Anyone who is interested in the topic of domestic violence should read Why Do They Kill? by David Adams. The book describes Adams’ detailed interviews of men who were convicted of killing their partners, and women who were victims of attempted murder.
The breakthrough here is that Dr. Adams’ findings are in complete agreement with those of Dr. Dutton. There is now little doubt that terroristic batterers have psychopathic personality traits.
Because David Adams’ findings are so important I want to summarize them here, then so as not to throw too much at you at once, next week I’ll relate these findings to psychopathic personality traits and explain why I would call these individuals “sociopaths”.
First, both Dutton and Adams are clear, violence and emotional abuse occur in the context of one person attempting to control another. So they are similarly motivated”¦ The motivation is control.
According to Adams, violence happens because the perpetrator wishes to punish the victim and others in her life. That reason was given by 95% of victims.
All relationships started with a “honeymoon” where the perpetrator’s true character was not apparent.
All perpetrators who killed or attempted to kill their partners threatened to do so prior to the act. On page 200 of the book, specific threats and the context of these threats are listed for a number of victims. Adams believes that the threats facilitated perpetrators psyching themselves up for the act.
Access to firearms was a leading factor in murder and attempted murder. Adams recommends we address the issue of firearms in the hands of these men.
If you are reading this and have been involved with a sociopath who has threatened to kill you and has access to weapons you are in a very serious situation. Though most people in your situation are not killed or nearly killed, all those killed or nearly killed come with these risk factors.
Next week: How is killing connected to the other aspects of sociopathy?
I am not sure when psych evals are done in Fed BOP. I THINK there is supposed to be a psych eval done BEFORE sentencing as part of the “pre-sentence” report, this is done after conviction but before sentencing I believe to help determine the range within the guidelines that the person is sentenced to. BUT NOT TOTALLY SURE.
My P-son has had several psych/therapy visits but never what Ii wouold consider a complete psych eval–he would go there complaining of “depression” or “grief” and they would diagnose THAT one complaint and deal with it, but never a true exam.
Several medical visits though he was listed as having all the qualities of a psychopath and “axis II traits” (essentially called a psychopath) and another time with “ASPD traits” but never really a full psych eval. He is in Texas state prison though, not federal.
Even if someone had a psych eval in FBOP you should not be able to get your hands on it. It is medical records. Only reason I have my son’s is he gave consent and had them send me a copy of his records…he was pithed at the POA and RNP there so wanted me to lean on the doc there and get him some shoulder surgery he needed. I did and they got it for him. But I also used copies of his medical records when I was going through all the letters and sent copies to my attorney, not sure though if HE can use them as even though I had them legally, it might not be legal for me to share them with someone else. Just wanted to show the attorney though in any case.
Hope that gives you a bit of information, but you might want to check with an attorney who works in fed court. They would probably know.
Thanks! Yeah, I am a little curious. From what i can tell on the web research is that 1. its presentencing but I don’t know why that would be true – unless there was a lot more going on than I know about. Or 2. He’s been badly behaved and they are trying to figure out how to deal with him or 3. He requested it for some reason or 4.
as you said, there is some issue.
Whatever it is, I doubt it has anything to do with me and he has by now long since forgotten me.
Its weird to be in this place where I can’t know, but I can’t .
I did check on where they would have sent a real cancer patient and it wasn’t where he went.
He did get served so I guess that means he isn’t wit.sec.
And now I heard this through the grapevine. Couldn’t help but be curious.
Still NC. Should be done with this all shortly and there are a lot of changes coming up.
There isn’t time for the extensive attention it has taken and I a, accepting what is, moving on and getting ready to go further.
What a long, strange trip its been. Funny how much you learn how fast about stuff you knew NOTHING about previously,
Not the least and I will never forget your write up, and that is how to love yourself instead….
Oh Ox, I wish I had known then what I do now- only different!
I know Oxy – it just stings that others believe lies about me. I had thought my life would be magical after he was gone from it and the smear campaign is something I wasn’t prepared for. It’s another kick in the guts for me. But it sure shows you who your real friends are and who the hangers on are.
Isn’t it mad that you can be the only sane person in a crowd of crazy pit vipers and you are denounced as a loony? 😛 That’s got to be the definition of madness!
I guess this whole experience has blown the preconceptions I had about justice and fairness and good people getting just desserts. I am no saint but I tried my best in that situation to always be good to him and it makes no difference in the end. I could have been a bitch and he would have backstabbed me just the same. I think that is a big part of the bitter taste – I tried hard and the treatment I get in my absence is the same as if I had treated him the way he treated me the whole way through. It’s hard to explain but I know you’ll know what I mean especially in relation to your boy. Pearls before swine I guess!
Pollyannanomore:
That disillusionment is pretty terrible. There’s no shortage of people who are willing to believe terrible things about us, with little more than the assurances of a very persuasive former partner.
For me, although I can’t claim any dramatic success, it has been important to learn not to care what those people may think about me and to persevere in being exactly who and what I am (which is a thoroughly decent person, unlike what I’ve been accused of being). In the long run, as I backed away from these people, a very few of them have approached me almost as if to apologize for misjudging me. I’m sorry to say that they will never be my friends again, if they ever were, because it is too hard for me to reconcile my own feelings of caring about them with the knowledge that they were so willing to think me a fiend instead of a friend. I don’t hate them, but they have very limited impact on my life.
On the one hand, they were masterfully manipulated by a woman who has made this her life work. On the other hand, they allowed that manipulation. I try not to judge them as swine (but early on, I also invoked the mantra of “no pearls before swine”). I try now to see them with compassion, as people who were unknowing pawns in an elaborate and hurtful game they did not understand.
The alienation from my friends was deliberate and necessary in the mind of the sociopath, who was my girlfriend for little more than a year and lived with me for about nine months. I don’t think it would be exactly accurate to say that this woman tried to kill me, but in some significant ways a part of me did die. She did drug me, and I think she would have had no remorse if that had led to my death. I am not and never have been a drug user, so this was a significant betrayal for me.
Based on my own experience and the shared experiences of others, I believe that many sociopaths project on us their own exact behavior that is so damaging to us. In other words, if a sociopath is extremely promiscuous and unfaithful to his/her partner, that is the exact accusation you will hear. But that’s just one example, and many other examples are much more subtle and difficult to understand — especially if you are not a suspicious person by nature.
In relation to David Adams’ book, “Why Do They Kill?”, I am disappointed to read that the murderers he chose as examples were all men. This perpetuates the myth that domestic violence is only perpetrated by men upon women (in fact, it’s pretty close to 50-50). That widely believed myth was one key to my own devastation by a sociopath.
“Isn’t it mad that you can be the only sane person in a crowd of crazy pit vipers and you are denounced as a loony? That’s got to be the definition of madness!”
It’s true! A question I found myself asking in the wake of the sociopath’s madness: What is a reasonable person’s appropriate response to utter unreason? I concluded in the long run that the best response is no response at all. I’ve chosen to be who I really am, and to move forward with confidence that this will overwhelm the lies — eventually.
You know people have assasinated character since the beginning of time as a way to control others. Heck, look at what they did to Jesus! LOL If the psychopaths can make US out to be the bad guy, then anything (truthful) we say about them is going to be perceived as false.
I have come to the point now where My own beliefs are no longer predicated almost entirely upon the agreement of others that my belief is valid. In a way it makes me almost ashamed that I EVER depended so heavily on others believing me for me to believe myself. WHY did I DISCOUNT my own senses? eyes? brains? judgment? so heavily? Why couldn’t I have more CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF than I did in the judgement of others? Somehow I felt that my judgment might not be as “valid” or as “good” as theirs. If they DID validate me I felt oh, so GRATEFUL that I had been validated and WOW, I had made a good decision! Sheesh! I want to boink myself up “side de haid” with the skillet for being so darned STOOOOPID to not trust MYSELF MORE.
But now, I’m trusting myself more—and one of the things I realize is that if I go out there trying to pick up each piece of lying gossip that I have had spread around about me, the TASK is HOPELESS, it is not going to happen–plus it will just remind people of it and stir it up more. SO, WHY WORRY ABOUT IT? Whatever damage is done IS DONE, and it can’t be picked up and fixed, so I need to QUIT WORRYING ABOUT IT.
Some people actually will SEE that what they were told was a lie, some people will continue to believe what they were told is true, and some people will forget about it completely. So it is out of my hands now, even out of the hands of the person who spread the lies. I might as well be worrying about the sky being blue! I will move on to other things!
My ex-husband said he has time to bash in my face before the police arrive. He also told me he would kill me. He didn’t pay child support. He demanded the court to make me hand deliver our kids monthly school memo. Cause he was too busy to pick it up. He demanded the court to make me call him every Friday night.
The court told me I better jump to his demands or I will be seen as “difficult”.
I refused to jump to his demands.
The court did not believe me that he is abusive. Because my husband sat there with a a smile on his face, shaking his head saying no, no, no!
I made a issue of it in court. The court commissioner exploded and yelled if there was one more outburst that I would be held in contempt.
The court rendered me helpless. Yet, I continued to kick and fuss. I made a lot of enemies in that court house.
No one believed me because I am alive.
If he had killed me; MAYBE the court would have taken my words seriously.
{{{Jeannie812}}} My heart is with you – I was in the same place and this is precisely why the psychiatric and legal communities must WORK TOGETHER to define and redefine sociopathy, and take appropriate measures to protect the victims.
Now, you are a Survivor, Jeannie812. The courts will have the spath in due time.
Brightest blessings.
I gotta post one more thing. It was my first restraining order against my husband.
I went to the 7th floor of the Milwaukee County Court house where the restraining orders are issued.
I told the worker that my husband threatened to kill me, rape me. He kicked our daughter in the stomach a month ago.
The worker said the stomach kick was a long time ago. (a month is a long time ago?) I told the worker it was not the first time he kicked her in the stomach. The worker said it is too late to report that. No grounds for a restraining order.
I told the worker that my husband came home from bar and said his friends told him that he is “whipped”. And they told him to “whip the bitch”. My husband told me I am lucky that he won’t whip me.
The worker said this is good news. He could have, but he said he won’t.
I looked at her. I said that is a “veiled threat”!!!! I demanded a restraining order that moment.
I got the restraining order. But, never got him restrained from seeing the kids. He was pushing the kids into the ditch with his anger towards me. The kids would come home from his weekend upset by the thoughts he put in their head.
Dear Jeannine,
I am so sorry that you experienced such INVALIDATION OF your pleas for help. I hope those people who don’t have a clue or could care less GET A CLUE and start to CARE, but maybe that is asking too much of the system…it does make me grind my teeth though!!!!
OxDrover says:
Dear Bulletproof,
It is interesting to me that there have only been three of us comment on this particular thread. I wonder how many have actually READ this thread.
***
More read than comment. Often (well, nearly always) the comments so closely echo what I would say that I don’t need to add anything!