Escaping sociopaths (or antisocials, narcissists, and psychopaths) can be tricky. Some disordered partners are violent, but even when they’re not, they’re typically skilled at controlling you through emotional or psychological intimidation, making it hard for you to leave.
If sociopaths sense you are pulling away, they will either charm and love bomb you until you change your mind or lash out and make your situation worse. Therefore, your objective is to escape before your sociopathic partner realizes what you are doing.
10 crucial strategies for leaving
Here are 10 crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath that will help you get away — and stay away.
1. Keep your mouth shut about leaving
Do not announce to the sociopath that you are leaving {unless you say this all the time; see #3 below.) In fact, don’t tell anyone who may disclose your plans — intentionally or inadvertently. This includes your kids, your family and anyone who talks to the sociopath.
2. Don’t accuse the sociopath of being disordered
You may have finally figured out the reason for your partner’s outrageous, confusing behavior — he or she has a serious personality disorder. You may be dying to shout, “I know what you are!” You may want to rant that your partner was the problem all along — not you. Don’t do it. It will blow up your secret plans.
3. Do not change your behavior
Sociopaths are very observant. Your partner studied you in order to seduce you, and if your behavior shifts at all, he or she will notice. So, behave as you always do. If you’re quiet and submissive, stay that way. If you always fight — keep at it. Do not give your partner a reason to wonder what you’re up to.
4. Get copies of important paperwork
If you’re married and have assets with your partner — a home, bank accounts, retirement accounts, vehicles — make sure you get copies of important paperwork. Once a separation and divorce are underway, sociopaths tend to make property and accounts disappear. You need evidence before that happens.
5. Hide money
Even if your partner has drained your accounts and taken control of the finances, you’re going to need money to leave. Figure out how to squirrel it away. Don’t tell your partner about a raise or bonus. Get a side hustle. Sell personal items. Stash the funds in a safe place.
6. Assume you are being tracked and recorded
Surveillance technology is easy and cheap, and sociopaths love it. They may install key loggers on your computer, trackers on your car and hidden cameras in your house. Be careful about what you do or say wherever you may be compromised. If you find a surveillance device, don’t confront the sociopath. Remember — your goal is to not arouse his or her suspicion.
7. Buy a burner phone
If you share a phone plan, your sociopathic partner may have access to information about your calls and text messages. To protect your communications, get a burner phone. This is a cheap, prepaid mobile phone that you can buy with cash. You can also get a burner SIM card with a different phone number to install in your existing phone.
Read more: How to leave or divorce a sociopath
8. Create a safety plan
If your partner is violent toward anyone or anything — including kicking the dog or punching the wall — he or she could turn that violence towards you. Some day you may just have to flee. Arrange shelter in advance and prepare a go bag of essential clothes, papers and medicines for you and the kids.
9. Do not underestimate the sociopath
If you think your partner “would never do that,” think again. Sociopaths have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. So when the sociopath lashes out, he or she may drain your bank accounts, kidnap the kids, sabotage your car and lie to the police. All bets will be off, so plan accordingly.
10. Seek support from resources who truly “get it”
Sociopaths do not play by the rules, but unfortunately, many therapists, lawyers and advocates don’t understand that. They also don’t understand how you get trapped into abusive relationships and how it affects you. So if a support person doesn’t seem to believe you or offers unworkable advice, move on.
Once you’re gone — No Contact
Follow these 10 strategies for leaving the sociopath. After you successfully escape, make sure you stay away. This may feel extremely difficult if you’ve developed a trauma bond with your disordered partner.
Relationships with sociopaths are highly addictive. So even when you know the sociopath is bad for you, you may still feel a powerful desire to return to the relationship. You must resist.
That’s why No Contact is so important. The longer you stay away, the more the sociopath’s emotional and psychological grip on you will release. But if you give in and have any kind of contact, you may find yourself back in the trap.
Do not reach out to your ex. Block everything. Figure out a way to distract yourself so you can overcome any urge to talk or text.
Choose yourself and stand firm. You are stronger than you know, and by focusing on your emotional recovery, you can create a life that is peaceful and satisfying.
Learn more: FREE! Releasing energetic disturbances for true recovery from betrayal
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speaking