Anyone who is interested in the topic of domestic violence should read Why Do They Kill? by David Adams. The book describes Adams’ detailed interviews of men who were convicted of killing their partners, and women who were victims of attempted murder.
The breakthrough here is that Dr. Adams’ findings are in complete agreement with those of Dr. Dutton. There is now little doubt that terroristic batterers have psychopathic personality traits.
Because David Adams’ findings are so important I want to summarize them here, then so as not to throw too much at you at once, next week I’ll relate these findings to psychopathic personality traits and explain why I would call these individuals “sociopaths”.
First, both Dutton and Adams are clear, violence and emotional abuse occur in the context of one person attempting to control another. So they are similarly motivated”¦ The motivation is control.
According to Adams, violence happens because the perpetrator wishes to punish the victim and others in her life. That reason was given by 95% of victims.
All relationships started with a “honeymoon” where the perpetrator’s true character was not apparent.
All perpetrators who killed or attempted to kill their partners threatened to do so prior to the act. On page 200 of the book, specific threats and the context of these threats are listed for a number of victims. Adams believes that the threats facilitated perpetrators psyching themselves up for the act.
Access to firearms was a leading factor in murder and attempted murder. Adams recommends we address the issue of firearms in the hands of these men.
If you are reading this and have been involved with a sociopath who has threatened to kill you and has access to weapons you are in a very serious situation. Though most people in your situation are not killed or nearly killed, all those killed or nearly killed come with these risk factors.
Next week: How is killing connected to the other aspects of sociopathy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uMGH3kHhzM&a=HHnvHKurrVM&playnext_from=ML&playnext=1
One_step……..GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!! For me, it became a compulsion to “prove” just what a dirty, rotten catfish the ex spath and spath son really were. At one point, it went beyond compulsion and became an obsession – “…it couldn’t have been THAT bad, could it? Didn’t we laugh? Didn’t we have any good times?” Yes, it was that bad – the laughter was a diversion from the pain – we did not have any “good times,” except in fantasy.
{{{One_step}}} GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!
Buttons,
Its a necessary step in the process.
To see for one’s self what is real requires doing the homework. I think we see that over and over because denial is a part of the grieving and there is nothing to do but work through it.
It comes to me that it is why the obsession to prove what is or isn’t real. And beyond that,, the obsession is a way of seeking out the firm ground to stand on.
Taking the information about what a SPATH is and working it back and forth through what happened. Its a unique process.
I can’t say it doesn’t leave me very concerned about what I can not see because I believe there is much I can neither see nor access, but of it all, what is true is that I ran across something that was NOT what is claimed to be and what in the light of reality it turns out to be is not at all enchanting, but indeed a sobering turn of humanity.
The fantasy can be very compelling. But, what is real will always win.
We just can’t change the equation: What is, is.
Exactly, Silvermoon!!!!!!! What a superb way of putting it all in a nutshell!
This question about why psychopaths kill, is difficult to think about. Next week, when I drop the bomb about the divorce, is what I’m really dreading. He does have a hint of violence that he keeps carefully hidden. I know he was a golden gloves (boxing) when he was younger and a bouncer at a bar. He liked to fight when he played hockey and even threatened to take on a whole team when he went he their locker room. (a friend pulled him out of the locker room). He likes to hunt and has guns in the house, he has never actually treatened to kill me although he has treatened to take the kids away.
Yes, this article scares me greatly. Maybe I’m just a sissy.
A letter to a friend in the legal profession:
I was inspired by our conversation that so much of the work which was done for women around the time we were in school and since then remains incomplete if the burden of bigamy is shouldered by the victims.
The reason it concerns me so very much is that most bigamists, are psychopaths. Some apparently are people who really don’t understand whether they are divorced, but in my case, there were so many lies both of commission and of omission, that I seriously doubt it. And based on what I can find out is true about all that and have evaluated by reputable therapists/psychologists, it is very likely that I came across a psychopath.
These individuals lack the ability to experience empathy or remorse. They represent up to as much as 4% of the total population and their antics and destructive behaviors can be found in horror stories pervasive in the family court system although it is rare that the judiciary really understand enough about the Cluster B Personality to be able to see through what they do. And what they can do is break all the rules without second thought. These cases in extreme,end up in the media and the consequences of them are unspeakable.There are many, more cases where the devastation is huge, but perhaps not so widely disclosed.
In our city alone, there could be as many as 20,000 of them. They very typically stalk their targets online although that is not the single MOD for them. And there are women with the genetic as well. It is a personality disorder that is hardwired and unsalvageable by therapy or medication. They make up as much as 25% of our prison population. And if you look at repeat offenders, the percentage gets bigger.
Its just plain scary and it is,I think, an advocacy on going in the legal system where women and children are so often the victim. In my case alone, I found the response that “a jury here would not convict for bigamy because they’d think that any man with two wives is punished enough” was so incredibly lacking in the comprehension of what a psychopath really is, how dangerous these individuals can be and how this level of understanding leads very directly to very sad stories.
It is stunning to me that DA’s would not find these cases to be of magnitude in protecting society at large from the genetic issue that produced people like Ted Bundy and Casey Anthony. Stunning.
{{{{{HOPEFORJOY}}}}} Have you developed a plan as to how/when/where you are going to demand a divorce? Has your attorney or counselor/therapist advised you on this?
I can only offer suggestions based upon my own experiences, and I wish that I had known these things before I left my own home:
* Make sure that the children are elsewhere in a safe, undisclosed place
* Alert teachers, employers, TRUSTED friends and family about your decision, beforehand – disclose your concerns about possible violence
* If there are firearms in the house, REMOVE THEM and the ammo, immediately, take them to the Police Station, and tell them that you wish to surrender them to the Police until the Courts have determined their disposition
* If you will be staying in the home, pack a bag for him with items and clothing that he will need for about 4 days – DO NOT let him rummage through the house packing up this and that….let the Courts do their job by distributing the property
* CHANGE ALL OF THE LOCKS after he goes to work and once the children are out of the house, make sure that the house is as secure as possible (windows, basement, garage, etc., all shut and locked)
* Meet in a neutral location – preferably, in a place where there are many people (cafe, for instance) and drop the bomb in a quiet corner, but in full view of witnesses WITHOUT FUSS
* Do not allow the spath to make you feel compelled to provide an explanation or defense of your choice – after the bombshell, spath may communicate via your attorney to schedule visitation, child support, and to collect the rest of his belongings under the strict supervision of a Sheriff or Police Officer
God bless you, Hopeforjoy, and stay vigilant and cautious! Brightest blessings!!!
Silvermoon, precisely who told you that bigamy wouldn’t be heard in your court because any man with 2 wives has suffered enough? I’m not being a smartass, but I’m curious about precisely WHO told you that?
Bless your heart, Silvermoon! I’d be all over that like white on rice! I’m one of those people who would slip my proverbial cog and take that as a downright double-dog-dare!
Buttons,
I plan on telling him at a psychologists office on Tuesday. Do you think I am over re-acting if I remove the guns, etc.? This really scares me. I have asked him to leave before and he won’t leave. I’m hoping that the psychologist will help with this because he just DOESN’T GET IT!!!
I really, really want him gone, for myself and my daughter.
I’ve been told to expect the unexpected, having him in the home everyday after I drop the bomb, talk about anxiety! He took an early retirement so he doesn’t work. Please help! Okay, I’m not going to stress. Deep breath.
Thanks for the advice. The children will be at school. I feel like a heartless bitc* if I lock him out, my son will be confused because he doesn’t know whats going on. ARRRGGGGGG
Buttons, my attorney told me that. And an assistant DA clarified for me that the burden of pursuing the case is entirely mine.
I have asked repeatedly about the history which I am told but can not find confirmation for that this man’s history includes mansalughter and that out of four previous wives, three left with PTO’s and am being played off as a silly girl. Well, they laughed at Nelson too. Until Trafalgar!
White on rice? Stink on S*.* is more like it. Our state has some backward notions……And I am very serious about seeing them changed because we also have in our legal history some of the land mark bigamy cases.
Yes, it makes me furious.