Many Lovefraud readers have experienced the phenomenon of knowing that a romantic partner is unreliable and even bad for them, but they keep taking the person back. A psychiatrist explains why this happens. Blame your brain.
I heart unpredictable love, on NYTimes.com.
Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
Ox Drover
Well, then I may not be able to read either of them. LOL I’ve got so many shelf space already on psychology and psychopathy that I need to thin out some of them and I have been.
Gpt lots of other stuff to take up my time now that I am more able to get around physically with my leg. Winter is coming on and have to get prepared for it!
callmeathena
I just attended a conference quite recently where David Brooks spoke. I thought he was a very authentic guy. He was speaking to a crowd of a couple thousand, I sat right in front of him (less than 8 feet away) and watched him curl his feet around the bottom of the chair – a nervous, authentic gesture. I smiled.
I do think there is this whole new sort of thinking happening around emotional intelligence. I posted that on this site just recently. Here is a link:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/keldjensen/2012/04/12/intelligence-is-overrated-what-you-really-need-to-succeed/
It’s about being OTHER focused. Recent thinking says people have
IQ
EQ (emotional intelligence)
MQ (moral intelligence)
BQ (body intelligence)
I think this is really very interesting and intersects our knowledge of spaths. A spath can have very high IQ, EQ, BQ, and have absolutely zero MQ.
I am not an expert, I am learning on this too, but BQ is about body intelligence, meaning, body language, etc. I watched a woman today walk like a horse. Glump glump. Not at all aware of the image she was projecting. My spath would not do that. He was quite aware of “BQ” and projected himself carefully.
We all know spaths can also have a a high IQ, and mine could read my EQ very well.
Any way, I sure would love to have an expert in THIS space comment on SPATHS!
Athena
Ox Drover
Athena,
IQ, EQ, MQ, and BQ—yep, they may ave it all except MQ.The thing about their version of EQ though is that they can’t FEEL the emotions, just some how “read” them in us and know that is how to manipulate us. Odd, that.
One thing about my son Patrick though is that he thinks that others are either prey (like me) or are LIKE HIM (manipulative) and it is a “get them before they get him” situation.
There is so much to learn and so little time to learn it. I want to know it all. LOL
MoonDancer
did somebody say BBQ?
callmeathena
LOL!
Ox Drover
Yep, It is that time of year again (hog killing time) and time for the BBQ! Weather has been so darned warm though that we’re going to have to take the piglets to the slaughter plant to get them done, can’t butcher when it is 70 degrees! The pigs have made HOGS of themselves so they are huge…and Arkansas may be “Razorback Nation” but these fat hogs ain’t no razorbacks they is gonna be some finnnnne fat porkers!
skylar
The EQ is what has me confuddled too.
My frienemy, K, gave me the book about Emotional intelligence. It was a tell. He was telling me that I had none and that the spath had it, and he believes that he has it too.
But I disagree. A person with a high EQ could not live the lives that spaths live. You need to have empathy to have EQ.
Some people think that Asperger’s means a lack empathy but it’s not. What they lack is “Theory of Mind”, they just have a hard time figuring out what other people are thinking or feeling. They can’t “read” others. But if you tell them you are sad and are crying, they do feel bad for you —unless, they are also spaths and have no empathy. It can happen that someone lacks both ToM and empathy.
When it comes to spaths, they basically render us all into aspergers peeps because (without prior knowledge of spaths) we can’t possibly imagine what they are thinking. Only a person who is also a spath, could assume such evil intent, because they can RELATE to it.
I think that ToM can be taught. I’ve learned to understand the mindset of an evil spath, just like spaths learn to interpret our expressions to know what we are feeling.
I think EQ is more about how you respond to your own emotions, whether you can manage them, whether you ignore them and how reactive you are to them. I think EQ is about emotional boundaries. So even without a Theory of Mind for spaths, if we have a high EQ, we would listen to our gut instincts to run from evil. My EQ is still kinda low, I don’t always listen to the gut, but I’ve developed my ToS for spaths to the point where I can spot a spath anyway. Now I just have to remember to run.
MoonDancer
Sky…you give spaths to much credit..i dont think they interpret as much as they mimic our expressions and emotions..they are like animals, if we give them a treat they keep doing the same thing,,if we dont give em a treat they go somewhere else but not with out biting us in the ass as they go..they have animal instincts survival is what motivates them..i dont think they have the compassion to interpret why we feel this or that they just mimic like a parot as long as things go their way…
skylar
Hens,
you’re right, I misspoke when I said they “know what we are feeling.” Yes, spath could tell I was despondent when I cried, but that doesn’t mean he could relate. He just got off on the power trip.
MoonDancer
I remember my x looking at me so puzzled sometimes when i expresssed emotions good or bad, happy or sad. and soon he would say or do the same thing i had said or done word for word..
he was like a clone of me – at first..but soon he got bored and started playin with my head..
things got real ugly for awhile….he was a sic puppy.