If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Serenity,
I don’t have faith in mankind. I have faith in ME. I trust that I can spot a spath because I keep my eyes open now, and trust my gut to inform me.
You know, in hindsight, I could ALWAYS see them. I just didn’t understand WHAT I was seeing. It never occurred to me that there could be, walking in plain sight, people without emotions, who fake being human. Who knew? Why didn’t anyone tell me? They seem so real don’t they? But they aren’t human at all, they are 180 degrees opposed to humanity. That’s why some people call it ANTI-SOCIAL PD.
I just call it evil.
Skylar…….farking SPOT-ON!!!!!!!!
Oh yes; absolutely, skylar; ABSOLUTELY!
skylar:
Good post. I can really relate and what I will also add is that I could always FEEL them. I just didn’t understand what I was FEELING. I would always get a certain feeling around certain people, but didn’t know WHAT that FEELING was. Now I know. God, I have learned so much from this site. Thank you to everyone.
Dance’s with Moon:
I love what you said to serenity. It was perfect and so true. Serenity…please listen.
Skylar, I’ve been thinking of your words all morning…even meditated on them this morning. On the way to work I had some weak feelings wondering if I’m wrong…maybe he’s not a sociopath? Maybe I’m just making it all up as a way to protect myself and to not look bad? To almost justify. Did you ever feel that way?
But then the most amazing thing happened…I was on my way to work to end all communication and block him from my work email(this is how the break down occurred) and sitting in my inbox was a message from him that said:
“I was with some people that know you this weekend that said you were on a date…go ahead and MOVE ON” Then continued to call me names, and say how he “never ever wants to talk to me again and that He’s going on a date tonight”(lies)….lol I was (a) Not on a date and (b) I realize there was no one he knows that knows me. He is trying to “trap” me?? I’m not HIM and won’t allow him to make me believe otherwise.
It was SUCH a clear moment. A CLEAR moment that he is SO full of CRAP and SO very Ill…and I deleted it and blocked him and I don’t need ANYMORE proof or validation!! That email was a blessing…surprisingly it didn’t even hurt me!! It made me feel open and aware and conclusive. He IS a spath…its not ME its HIM!! He NEVER had my power…why did I feel that way?
I feel I’ve reached a new level here. I hope I continue to carry this strength I feel right now. I’m ready to start healing…I have my validation. What a wing nut!!
Thanks for your words….
Serenity
I read your post and I have worn your shoes, I wear them all the time.
What helps me to remember is that when things happen in a GOOD relationship, a partner will praise the other partner.
What must be happening in our relationships such that we find ourselves on a website about SOCIOPATHS?
Run!
Athena
Serenity,
yes, I did feel that way when I first left him. After 25 years of believing his lies, I would wake up every morning wondering if I had dreamed that he was evil. I’d wonder if I’d made a mistake and slipped into madness momentarily. That was actually EASIER to believe than the truth. Luckily for me, I had been recording his evil conversations in a hidden tape recorder. All I had to do was listen to them again, to remember the truth and to believe that it was real and not my imagination.
You are sooooo lucky that he left you that recording. I wish you hadn’t erased it. I’ll keep mine forever.
YES! You have the power, because he is a spath and you know it. The only power he ever had over you was when you believed his lies. It’s why they are called “the people of the lie.”
I actually realized I kept a copy on my phone…I was wondering if its in fact healthy to keep it, so thanks for clearing that up. I’ve read it a million times over today… I can’t help but laugh in disbelief every time I do…
Thanks again…this really helps.
Skylar, where can I read more about your experiences on here? You are so generous with your advice and I am grateful and can’t wait to be in your position of growth… I am interested though…
Serenity,
So glad you feel better. Laughter is a good sign.
I don’t feel as healed as I sound. Intellectually, I understand them very well, but emotionally it is still painful to know that these people are out there hurting others and themselves. It sickens and saddens me, to realize that most of the people I’ve ever loved are severely disordered. 🙁
If you want to know more about my thoughts and my experiences, just click on my name, the red “Skylar” and you can read my blog.
I haven’t been blogging much lately, but coincidentally, I just posted a new article today. http://180rule.com/why-do-psychopaths-lie/