If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Louise
skylar:
That is so funny!!!! Yeah, I am wondering what type of vaccination? Dreams are so weird!
Great interpretation, darwinsmom and skylar, about the naked spath…unmasked and no longer able to fool.
KatyDid
Skylar’s emperor has no clothes. Hahahaha. Talk about revealing who he really is!
Letgoletgod
Ox-
In regards to your post on Dec 7…when, why…etc, as the first steps of the learning and healing process…
This just made me realize that we go back so many times, and we forgive so many times, and hope that things will be different that ‘next’ time…because we are soooo 100% different and opposite from these creatures, that we can’t possibly even COMPREHEND HOW or WHY they, (or anyone actually for that matter), is even capable of such heartless, thoughtless, emotionless, loveless and hurtful actions! WE wouldnt do those things, or act that way, so HOW and WHY could they? It must be some mistake! I think that subconsciously, we put ourselves in their shoes, and think that if we were them, this is NOT something we would do to others…as if we make excuses for their wrong-doings, as if there is a REASON, and ‘next time,’ they will do the ‘right’ thing, what we or any normal person would normally and logically do.
However, they are not normal, and their ‘logic’ is twisted and selfish and incredibly vindictive. They do NOT do the right thing, so it really is a long PROCESS of learning about these creatures. They are aliens and we have to learn all there is to know before we can truly get away from them. To understand 1-that they really are real and do exist, 2-what they are truly capable of-is HURT.
I think that is why many of us get hooked several times. I know I have! I have been on and off this blog for about 4 years, when I finally started looking for answers to these horrible people, and I have been through way more than enough sociopathic-type relationships (both friends or boyfriends). Hopefully that phase in my life is over. Hopefully the man I am with now DOES truly love me and mean it when he says it. However, I’ve thought the same thing a few times before in the past and I was wrong and burned, very badly. The learning and healing process is slow and hard and painful. It is NOT easy. It doesnt happen over night. As if discovering one day “Hey! That the person is a sociopath…now I get it and can move on.” No way! They somehow affect us to the depths of our core and I think change the way we see life (and hopefully in the end, change us for the better).
Anyway, Im rambling, but I suppose it proves my point. They are hard to decipher, to explain, to understand. But first and foremost, you must learn that they are bad, hurtful, will never change, and just getting the HELL away from them is the only way to start healing.
So…cheers to 2013. Im hoping this is the start of a great year, and chapter in my life. Ive been through so much crap and mind-twisting BS for the past few years…I think Im finally ready for the good stuff 🙂
Letgoletgod
Bebe-
As a few others said-it sucks you have to be here…but yes! Write to us as MUCH AS YOU WANT! We DO understand! We WILL listen! Open up, and let it out! Ten times a day if necessary. Until you start feeling better. Until you only have to write one or two times a day. And then a week goes by, and you realized you havent written..etc. This site is self-healing therapy. Im glad you made it here, found this site, and are really looking for answers. You came to the right place if you are questioning “sociopaths.” What I want for you is to learn as much as you can about these “creatures” and what they are capable of, and you will start healing. You will stop feeling guilty, and you will start saying in your head “ya know what?! F U buddy! You SUCK, for so many reasons (fill in the blank), and you did me a FAVOR by getting OUT of my life!” Its not easy, and he may have affected your finances, other relationships, your job, whatever, but the main thing to focus on is that you are ALIVE, its a new year, and you cant start re-building today for a new tomorrow. Think of them as a tornado that gave you no warning, came in and destroyed and uplifted your whole life. So what do you do? Grieve for a moment, then make a plan for what you want in the future (and certainly what you dont want as well!), and start rebuilding! You WILL start to feel better. Now that you KNOW, number ONE, what you are/(hopefully WERE, past tense) dealing with, you can begin finding happiness in your life again.
Happy 2013. Make it a good year. Find your pride, laughter and peace again 🙂
skylar
Louise,
Darwinsmom was spot on about both things. I’m pretty sure you were getting your spath vaccination papers! LOL!
But actually in the dream, it wasn’t specified what kind of vaccine. The whole dream is getting very vague now and I’ve forgotten most of it. Just remember giving you your vaccination papers and that the exspath was naked at least part of the time. I was sort of ashamed for him, but mostly it didn’t bother me because, I knew it had to do with HIS spath pd and didn’t reflect on me.
Letgoletgod
One last thing (for all of you) that I think may help…since I know that music always helps me…Look the video up on YouTube. This is a song that got me through my last EX and I used to listen to it every morning:
Sara Evans – “A Little Bit Stronger”
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I’m trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I’m getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I’m done hoping that we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Doesn’t happen overnight but you turn around
And a month’s gone by and you realize you haven’t cried
I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I’m busy getting stronger
And I’m done hoping that we can work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking, that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Getting along without you, baby
I’m better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I’m getting stronger without you, baby
And I’m done hoping we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
skylar
Great lyrics, letgoletGod. Thanks.
Louise
LetgoletGod:
Thanks for that beautiful song. I loved the words so I looked it up. I am not a country fan, but Sara does have a beautiful voice and that song really resonated with me. Thanks so much.
bebe09
Letgodletgod,
Thank you, your right it is a new year which is why I finally decided after reading this site for a week, to start writing on here. I read how you guys talk to each other and help each other and it is comforting. Suprisingly I find it easier to write about it than I do talking out loud. The words dont form the same way in my mouth than they do in my head and my heart. Last year my life revolved around him and “trying” to make sure he was happy, what a waste. but this year my focus is me and my happiness, I just hope I can find it.
Thanks again
Louise
skylar:
I NEED a spath vaccination!