If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Two weeks ago my daughter did a “student film” at NYU for a student there. I went with her and hung out with the crew members…all film students. It was a two day ordeal.
I actually bonded with one student and she contacted me today and wants to do a documentary on my life…as a class project. I was actually talking to her about my life, as she was telling me of hers. She was interested in how I was a socio-magnet and why.
So…this is it. Its my chance to make some young minds aware of whats “out there” in the world! I accepted the offer and can’t wait to film!!!
Educate them all!!!!!
Zen, here it is…..
http://www.lovefraud.com/12_leavingAsociopath/Leaving_sociopath_psychopath.html
Tobehappy……hopefully, this will be a safe platform to educate. Brightest blessings!
EB, I think you’re right on target when you ask Charlotte about how her Grandma handled her pain. We internalize sooo much of what we’re taught, and I think we tend to deny, in ourselves those things that most trouble us in others.
Charlotte, is it possible that you have denied a lot of your own pain because you’ve been admonished for self-pity? Perhaps part of the reason you don’t come here as much, now, is because our storys of pain and sorrow trigger your own feelings that have never been fully dealt with….causing you to remember what you don’t want to think about…and then you become angry at us for wallowing, as you put it.
I believe in forgiveness, too, but mostly for the sake of my own mental health, and I don’t believe it can be forced, as much as I might like to forgive, I can’t just “fake it tell I make it,” it just doesn’t work that way, at least not in my experience. I believe forgiveness, like healing is a process. For me the choice is in getting in and staying in the process. It takes a conscous decision, a comittment to keep on keeping on, but for me, simply not thinking about it is kind of like saying to myself, “Lets just pretend this never happened.”
Resolve or repeat, that’s my motto.
I hope nothing I’ve said here offends you. Just musing, really.
Oxy? No Santa Claus. Oh noooooooooooooooo! My mother told me that as long as I believed, Santa was real. Maybe that’s why I refused to see the truth about X for so long, you suppose? I’ll just add it to her comment “I always knew you’d marry a lame duck.” (thanks for the programing mom!) I’m pretty sure mom wasn’t a sociopath, but she sure had some of the traits! We are fed so many myths and false conceptions in our lives. After my first abusive relationship ended with him commenting what happened to “Stand by Your Man” I really started paying attention to what the songs were saying. Becoming a commercial artist was another shock for a fundamentally truthful person. All ads are geared at making us feel insecure about who we are, so we rush right out and get their product. We are being mindwashed on all sides.
I use LoveFraud as my educational program. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve given this addy to. I post the signs on all my social boards. I don’t know if they still do public notice announcements (I don’t have TV) but I sure wish they would post some about recognizing sociopathic behavior.
Ox? Please don’t tell me about the Easter Bunny. I need the eggs…
romanticfool:
As I had my kids doing an easter egg hunt this year…..the eldest participated gladly (money filled eggs)….BUT wouldn’t let me take pictures holding their easter baskets…..
I too told my kids…If you believe….he will come.
(Santa Claus, Easter bunny etc…)
BUT THERE IS NO CUPID!!!
I NEVER realized I could set them up for belieiveing in a potential toxic spouse….
So….NOW I gotta tellem……MOM JUST KILLED OFF SANTA CLAUS!!! He was a FAKE, A figment of their imagination, a fantasy, an IMPOSTER!
🙂
Dear Romantic (I left the “fool” part off cause you are no fool!)
I shot the easster bunny easter day here on LF cause the SOB was laying those chocolate eggs all over the place and One-step was talking about chocolate and I’m on a diet! I’m sorry! However I have some ducks and I use those eggs for my household. Sorry about the Bunny, I was in a funk that day cause everyone else was eating chocolate and I wanted some so I just shot the darned rabbit! Sorry. LOL
My egg donor is one of those “traits” people too, very much into controlling and punishing if you don’t go along with it, put downs, make you feel low and unworthy, trivalize or fail to acknowledge your pain—yea, mind wash! But my life is much better since I am NC with her and recognize what she is doing. It took some time, but there are no “blind sidings” any more, I know she is not to be trusted, so NO suprises ever at what she does, what she will do or what she is capable of.
I just didn’t realize the relish with which she did it until the last couple of years. I still thought she was honest but MISguided, well intentioned but wrong. Yea, RIGHT! Caught her with a lie still in unswallowed in her mouth, couldn’t believe she would deliberately LIE ever! Boy was I BLINDSIDED. Every other time Ihad caught her in a lie, I had FOUND SOME EXCUSE TO OVER LOOK IT, she “forgot” or “she was under stress”—some chit to exonerate her from blame or responsibility. NO MORE! She is a liar, the truth is not in her, she would hurt me, she would lie to me, she would lie about me, she does not give a big rat’s behind what happens to me as long as she can protect the bad guy from the consequences of his behavior to the best of her ability.
Don’t need that any more. Just like lancing a boil filled with pus and corruption. Hurts like heck, but it will never heal until you do.
Charllotte: I would highly recomment the book, ‘Without Conscience’.
I don’t know how you came to your belief that a sociopath can be healed (and i am not saying they can or can’t be), but reading the above book has been illuminating for me. The writer is preminent in his field – I choose to give his theories and experience consideration.
And it does matter to me if they can be healed or not; if they are mentally ill or disordered. And it does matter to me that i understand why exactly someone would do the things the spath i know does.
What i do know is that she does what she does without seeming conscience – and that matters the most. she will not stop and she will continue to hurt and maim people emotinally. Some of them will be able to ‘pull up their sox’ pretty quickly. others will kill themselves.
One-step, The ones that pull up their socks quickly are only able to, because she didn’t get a hold of them to make puppets out of….
I think we are all on different stages of healing after dealing with a n/s. It appears that Charlottecreamer has gone thru her healing process and like she says have been 7 years. Some of us are only months beyond our experience. I’m learning just a couple of weeks ago what a sociopath is and realizing that is what my ex is and all the things he did to me over the years have meaning. I think we all have an opinion and Charlottecreamer had some good points. As disgusted as I am with my ex/s/ kids father I have no choice I feel to have no contact but I can limit my contact and put up strong boundaries when dealing with him. I’m still educating myself. After reading all these post, some ways I’m confused, but also I understand how painful you all may feel. I don’t know why I don’t hate him though he hurt me so bad, I was fearful of him/ yet loved him and could easily be sucked into his charming ways. example: he could ask me for money or help in whatever and I would do it sometimes reluctantly and in the next breath tell me to f–k off. I got so use to his behavior. It’s really freaky that these people exist, sometimes I just wish I could forget all of this, but I can’t. My emotions are all over the place because some days I wish he was dead and my life would be easier to deal with, but then I feel totally bad for feeling and thinking that way and I have to pray for God to forgive me. In some ways I agree with all of you. I don’t know if he is a person, the devil, or what. I did think he has to be hurting inside and have no joy but now I’m starting to believe it is only when his supply runs out. This is overwhelming. Please pray for me. I know he is evil. I see that some of you feel it is our responsibility to educate others that he is dealing with or that doesn’t know what a sociopath is. Charlottecreamer was right on it falling on deaf ears. I have told a woman that he met when I kicked him out and of course he put all the charm and fantastic sex on her,he took joy in hurting me by telling me what he did to these women, but try to make me feel like I was the one he truly love. Before I knew what he was I had the characteristics down, because I believe while dealing with the Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde we see all the different pieces to the evil puzzle. I ended up looking like the jealous ex, that wanted him and she ended up telling me “People deserve a second chance in life”. He ended up using her big time out of the amount of $200,000. when he left her she tried to get him to sign a paper of the amount of money he owed her. Of course he wouldn’t and til this day he drives the SUV that she bought him that now his new fling is driving around. How sick. She paid his child support to not only me but his other child in a previous relationship. and as far as I know she is still dealing with him. I hated her when I should have hated him but that is because she disregarded me and used her money to help him in court to testify and lie that he was this wonderful person and they were a happy family with my daughter when I was going through my restraining order and child custody, she was helping this loser take my child away.Needless to say I did get a year restraining order, but he did get 22% of custody and as with a sociopath that doesn’t have empathy for anyone let alone his kids. She as always had my daughter with her when she should have been spending time with him. He was running the street. So these people are very good at what they do. I told him that he thinks with what’s between his legs and uses it to get what he wants from women. he told me he doesn’t have to have sex with her to get what he wants all he has to do is talk and say the right things. She was 50 at the time and he was 36. no job. no pot to piss in or a window to throw it out. but she took very good care of him. He would tell me he was disgusted to have sex with her and he had to be high or drunk to do it and it was just a few times in two years of living with her. I didn’t believe that, he even taped a conversation with the two of them and she was upset because he hadn’t had sex with her for 7 months and she loved him. He let me listen because he was trying to win me back. I look back on all that and it was sickening. I did get back with this s and ended up having another child with him I was dealing with him for over 6 years at the time so I was hooked. Needless to say she is in the picture to a certain degree and I believe she never really went anywhere. Because this past December when he called me to tell me he didn’t have money to get his kids anything for Christmas, which was always, he later showed up with gifts and I noticed her style on everyone. the way she wrapped my daughters gifts in the past. I was just so mad at her and I never said anything I know we both don’t like each other. but that is what he wanted. I know now she got caught up too. But I’m not sure if she understands or even cares that he is so evil. I want to say something but what would that do. Don’t want to get disregarded again for him. I told the new lady that is 27 years old that he is going to f–k you good and use you. that he doesn’t care about no one but himself and that he doesn’t take care of his kids. I was upset at that moment because he had cussed me out in front of her out of all the things he’s done to me I couldn’t believe he would cuss me that bad in front of someone he called ” just a piece of ass” and only knew a couple of months and I knew him almost 10 years now. That feel on deaf ears because she is driving his SUV now and could care less what I think. So I guess i need to worry about me. I know I rambled about too much but I sometimes find myself going through the unbelieveable things he did and what I allowed. I was hooked big time and if I’m not careful and let my guards down and don’t surround myself around strong people who truly love me I might get sucked in again.N I don’t believe I will really, but I fear it. He is that much of and actor. If another woman gets him away from me the better that’s if they don’t want to be educated about him. Do you think I should say something now that I know he is a sociopath and share the characteristics with these two or leave it alone I don’t want him to try and do something to me for interfering in his life, because i believe they will tell him what I did. Right now he doesn’t bother me like he use to. My children will eventually be around one or both of them or someone else. This is crazy!!!
kim- wow. when i get my computer healthy, i am going to download that and make it into a freaking tattoo. THANK YOU!!