If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Using the email you want to check…
pull it up and right click on the subject email…
…it should give you a drop down menu.
select view full header and click on that…
some software is different than others.
But what you want to see is the full header.
Once you find that, click on it and a new page
will open with all gibberish but at the top
you will see a “Received From” area…
The IP address should be there, in these brackets: { }
If there is no IP address, it is coming from a cellphone.
Cellphones don’t have IP addresses except for through
their respective phone companies. Unfortunately, they
don’t make it as easy to trace as the internet does.
Write down that IP address and then go to who.is
enter it in there and see what you get.
Let us know how it goes.
I haven’t tried it yet because it’s been quiet.
I don’t want to stir any hornet’s nests but for
those of us who have been cyber-stalked and
wish to have proof, this is how you get it.
Any more questions?
If it doesn’t work for you, for some reason, please,
re-post and I will try to help you.
It isn’t going to tell you exactly WHO has that IP
address, only law enforcement has access to that
but it WILL tell you the origin of the email and
whatever else they may have on the DOMAIN
they are using.
Good luck to all.
Stay safe above all.
Dupey
Just watching a reporter on a series of Belgian prison. The prisoners look normal and are humanely presented. THis reporter has a bit of Louis Theroux style. This is a prison with lifetimers convicted of murder and other heavy crimes, but fairly free: they each have their own room they don’t have to share, can personalize, with an outside key to their celdoor to close after them if they visit another prisoner and such. Pretty laid back.
The first man I watched was convicted of smuggling humans, drugs, and so on. When the reporter asked him “So, you are a criminal?” His answer: “I’m a businessman, but in illegal business.” He had this smile whenever he said something which he thought was smart or when he guessed it was what the reporter wanted to hear. He was in prison for 7 years already, and he lied to his family he was abroad on business, buying appartments. He called his mother about every day pretending to lead a life. In the end the reporter asked him when he’d ever tell his mother. His answer: “If I’m still here in another year.” He also had a girlfriend before he went to prison, and it was over, he didn’t see her anymore, she didn’t know about prison either. A pretty girl, young. He said that when he was out of prison he would try to win her back.
Yup: as spath as they come.
I have just ended a 4 year crazy relationship and I am reading these blogs and wonder if I’m looking for an excuse for the craziness, or was it me? Or is he in fact a sociopath? So many of the symptoms are similar, but some are not…. or maybe I can’t see them? I sometimes feel I myself began to display the same type of things and I’m very confused… All I know is that I never felt this way before I met him and feel totally manipulated and out of control… could someone help set me straight if I share my story? I’m fully prepared to take blame here for the “psychopath” he thought I was, but I want to be as straight up as possible. Maybe I am a psychopath…I certainly feel like one after this crazy ride….
I have been in a terrible relationship for 4 years that started as an affair on his long time girlfriend who just had his baby and were living together. We had worked together and became friends and he claimed to be “unhappy in his current situation” so we talked a lot at first yada yada we ended up starting an intimate relationship. A very highly charged sexual relationship for about the 1st 6 months we would have sex every day many times 2-3 times/day whenever we could squeeze it in. He was TOTALLY lying to his GF about where he was etc….I understand I was making a moral error but he CONSTANTLY told me that he and her were not happy and just living with each other for the child. And that’s how I justified it…or was that a manipulation? The love and intense attention he gave me with texts, phone calls, of course made me fall madly in love with him.
For the next year this continued, I’d constantly end it as he wasn’t making initiatives to leave his “unhappy situation” and he’d CONSTANTLY come back with promises and plans for us to be a couple. I totally bought into it. He promised EVERY day that he was leaving her and that they were totally done he just didn’t want to “hurt her” or risk having her leave town with the child to move back home to where her family was. It got SO stressful and SO intense that one night I SNAPPED and wrote her an email and told her EVERYTHING!! After speaking with her and we exchanged stories we realized he was TOTALLY lying to me, and obviously to her. His idea of “them just living together for the child” was COMPLETELY inaccurate.
We didn’t speak for 7 days and I was 100% sure I would never have to see or talk to him again. One evening, I received a phone call from his GF. They were fighting about what happened and she wanted some answers as he was trying DESPERATELY to salvage something with her. Telling her I was crazy and the reason he stayed with me because I was threatening to hurt myself or he and his family??? TOTALLY FALSE!!
He was thrown out on the street by her and who does he call? Me. Shows up on my doorstep looking for a place to stay. I’m not sure why I let him back in. He bawled all night saying things like “this is all my father’s fault” etc…. also threatening to end his own life….
I took off to LA for 2 months during my summer break. During that time I moved on, stabled myself, felt normal again, and even dated a few people…. the last week I was there he wanted to come down to visit. I allowed this believing that he had changed by the convincing things he said. Of course we had a great week and I felt intense love. We decided to try when I returned.
It has been a year since that time…the last year as a “real” couple has been where I have seen these behaviors. All the while I wanted out and I’d even pick ridiculous fights but he’d ALWAYS manipulate me back…The emotional turmoil got bad….he was CONSTANTLY jealous and would often bring up the summer when I dated other people as “cheating on him” and when I would bring up the affair he’d justifiy it by saying “you did it too in the summer with those 2 people you dated” He was OBSESSED with what I did during the yr of the affair and hacked my facebook, email, looking for anything. He found a few notes from various people in my life that I had an ABSOLUTE right to speak to as HE wasn’t leaving his situation.
Things in the past 6 months have been crazy for me. I feel I went crazy. I found he was pushing me away more and it was MY fault and I became obsessed with trying to prove who I am and that I’m a good person. He would ignore my phone calls, yell at me, and I’d fight my way back…like I was obsessed… then he’d call me a crazy stalker and that the only reason he’d take me back was so I wouldn’t kill myself?? The sad thing is is that sometimes it got so bad I wanted to! I became a full out alcoholic to deal with the pain and made some stupid decisions like reaching out to his ex etc. All to PROVE that I am faithful, trustworthy, and would make a great partner. In the end, I ended up looking like a pathetic loser chasing him and he not wanting anything to do with me….saying “don’t ever text me again” etc…I walk away confused and feeling like a crazy person.
My friends and family say I’m NOT crazy and these are not my regular patterns. They all have heard my story(he always said that I told it wrong and didn’t tell them how crazy I was) but they say he was displaying sociopathic behavior. Signs I noticed that compare to what I’ve read:
1. no morals in terms of relationships (hurt his ex, and I’m sure cheated on me) but doesn’t display that with his relationships with people in his life.
2. HUGE ego. Always wants me to praise him. Talks about all the women he’s slept with etc.
3. Aggressive (always refers to himself as an alpha male) very intense during sex and displays almost a creepy stare of intensity
4. Had a huge criminal past as a teen(was in a latino gang etc)
5. His dad was physically abusive to his mom and he blames a lot of himself on this
6. He’s hot and cold. One minute he hates me the next he loves me.
7. He blames everyone for his problems. Its always my fault and he NEVER apologizes.
8. Of course the CONSTANT LYING (in the end he was trying to screw another girl while we were still hanging on….he claims he still stayed w me because he “cared” and was afraid I’d hurt myself and wouldn’t stop texting….which was true(the texting part) but lied many times about that
9.During sex he would say weird things like “tell me you love me” “tell me I’m the only one” etc
10. He’s late often, SO disorganized, buys objects (Like 2 motorcycles he can’t afford) never uses them.
Writing this I realize how nuts it all sounds but all I can say is that I was in LOVE with him and was forcing things to change that I just couldn’t…and I couldn’t figure out why he had no remorse, had an idea of me that he COULD NOT change, and I became obsessed with proving to him who I was… The part where I’m stuck is that he wasn’t abusive verbally or physically. He was very nice to me, he’s very nice to others and people like him a lot and he is respected… He also is a very good and responsible father… so those things don’t match up. I’m stuck, I’m hurt, I can’t make sense of this all. Any thoughts would be appreciated…and if its me its me I can accept that…I just need to sort it out to start over.
Thanks
serenity12
Welcome to LoveFraud, sounds like you had one that QUALIFIES as high in psychopathic traits and may be a full fledged psychopath. Doesn’t matter if he is 24 karat or not, he is 1) a liar 2) a cheat 3) a manipulator, and I could go on but you get the idea.
So you want this kind of person in your life, WHY?
So settle down, now that he is out of your life, go NO CONTACT with him, no voice mails, no e mails, no face book, don’t even look at his FB page….don’t talk to anyone who knows him, don’t listen to tales about him….NO CONTACT. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH, NADA!
Then start reading here, learn what it is that makes him him, but also learn why you put up with him….and why you don’t want someone like that in your life ever again, not for one moment.
Okay, you cheated with him, you knew he was a cheat. But you have learned from this and you will not repeat that again with another guy who is in a relationship because you dont’ want a cheater.
So welcome to Love Fraud, and thanks for sharing your story! You are not alone!
Ox, thanks for the response…I realize I don’t have to post everywhere…wasn’t sure I’m new to reaching out for support.
My main problem is just feeling like it was me! He would give concrete examples of how I flew off the handle, and things I did that were wrong which are in fact true!! But the reason for my frustration I felt was because I KNEW deep down HE was wrong and I spent countless energy trying to convince him otherwise…
Thanks again for reading and responding…
Yep, sugar, thhat’s called “crazy making” where they make us go crazy…but it is temporary, so you will recover. Hang in here and keep on reading and learning, it is NOT going to be a quick process, but if you stick with it you will come out stronger than you can believe.
Order Donna’s book “Ten Flags of Love Fraud” and read it and read it again and KEEP ON READING HERE AS WELL…there is a lot to learn and KNOWLEDGE IS POWER…you are not alone, there are lots of folks here who have been through this same abyss so just post away and there is usually someone around to talk to. It isn’t a “chat” room so it may be a while before you get an answer and there are folks scattered in every time zone.
I’m one of the “old timers” here and there are others here that will help you along. This is a blog site where abuse is NOT tolerated. So don’t worry about getting “flamed”…once in a while it happens, but Donna won’t let it happen again, so you are safe here. There is plenty of support and great folks, so again, welcome.
Hey all. I haven’t posted for ages, but I found this new research which rang all kinds of bells for me today and I wanted to share it. The traits described here ARE ME and a massive, massive ‘aha’ moment. Maybe for some other gals around here too.
I am an ex enduro riding, rock singer, tough intelligent girl who has been in at least 3 relationships with 3 pyscho/socio/narc types. Which I freely chose by the way. When I read this article, it described my psychological type to the absolute fullest. I thought – wow that girl is cool!
Lol. But it explained why I ‘spar’ with predators all the time.
http://www.sott.net/article/228663-The-Unexamined-Victim-Women-Who-Love-Psychopaths
Hi Oxy – we had a lot of chats in the past. I think maybe this is something for you. The whole parts about hyper-empathy, resourcefulness etc. This is one profile of so called ‘victims’ that also speaks to me of the strength of those who survive the encounter. It did make me think of you. I can’t see alot more about this researcher, but I think she’s onto something for a large swathe of LF readers
Delta:)
My favourite quote “You get fabulous women who love deeply, who have a big heart, who get much out of their relationships and who tend to trust openly because they believe that everyone on the planet is as good and decent and loving as they are. What’s more, their super-traits make them able to hold to that belief in the face of some of the most horrifying evidence to the contrary imaginable”
Dear Serenity_12. You sound so smart and so lovely. These types will even use your own sense of decency against you – damn creeps. Let HIM feel bad for being a cheating so and so. He even wants you to feel bad for HIS cheating. What a tasteless ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (h*le)
Delta_1