Anyone who is interested in the topic of domestic violence should read Why Do They Kill? by David Adams. The book describes Adams’ detailed interviews of men who were convicted of killing their partners, and women who were victims of attempted murder.
The breakthrough here is that Dr. Adams’ findings are in complete agreement with those of Dr. Dutton. There is now little doubt that terroristic batterers have psychopathic personality traits.
Because David Adams’ findings are so important I want to summarize them here, then so as not to throw too much at you at once, next week I’ll relate these findings to psychopathic personality traits and explain why I would call these individuals “sociopaths”.
First, both Dutton and Adams are clear, violence and emotional abuse occur in the context of one person attempting to control another. So they are similarly motivated”¦ The motivation is control.
According to Adams, violence happens because the perpetrator wishes to punish the victim and others in her life. That reason was given by 95% of victims.
All relationships started with a “honeymoon” where the perpetrator’s true character was not apparent.
All perpetrators who killed or attempted to kill their partners threatened to do so prior to the act. On page 200 of the book, specific threats and the context of these threats are listed for a number of victims. Adams believes that the threats facilitated perpetrators psyching themselves up for the act.
Access to firearms was a leading factor in murder and attempted murder. Adams recommends we address the issue of firearms in the hands of these men.
If you are reading this and have been involved with a sociopath who has threatened to kill you and has access to weapons you are in a very serious situation. Though most people in your situation are not killed or nearly killed, all those killed or nearly killed come with these risk factors.
Next week: How is killing connected to the other aspects of sociopathy?
Harold
Yes I agree, that is often the way! but I still post something because every time I put words on any of this (again and again) I am DEALING WITH EVERY LEVEL OF THE DAMAGE done so even if it is to repeat ad nauseum it’s still powerful (for me) to EXPRESS this stuff out onto a platform that UNDERSTANDS, VALIDATES and HEALS –
pollyannanomore
I wonder How many suicides result from soul murder ? This is the way I was heading too. I could feel a terrible tension growing inside…the lies and the gaslighting left me in a crazed state perfect crazy woman and he held back with a calm face and stony silence….waiting on me to go doolally…so I would “have an accident”
You Say:
I think if he had made up his mind to off me then he would have made it look like an accident. Mine was not involved with guns so I doubt that would have been the method. I truly believe he wanted me to do it so he ended up with no blood on his hands.
chills!!!
Hi Peeps~
I attended the rape/kidnap and capital murder trial of James Beila yesterday.
Wow….
Victim #1 (rape) testified.
there was much discussion on ‘why’ she didn’t report her rape.
A clinical psychologist testified on PTSD.
(there were DNA specialists and others testifying also, but the above may interest LF readers).
One common thread of the perp was to ‘compliment’ the victim during or shortly after the rapes occured.
He told victim #1 It feels good and moaned….during rape and after , he said he liked her skirt, it made her look good.
The clinical psychologist, Dr. Joanne Lippert testified to the symptoms of PTSD and what ’causes’ PTSD. And how victims choose to deal with emotional trauma.
If you go to KOLO website,there is a live blog, recapping testimony and court proceedings.
http://www.kolotv.com/biela/headlines/93825424.html
Victim #1 testimony begins at 1:53pm. (may trigger some-caution)
Dr. Lippert Clinical Psychologist testimony begins at 3:48 pm on the blog lineup. (link above).
For those who are going through legal proceedings, or expect to at some point. I highly recommend you go down to your local courthouse and sit in on some hearings/trials etc….
You can go to family court and sit in on open case hearings, to get a feel for what your headed for and how attorneys ‘act’ in court, how the parties act….what works and what doesnt’ in the courtroom.
WE live in a democracy in the US……USE IT TO YOUR BENEFIT!!!!!
We can all attend hearings…….to further our knowledge of the process!!!
I encourage you to take advantage of it!!!
EB……………wow…………….. You are so right about using our democracy to our benefit. I wish I had known more (legally) before I left the ex spath!!!!
EB, I had a difficult time reading the testimony of Witness#1 – triggers, definitely. But, something that I noticed that was thoroughly chilling was NOT the court blog, at all, but some of the comments made: “is she frightened of him,” etc. Many of the reader comments seemed very inappropriate to the subject at hand, and some of them even seemed to be fishing for “turn-on” information.
Jayzus, it was a little more than disturbing. Whew.
Yeah buttons, I got that too. EEW. What a pop culture response to a real human situation. The word that went through my head? MEATBALLS!
EB,
You continue to inspire with your leadership in the arenas of educating yourself and using the process the way it was meant to be. I am inspired by your journeys and advices and look forward to your posts.
When are you going to law school?
EB FOR CONGRESS!!!!!
beautiuful, mushy hearted warrior EB, MWOA!
Dear EB!!!! WONDER WOMAN!!!! Great Idea!!!! learning to testify and not get triggered is a skill that each of us should learn, and what to expect from the opposition. I had to testify about the jerk who pointed the gun at me several years ago as a JOKE….and his attorney was such a creep! Even the DA was a creep! LOL Anyway, GREAT IDEA and will help folks I think keep their cool. “Justice”L is not always about fair or truth, but “presentation.”
Di9d anyone see 20/20 last night about the Downs woman who killed her kid (shot all 3) in the mid 1980s then had a baby in prison which was adopted out? GREAT show with interviews of her and the baby she had in prison as well.
Also same channel had a show on called “what would you do?” like candid camera but had women who were black and blue being verbally and physically abused in a public place and watched what the people around them did—sometimes protective and sometimes nothing! Interesting show.
Also they had a couple of the women dressed “provocatively” and those women were not helped at all, and one was assumed to be a hooker, so she didn’t apparently warrant help even though she was beaten up and her face black and blue (make up)
Also had some kids (actors) who were tossed out of the car in public (little kids) and were in distress and sometimes they were protected by witnesses and sometimes left to shift for themselves. Very interesting reactions by people who witnessed abuse or distress and did something, or did nothing.
If you get a chance to watch this show, do so….it is some interesting stuff.
Yes Oxy, the daughter of Diane Downs. Just brings up the argument about nuturing versus nature again.
I felt for this young woman, haunted by her biological mother thinking she would turn out the same way. Went through a rebellious stage as a teenager and now is loving and raising the child born to her.
I hope she learns about FREE WILL before she drives herself over the edge from the fear that she’s doomed to repeat her mother’s bad behavior. That thread wreaked through the interview. Whether she’s doing this for future books to be written or interviews to attend, I’ll sit on the fence watching her in the future to see if she just wants that 15 minutes of fame.
Peace.
I appreciate your comments…..
I just want to share anything that I have found helpful/enlightening/educating to myself which I think others can benefit from.
My outcome from my divorce from a suspected sociopath was fantastic…..really, it could have gone either way.
I am NO different than anyone else, and I know, if I can do this….ANYONE CAN!!!
I sat next to the KOLO reporter yesterday afternoon and she was (I think) taken aback by the ‘fighting’ as it was distracting to her listening and typing with accuracy.
People have a need to make comments, as they come to their mind…..but this is where self control comes in….(See, there is a lesson everywhere)….we might be ‘exploding’ wanting to know….but some things just are NOT appropriate.
Some of the commenters on blog were even harshly judging the victim for her ‘lack’ of actions.
Btw….SHE wasnt’ the one who went to police….she wrote a letter to her roomate explaining ‘why’ her behaviors had been changing and they had been not getting along….she ‘exposed’ it in this letter, and after Briana Denison was kidnapped/body found, the roomate called a detective without telling the victim.
Btw, this was what the Dr explained in some of her testimony, of why people don’t report and how many DO NOT report. It was something like 17% report and 7-9% of those who do report are drug related rapes.
My interest in this case stemmed from another high profile murderer in the area who exhibeted Cluster B personaltiy disorders. I felt I could easily be in his ‘wifes’ position. DEAD.
He wasn’t a serial killer……he only killed one person….HIS STBX Wife. Darrin Mack exhibits Cluster B disorders. He was also very charismatic, connected, good looking…..and had a ‘secret’ life.
A position many of us are terrified of. The ultimate betrayal.
This defendent James Biela, had a girlfriend and a 4 year old son.
the girlfriend was the one who ultimately reported her suspicians to a Gf who reported to police. They took DNA from the child w/ permission from mother/gf to confirm a match on JB and get arrest warrent.
The gf took so much flack, and was judged harshly for her decisions. People thought she ‘hid’ him, people thought she shold have known by car description, sketch’s, his movements leaving the area etc….
She didn’t, or maybe she did and wasn’t postive or scared, denial or whatever.
I felt a connection to her thought process….I didn’t ‘see’ my ex husbands behaviors, and when I did…I remained in denial (it wasn’t happening, he’s a good guy)….FOR 28 years.
And so many behaviors went on under my nose. A mother wants to believe in their kids fathers….we want the promises, we want to believe in them, we want our fantasy. And SO……we do.
As far as attending court……the first time I filed a TPO, I was terrified of going to court. By the last hearing (3 years later)….my palms still got sweaty, but I was familiar with how I would be treated, how I needed to present myself, how I needed to maintain control over myself, what a judge wanted to hear and what to leave out……I wasnt’ there to ‘tell’ my story….complete unedited version….I was there to paint a picture to a judge….and decide WHAT i wanted that picture to look like, what ‘colors’ i wanted to use and the landscape and what people.
All with my documented back up paperwork/pic/video etc..
If you head to court to watch ‘something’, it’ll be scary (even when your not involved on ANY level)…..but with familiarity comes a comfort level. It’s that comfort level we NEED.
You can even go in and watch the judges you’ve been assigned to, to get a better feel for them.
Wear court attire, no flip flops, no cleavage, conservative attire.
Turn off your cell phone!
Make NO facial expressions, no shaking of the head, no eyebrow raise, no gasps. STONE FACE! Just listen…..Fly on wall effect.
You can take notes…..
Be emotionally present….YOU WILL BENEFIT greatly from this in the future.
Now….I hope to not ever go back to court (for myslef)….but knowing who I divorced…..I’m sure there will be another time or two down the road.
This is an Easy/cheap way to educate ourselves…..
DO IT!