lf2
By September 30, 2007 17 Comments Read More →

With sociopaths, financial precautions don’t matter

Lovefraud.com has posted a new case study: Pilot romances his co-worker, gets her to buy him a plane. Yes, it’s true. Lance Larabee, who lives near Seattle, Washington, convinced Debbie White, who lives near Chicago, Illinois, to go into business with him. He had the idea; she had the money—her recent divorce settlement. All he needed was a plane, a boat, a conversion van and money to clear up some debts.

The business never got off the ground. Five and a half years later, White learned that she had essentially bought Larabee toys—big, expensive toys that he apparently used to impress other women. Her money was gone, and she had nothing to show for it.

In fact, she was more than $100,000 in debt.

Protecting her interests

The scary thing about this story is that Debbie White took steps to protect her financial interests. The business was properly incorporated by a lawyer. She filed federal tax forms. Concerned about personal liability in case of a plane accident, White removed herself as an owner of the aircraft, and limited her position to a secured interest.

Larabee put his commitments in writing. He signed three promissory notes, drawn up by lawyers and notarized. He signed two of them after it was clear that there would be no business. He promised to pay White back, with interest.

None of it mattered.

When White finally realized what was going on, she took Larabee to court. She won a judgment against him for nearly $233,000. But it was almost useless. He had no assets that she could attach. White is garnishing the guy’s wages, but it is going to take a very long time for her to break even.

Sociopaths don’t pay

I also won in court. I proved that my ex-husband, James Montgomery, defrauded me. The judge awarded me everything that he had taken—$227,000—plus $1 million in punitive damages. I collected a grand total of $517.

Many sociopaths live in a pyramid scheme, robbing one person to pay the next. Or, they don’t bother to pay anyone, no matter how many promissory notes they sign. Even when they have assets—think O.J. Simpson—they do everything possible to avoid paying any judgments.

In a way, it makes me long for the good old days of debtors’ prisons. But that wouldn’t work either. The sociopaths would talk their way out of trouble, and the poor men and women who got fleeced would end up in jail.

The sociopaths, meanwhile, would just move on to their next victims.

On the record

Unlike most people who get conned, Debbie White did not go quietly. She was brave enough to tell her story, on the record. I believe this is a very important. People all over the country, and the world, are being swindled in sweetheart scams all the time. But because most are too embarrassed to talk about it, everyone else doesn’t know the magnitude of the problem.

Millions of sociopaths are out there, sweet-talking victims into next scam. Not knowing it costs a lot of people a lot of money.


Comment on this article

17 Comments on "With sociopaths, financial precautions don’t matter"

Notify of

We thought the fairytale romance was finally coming true, then the wolf emerged from the sheeps clothing and the slaughter began. Who would have thought to distrust a man in a GA Army National Guard uniform? What you can be sure of is that the military protects their own, even when one of their own is engaged in immoral and illegal activities while on mission in Deming, NM at the FOB Operation Wolf. When he insinuated his way into our family we believed he was worthy of trust. He continually boasted his position, in intel, enabled him to check our backgrounds, but never in a million years did we think it was possible that he was leading a double life and had another wife. This “pretend” soldier has killed the spirit of a beautiful young woman. He has wounded our entire family and left our lives destroyed and in ruins. When the very people enlisted to protect us pose more danger than the terrorist threat, it is a very sad day for all Americans. Where is the justice?

I knew years ago that my son’s father was a sociopath. My red flags were up all over the place with lies and manipulations. But the realization of the almost permanent financial devastation that he has thrown down on my son and I is overwhelming at best.

I am college educated and have worked since I was twelve years old. My credit is now so bad from my dealings with my son’s father that I can’t even get a checking account. He has paid a total of $100 this year in child support and a total of $400 last year in child support, yet still manipulated the system to claim his son on HIS and his wife’s joint tax return. The man has not worked on the books in over three years.

The State had intercepted their joint tax return on my son’s behalf, but days before it was to be released to his account, his father’s wife reclaimed the whole check. Leaving me no choice but to apply for food stamps and state aid.

He has two civil warrants for his arrest in Ma. on failure to pay or appear in financial lawsuits that he lost. He is being investigated by the IRS for fraud based on his claiming his son as well as impersonating his wife’s ex husband in order to claim his tax refund. He has three different financial lawsuits against him from past legal representation and bilked his own parents, who are both beyond retirement age and both in poor health, out thousands of dollars.

I will win a lawsuit against him for the support, but what good will that do? My tax dollars will pay for him to sit is a jail cell?

Just what is it that can be done about “persons” like this. I will never regret my meeting him because I have the greatest gift, my son.

There is a part of me who is angry and refuses to give up the fight because I believe there needs to be justice done in my son’s name. Then there is a different part of me, the part that realizes the longer I attempt to get justice the more it will eat me up personally and the more it will continue the financial devastation.

The sad thing is, sociopath’s have no remorse and he will never internally understand what he has done to permanently scar his own flesh and blood……..

This subject has really got me scared. I’ve been so involved in fighting for my sanity since I left my psychopath that I didn’t realize how I’ve set myself up for more abuse.

I married him in May 2006, against my better judgment. Even though he’d been married 5 TIMES !, he had me convinced that he had mellowed since his youth and all his craziness was behind him; besides, he said he connected to me like no one else, right?

He was extremely attentive, charming, intelligent; bought
me gifts and ‘helped’ me with the struggles of my own life. He used his sordid past, peppered here and there with honesty and he was SO wonderful that I could’nt believe the horror stories he told me about himself. I now know that that was part of the lure-he came off as
tragically beautiful, if you know what I mean.

As I said, we married in May and by August of that same
year, I knew the gig was up. I caught him in stupid lies, he put himself in the psych ward because I went to see a friend, all he wanted to do was watch TV and read. He ignored me most of the time. I felt like a piece of furniture-an invisible piece of furniture at that.

A few months before we married I found out I had contracted HPV which is the cause of cervical cancer. My doc found pre-cancerous cells during a routine pap-smear and since I hadn’t been intimate with anyone for almost
10 years, it had to come from Mr. Wonderful. Of course
he claimed he didn’t know he had it.

I’d sold my house and had given away everything I owned when I moved in with him-his idea. He didn’t like
my ‘crap’. I lost $38,000.00 of equity from the sell of my home to him. I wanted to buy another property with the money, but he convinced me to pay off all OUR debt and buy a house sometime in the future.

Needless to say, I was very angry, hurt and determined at the time I left him. I intimidated him into keeping me on his health insurance (due to the HPV), because I called his previous wife after I left him and she told me she actually got cervical AND oral cancer from him! And he knew it. I also demanded that he pay back some of the money used to pay off his debt. (It was a circus with him while negotiating).

We wrote up a post-nuptial agreement which was signed by a county court comissioner. The only way I could stay on his insurance was to be legally separated from him, not divorced. In August of this year,
my mom died and left me an inheritance. Here in lies my fear- He has since broken off all communication with me since my mom died and has said things to imply that I’m the crazy one, and now I believe he’s up to something. In court, we learned that credit card companies do not have to adhere to our agreement of separate debt. They could come after me if he wracks up any debt and doesn’t pay it off. He loves to spend money and has filed for bankruptcy in the past. He also blamed his previous wife for his going through $38,000 of HIS money while he was married to her. She never saw that money-he went through it and blamed her.

I feel very vulnerable now. I don’t put anything past him. How do I protect my health as well as my inheritance? I will seek legal advice but until then, I’m scared out of mind.

By the way, he is an army vet, claims to have become bi-polar from his stint in the army, gets disability from the army, the department of defense as well as his previous employer. He brings in $45,000.00 a year in disability! He is a predator of women and a leech of society. He continues to get away with spreading his dis-ease-on so many different levels.

In the meantime, I’m struggling with the aftermath of loving him. I’m engaging in self-injurous behaviors for the first time in my life. I’ve lost friends, have been estranged from my family and find it difficult to deal with every day life. And he goes about his merry way, totally
isolated from people, while he watches TV and spends his disability checks each month.

I am in therapy but I as I’ve said, I’m struggling to go on.
I’m 51 years old and never dreamed I’d be in the position I’m in now. I’ve spent the last 21 years raising two children with severe handicaps. I’m spent.

Thanks for listening.

Smellycat

It’s not just embarrassment that keeps people from coming forward with their stories. It’s the threat of retaliation many fear.

I too was a victim of Lance Larabee and no longer consider myself a victim. Yes, I lost (for me) an incredible sum of money. But I still have my life. It may seem like semantics, but I choose to be a SURVIVOR not a victim. I am leaving the “vicitimy” game behind and HAVE to move on with my life. I believe because of my poor choices in getting involved with him, it cost me my career (and my job) and at my age I have a number of years left to work. I can only hope that the women who say they have even an inkling of a red flag when they meet a man, will go to this site and if they see the person they are thinking of getting involved with will not just walk but RUN the other direction as fast as possible and not get involved with this person in any way AT ALL. They are the best at deception, better than I thought any person could possibly be. Again, I end with my belief that just “surviving” is not an option. I am choosing to do what I need to do to truly LIVE my life the best I can despite my involvment with this person. I surround myself with a great support system and people that love me despite watching me go through a horrible experience with this man. These are my true loved ones.

smellycat:

You’re right — the credit cards don’t have to honor any agreement you and your ex-S signed. If your S doesn’t pay, they will come after you for the money.

Stop the bleeding now. Cancel every joint credit card and at least freeze the balances. Do it right now.

Regarding your inheritance, that steps outside of the marital estate. That’s not to say the prick won’t try to get money out of you. But, he has no claim on it.

Also, maybe you and his ex should go together to the DA’s office. In many jurisdictions, if someone with an infectious disease knowingly and wilfully exposes others to it, they can be prosecuted.

fishpirate–tell us more about your support system. What kind of help/support do they give you? I need more support and could use some ideas.

I would like some feedback about sociopath’s and money and I’m not sure where to post it, but under ‘sociopaths and money’ seems fitting enough.

Does an S or N necessarily swindle their partner? My situation is with me and my S/N son’s father, is that he DOES have money and plenty of it, and I’m the one without much money. So I am not in a position to be swindled.

However he has used his financial superiority as a power trip over me, such as leaving me out of his Will 6mnths before we broke up (I found his Will amongst his work gear) and now that we’re apart I’m in a position where I’m really struggling financially and cannot even afford to buy a car, while he is splashing out on his new girlfriend buying her hundreds of dollars worth of lingerie, taking her on weekends away and taking her to a cafe just about every day! (I can see his activity online on our old joint account which he still uses as his main account, I think he wants me to see how much money he spends on her otherwise he could use his other personal account). Our jointly owned home is yet to be sold and settled, (the lawyers are still nutting things out), so in the meantime I’m broke, I mean really struggling. (I am on welfare untill I can find a suitable part-time job which shouldn’t take too long, cross fingers)

If I dare ask for any help in the meantime his response is that he’s not bank. Even though I worked fulltime throughtout my pregnancy and while my son was a little baby while also doing all the household chores, helping him with his business, as well as his studies and preparations for interviews, which led to him getting 2 promotions while we were together.

So I feel I haven’t been swindled as in money taken off me, but more so swindled of my time and support to help HIM be a success, and then left for dead.

Has anyone had a similar experience?

Yes Rosie – I was swindled while living with him – he wasted all his own money on socialising, entertainment, toys and rubbish and left me paying for all the utilities, food and other household expenses. I suggest you contact a lawyer as your non financial contributions should be taken into account in any split of what is left from the marital home – this includes cleaning, cooking, housework, helping in his business, decorating and renovating the home, childcare, assisting him with studies etc. You have been left in a worse position than him because of your sacrifices to help him get ahead so it’s only fair you are compensated for that.

I also helped mine with study and bore the largest part of caring for the house and his wellbeing. I am pissed off about it all, but I am trying to end it q uickly so am not including the non financial contributions – he has no money to pay me anyway. You though may find that he owes you a lot more than you think he does.

My advice is to get yourself a woman lawyer with a tough reputation and plead that you are left destitute by this split because you threw yourself into supporting him. Had you focussed on yourself rather than him – you could have had a high flying career right now to fall back on. But you did the right thing by him and supported him through everything despite his dirty tricks. It’s only fair he does right by you – even if the law has to force him to do this. See a lawyer before the house is settled or before you sign any agreement about a split of the equity with him – a second opinion never hurts and could save you thousands 🙂

Good luck!

Its not only husbands and lovers who swindle you out of money. My 45 year old spath daughter has swindled me out of thousands and thousands of dollars, either by direct con tricks, lies, crocodile tears, or pity ploys. She has taken my last $450 in the world, -later I found out she didint even need it.
Over the last 4 years I have baled her out to the tune of over $10,000 . At LEAST prob. more.I recently found out that she embezzled over A$62,000 from a company she worked for, -they have “forgiven ” her $50,000 of this, I cant understand why! I gave her a gift of $1,000 when she married, and was then banned from the wedding, for no reason.As well, she has destroyed thousands of dollars worth of furniture, clothes, paintings and books, when she and her drunk friends trashed my home in 1980.I need a daughter like this WHY? Ive been NC with her now for nearly 9 months, and I miss her less each day. She is BAD NEWS!!A liar, a cheat, a con artist, a swindler, and a thief.She wont change, I know that now. My heart has been broken so many times it looks like a Mosaic!She confuses kindness for weakness, and she thinks Im a stupid stooge. No MORE!!She is BAD NEWS!!I used to wory about her all the time, sending he r money to pay the rent when she lost yet another job,HELL shes 45! A middle aged woman very soon! All her messes are of her own making ! She thinks shes so smart, so superior, I noticed she always surrounds herself with dumbasses, who look up to her.She still looks good for her age, but for how long? What happens when her looks fade, and she runs out of sucker to con? I have been kidding myself she loved me for SO long, I know now she despises me, hated me, and devalues me.And you know what? Im starting to HATE HER for the years of HELL on earth shes put me through. I cant remember one single loving thing shes ever done for me, not one. I couldnt win. If I lovingly prepared a nice roast dinner, for example, shed go out and buy junk food for her kids. If I bought more junky type food, ie, sausages, chips, etc, shed say theyd already eaten and they didnt eat that kind of food.her hous e was always a pig sty, but if she came over, shed pointedly dust the table off as if I was filthy housewife. I used to run around, cooking, looking after the kids, playing with them, while Madam used to sit and reasd magazines, and order coffee . She let the kids eat at the table with filthy hands,and even let the boy eat with his hands!I felt like the maid. In 25 years since I married David, she hasnt brought as much as a packet of biscuits into my home. She never used to talk to me, just read mags, its like I was her servant.What a contrast with our Iranian “kids” At Xmas, they brought the best champagne,{Moet!} flowers, and a home made cake, a card with “To the best Mum in the whole of the wide world!’ written on it.
I felt like Id died and gone to heaven! We are hugged and kissed, and made much of. Something D never did.I used to feel sorry for her, Something is definitley missing!As for the othe rdaughter, she will be 44 next week, havent seen her in 17 years, never once been allowed to see her 3 kids. Its heartbreaking. She isa cruel,,hard, snobby little thing. Dave and I have been wiped from her life. Love, to all, Gem.XXX

gem, is this the post you are looking for?

Yes thank you shabbychic! Lov, Gem.XX

THanks Midlife , you are right about everything there, and my lawyer totally agrees. Yep shes a tough woman alright judging by the letter she drafted the other day….when I sat down and read it, it really drives home how much I helped him! Just seeing it in black and white.

And it sure makes settling at the price I am asking a much easier option than going to court!

Like you get a second opinion, and I did do that as my previous lawyer was a little inexperience and was about to leave me shortchanged.

Actually you have highlighted something I had overlooked – how much money he spent on boozing and doing up his stupid old holden ute. I was preg/breastfeeding so easy to prove I was not involved in the boozing.

Cheers heaps for that matey!

Hope things are well with you?

Yes gemini something is definitely ‘missing’ that’s how I refer to it too. Does she take after a relative?
How hurtful it must be to be treated like that by the person bore in pain and nurtured and gave up so much for. Both daughters even!

I really try to appreciate my teenage daughter as she is lovely and sweetnatured.

But I do worry about my 2 yr old son’s future and hope whatever gene his father interited from his own father has been watered down by now.

Hey Rosie – yes I am on my second lawyer now – a woman rather than the first man who gave me inept advice and didn;t tell me my entitlements. You raise a good point about proving who spent the money – I have all the financial statements going right back to the beginning and had the foresight to not pay bills in cash so there is an electronic trail for everything. Had I not had them, banks can print out ten yrs of back statements for a small fee for each one 🙂 Something to always bear in mind.

Like you I am making an offer and hoping I don’t have to go to court to get this settled. However, if I do have to go then he will get to see that Hell really hath no fury like a woman spathed lol I will fight dirty and expose his pathology on public record for his new gal including all the domestic abuse I suffered. I hope he sees some sense and just agrees – I’ve had enough of it all. The legal aspects are just horrible to have to deal with on top of everything else. So it’s a bit of a stressful time, but I am managing …

Midlife:
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

YOU GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Keep working at it…..it’ll work out….it WILL!

Thanks Erin – it gives me hope to k now about your story and how you kicked some serious ass!!!

Send this to a friend