If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Serenity, TOWANDA for YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah…..I remember going back and forth about the exspath and actually wondering to myself, “He wasn’t THAT bad, was he?” I tried to develop reasons to blame myself for his choices, and I was almost successful. But, there came a point when I didn’t need one more piece of evidence that he was a very bad man. He is. He is bad. He is VERY bad, and continues demonstrating what is clearly obvious: the exspath is a VERY bad man.
Don’t you feel like a million bucks, now? He IS a nutcase, and it doesn’t matter whether he’s spath, ppath, narcissistic, whatever……..he is wholly toxic and only means to cause more damage whenever it’s possible.
As for maintaining evidence of their crimes and sins, yes – for me, it isn’t even an issue. I have mountains of documentation from bank copies of the checks that he forged down to the email that he wrote to his “Mistress” that confirmed that he was not only engaging in deviant sexual activities with her, but lying to HER, as well! I have all of my Hurt Journals, as well. Those are the journals that I began writing after he left. I have them in case I need to remember how bad off I was.
The evidence is being kept only in the event that some Federal Prosecutor shows up at my door and asks me if I was defrauded by that rat-bastid, too – “too,” meaning that he will have defrauded ANOTHER target because he cannot help himself.
TOWANDA, Serenity. I’m so glad for you that you had that personal epiphany!
Brightest blessings
serenity12
TOWANDA for you! I’m glad you realize just how Full of BS he is….and lie, lie, LIE!
Coming to the INTELLECTUAL realization of the fact that they are LIARS is the first step, but like Skylar said, it takes more time to come to the EMOTIONAL realization, but we have to do it ONE STEP AT A TIME.
First we learn about them. What they are and how they act.
BTW…it doesn’t matter if he is a “full blown” psychopath or not, he is a LIAR and TOXIC and you don’t need liars or toxic people in your life. PERIOD. End of discussion! TOXIC is a no no.
Then we learn about ourselves and why we put up with their lies for so long….then we learn to set boundaries that keep toxic people out of our lives….we don’t give them repeat second chances over and over ever again, no matter who they are. We demand that people treat us with respect, or get gone. Their choice. TOWANDA for you! (that’s the Love Fraud battle cry!)
Louise and Dupey,
Thanks for the details about IP search. It makes sense now.
Sorry for late reply as I haven’t been online past 2 weeks.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DW
DW:
You are welcome. Happy Thanksgiving.
DancingWarrior, long time no type! Hope you had a pleasant day.
I had to sort out how to do an IP search when I was being stalked. Ugh….and, the POEleece had the information, and could not have cared less! LOL!!!!
At any rate, hope your day was peaceful.
Brightest blessings!
All of those signs are James! The man I believed loved me “with all his heart” I really hoped it was true but he was a fraud who now sits in jail awaiting his sentence for beating up the woman he claimed was moving out of his house. he said it was over between them and that he was going to the house to protect his stuff and keep her from killing herself. When really what he was doing is beating her up. I think..my God that could have been me!!!! She called me the morning she got of jail (he of course lied to the police that she attacked him) I was shocked!!! I want this nightmare to be over!!
Loveshame, the nightmare will be over when you decide to end it. Yes, there’s a long, hard, and mean road to recovery from an abusive sociopath – there is NO easy, simple, or painless recovery if the survivor intends to emerge and evolve into their own person. I know this from personal experience.
One of the most vital steps to take to begin solid recovery from a sociopath (especially, an abusive sociopath) is “No Contact.” That means blocking (yes, blocking) cell numbers, emails, FB profiles, and disallowing discussion of what he/she did with anyone who has ANY “mutual” involvement between the survivor and the spath. This includes the woman that he beat up – this is a situation of drama/trauma and you may certainly “feel” sorry for this woman and her experiences, but they are HER experiences that she’ll have to sort out for herself. You’re not responsible for what she experienced, or for the choices and actions of the spath. You can only control what you choose to do. You do not have the power to “save” her or help her. You only have the power to “save” yourself.
If you did not enter into a contract of marriage with the spath and did not produce offspring with him, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS! Be grateful that it wasn’t you that was arrested and jailed, and see this experience as an opportunity for you to sort yourself out. What I mean by that is most victims of spaths had personal vulnerabilities/qualities that were exploited for the spath’s purposes, deliberately. In my situation, I was just exiting an abusive marriage, had serious shame-core issues, and I jumped from the fire straight into the frying pan.
If you find that processing the truths about the spath are becoming overwhelming for you, it may be a very, very wise option to seek the services of a counseling therapist that “gets it.” To find a good, strong, and competent counselor, contacting your local domestic violence hotline is the best step that can put you in touch with a number of professionals who “get it.” There is also a site that can put you in touch with your local resources: http://www.ndvh.org
Loveshame, I’m sorry that you had your experiences, but I’m glad that you found your way to this site. Welcome to LoveFraud. Keep reading. Keep posting, and keep your own recovery a priority.
Brightest blessings
After some time away from my spath I am beginning to feel that I should be responsible for my own actions and I’m starting to feel that maybe I wasn’t “brainwashed” or he was “evil” or had this “power” and control over me. I’m a full grown adult not a child that can be more easily manipulated. I look back at some of my actions and think that maybe they weren’t caused by him. He hurt me, cheated, lied etc but didn’t I have the choice and power to react however I wanted? I CHOSE to react with anger and with craziness right? Aren’t those reactions independent of his actions? I am really trying to piece together who I am in the aftermath. Maybe I drove MYSELF crazy by my own CHOICE.
I just don’t want to put blame on him(although I’d like to) saying things like “he did this to me” or “he made me crazy” I am an adult with free will so it was my choice to punch him in the face the one time out of anger for lying and cheating, it was my choice to confront the other woman etc. I did some horrible things to as a result of being SO hurt by this man.
In the end he wrote me a long email stating things like “yes I agree I stressed you out, but ultimately you have control over what makes you crazy and how you react. You are a full grown adult and only you can choose how you react…get help blah blah” Stuff like that….
I’ve been thinking about that email lately. Could he be right? Is he not to blame for any of this? Has anyone felt that? Where do I start to sort that out? What do I tell myself?
Thanks again everyone.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=0qyCR9tPDgM
this guy’s facial expressions seem familiar to me, but I can’t quite place them.
Serenity,
victims are stalked. that means he observed you, your habits, your typical responses, your hopes and wishes, your expectations. Then he went about sabotaging each and everyone of those things, knowing that your emotions could be manipulated that way. He wasn’t just thoughtless, he thought it out very well.
Your new way of thinking is just the old way of thinking: once again you are taking responsibility for HIS decision to attack you. You have twisted it back 180 degrees again.
When you didn’t know what was happening, you were not responsible. Now that you know, you ARE responsible for not allowing a predator to suck on your emotions.
serenity12:
Absolutely we have free will and we should control our emotions. We do have choices. I have always heard, “Someone doesn’t MAKE you mad…you make yourself mad.” Right. It’s ultimately true. Someone can do whatever they want to us, but it’s up to us how we react. Having said that, it’s extremely hard to not react negatively when we are hurt. Very few people can do it. It takes a really different and self controlled person to do nothing or feel nothing when they are hurt. Again, I think it goes back to being a robot. We are not robots; we all have feelings.