Anyone who is interested in the topic of domestic violence should read Why Do They Kill? by David Adams. The book describes Adams’ detailed interviews of men who were convicted of killing their partners, and women who were victims of attempted murder.
The breakthrough here is that Dr. Adams’ findings are in complete agreement with those of Dr. Dutton. There is now little doubt that terroristic batterers have psychopathic personality traits.
Because David Adams’ findings are so important I want to summarize them here, then so as not to throw too much at you at once, next week I’ll relate these findings to psychopathic personality traits and explain why I would call these individuals “sociopaths”.
First, both Dutton and Adams are clear, violence and emotional abuse occur in the context of one person attempting to control another. So they are similarly motivated”¦ The motivation is control.
According to Adams, violence happens because the perpetrator wishes to punish the victim and others in her life. That reason was given by 95% of victims.
All relationships started with a “honeymoon” where the perpetrator’s true character was not apparent.
All perpetrators who killed or attempted to kill their partners threatened to do so prior to the act. On page 200 of the book, specific threats and the context of these threats are listed for a number of victims. Adams believes that the threats facilitated perpetrators psyching themselves up for the act.
Access to firearms was a leading factor in murder and attempted murder. Adams recommends we address the issue of firearms in the hands of these men.
If you are reading this and have been involved with a sociopath who has threatened to kill you and has access to weapons you are in a very serious situation. Though most people in your situation are not killed or nearly killed, all those killed or nearly killed come with these risk factors.
Next week: How is killing connected to the other aspects of sociopathy?
one/joy_step_at_a_time
silver – ahh, spath speak: ‘I will not question you about past events in your life, or criticize them. I believe in unconditional love and fidelity. ‘
i am wishing you a happy mother’s day silver, you have the nature Ingraine; and i feel uplifted by it often.
this day is better. i have had to back away from dealing with my friends for a bit; i am still too rankled. i walked home last night; first time since i was mugged. i’ve missed it so much. i will do the same tonight, as the bus doesn’t run on sunday nights.
i didn’t call my mom. i need someone to help me with it, and i am going to ask my neighbour if she will make the call for me this week. i don’t want to break the nc with my dad. but maybe it would be okay – i don’t have to talk to him, just ask for her. still, i know it will unsettle me.
i turned compost into part of my garden today, and planted spinach and carrots. i hope there will be a seed swap next weekend and i can get some free seeds. i will have to look and see what i have to offer…erggh, all my gardening stuff is on the back of my old truck – at my parent’s place. chit.
best,
one step
one/joy_step_at_a_time
i’ll just haul this up for you 😉
silvermoon
CORRECTED LYRICS TO GARDENING
By Dillon Bustin
Now well and truly corrected by the author, here are the lyrics to Gardening as they appeared on the original liner notes:
oh my friends it’s springtime again
buds are swelling on every limb
the peepers do call small birds do sing
and my thoughts return to gardening
gardening is a very fine art
bear well in mind before you start
lay up your ax your saw blade also
and take down your spade your rake and your hoe
polish your hoe till the blade it does shine
likewise your rake and sharpen each tine
dress up your spade with a light coat of oil
then you are ready to prepare your soil
prepare your soil with a good free will
bear well in mind what you may till
some compost and lime are all that you need
then you are ready to plant your seed
plant your seed but none too soon
bear well in mind the phase of the moon
set out the fruit the roots and the grain
and hope it all sprouts in the cool early rain
if the cool early rain don’t drown you out
the first hot spell will bring on a drought
the midsummer sun is hotter than hell
mulch down your rows and you water them well
water them well and thin them also
beware of weeds and beetles and crows
if you work every day then little is lost
just hope it all ripens before the first frost
the first frost will come as sure as sin
then you must hasten to gather it in
by cartloads and bushels by pecks and quarts
your harvest of fruit and grain of all sorts
all sorts of peaches and apples and wheat
oats and rye and strawberries sweet
squashes and melons with colorful rinds
your harvest of vegetable roots of all kinds
all kinds of turnips and carrots and beets
potatoes tomatoes and strong smelling leeks
cabbage and corn the beans and the hay
then you must carefully store it away
away in the cellars and lofts and bins
make cider and kraut pickles and gin
if you do it all well then you’ll not go wrong
you will have plenty all winter long
all winter long while the cold winds blow
take down your saw and wood cutting go
if you’re well fed and warm be well content then
till warm weather comes and you say to your friends
oh my friends it’s springtime again
buds are swelling on every limb
the peepers do call small birds do sing
and my thoughts return to gardening
one/joy_step_at_a_time
well, just lovely….going to post it elsewhere.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
can’t find dillon bustin singing this; his site only has lyrics.
silvermoon
Glad you liked.
Enough for one day.
Thinking about this article is sobering.
It provokes many, many questions.
So very few to which I may have the answer and which may in deed may be my best fortune…
one/joy_step_at_a_time
silver – i found myslef about to sign up for yet more access to evidence yesterday…and i stopped. i don’t need more.
now i need sanity. and to get my life further from the edge. and finish what i started.
i need to find a sacred reverence for the ‘time it takes’.
and to feel the edges of ‘enough’ with my fingertips…so that i can begin to free myself, truly.
touch the earth. the story goes that the buddha touched the earth at enlightenment, so that the earth could bare witness. ground. earth/ axis/heartwood/the distant shore.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
goodnite.
silvermoon
Yes, one. That place. I don’t need more. I need free, over, relief and next step.
Exactly.
cava
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.
Mark Twain