By | November 8, 2012 32 Comments

Research findings: workplace psychopaths

Editor’s note: A master’s student from Carleton University in Ottowa, Canada, is researching psychopaths in the workplace. She invited Lovefraud readers to participate in her research, and many of you did. Below are her preliminary findings.

Backstabbing bosses and callous co-workers: An examination of the experience of working with a psychopath.

Very little research has been conducted on the phenomenon of corporate psychopathy or victims of psychopaths. This study was one of the first to take a victimcentric approach to study how psychopaths behave in a workplace.

The purpose of the study was to better understand the effects (mental, physical, financial, social) of working with an individual who possesses psychopathic traits. We also wanted to determine how psychopaths interact with their peers in a work environment.

Several research questions were created prior to data collection to help understand the experience of working with a psychopathic colleague. Based on these questions, we found:

1)     Emotional harm was the most common type of harm reported by participants, followed by physical consequences as a result of working with the psychopath, and financial harm.

2)     The psychopath most often used relational manipulation to harm their colleagues. This refers to any social means used to undermine or control the victim and included behaviours such as: lying, manipulation, deceit, spreading rumours, public humiliation and turning colleagues against one another.

3)     Most participants had a good first impression of the psychopath and described him or her as charismatic, outgoing, sociable, engaging, good looking, and articulate.

4)     Most participants suspected they worked with a psychopath after witnessing the psychopath interact with others in the workplace. Others knew their colleague was a psychopath after being victimized or researching the behaviours they observed.

5)     Most participants reported receiving support from their friends and family. Receiving support from work colleagues was the second most common source of support.

6)     Emotional support was the most common type of support received and other types of support included: tangible support, informational support, spiritual support, and financial support.

7)     Participants with psychopathic superiors have lower job satisfaction than participants with a psychopathic peer or subordinate.

8)     High rates of workplace bullying, perpetrated by the psychopath, were reported by study participants.

The findings revealed that the experience of working with a psychopath is negative and has the potential to be very emotionally harmful to victims. These findings have important implications for human resource personnel as they emphasize the consequences of employing an individual with psychopathic traits. Almost all survivors reported some level of harm due to their relationship with the psychopath, however, coping and support helped to alleviate some of the effects. The results highlight the heterogeneity present in the experiences of victims of corporate psychopaths.

I would like to thank you again for your participation and for bravely sharing your story.

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Wow, I just had an AHA! Moment!

I have been reading in this forum for some time now trying to wrap my head around my exspath and I never once thought about the possibility of this. As I read this it just clicked for me.

That one person on your team who targets victims and makes their work life hell. A superior who lies, manipulates, and exaggerates to make you look bad to managers and team mates. I have one of these in my life right now and I failed to see it. This one in particular targets people who have made her angry over something personal at some point in time. Over the last year and a half I watched as she did this to another coworker/old friend (and did the awful thing by sitting and letting it happen because I thought it was none of my business). This coworker has since moved on to another team because of this. Last February, I angered this person by not going to Vegas with her because I was 6 months pregnant. Since then, I have been her target.

Is there any advice for dealing with people like this in the workplace? I enjoy my job and wish to keep it, but I do have to deal with her regularly as she is more senior in the position than I am. I have been just keeping my head down and focusing on my work but I can definitely tell my relationship with my manager has changed because of what this person says about me. (This person and my manager are pretty close and they work out of the same office. I work in another office 1400km away as I moved 2 years ago)


I had a client company in Canada. The head of the organization was a lovely man, extremely polite and cordial. Probably too much so.

His right-hand man, second in command was a young guy, maybe 27 or so, who was by far one of the most underhanded people I have encountered at a workplace.

This kid had been trained by the worst in my field. His career mentors were the ones who took bribes, looked the other way, and did as little work as possible because why ruin a good thing? They were in the backroom having their coffee and shooting the bull. Women were certainly not welcomed, not unless they gave certain “benefits.”

They were the type that had given my field a very bad name years before I entered it. I thought they were creatures of the past, but in some locations, apparently, the old ways take a very long way to die.

I knew that I had a very tough situation on my hands.

Furthermore, there was an outside auditing group that was supposed to approve the company for its quality system every three years. This kid was tight with those people, too. Why? Because by exchanging the right kind of paper (cash,) they would certify a company after pushing a few documents around. The audit was all for show. They thought I was crazy because I had wanted to actually do the work.

I was trained at the other end of the spectrum. I used to work for the US Department of Defense. Trust me when I say that the US government has just about seen it all. After all, they encounter so many different situations and types. We had numerous training sessions on how to recognize fraud and the types of stunts Defense contractors will try to pull.

I walked in assuming the best and asking the right questions to do the job adequately and professionally.

The kid didn’t like it at all. I was getting much too close to the truth. What he began doing was ignoring my requests for information. I could have asked for information until the cows not only came home but went out again and I was never going to get it. Without the information, I couldn’t do my job. Like either of us was too stupid to realize that.

I was in a horrible position because my responsibility was to this company. The guy that I was dealing with was cheating the company blind, but to the head guy, his boss, he thought the kid was wonderful. Naturally, the kid said the right things to him and charmed almost everybody in sight.

I finally composed a letter that was probably the most politically careful thing that I have ever written. I couched the situation as nicely as I could, giving the kid the benefit of the doubt in every way possible when what I actually wanted to do was expose him for the back-stabbing, underhanded, lying, cheat that he was.

Don’t you know that his boss dismissed everything that I said? He thought I might not have had all the facts. He was satisfied with the kid and if we could put our differences aside, he was sure we would have a wonderful working relationship. There is none so blind as those who will not see.

Ultimately, it came down to a meeting that we were supposed to have with the auditor on the next day. The kid told me to go back to the US, the head guy was happy with what I did and I didn’t need to be there. He could handle it. They knew I was tired. (That was a red flag that I didn’t recognize at the time.) Very confused, I left. What was I going to do? Tell the kid that he was wrong?

I got read the riot act for leaving. Yes, I explained what the kid had said, but the top guy couldn’t believe it. He was mystified. He didn’t know which of us was telling the truth, but my story held water when the kid’s didn’t. Still, his emotional investment was in the kid so… Our relationship was essentially over at that point. I completed my contract, but it wasn’t renewed.

It was a lesson from the school of hard knocks.

Nope, I never would have believed that this kid would have been that vicious or deliberately sabotage the company and my contract, but after learning that I was supposed to be at that meeting and he said to go home, my picture of him came into clear focus.

You know how Gavin de Becker talks about your gut talking to you? My gut talked to me about this kid.

This business was located in St. Catherines in Canada. The kid took me on a tour of the city. He made a point of driving me past the house where Karla and what’s-his-face, her now ex-husband, had lured girls in, sexually abused, and then murdered them had occurred. I believe one of them had been Karla’s sister.

I didn’t know much about the story back then, but his story made a deep impression on me because he got unnaturally/weirdly excited when telling me what went on there. His reaction was definitely creepy.

It was one of those conversations that leave you with a “huh?” and haunts your mind even though you’d just as soon forget about it.

I lost that client and never, ever have I been happier to get away from somebody.


I used to think that my exspath had everyone at work duped (like he duped me at first) and that they all thought he was a great guy, but I learned over the years that they all hate and fear him. They finally figured him out, just like I did.

One lady who used to work with him told me that she had to “pray daily for the ability to cope with him.” God, that sounds a lot like how I survived being married to him.

A man who works with him told me that they all wish he’d drop dead or retire and the boss would love to fire him but he can’t because my ex has “covered his ass so well” that it would be nearly impossible to fire him without a tremendous battle.

This same man told me that he thinks the only reason the kids and I are still alive is that my ex knows what would happen to him in prison and he doesn’t want to be “abused” (I’ll leave out the graphic terminology he used) in prison for the rest of his life.

I’ve had folks in my life withdraw themselves abruptly from my life once they found out I was married to him.

People are afraid of him. They are wise.

Ox Drover

I have seen what Psychopaths can do to business partners, spouses, subordinates, and even their own bosses….chaos, pain and problems. I have at one time seen a mid level manager who “love bombed” an inexperienced CEO and bankrupted an entire hospital…destroyed it from the ground up. Created chaos during an acute nursing shortage in the mid 1980s and the ENTIRE nursing staff left except for one nurse who was the employee health nurse over a 6 month period of time. Since this was a very specialized hospital for spinal cord injuries, it destroyed it.

My late husband was targeted by a group of con men/psychopaths who ended up destroying a company he built from the ground up. I’ve had bosses and subordinates both who were very high in P traits.

There is NO telling how much the $$$ cost of the destruction the people like this cause in the work place, besides the dissatisfaction and emotional pain.

Bob Hare’s book “Snakes in Suits” says it all in the TITLE they are SNAKES and pretend to be human.

Fortunately, most of the time because I was working in a position that had many job openings, I was never without a job literally for more than a day or two, but I know other who have been forced to stay in jobs that were made miserable by people high in P traits just in order to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads.



What a story! UGGHH!!!

I know exactly who you are talking about with the Karla story. I saw that many times on the crime shows.

Are you familiar with the story of Shirley Turner and Andrew Bagby?



Me, too. Remember…I met mine at work! If I would list all he has done there, you wouldn’t even believe it and he has gotten away with all of it and not only gotten away with it, but got promoted! Isn’t that how it tends to work though?? Absolutely frustrating!!

Ox Drover

It is frustrating when such people prosper in the atmosphere of evil that they seem to foster—I am no longer “shocked” at the stories I have heard…or the things I have seen with my own blue eyes. LOL I still shake my head at the destruction of the specialty hospital nursing staff…I stayed for 6 months thinking that “someone besides me and the few who got it besides me” would see what was happening, but I finally saw that no one was going to stop the madness. Shortly after I left, the CEO got fired….and it ended up not long after that the hospital went under. All from one CEO who was unsure of herself and a psychopath out for control that latched on to her.


Louise, no, I don’t know who Shirley Turner and Andrew Bagby are.

I can add one more detail to that Canadian business.

The kid had a manager, his second in command, who did everything that the kid told him to do. This guy was smart, but not assertive or proactive. We went out for lunch one time and he told us how his wife had joined a fundamentalist Christian church and she decided it was against the Bible to eat pork so he wasn’t going to eat ribs. He sounded totally dominated by his wife and was afraid of her even though he was out with us. He was probably in his mid-30s. He managed the plant, but it was the kid who was in control.

Definitely the dominant and subordinant pair. They reminded me of those two prep school boys from the early 20th century who murdered a classmate because they wanted to see what it felt like to kill someone. Loeb and Leopold, I think.

And you know, everything on the surface looked so normal.



I guess I have to say that I am no longer as shocked either by what happens in this world after I experienced it firsthand. It’s amazing the havoc they leave in their wake and how much damage they can do. And they just keep floating along like, Oh, did I bump into something…haha. Idiots. Pure empty idiots.

That is really a shame about the hospital you speak of. Do you know where the CEO and the psycho are now?


Oxy, I’ve been working in an environment that had been very badly managed. Not psychopathic, just no accountability.

They finally let the top guy go week before last and my boss was moved to another location last week. She left without any instructions about what would happen to me or her other report. The two of us don’t have supervisors right now and I’m not sure they even care. My old boss is still listed as my supervisor in the company’s HR system.

There has been so much anger in the place. People fill out the employee surveys and 100% of the employees say that they would not recommend the company as a place to work.

You would think that the powers-that-be would get it. They haven’t.

Two weeks now and only yesterday did they announce that the top guy is gone. I don’t have a supervisor and nobody has said boo to me. I’m sure my job isn’t a priority, but a general email to everybody like “we’re working on this and will be in touch” would be nice.

The rumors flying around that place are crazy.

When the inmates are rattling the cages and getting angry, don’t you think Management might notice and say something to calm the crowd? I’d like to think that Management might know how to prioritize and put out the worst fires first.

Maybe I’m being naive again. Sigh.



Hmmmm, your workplace sounds somewhat like my former workplace. It’s enough to make your head explode. I was so fortunate to get out of there and leave it all behind. I’m so very sorry you have to work under those conditions. It is extremely stressful.

I will write more tomorrow about Andrew Bagby and Shirley Turner. She was a complete psycho. Very tragic story. I thought you may have heard of it since it was out of Canada.



It sounds like you should be promoted to me. You have the right mindset. Is it possible?


I am such an underutilized resource there. I doubt they’re going to promote me. They don’t really understand what I do for a living.

I’ve been filling my time writing letters and assembling documents for agencies investigating my son’s P father and for the child support enforcement people.

It’s been a blessing. Can keep that toxic stuff out of the house and go home to down time when I get there. And, I look busy! Saves on printer ink, too.



Well you are seeing the silver lining! Good for you!

Yes that toxic stuff has filled my home as it was where my business is/was. That has been a very destructive part of my yuck but it has also been one of the only reasons I am not homeless so it’s a double edged sword. I did get a lot of it organized again recently. I had to move my home and business twice since psycho was released from prison as I was on his no contact victim notification list. So I ran from my home of 15 years (child in tow) at the time and then after almost 2 years, I came back defeated, spent and unravelled. Once I realized the no contact order meant nothing in family court and family law was not law, I just came back. I’d like nothing more than to have a large bon fire in the backyard as I have boxes and notebooks full of legal documents but I can’t………..YET.


Somehow, I missed this but since the findings are preliminary, I will reach out to the researcher.

My last manager is a sociopath. He will lie, cheat and manipulate to advance his career. His favorite mode of operation is blame.

This person is so vile I have seen him praise a person to his face then back stab that person immediately when out of hearing range. He does not challenge senior management and only tells them want they want to hear. While ultimately forced into a voluntary layoff, he did quite find and now is the chief technology officer of a company in Seattle.

His incompetence directly cost my former employer millions, some of that being the money I won from them over an illegal termination. However, I bet his golden parachute was far more than my settlement.

Ox Drover


You said:

“I’ve been filling my time writing letters and assembling documents for agencies investigating my son’s P father and for the child support enforcement people.

It’s been a blessing. Can keep that toxic stuff out of the house and go home to down time when I get there. And, I look busy! Saves on printer ink, too.”

I’m glad that you have time at your paid job to work on your personal issues, but I would not think that would give you any feeling of job security. While you may indeed be an “under utilized resource,” I think I would be out looking for another job. I doubt that the company will keep on paying you to do your personal research forever no matter how “busy” you are able to look, so either you will have to start being UTILIZED by the company or they will let you go.


No, Oxy, I do NOT have any feeling of job security. Nobody does.

People have been bailing out when they can find something else. Our financial person gave her notice after six months. She can’t handle the place.

I have been looking for work elsewhere for some time. I have a lead. I also applied for three jobs elsewhere in my company at a different location.

It’s part of how badly managed this place is that they aren’t keeping me busy. I go nuts just sitting there doing nothing. If they want something, I deliver.

Rumor has it that they are going to shut the whole place down. I heard the guy that they replaced the top guy with is there only on a temp basis because that’s what’s he’s doing, shutting our location down.

Most of us feel it is not a question of if we are going to lose our jobs, but when. Wednesdays are very tough because everybody knows if they are going to let you go, they do that on Wednesday at noon.

I am lucky that I am in a remote location with very little foot traffic going past me. If two people walk past my office during the day, that’s a lot. Otherwise, I am all alone. The people who used to work around me are long gone. I feel like I’m working in a graveyard.

I’m on the top floor in the executive/operations area. The production and technical people are on the floors beneath us.

I assume they’ve kept me for some reason.

But, if they are going to keep us, then they might not need me until they get other things are more re-organized. I hope that is what is happening.

I’m not happy there. I’d rather be elsewhere. I have to feel productive.

As far as getting paid to do my personal stuff, God knows what I need. I work according to God’s plan. I could be wrong, but I think my case with Daddy Dearest might help many in the long run. That could possibly be my “real” job, at least in God’s eyes. This may be exactly how God wants things to be. I’m open to that possibility.

I consider this a gift and a blessing. I’ve had enough stress in my life.

If they let me go, because of this or simply because they’re letting everybody go, then God will provide.

All I can do is take things one day at a time. I am grateful for the paycheck. Other companies that I have been with will let employees sit and twiddle their thumbs for a while because they’re getting things together elsewhere.

I’ve let them know that I am available. Just yesterday, one of the managers told me to enjoy my downtime while I can.

I’m also on shakey grounds because of my family of origin right now. My niece contacted me on Wednesday to say that her mother, my older sister, has been diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer. She “should be all right.” She asked if I wanted her to keep me informed because she knows about my NC.

The issue is that my younger sister, the P, and my S mother, aren’t going to be very supportive. My older sister is a widow and has always been a target of their attacks. I’ve been the one who has protected her over the years. I think she is probably scared out of her mind right now. Of course, everybody knows that I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was carrying my son.

I want to call her and be supportive, but that will be breaking NC. My NC hasn’t really been with her, but trust me, I am not under any delusions that what she hears from me will be kept away from the rest of the family.

I already replied to my niece to keep me informed. I’m afraid if I do call my older sister, then NC will go out the window. I do not want those people back in my life, but my older sister has done nothing. She does have a daughter who is in her 40s who can be supporting her.

My older sister literally lives back-to-back from my S mother. My heart goes out to her. I am a compassionate person. I am her sister and I have had breast cancer, too. I know the h3ll my P sister put me through when I had cancer and how much my mother was on the fence until she decided to support me. My mother will be 90 at the end of the month.

This is just more sh!t that the Ps put us through. Yeah, I can stay NC, safe, but I’m not sure how happy I’ll be. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

Ox Drover

We are able to be as happy as we are determined to be I think, so working through the drama in our lives, the drama around us, and ignoring most of the drama seems to work best for me.

I think if I get side tracked by drama, my own or others’, I am not able to focus on the things I need to do to improve my own lot in life. I find the more I focus on taking care of me, the better I feel.


I thought about what you said.

Drama I can pass on. No way. Don’t want that. I would not get involved with what she is going through.

I am also not the woman that I was 20 years ago when I was pregnant and diagnosed with cancer. I am much stronger, know about Ps, and have my act together when it comes to knowing what is going on in that family. I KNOW what their behavior is.

She is still a human being, an innocent victim of the Ps, who is hurting and is more than likely, very scared. She is very meek and vulnerable. I am still a person of compassion and I am still her sister.

Rather than calling her, I can send her a card to let her know that I am thinking of her and that she is in my prayers.

That will make me happy-because I reached out to her on a personal level, but it will keep the boundaries intact.


When I first participated in this survey, and then read the ‘results’ I felt a bit duped, because we all know that (the results, I mean).

I have worked with a malignant narcissist, if not a spath for the last 2 years. I’m amazed that I spent the first 6 months trying to figure out a way to make it work. I was new, he wasn’t. I knew after a week that I’d made a huge mistake and wouldn’t be able to work with him. I did all the right things, spoke to my supervisor to ‘gently’ intercede…all to no avail. The rest of the staff dismissed my concerns…they’d all been there, but as they didn’t have to work with him directly, they didn’t care.

Until a few months ago, when our supervisor unexpectedly took early retirement and this person is pushing for the job. Now, after two years, the staff is panicking and supporting me…yeah, only because they are terrified of him.

Thankfully, I have a union, however weak it is…and have had my complaint by the Human Rights Tribunal accepted…hopefully I can negotiate a transfer.

I came out of a spath relationship that all but destroyed me, and placed myself in a workplace with another one. This spath/narc was supported by extremely corrupt/weak management…and I beat myself up for all this time trying to make it work, despite knowing that the only true resolution was for me to get out.

Ah well, I do have to admit it’s made me stronger and definitely a lot more cynical…and sad.



sometimes I think it’s just our fate.

You are doing very well considering. Continue to trust that these are lessons you need and will benefit from.

Kudos, for surviving and thriving.


Welcome to LF!
It sure is a mind game they play on us…..and in the workplace no less.
I hope you can be successful at your transfer, as we all need peace.
They seem to be around every corner……and having the tools to deal with them is key to getting through.
It’s interesting to see how my kids deal with them in everyday life, and what they learned having a spath dad.
I think in the end….as they all head out into the world….they are better off being equipped. And yes….stronger, much stronger!

There is alot of good articles here…..and alot of good people for support.
I wish you well.


Hey Shelley – I participated in this study, too. I really appreciate how you stated about trying to make it work and then realizing it’s not about you anyway and you need to transfer. Wishing you the best of luck to find a better spot.

My situation was tiring and frustrating and before I found this site. LF has explained so many things to me. I’m thinking that in the workplace and in our personal lives, when we cross paths with a spath / narc it’s a whole different ball game that just having a bad day. Yes – it took me awhile to learn that.

I’ve decided that if those around us have awareness and solidarity against spaths / narcs, then we have a chance to weather the situation at work. But mostly I’ve seen fair weather friends, minions, fence sitters, and total ignorance of the reality playing out before our eyes. That’s when I think we need to just get away from the situation if we can. I used to keep trying, but now I know better.

My co-worker spath bullied and manipulated and when our work group was reassigned, I did not stay with my group. Best decision I ever made. She’s still at my workplace and still being herself.

I am grateful that the workplace is getting some attention about bullies, etc. A couple months ago, in our mass e-mailings, there was an ad for how to interview potential employees in order to avoid hiring problem people. I’m not in HR, but I was happy to see some awareness out there.

I, too, am sad when I see the potential for getting good things done, but cannot because of the monkey wrenches the spaths keep throwing in the machinery. Sad that the best decision really can be to leave. Take care.


I had one for a boss when I had to to support my children until she got promoted. Then I found out that I got her job when she died. Talk about sweet revenge. I say that now but I was not happy to find it out at the time.

After I remarried I had the luxury of quiting rather than puttinging up with psychopaths at work. I do not know how many are actually psychopaths but the workplace is full of people who climb the ladder over the bodies of others.

My ex, the psychopath got started wirh one of the best law firms in DC with my brother’s help. He slowly sank down to jack leg southern abulance chaser and sleezy divorce laywer in a small town in Georgia.

Unfortunately, many are able to work their way up to the Whitehouse and Congress. We have a nest of them there right now.


For me, a job has ceased to be “something meaningful,” anymore. At one point, it was very important for me to be the VERY best employee that I could be – often putting myself on the line, covering up for others, and allowing myself to be drawn into the workplace drama/trauma because my behaviors were all fear-based and shame-based.

Oh, hell no. Not anymore. A job is where I go to perform a task(s) and am compensated for this in the form of a paycheck. I will not get cozy with coworkers, bosses, supervisors, owners, etc….nope. I will do what I am required to do, and no more. I used to go above/beyond to make myself valuable. I don’t need to do that, anymore. I AM valuable, but I’m dammed sure going to be compensated for whatever it is that I’m contributing.

I think the Former Self was so desperate to be valued that I was PRIME for spath targeting. And, no job, paycheck, or compensation is worth that ugly dance, ever again.

Brightest blessings


Its no coincidence that just three hours before reading this post, I was looking up info about workplace bullies and harassment. One guy said these people were psychopaths in his youtube video. My past relationship with my spath has been shared with my coworkers and other workplace employees not of my company and they have laughed at me since january with cruel hatred. I have not said on word to them in relation to this and I do my work minding my own business, but they are so obsessed with the story, they can’t stop.

I can’t come at them because I was stupid enough to believe him. The insults invade all levels of their company and I can’t prevent people from talking. They haven’t come to me directly to find out if all that is being said about me is true. These are adults. People who feign sympathy and christian beliefs yet they make sure not to let a moment go by in commenting to themselves loudly about what he had done to me. Every single day I’m there.

The leaders of the pack of hyenas are in some ways like my spath. They seem likable to everyone, charismatic, and in good positions of earning money. One I know for a fact is a supervisor of that company. Today, they got renewed vigor in their laughing spree and I’m not quite sure what it is. I’m 7 1/2 months pregnant and don’t need this stress. Anyone else would have quit by now or done a columbine or committed suicide. I am doing my best to hang in there and not allow them to defeat me.

Ox Drover

Did anyone see the TV special last week about “work place violence” that was caught on cctv? It was dateline or 20/20 and it showed people throwing computers, attacking other workers, screaming and yelling etc. The people who were narratiing the show seemed shocked by this. I was not shocked at all.

Of course we’d like to think that we are safe when we go work but that is not always the case.

Sometimes the film shows someone acting like a 2-year old throwing a tantrum if you just looked at the body language, sometimes it appeared the rage was more adult and directed toward another worker. Scary stuff.

This program only centered on physical violence, not emotional violence.

I used to have a “career” and a “career track” but there came a time in an abusive situation in the specialty hospital that was not just directed at me, but at the entire nursing staff–since my career was important to me I stuck out the abusive situation for 6 months and was one of the last to leave. I just couldn’t believe that the “powers that be” could allow this situation to continue. Well, the trouble maker got fired, but by then it was so chaotic, and during the great nursing shortage of the 1980s, then I left, and got a better job, another level UP the “career track” A month or so after I left the CEO got fired…she was as much a victim as the rest of us, she just fell for the psychopath control freak’s love bomb when she was new in her job, unsure, and the bad woman offered to “help” her. Yea, helped them both OUT of jobs, and destroyed the company.

One of the things I learned in management was that making personal friends at the office is not a good idea.

Another thing is that if you want to learn about someone, don’t talk to their boss about them, talk to the people who work FOR them….there’s where you will get the real skinny.

Don’t take just one person’s word about an incident if you can get witnesses.

Truthy,, I am retired now and don’t have to put up with the “office politics” any more and it is a great weight lifted off my back. The last two jobs I had were politically a mess (well they all were but these were pretty bad even above that other norm) the thing about the last two was that I was in a position to QUIT and walk out the door, purse in hand, when the stress got bad and wasn’t emotionally attached to the “career” it was by then JUST A JOB.

I worked with female physician and we were talking about the JOBS she had, rather than her “career track”—she took off time to raise her twins, get them in school, then worked nights in an ER for a while, then came to the clinic I worked in 2-3 days a week, (she later quit entirely to stay home with her kids) but anyway at the time we were talking she was working part time.

I always thought of being a physician as a lifetime commitment, you gave up everything else to be a physician and that is why I never wanted to be one like my grandfather. Dr. X said, “IT IS JUST A JOB…LIKE ANY OTHER *J*O*B*

It wasn’t too long that dr. X turned in her resignation and went back to being a full time mom. I ran in to her in a store the other day, I hadn’t seen her in 6-8 years. She had one of her now teenaged twins with her. She looked well.

When I left the job where we both worked (in clinics owned by a hospital) my next job was working for a psychopath and 6 months in I realized that the warnings I ad received about this woman as a boss were TRUE. I gave the minimum amount of notice I could professionally give and left.

The last job I had was only 2 days a week for another hospital working as charge nurse on the weekends in a psych unit of mostly old and very physically sick patients. It was very stressful, but it was a JOB that was all. I went and did my JOB and came home and my husband or sons would say “It’s okay, you don’t have to go back for 5 days.”

After my husband was killed I took off 3 months but then they wanted me to come back. So I tried, but realized I couldn’t work under that stress load any more and so turned in my resignation and retired to take care of MYSELF. It was just a JOB like Dr. X had said. Just like stocking shelves at wal Mart is a JOB, or teaching school, or being president of the US, it is just a JOB.

as you said, Truthy “no job, paycheck, or compensation is worth that ugly dance, ever again.”


Thanks all….Opalrose, Spathinator and ErinBrock…

The irony is that I found Lovefraud almost 2 years ago when I was searching for info on workplace spaths. It helped me understand my last relationship. However, that didn’t help me from stepping right back into the sh**.

And yes…like Truthspeak says…work has ceased to ‘be meaningful’ to me anymore. It isn’t that I don’t like the’s that I’m detaching from the drama.

As I’m going through this process with Human Rights…other spaths are coming out of the woodwork to throw spanners in the works…and it doesn’t matter..well, it does, but now it’s just part of the game and I’m more ready.

Yes, Wok_chang, I had the same experience…at first denial from co-workers (and colluding in harrassment), but now…they aren’t in denial. I can’t trust any of them. Sad, but reality.

It’s really sucked, but boy have I grown in the past months. At 50 – who would think?

I hope a transfer works out…and if not, well, Tim Horton’s sounds good (even at 1/4 the pay)…but I’ll battle on..only because I truly don’t have an investment in the outcome anymore.

Yes, Oxy, I saw that show too.

And did anyone watch Dr. Phil (yuk)…promoting his new book about Life Rules. He calls them Baiters. OMG…call them what they are.




I think for me the most shocking part of the show was the HR consultant who has written a book about the hidden antics of HR departments.

It made me feel out of my depth in dealing with workplace abuse.



This was a great read. My ex boss (friend) did all what was written here. But I am the only one who knows it. I didn’t know that My boss was a Sociopath intell after I was victimized and forced out after ten years. He has everyone fooled.The Emotional harm and the personal loss of time is something you can just pray to get over. He was a big game player, gasslighter, projection, lier, con man ect. I have read all your comments. This may not help much, but I understand what you are going through.

raised by sociopath

All I can say this hits home. We have a godly conscience to guide and condemn us yet; s path’s conscience is from the evil one.

raised by sociopath

S paths have problems respecting others boundaries plus share too much lying about themselves having miserable lives so we are off guard at what their true motive is. Just made a realization on my first work week. Deem to keep some distance from one.

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