What sociopaths want: power, control and sex

The two most recent Letters to Lovefraud both had the same theme: Sociopathic men who relentlessly pursued women, proclaiming their love, making glowing promises of a committed relationship. The men pushed for sex, and although the women resisted, eventually, believing they were involved in real romances, the women succumbed to the men’s physical desires. With that, both women were dumped.

Read the letters here:

I met him on Facebook, was used for sex and dumped the next day

I felt bonded, even though this made me nauseated

Both women were astounded at how they were unceremoniously booted. They had a hard time coming to grips with the idea that they’d been used and abused. How could a man say all those wonderful things and not mean them? How could a man who talked so eloquently about love be lying? How could a man paint such a beautiful picture of the future and then discard me? Was there something wrong with me? Wasn’t I sexy enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?

Both women tried to get answers from the men. The men, however, never admitted the true reason that they did what they did:

They wanted to.

Core of a sociopath

Sometimes it’s hard for us to get our minds around how truly different sociopathic individuals are from the rest of us. This is understandable. After all, 96% to 99% of people are like us—capable of love and consideration.

But that 1% to 4% who are sociopaths—well, they might as well be aliens. These people:

  • Feel no empathy at all towards other human beings
  • Have no conscience
  • Are interested only power, control and sex

This is the core of a sociopath—no empathy, no conscience and desiring only power, control and sex.


So what does this mean? It means sociopaths feel entitled to take what they want, regardless of how their actions may damage others. It means they get no satisfaction from connectedness with others, they only get satisfaction from winning. It means sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators and everyone else is prey.

This is shocking. Mind-blowing. Impossible to understand.

So we cannot try to understand. We can only accept. This is how they are.

They do not want us as lovers, partners, friends or family members. They want power, control and sex.

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481 Comments on "What sociopaths want: power, control and sex"

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I wanted to comment on the sexual part. At first my spath was great, very attentive, blah,blah, blah, then he had problems with erection (am thinking he was losing control and didn’t like it).Then later on, if I wanted sex, he withheld it. For awhile, that is pretty much all I wanted from him.
Then as I am thinking back, he began telling me hurtful things, or pick a fight like flirting with some other women. If I was upset, then he wanted to have sex. I am know thinking the crazy POS likes getting me upset- it turns him on. The more I would feel heartbroken and done, the more he would apologize and want to have sex.

What a mind f***.
I tried to warn the newest victim, about how he was texting me, emailing etc. meanwhile being with her (I just recently found out he was with someone else). However, she just ignored it and posted pictures of her and him together on facebook.

I am NC, blocked him from my cell phone, etc. but what an idiot I was contacting her and then seeing those.

What I am happy about is, she is his new narcississtic supply, and he will leave me alone. I want so much better for me than being in a sick twisted triangle with either of them. She will find out one day, but that is not my problem- she was warned.

Now I have a new year to spend time with enjoying my good friends, loving my children, being good to myself and respecting myself.
LL, mending, skylar, et. al, thank you again for this forum.

Oh and mending, my ex sends either a text or email every week. Saying he misses me, or wishing me happy holidays until I found out he was calling while at some other woman’s house. It was messing with my mind, so I am paying $4.99 extra a month to have him completely blocked. Worth every cent.

Skylar of course you didn’t offent me. I know you ment best intention and i value it. I’m not fond of saints and so but i respect it. I’m not so little spiritual but just i don’t need images or churches.
I’m joking with that of the heart attack and so…If i were close to a heart attack “hard” or “soft” one I would kill the “infant”!!!!
Infant. Yes, yes. I never saw so twisted infants!
I’m going to sleep; it’s very late here. Thanks for your advice Skylar. Well thanks to all for endure my nice English 😀 Besides anti-psychopaths therapy is a good practise for my English.

missymud, I am glad you blocked him, just be careful,
he will probably show up after this woman throws his sorry ass out.
Be strong! Don’t let your guard down if he ever shows up!
Enjoy your new year! Sounds fabulous!

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