When I was with the man whose lies no longer hurt me, I believed he held my freedom in his hands. I believed I could only be free with his love. With his words. His voice feeding me the lies I called the truth. The lies I believed were truth and was too afraid to uncover with my questions, with my doubt, with my fear he was telling lies.
Freed of him, I know the truth. I am free when I watch my words. When I listen to my voice. When I hear my thoughts and acknowledge my presence in my life — without measuring my journey against someone else’s belief they hold my freedom in their hands.
It took me awhile to get here. Here to this place where I know my value is found in everything I do and say. In every step I take to claim my birthright to be my most incredible self.
See, I believe we are all born magnificent. It’s the journey through life that robs us of our brilliance. It’s the road through where we came from, where we’ve been, that takes us away from where we are meant to be in all our brilliant light.
With the man whose lies no longer hurt me gone from my life, I am free to be all of me. Free to dance in the rain. To shout out for joy at the top of my lungs just for the sheer exhilaration of having a voice that can be heard. A voice I’m willing to raise. To speak up. To yell out with. A voice.
It is perhaps the greatest thing I lost throughout that relationship. My voice. My belief that my words. What I had to say, what I thought, what I wanted to speak of counted. For me. For those I love. For something other than just the filling in of the space between where my truth ended and the lies began of someone who could not hear me.
I swallowed a lot of words with the man whose lies no longer hurt me. I swallowed so many words I almost choked to death.
In freedom, I pull out all stops, unblock my vocal chords, polish up my song and sing for joy that I am free to give voice to what inspires me, encourages me, motivates me, sets me free. I am free to speak up and be heard. I am free to speak of what is important to me and know because it is important to me, it is important to my life.
You can’t do that when you’re with an abuser. Speak up, that is. You can’t speak up because his voice is always drowning out your words. His voice is pouring out lies and with all those lies, you can’t make sense of your own name, let alone who you are, what is happening, what’s going on, what’s the problem, what’s the issue. You can’t make sense of his nonsense because his voice keeps pounding in your ears, filling your mind with poisonous words that clog up your thinking and push back the sound of your own voice speaking up.
I never spoke up with the man whose lies no longer hurt me. I never gave voice to my fears, my tears, my sorrow, my confusion.
Except once. I yelled at him. It was on the phone. It was after a particularly long bout of his telling me how ungrateful, how selfish, how stupid I was. I yelled at him to STOP IT! He didn’t listen. He kept screaming at me.
I threw the phone across the room and I cried. Deep wrenching sobs that spilled out from my gut. Tears streaming, my voice silent as I stared at the handset where it lay on the floor a few feet from me. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
I had no voice when I was with him. He didn’t want me to have one. So I made sure I didn’t. I always did what he wanted. My doing what he said was the balance in our relationship. As long as I toed the line, obeyed, played the role he created for me, dressed in the clothes he set out for me, walked the way he wanted, talked the way he needed me to speak, saying the things he wanted me to say, balance was maintained. As long as I kept my voice silent, there was no shift of power, no unsettling of the unsettling balance we maintained with my silence.
It is a fine line we walk when toeing the line of their abuse. It is the line of self-annihilation. The pyre of self-immolation. We burn the threads leading to our past, scratch out the road leading from who we were and who we want to be as we become all they want us to believe we deserve: Their victim. Their possession. Their object.
In freedom, I walked away from who he told me I was into the truth of who I am when I let go of believing I was safer if I just stayed silent.
I don’t believe in silence. Silence is violence.
The violence of his abuse was found there. In silence. It lurked. It waited and it tortured me with its need to keep me still in the unspeakable darkness of the web of his deceit.
No more.
Today. I am free. Today. I speak up. I speak out. I speak for what is loving and healing and kind and caring of me.
Today, I turn up for me and speak my truth knowing I am free as long as I walk in the light of being my most magnificent self, every moment of every day.
It is my manifesto. My right. My destiny. My truth.
I am a magnificent human being on the journey of her lifetime dancing in the light of being all I’m meant to be when I walk in freedom from abuse.
You can be here too. Dancing in the light. Singing out for joy. All it takes is letting go of the bonds that keep your voice silent. All it takes is speaking up. Speaking your truth. Speaking your joy. Living in the exhilaration of being alive in this crazy-mixed-up oh so beautiful world where you are free to be, deeply, profoundly, noisily, vocally, You.
You are amazing. And don’t let anyone else tell you differently. You are magnificent. Exactly the way you are. And your voice counts. And when we count our voices together, we become a mighty force. For change. For truth. For freedom.
Let your voice be heard.
Hi – I’m new to the site and hope I’m posting in the right place!
Anyway like most everyone on the site I believe that my life has been very affected by a 2 year relationship with a man who I believe has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I’ve been out of this relationship for nearly 2 years, and have done a huge amount of healing – but still have some ‘hangover’ issues as a result of this experience which I’m hoping to share with others and read other’s experiences etc to try to get a handle on it.
I think that one thing that’s interesting about my story is that I’m a trained and experienced (child protection) social worker in the UK. And despite knowing much more that the average woman about the dynamics of domestic abuse and child abusers – nothing in my training or life experience had fully prepared me to deal with being the target of an N myself. I’m a bit worried that my job will be a ‘trigger’ for some people here who’ve had a bad time with Children’s Services – I know that I am often unable to give children/families everything that that want, need and deserve for lots and lots of reasons. I hope that people will be able to see past this and accept me as just another target of an abuser.
I guess I feel if I can get fooled and conned into this – then anyone can.
The only good thing to come out of the near nervous breakdown I had at the time is that I’m hopefully a much more aware professional now I’ve found sites such as this one and all the work by Dr Robert Hare, Martha Stout and others.
Remarkably in the UK Child Protection/Family Support social workers do not receive basic training as standard in dealing with anti-social personality types. In fact I was able to start practising and assessing families without having any prior professional training in what a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist etc actually is – though we do learn a lot about ‘domestic abuse’.
We learn (damn quickly) ‘on the job’ through direct experience day-in and day-out with a much higher than average number of abusive and/or dangerous persons – as well as many other families who are just ‘going through a hard time’ for one reason or another and are in no way ill/disordered or abusive.
We rely on our qualified colleagues in child or adult mental health to help us ‘diagnose’ or recognise dangerous/ill/disordered persons. However the majority of assessments that I carry out are done without reference to any mental health professionals (unless there is a pre-existing MH service or diagnosis) and only getting such expensive/timeconsuming assessments really if things are in a very serious place i.e coming to court etc.
I would like to say that I have found it invaluable to read on peoples experiences with the family court and justice systems, because I’m doing that kind of work everyday and it’s so important to ‘get it right’.
But I’m writing here just as a ‘person’ really whose life was completely turned upside down, inside out and backward for a long-time by this guy.
The one thing I’m still struggling with is any ongoing impact on me. The fact is that working day-in & day-out with child abusers of one kind or another is a bit of a trigger for all my own personal ‘stuff’ – really does take it’s toll. Sometimes I feel as though my ability to trust, care and be emotionally strong has been permanently affected. I feel guilty that I’m not always able to be as emotionally available to the children I’m working to safeguard and their parents/carers as I was before this relationship. This makes me both extremely angry indeed and also guilty/shamed at times. Sometimes I think I love my work – because I’m able to ‘make my experience’ count in a way that does seem to ‘make sense’. At other times I wish I worked in a supermarket or something and didn’t have these terrible responsibilities and intense/difficult feelings to channel and process everyday.
The other issue is that I would like to get some help around the issues around
justice/retribution/revenge/
vs
compassion/forgiveness/pity
Again these are central themes for my day-to-day work – but I have struggled with murderous rage against my N abuser on-and-off during and after the relationship. I have also acted on this in that I reported the N and his abusive mother to the police for a crime that they were later convicted of.
It took me a year to make the decision to report this crime. and I agonised over it. I wondered if I was just ‘taking revenge’ and whether my action was ‘proportionate’ and justified.
In the end I decided to report the crime because I felt that if a CP worker was too afraid to report and deal with criminal and abusive behaviour out there – then what hope for the everyone else. Still it was a very difficult decision as I was worried what come-back there would be if I did this.
As a professional SW one’s reputation is surprisingly vulnerable and one often feels ‘under seige’ and ‘under threat’. If a determined person wanted to make trouble for you- they quite easily can to be honest..
And I’m ‘part of the system’ etc etc! Which probably doesn’t inspire much confidence for everyone else reading this. (Sorry). In the event N did make accusations against me (that I use drugs – luckily quite easy to disprove). But still it was unnerving to have to go to my employers with all of that and worry whether I would have their support. They actually weren’t particularly supportive and I did have to change jobs because I no longer felt comfortable working for that authority.
Again – it’s probably a good thing in that it’s made me better appreciate what happens to the children and families that I’m trying to work with.
Anyway – the reason I struggle is that the crime I reported wasn’t ‘against me’ personally, but against another person. Though N did alot of nasty things to me it was mainly around constant lying/cheating, general emotional abuse/gas-lighting and some borrowing money and never repaying it. He tried hard to get more money out of me but when I wouldn’t lend him anymore & started to seriously call him on his abusive behaviours – he did the old ‘devalue and discard’ pretty quick and moved onto a new girlfriend behind my back.
I’m also bothered because sometimes I feel that I’ve ‘become like’ the N. In that – I used by knowledge of ‘the system’ to ‘fix him’ and ensure that the report of crime would be taken seriously. I planned it carefully and also took some enjoyment out of doing it too (at the time). These feel like the kinds of things that Ns or S’s do/feel and I am not comfortable with those feelings.
Mixed in some feelings of ‘gotcha sunshine’ were lots of feelings of anxiety – and also kind of lots of frustration, sadness and disappointment that this ‘payback’ – which whilst it was ‘effective’ in one sense (N did suffer a major Narcissistic Injury – public exposure/humiliation, financial consequences, prosecution/criminal record – the woman he’d left me for ‘dumped him’). It was just another ugly cycle of an ugly tale. I felt I’d gone in some senses from persecuted to persecutor. Honestly the whole story made me feel a bit sick still.
It’s not what I wanted when I set out on this relationship – I was in love with the person he pretended to be, and only wanted a happy, healing love and laughter-filled life. I thought that I ‘of all people’ could help and change him. (Ah those dangerous ‘rescuer’ fantasies!) I feel sad where he dragged me to and losing the last of my ability for ‘childish magical thinking’ and blind trust.
As CP workers often get to see the worst of the worst on a daily basis – to keep some sense of the wonder of the world, and trust in the universe is actually a ‘life or death’ thing – one ends up burned out and used up extremely fast – and actually as a ‘dangerous practioner’ unable to react and feel the way one ‘should’.
At points I wondered if I’d have to give up my vocation and passion for this work because I was ‘just too damaged’ and/or ill to do the job. I’m so angry at my exN for this – his behaviour hurt me, it hurt my family to see me suffer, it hurt the children ‘in my care’ as it ‘took me away from them’ emotionally. I guess all the mothers and fathers with P’s S’s or N’s in their life will be able to relate to this!
I need lots of goodness and happiness in my life again, to forgive myself completely and let go of him completely. I still think about him a lot and feel pity for both of us at the whole sorry mess! Sometimes hatred and anger still.
I can tell the whole story another time maybe – but it’s very much ‘same old same old’ as what other’s have been through – though perhaps not as severe as others have had (maybe that domestic abuse training did sink in somewhere afterall!)
Blessings to all in your healing journey.
Delta xx
Welcome Delta1, you are doing pretty good for having the rug pulled out from under you. You, like the rest of us have to move, step by step to put your life back together again. Your love was violated, along with trust issues, responsibility issue, your intellect was attack, finances, hope, etc. You name the level, he trampled upon them.
Even though you feel uneasy at this writing, rest assure, you will get back to your old self, except better, stronger, wiser etc.
Sorry you had to join our club under these circumstances … but, at least you know you are NOT alone. We’ve all been where you are and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Peace to your heart and soul as you heal from this heel.
Dear Delta, WELCOME!!!! This is I think the BEST place in the world to have a “safe haven” and to learn and grow. As a CP worker you are in a place to do more GOOD than most former victims are, but you are NOT alone in being a professional, there are therapists, psychiatrists, and physicians, and I am a retired registered Nurse Practitioner (advanced practice nurse). Our professional training and education doesn’t protect any of us really. We even have a criminal defense attorney!
The “forgiveness” to me doesn’t mean “approving” or “alloowing” what they did, but to get the BITTERNESS out of our own hearts, but that does NOT include blind trust.
“Pity?” HELL NO! They have a choice in behaviors just like I do.
Give yourself time and space. It starts off about learning about them, but ends up learning about ourselves, forgiving ourselves, learning to set boundaries and be cautious and wise. In other words, learning how to live a good life! Again, Welcome! God bless.
Thank you WIni and Ox Drover for making me feel welcome to the site. It’s really good to be able to talk to people who do completely ‘get it’.
I have felt such a fool in the past and so isolated so this blog is a really positive find for me and others here who also became targets.
As I said – I still struggle with ‘bitterness’ and anger towards my ex and also some negative obsessive thinking . Often I notice that I just generally ‘don’t feel emotionally safe’. Although it doesn’t manifest itself very obviously it has the impact of just quietly holding me back a little bit in everything. For example I seem to needs lots more ‘alone time’ than previously and have lost social confidence.
During the abusive relationship and for the 6 months following ‘devalue & discard’ I developed a habit of heavy/binge drinking at weekends. I realised this was a serious threat to my long-term recovery and did find a good therapist which helped a great deal. I still occasionally struggle with the urge for the ‘oblivion’ of alcohol. Then I feel lots of shame and guilt too – of course you can’t function as a CP worker if you’re drinking too much. It’s just all around ‘bad news’.
Of course ex N loved it when I started to ‘break down’ under his abuse and drink a little too much to cope. I had also confided in that I’d been sexually assaulted when I was a teenage (revealed in couples therapy). I noticed straightaway that ex N was absolutely fascinated/excited/obsessed with these damaging life events of mine. Aha – an actual ‘flaw’ for him to pick and pick and pick at – he was like a dog with a juicy bone!
I’m lucky because my ex-N doesn’t try to contact me. The last time we spoke he became aware of how much I’d moved on and I think of how much I dislike him now. I know I should be glad and tell myself I’m lucky, but secretly I wish my ex N would contact me. This feels like a ‘failure’. Then I tell myself that such feelings are normal part of the ‘betrayal bond’ and not to be too hard on myself. Still it’s irritating.
My other difficulty is anger towards ‘the other woman’ – the person he left me for. in the ‘devalue and discard’ phase. She was aware that he was in a relationship with me and I have felt real anger towards her for ‘being my instrument of torture’ at the time he left me. I have never had an affair or been with someone else’s partner and find it hard to be at peace about her decision to get into a relationship with him when she knew he was living with another woman.
Of course once she became his ‘full time target’ he cheated on her, lied to her and stole money from her too. However I find that I’m ‘pleased’ she was abused too. The ‘pleased’ feeling doesn’t feel good for long and if I dwell on it ever I find this attitude a little ‘sick and twisted’. I wish I were a better person to be able to see her as just as much of a target as I was and not feel these ‘vengeful’ feelings.
I am ashamed to say that no-one else gets my pulse racing like my ex – now with contempt/disgust rather than love. I read somewhere that sometimes we meet people who should frighten us off and set off an ‘alert’ in our body, but we mistake that ‘butterflies’ gut feeling for ‘attraction’.
That’s why I sometimes worry I’ve become like him, on some level I want ‘the game’ to continue in order to be able to come out ‘the winner’ this time or ‘do things over different’. I know that this is very, very unwise and that I should just focus on my healing, my journey and creating a good and happy life – but sometimes I find this difficult to let go of. I feel if I were to ‘stop monitoring’ that he would find some way to ‘get me’. Basically I have paranoid feelings alot.
Thanks for reading!
If anyone has any further words/advice do please pass them on. I’m thinking of going back for therapy again – but have moved and would need to find a new therapist which is a little daunting.
Delta1
Delta1, what you are experiencing is what we call on LF as the WAFFLE phase. Remember, the rug was pulled out from under you (as we all experienced). Imagine trying to get off the floor and you have no idea how you ended up there. You get on your knees, look for an arm of a chair to pull yourself up. As you try to stand, you noticed your legs are not really supporting you. You aren’t steady … it’s a dizzying experience because you didn’t do this to yourself … another did this to you. You are wobbling back and forth … in a daze (Post Traumatic Stress) …
Step by Step, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day … you get steadier and steadier. It’s a process. I believe as long as we were in the relationship, the shock of where we are at the time that we find out it was all a lie from hello to goodbye … it takes at least 1/2 the amount of time to get back to normal … then forward to getting better than we were before. Be prepared to get your breath and be strong, then minutes later be as weak as a lamb. That too is natural. You will have your good moments, then bad. I can’t even say days at this point because everything is so myopic at this point in your life. Remember, it’s all about you right now. Pamper yourself. I liked to take long hot bubble baths. I’d put on my favorite music and just sit in the tub for hours. I’d get out of the tub, feel better for a few minutes … then run the bath again … back in the tub to soak and relax the best I could. I was waffling … back and forth through all my emotions, good, bad, indifference … whatever came up, I just went with it.
You can pour your heart out to us. Whoever is on line at the time you write, will gladly write you back. Believe me when I say this … we’ve all been where you are right now and we are all in this together. There is nothing you can write to us that we haven’t experienced. What you are doing is purging yourself of everything that he tainted in your life. Step by step, you will get stronger and stronger … then weak again, then an up swing to strength, downswing. It’s a constant back and forth waffling effect that will take over for a long while. That’s just the way it is with trauma. Make no mistake, you were and are still traumatized.
Peace.
Delta:
I am sorry your here under such pain and anxiety….YET…..for selfish reasons for LF….I am ecstatic you found us!!!!
I live under the preface of…..RIGHT IS RIGHT AND WRONG IS WRONG! Bottom line!
I will NEVER own what others choose to do! If it’s against the law or someone is hurt……I will STAND UP!
I do not look the other way, turn the other cheek, or pretend itdidn’t happen and it’s none of my business.
I really went balls to the wall with this after I learned I had been used as a ‘cover’ for my spath and NO ONE stepped up for me. No one reported him, and most turned a blind eye.
I NEEDED HELP! And didn’t get any outside help…..I did it myself!
So now…..when I see an injustice….and I can help or offer some sort of ‘aid’…..I DO! If a statement to police from me will help this person and I have facts or first hand account…..guess where you’ll find me!
This is our civic duty! And it’s a shame more don’t feel the same.
I also won’t let my spath get away with ANYTHING these days.
(I am divorced a year and we have kids who havent seen/spoken to him in 2.5 years)
I have found that I am safer if I keep his nose to the coals legally. If he threatens us or harasses us…..cops are called. If he violates the TPO….it’s reported 100% of the time! I don’t give him an inch.
It’s wearing…..but so it being spathed by him.
I learned his behaviors. I ‘reviewed’ my life with him and realized all the lies and how he thinks and what he got away with. They don’t change their tactics…..and I found it helpful to ‘get into’ his brain/mind……this allowed me to predict his ‘moves’ and protect us. I now…go with my gut, and I have been right on in my predictions of him.
I was able to expose him in the courtroom, where it counted for me financially. And I never held his secrets once I found out what they were. I don’t own his shiat and I am NOT going to keep quiet about anything he’s ‘up’ to. If he doesn’t want the world to know what a con he is…….then I suggest HE change his ways! CUZ….you can’t hide behind me anymore…..NOW your gonna hide FROM ME!!! I used everything he did ‘against’ me……back ON him. I ‘back spathed’ him, Counter controlled him……and it worked!
Do I feel guilty….NOT IN THE LEAST! I worked my ars off being a good mother, wife and business partner…..and when I found out it was all a lie…..I thought, the least I deserved was to leave this marriage with ALL I HAD PUT INTO IT and worked for! And I did!
I gave him my health…..and it almost cost me my life. The stress I lived for all those years……came to a head 1 month after I kicked him to the curb. I had 2 strokes and cancer among numerous other health issues. He spathed me when he found out I was in hospital. He wanted me dead, I’m sure.
Well…..too friggen bad……how’d that work for ya spath? Not well at all! He filed for divorce when I was in radiation. Thinking I was too weak to fight him. He told me he was gonna….”Take me to the cleaners”……all I could respond with was……”GAME ON”.
I decided it was either death…..or success! I went for a successful divorce….and I got it!
I educated myself on sociopaths….and learned the ‘game’.
This is HOW YOU DEAL WITH A SOCIOPATH!!!!
You can either go away scared and crying and destroyed……or you can stand up for yourself and fight like hell and take care of yourself!
It’s important to keep a balance……keep ‘who’ you are…..but step out of that ‘mold’ and fight like a spath. Know yourself and your limitations and know your spath.
they don’t expect us to fight em…..because we never have.
When we ‘shake it up’…..it throws THEM off balance! We need to keep em off balance.
Change up our routine…..switch up our ‘buttons’…….reprogram us……so they can’t ‘get to us’.
If we are weak….we must ‘fake it till we make it’.
Look em in the eyes with power and strength…..YOU DON”T CONTROL ME…..watch….i’m gonna make you sweat! They are NOT used to this…..and don’t know how to respond.
We need to push them away with our power……confuse them and be ‘too hard’ of a victim to figure out, so they go away!
You are lucky your’s doesn’t contact you! You sound like your going through the ‘grieving’ process. You had the relationship, and then the legal crap of his crime. It was a ‘high’, and you did well……NOW it’s time to come back down, and it sounds like your finding that part hard. It’s like withdrawals…..and you WILL evolve into another place.
Awareness helps, awareness of ‘where’ you are at any particular time with your emotions…..and trust the process…..it’s ever changing. The more you learn…..the more you learn.
This attitude has given me power, empowerment and confidence. I got MAD……and I ain’t gonna take it anymore! PERIOD!! I did it for 28 years…..I gave him my best, I tried my damdest to make this relationship work……until I found out it was way beyond my power and he wasn’t someone who I morally, socially or intimately wanted to be with…..we didn’t share a life…..I shared a life and he manipulated our lives…….he wasn’t going to change……he is a SOCIOPATH…..they DON”T change.
I think your job is great, I think you can offer so many people so much from this experience…..once you understand it all. The more you learn, the more help your gonna be able to offer those kids. Think of this time (when you don’t feel like you can give ‘your all’ to them) as a time of educating yourself for YOU and THEM!!!! Those children will be much better off with a person with such experiences looking out for them!!
Forgiveness….well….I’m not the one to be offering advice on that. I still don’t know what that feels like. I don’t feel like I can forgive someone who hasnt’ stopped hurting my children!
I know it’s for me and not the spath….but I just can’t find that place yet!
In the meantime……YOU remain strong, LF offers so very much healing and support. Read it all darlen, and absorb it up.
You’ll do fine, you’ve got a big heart!
Be kind to yourself…..and WELCOME to LF!
XXOO
EB
Erin, I don’t say this lightly … “YOU take my breath away”.
I’m with you, call a Spath a Spath. All these people in the world that don’t want to get involved when they know that someone is doing another wrong, is so outdated, it’s beyond pathetic. I for one will stick my big nose into other people’s business when I know someone is indeed getting manipulated by another. Even if I’m wrong. So what. At least I cared enough to care.
Peace
Erin, I agree with Wini, you take my breathe away too! And you so inspire me!I was in JUST that sort of fighting mood when I wrote to my unknown Granddaughter on Facebook. This time i was NOT going to be shut up, shut down, belittled, silenced, devalued by my biatch of a daughter!.I suddenly realised “She is my enemy, she hates me, and why?” What have I ever done to her, except give her love and devotion?She doesnt begin to deserve me, I am worth so much more than her passive aggression, her lies, her snobbery,her “devalue and discard” attitude to me.For so many years I “ate crow” just to get to see her,and my other biatch D, and older Biatch Ds kids.NO MORE! Even if I never get to see my older daughters kids again, I will no longer Kow tow to her,never!Look at poor NewLily, living on crumbs of affection thrown at her by her spath kids. Refusing to believe, right up to her death, that she meant less than NOTHING to them.That could have been me,pathetically begging fora crumb of affection thrown in disdain from these biatches .And ,no, I HAVENT forgiven biatch 2 for banning me from her kids lives. I wrote to her, and said,”God may forgive you, but I NEVER SHALL.”Im not obliged to forgive either of them, they are NOT sorry for all the unspeakable hell they have both put me through.for over 30 years. Surely forgiveness is contingent on the person who has wronged you saying”Sorry”, and showing by their life and future actions that they have changed.If they have NO intention of ever saying sorry or ever changing,then, no, I do not forgive them. I can forgive myself for being fooled by them for so long.After damming up my anger for so long,hey it feels bloody great to be BLOODY ANGRY, and I am!!MamaGem.XX
OK, I dug out some of my oldie but goodie links … any time anyone needs a pick me up (SMILE).
I still play these over and over again to calm my waters …
http://www.theinterviewwithgod.com/
http://www.pathways-to-peace.com/
Now this video is my all time favorite (LOL) … when I try to explain to folks who know nothing about the huge egos of Spaths.
Hope you can view this wmv … you will need to cut and paste this link into your search engine to view.
captain_win_wmv