If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Dear Donna,
BOY, you nailed that one! Concise and precise! The bottom line. You didn’t miss a trick on that article! I would have put #4 as last though, as the other 9 are all in the “honeymoon” stage and when they start the Jekyll/Hyde thing, the D&D is starting and it is a bad ride from then on in. Unfortunately, too many times the “love-bomb-nine” have made us overlook the Jekyll/Hyde (at least for a while).
So, my daughter will be leaving her pediatricians office in the next year or so and start going to a regular Doctors office.
I think I will print out the above and ask our Pediatrician to hand out the print-out as their young girls/boys depart as women/men into the world…maybe it will lead to conversation or enlightenment about avoiding relationships with Sociopaths… we gotta begin somewhere!
Pediatricians are the other groups of extended family that have known our kids and developed a safe relationship with them…I know our practice discusses everything with my girls from general safety things, to drugs alcohol and sex… nothing overwhelming…but maybe handing out the printout may just help someone avoid a toxic person they were otherwise unaware even EXITS out there.
Thanks Donna..
Dear Learning,
It could also be used as a basis for a class on Dating for young people in school, high school and college, or even Junior high. Or to hand out to people in your office or neighborhood that might be dating a guy that you figure is an s/path
Simple and straight forward!
Yep Donna,
this message should be neon lit, in sky-writing, posters, TV breaking news, in the back of bibles, cereal boxes, car stickers, inside crackers instead of jokes, on the school curriculum, on table mats in bars, graffitti, on headstones,on Ellen, on oprah, on and on and on until the message has landed.
Yes! I know had I been educated in this regard… I would have AT LEAST had something to consider as an option as to what the heck was going on…it is not the only answer…but it is one small step in the right direction toward educating and possibly preventing a relationship with a sociopath.
The world must be educated about what exists out there. What they look like, how they act, the way they will treat you and WHAT TO DO —
DONT GET INVOLVED OR IF YOU ARE GET OUT!!! STAY OUT!!! LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER WITHOUT THE CRAZYMAKINGS OF A TOXIC PERSON!! WE JUST HAVE TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AND HOW TO SPOT THEM AND RESPECT OURSELVES 🙂
What a great succinct listing – and so true – if only we had known back then what we now know!
Yes, these are the primary bullet points in a nutshell (pun intended 🙂 ).
Is there any way we could shoot this article off to Elin Woods and Sandra Bullock?
It was reported on CNN Headline News this morning that Sandra Bullock has Jesse James’ kids living with HER.
You don’t do that when you are getting a divorce, so is it possible she is actually going to stay with the cheater???
Yikes.
Warrior:
Okay, here is my opinion (and remember it is opinion ONLY and I am NOT a CPA or a tax attorney)
First off–GENERAL PRINCIPLE: It is better to beg forgiveness that ask permission.
Question: Why do you want to “help him”? What’s in it for YOU to help him even if it doesn’t hurt you?
So, since it is very late and you can’t possibly get a CPA to do the taxes now (and you, are not wise enough to do them yourself, this divorce has gotten you so upset that you just can’t think straight, you poooooor babbbby!)
So FILE and EXTENSION for YOUR SELF but don’t even tell him until the last minute so he is left hanging out.
If the attorneys or the judge say “you should have done it TOGETHER because of the order” Plead ignorance, that order is not CLEAR and the attorneys are obvfiously just making money off it and not giving you clear guidance.
Then get a CPA lined up immediately and see how it is best to proceed for YOU. Do what is best for YOU. If you will get money back and he has to pay, by filing jointly I think you are just as responsible for PAYING AS HE IS since the income then becomes joint and you have SIGNED. What if he doesn’t pay or doesn’t have it to pay, you are HUNG out for that debt to the IRS and they are getting worse and worse about wanting their money I think in these hard times.
Anyway, that is my official unofficial advice and if you can even talk to a CPA for 5 minutes you should get an answer, but I would not file jnointly with him unless the court made me, and if yhou file and the court says you should have gone jointly, it can always be an AMMENDED filing later.
Good luck!
Hey Everyone….
I’ve been on a mission to ORGANIZE my house. Spring cleaning ..trying to get ready for a yard sale…I’m exhuasted. Taking a break. Its a good sign that I am motivated to do this. Haven’t done much since February.
Anyway…I’ve been having strange dreams. Can’t figure this one out.
Dream: I was getting ready to be married. I was getting dressed and realized that I never bought a dress. So, I dug out my old dress from my marriage. I didn’t want to wear the same one…but I had no choice. I cut the lacey sleeves off which I had put on when I bought the dress. So, I told someone…its not the same EXACT one. I noticed that I forgot the long train…but I couldn’t find it.
Then, people were coming in to the reception place, (I was upstairs in the dressing room still) and I panicked. I told someone (whoever was with me..) that they better call Kenny, ( a guy I dated when I was 27…he was only 20…and it was a very sexual relationship but he told me that he had a problem…he was a pathological liar! )
I told them that they better call him because he doesn’t know that we are getting married. I was upset because I wondered if he would show. Then I woke up.
I was nervous in the dream because I thought I would look like a fool if he didn’t show up.
Can’t figure THIS one out!! Any comments???
Thanks!
I’m glad you all like the list! If you want to print it out, I’ve added a link to the bottom of the story.