Melinda Jane Kellogg holds a Ph.D. in physics. Jeff Rense has an alternative radio program. Kellogg listened to the program for more than two years, and then, on Rense’s birthday, sent him a “Happy Birthday” email. He responded, they corresponded, they visited, they married. It didn’t turn out as Kellogg expected, and she tells the whole story—complete with documentation—on her website.
Visit Melinda Jane Kellogg
Link supplied by two Lovefraud readers.
UPDATE: More of the story is available on HenryMakow.com.Â
20years, my feeling about “no fault” divorce is that it should be an option, and not the only course of action. In my case, the spath would hardly want to have his forgeries exposed under testimony if he knew that there were strict punitive consequences as a result of his actions.
“No fault” was a good notion when it was concieved, as most ill-fated notions tend to be. It was strictly enacted to “protect” women (primarily) from being left with a passle of children with no form of support or income when their husbands wanted to leave them. These women were mostly housewives who stayed at home, cooked, cleaned, ran the household, raised the children, did the laundry, and all of the other tasks that a Domestic Goddess does. When a husband earned the income, invested that income, and retained assets, they were (prior to “no fault”) actually HIS. Wives weren’t “entitled” to any income that they, themselves, did not earn. So, in theory, this was enacted to “protect” the wives’ and children’s best interests, financially.
In the 1970’s, the rate of divorce under “no fault” skyrocketed to a near-epidemic proportion. People had affairs, left spouses, and engaged in every manner of abuse and simply dissolved the contract of marriage through “equitable distribution” of property and assets. It no longer mattered whether or not a spouse was paying for mistresses or pool boys, or whether or not a spouse took out loans in the other ones’ names, or defrauded another spouse out of their individual assets. Divorce awards/settlements became 100% “equitable distribution.” Value in dollar amount was placed upon every item in the home, and every asset that could be proven.
This concept has led to the tolerance of every manner of abuse within a marital contract that could be conceivable. It’s a simple matter of “You get 1/2 of this, they get 1/2 of that, and go on your merry way.” The emotional and financial carnage that results from these abuses has no monetary value – there is no punitive (punishment) damage award in “no fault.” This means that the worst that the exspath has to face for his multiple betrayals and forgeries will be……………………………minimal alimony on a short-term basis. Nevermind that he, by legal definition, “allegedly” committed a Federal Crime and coerced me out of enough funds that I would have been able to relocate anywhere I chose – in the US or abroad – and start my life over. Instead, he is able to literally walk away from every financial obligation and consequence with no more discomfort than paying a minimal amount of alimony, and for a very short duration.
So, this is my beef with “no fault.” Very rarely is a divorce amicable and reasonable, and someone is always more likely to be “at fault” as a result of their choices and actions. “No fault” relieves people who fit the profile of a sociopath from any legal and moral ramifications, and there HAS to be some type of change.
These are just my feelings about it, and the consequences of legal action against a spath or BY a spath need to be taken into consideration, as well. LONG and drawn out actions should not be tolerated. Bring on the evidence, provide testimony, and end it, for crissakes. But, render judgements and decisions that are FAIR instead of “equitable.”
Brightest blessings!
It’s such a personal decision whether to fight or fold. There are certainly benefits to fighting, and sometimes it may be the only choice you have – especially if you are fighting for your life, your home, your ability to find work in your field. I would never try and tell someone they are making a bad choice by going head-to-head with a sociopath to regain parts of their lives back. If you have victories, it can be very empowering to stand up to someone so evil. I myself turned in my spath to the army and remained on call for nearly a year while the investigation was happening, providing sworn statements from me and my friends.
While it was very rewarding to see justice served, it also came with a price. The price was that it kept him in my mind for a year, which prevented me from moving on in my love life. There is always a price for staying engaged/embroiled with a sociopath.
I no longer have any spaths in my life, but I have gotten to a point in my life where I will allow NOTHING – not one thing – to disturb my peace. I have even distanced myself from friends and co-workers if they start taking their stress out on me. I just want peace. I can’t imagine there is anything worth winning if it will make me physically or emotionally ill to do it. But I’m 52, and I see my own mortality every day. I am living my life as though I only have 6 months left to live. There are no room for spaths in that life.
re: “no fault,” the idea of a prenuptial contract became popular when it was seen how horrific “no fault” really was. I feel that entering into a contract of marriage shouldn’t be prefaced with a prenuptial contract, simply because it could be used/abused to either prolong a very bad situation, or end one that could be healed.
Skylar, very true words.
I know this, and I still have trouble getting my mind around it: our normal human response of expressing our pain does not bring about in a spath the normal human response of empathy.
There are two parts to their response, that I’ve figured out:
1) They DON’T CARE.
2) They GET OFF ON IT.
So really, the only way we can respond and not play into their hands is to not play the game they want us to play.
To not show our pain. Not put our pearls before swine. They not only cannot get any soul benefit (lessons) from witnessing our pain, nor can they give any solace to us of the sort which gives without taking, but they actually, literally get off on our pain.
Why would I want to contribute to that?
I had to learn this the hard way. To see his lascivious excitement over my honest expressions of woundedness. And his derision. And his amused delight. And his disgust. Nothing approaching any kind of NORMAL human response to another’s pain. It was all warped and kinky and made me feel much worse.
I realized it was depleting me.
The only thing that has worked for me, ever, to help me regain my strength and personal power, has been to pretend to be as boring as possible, completely unperturbed. Impervious. They get extremely thrown off base by this.
Their games with us are just for their power. Like, “I own you, I created you, so I can experiment on you, analyze the effects, ruin you, destroy you…. at any time. If I want to.”
So if we take back our own power by not engaging or being an interesting target…. it really puzzles them.
Eventually you can get to a place where you no longer have to be boring. You can start sparkling and twirling again, and if you thereby attract his attention once more, you can say with a look that pierces right into him, “don’t even think about it.”
Stargazer, what a very poignant and honest insight you’ve provided.
Someone recently suggested that an anonymous call on the exspath might result in an investigation of missing properties where he is employed rather gave me a malicious moment of glee, but I don’t think that it would matter. I just want done with him.
Thank you for sharing that insight, Stargazer.
Brightest blessings
Skyar, I agree with your insight on “outing” most spaths. Because of where the exspath works, I could very well place my very life in jeopardy if I were to publicly “out” him. It doesn’t matter if I’m “right” and he’s “wrong.” I already know what he is and what he did. My job, right now, is to emerge from this and fulfill whatever purpose I’ve been sent here to accomplish.
I love Donna’s first book title. It speaks about how I feel regarding my own experiences. We’re meant to “do something” as a result of our experiences, whether it’s to help others survive, recover, and emerge, or see legislative changes, or simply and effectively educate the general public about the cold, hard truths of sociopathic entanglements.
20 years,
You got it. After boring them into utter confusion, we can sparkle again. The key is to never give them a response that they expect: PAIN.
Sure we can fight for certain things, but never do it in anger. Just do it. Don’t show ANY EMOTION. Everything they take from us, or do to us, is more about taking our emotions than it is about the material things.
We must remember our motto: PLEASE DON’T FEED THE SPATHS!
Divorce is a tough thing. So can marriage be. I think it can be tough to sort out the assets fairly. I think in some cases in marriage, it works well and seems right that both spouses combine assets and joint liability, and live their lives as a team, for better and for worse.
I think it some other cases in marriage, one person does all the heavy lifting with great sincerity, while the other person does not keep their commitments, does not contribute to the work of the marriage, and/or actively sabotages or lives off the other person (like a parasite). I’m not talking about “in sickness and in health” like one person gets sick — that stuff happens and it is a bummer and you do the best you can. I’m talking about one person misrepresenting themselves or being immature or being a spath or deliberately taking advantage of the other or acting with great fiscal irresponsibility and disregard for the other person.
So how do we write marriage/divorce laws that apply under all conditions, and support and encourage marriage (of a mutually beneficial partnership sort) and in the case of a divorce, be fair to both people, sorting out the causes of the divorce?
Yes, Truthspeak, in cases of a financially-parasitic spath relationship, community property or “no fault” is anything BUT fair to the normal or targeted spouse.
I’m glad anything I share can be of help to anyone. Thank you, Truthspeak. Reading your posts, you sound like you are well on your way in your recovery as well.
20 years ago, I was living with an alcoholic. I was financially and emotionally dependent on him. I knew he was bad for me but I couldn’t leave. Then I met another man who was a healer (this is another story). As I tried to break away from my alcoholic boyfriend, I moved out of his house and began dating the healer. The healer really helped me see some of my own self worth, my own capabilities as a healer, and helped me become more empowered. One night I had a very powerful dream. I dreamt that I was sitting in a hot tub with my alcoholic bf and his friends. And the healer guy was there. He was very tall. He stood up and lifted me out of the the hot water and carried me away.
I have thought of that dream a lot when I need to get away from toxic people. I imagine myself just lifting myself out of the hot tub full of them and walking away. Healing for me is an uplifting energy. It pulls my energy up and away, distancing me from anything that would bring me down, so those things/people don’t become attracted to me nor I to them. Of course, along the way, I get to confront my own inner demons, but at least I have the power to heal those things. I don’t have the power to change another person.
Nowadays, I don’t really need a man to lift me out of a toxic situation. I can lift myself out because I know what happy and positive feelings feel like. Better yet, I just avoid them. Anything that doesn’t resonate with peace – whether it’s inside of myself or outside of myself – must go. Anger, depression, fear, toxic relationships………there is just no room for these things anymore in my passionate pursuit of happiness. I sat in the hot tub of my life with all these things for so many years. It never occurred to me that I can just get up and walk away.
J from my salsa class (man I like) has this very beautiful presence. When I dance with him, he looks directly into my eyes, and I can see his eyes start to tear up a little with joy and love. Not like the blank stare of a sociopath. Being around him is putting me through some changes. I feel this type of loving, accepting, and appreciative energy from him. Like he can really see me without judgment. This is a great mirror for me. It’s pushing all my buttons – bringing up all the things that are in the way of my loving and accepting myself. All the things that make me think I’m “not ready” for a relationship. What do I need to do to get ready? I need to just love myself. That way, when a truly loving man comes into my life, I can just receive it.
Other people are all mirrors for us. What we have manifested on the outside truly does reflect our mental/emotional state and what is going on inside.
20years, if I were an attorney, I’d write a bill and deliver it to my elected officials! LOL
Stargazer, what you are describing is something that Skylar just posted about moving on and finally being able to “sparkle.” We can “sparkle” without the need for someone else to light the fuse for us, and what you are posting is very empowering and encouraging to me.
Brightest blessings