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By | April 2, 2016 28 Comments

Wife fights U.S. military for 10 YEARS for $500,000 insurance after her soldier husband cut out her benefits before parachuting to his death

Kathy Mills

Kathy Mills

For 10 years, Kathy Mills, a former special education teacher and Mary Kay sales director, has been at war.

Kathy, of Pickerington, Ohio, has been fighting her husband a West Point graduate and Special Forces operative, the Ohio National Guard and the United States Army. She wants the $500,000 she should have been paid when her husband abandoned her to deploy to Iraq and later died in a parachuting accident.

The response from the military, courts and elected officials? Mostly, 10 years of runaround.

‘The worst part was not being abandoned by my husband,’ Kathy said. ‘It was being abandoned by the military and abandoned by the court system.’

‘I had been a taxpayer, a contributing member of society. I believe character counts. But I had a scarlet letter put on me by the court. I was a bad Army wife.’

There’s more lots more. Donna Andersen just wrote the entire outrageous story for the Daily Mail. Read it here:

EXCLUSIVE: ‘I was NOT a bad Army wife!’ Woman fighting 10-year battle with US military after soldier husband cleaned out their bank accounts and cut off her benefits before plunging to his death in a parachuting ‘accident’, on DailyMail.co.uk.

 


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NoLongerShocked

@becominstrong

My spath was involved in a terrible car “accident” on the day he married his first wife.

(The Mask comes off immediately after marriage)

According to my spath it was an arranged marriage but he had called it off a month prior.

(Sounds strange. A spath wanting a marriage – for whatever reason – isn’t likely to call off a marriage, is he?)

According to him she and her father appeared at his door unannounced and his parents agreed to the marriage and it was performed the same day.

(That begs a lot of questions. This sounds like a very traditional family. Did she think she was pregnant? A shot-gun wedding? Did she have an abortion, has she got a child that she doesn’t want the spath to know about?)

On the way back to drop her and her father at the airport, the same day, he hit a truck. I believe he hit the parked truck, on her side of the car, intentionally. Both were hurt but she much much worse. Looking back I don’t believe it was an accident at all (I wonder if she has figured that out).

(Yes, she figured it out straight away. She was there. That’s why she left him. Was he trying to kill an unborn child as well?)

I believe he tried to kill her … She left him shortly after she recovered. He always said that she “never got over the accident” and divorced him.

(Sounds as if this whole story is a ‘tell’, him warning you about what could happen to you, and getting dupers delight from it.)

According to the spath, he explained her disappearance to her wanting to remarry without any trace of a previous marriage.

(I wonder what the real reason was. And I wonder how much of the spath story was true.)

The junk mail continuing to turn up is really weird. It reminds me of another spath story I recently read on lovefraud where the spath was hiding credit card statements (for years) until he decided to quit. I wonder if in some way that’s another ‘tell’ that he’s sending you.

Since they were legally married and divorced you’d think that if any harm came to her he would be under suspicion. But if he was would he tell you? I doubt it. The whole thing’s very strange.

becomingstrong

Nolongershocked,

Yes, I agree with you, the story is very very strange. I believe that I must have had reservations about his story and that is why I tried to contact the ex-wife before we married. When I was unable to connect with her I dismissed the strangeness of the story by telling myself I don’t understand arranged marriages, well maybe she was in a hurry to return the U.S. and that’s why they married and she was flying out the same day, maybe his parents felt pressure with her and her father in their living room… I now believe that the accident was no accident. I do believe you are right and he wanted to drop hints of his true character and see if I believed the lie. I did at the time think it was strange that she wouldn’t have stayed an extra day after the wedding. When he came to the U.S. it took her about two years and then she left him. Even though, something about the story didn’t seem right to me at the time, I would not have believed then the “accident” was intentional. I probably would have believed, at most, he was reckless. As far as an unborn child. That is an interesting theory. If there is a child she has kept him/her hidden for more than 18 years. I have never heard one word from her, or anyone she might know. I think she realized things in the marriage were awful and continued to look for another arranged marriage. At the time the internet was not a factor and she thought she was able to wipe him off her identity. I think she was pretty successful at it. However, nothing would surprise me and certainly not a hidden unidentified child. One thing is for sure, having children with these types is life sentence. If they think they have a hook in you they don’t let go.

I also knew I didn’t trust him financially. I can remember going over our mortgage applications that we applied for over the years as we purchased we relocated and purchased new homes and the required credit reports very very carefully. The first thing I did when I filed for divorce was hire a forensic accountant. To date nothing has come up. I hope that if in fact her information had been used by him, or others he knows, that I would have heard something by now. My spath is unusual in that he has had the same job for 14 years; however, since I’ve left him he is transient in that he moves from rental property to rental property. I believe his scam was to torture me to death. I could never fall asleep if I was the passenger in the car on a road trip. I always had to be hypervigilant Money, homes, trips, clothing meant nothing to him. He is a true sadist. Your insight is helpful and my eyes are open to the truth. I want to have nothing to do with him financially because he is a liability and will be sued by others that he is bound to hurt.

AnnettePK

Your ex sounds like mine in some ways – the sadism for one thing.
I keep in mind that anything and everything my ex psychopath told me may or may not be true, even the most basic things. Unless a fact is corroborated by another reliable source, I don’t rely on it as truth. It might be helpful if you want to figure out more, to list the things that he told you, ie that he was married, that his first ex’s family showed up, that the wedding was spur of the moment in the living room, etc. etc.; and then identify which facts you know for sure because they were corroborated by a reliable source. Knowing the spath’s motivations is very helpful in understanding their behavior and their stories, but they have such well protected secret lives. It was several years before I knew about my ex spath’s porn addiction, pedophilia, etc; and I realized that anything is possible – any assumption based on normal boundaries of behavior and motivation is not necessarily accurate.

becomingstrong

You are right Annette nothing they say can be believed on its face. Of course these types make it so their roads rarely, if ever, cross paths. When I met him we were both living in the same apartment complex. I remember asking the maintenance man about him and about his ex-wife. Now, I realize that what the maintenance man told me then was insightful. I first asked if he knew her whereabouts, he said no. I then asked what he knew about her. He said that he didn’t know much but that she would call him and ask him to go to their apartment and repeatedly check the appliances for faulty electricity. The maintenance man said, “she was concerned about electricity.” Then, I thought oh she’s sounds a bubble off center. Now I see that she had some concern that either stemmed from some real fear of something he would do to her or she had post traumatic stress. When I told my spath later about what the maintenance man said about her, he just said he never knew that. He was also cleaver, he said, “She was always nice to Jim (the maintenance man) and made him desserts, why would he do that?” He wanted to appear that Jim was disparaging her when to the tuned ear he was just letting me know what he knew, without adding any opinions.
I am sure there will be many revelations to come. Unfortunately, I don’t know a single person, after all these years of marriage, I can call to see what is on the flip side of the coin. I hope when this is all said and done I can pack up and flee here. In many ways I will be living like he is, in a rental, very difficult to locate.

AnnettePK

The framework I use in trying to figure out what was going on with my ex psychopath is –

Anything he told me may or may not be true, based on whatever he was trying to accomplish (deceive, manipulate, etc.) when he said it.

What he does is based on his motivation at that moment, and understanding his hidden motives was helpful in predicting his behavior. When I believed his lies that he was an ethical Christian man committed to doing right who cared about my well being, his behavior made no sense. When I understood that he is a porn addict, pedophile, sadist, and pathological liar who doesn’t care about any other’s well being; who ‘married’ me for impression management in order to further his aspirations to become a minister, his behavior made sense. He was motivated to do porn without being found out, and to psychologically torture my son and me for sport while appearing a Christian to the church.

becomingstrong

Annette,

Thank you for your insight. You are very astute. I agree, understanding their motivation/agenda is key. I know that my spath is a sadist. I know that he wants to thwart the divorce to further torture me. He is at the end with the court in stonewalling giving his financials. He turned over the financials to me this week. However, he has filed a motion with the court that his attorney hasn’t given to my attorney. On it’s face the motion look innocuous. I believe in that motion is a request for change of custody. My attorney will file a motion to vacate next week based on this dishonesty. He is trying to delay the divorce by now requesting custody. Interesting, that his previous lie, the he made a credible offer to me last October, has just been dropped (no mention of his desire to have custody then). He thinks my daughter his my achilles heel and I will go back to rather than risk losing her. I have showed no emotion over this new development towards him. You are right that torturing is a sport for them. I look back and can’t believe I survived being in the marriage. He’d get up in the morning and ask himself how could he torture me that day. Sick

AnnettePK

Very sick, and very painful and harmful to us victims. You are probably doing the best thing for yourself and your daughter by not showing him any emotion . The greyrock method includes a suggestion that the victim let the spath think she is concerned about an issue that is really not very important to her as a decoy. Perhaps you’ll have an opportunity to let your ex spath think you don’t care so much about custody, and let him think you’re really concerned about some other issue.

becomingstrong

sorry abt typos

becomingstrong

Excellent advice. I have a couple of issues that I’ve been pounding on. Important issues but not the most important one. Got to keep them focused on what you want them focused on. I have to say, he was able to hone in on my daughter. He’s got several tactics going in the divorce to delay and confuse things: 1. stonewall, 2. undo important insurance policies and cancel them 3. sling mud at me at see what sticks 4. create new issues (like custody).

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