trying to kill him, I’m not sure he would have ever given up and divorced her, so it is an “ill wind that blows no one good.” This ILL WIND did in the end, blow a LOT of GOOD—she is out of our family. My son sees the truth. Praise God from whom all blessings flow, and her exposure was a BLESSING I am SO grateful for!

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