If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
LetGoLetGod
Wish there was a LIKE button! Or a LOVE IT Button! click on either one! Thanks for the song to end my day.
Louise,
You’ve HAD it already. Your spath was IT and you don’t need a booster shot.
Healing, on the other hand… it’s just slower I guess. I don’t know why it’s taking so long for me. It’s the parental thing, I guess. *sigh*
Bebe,
keep posting your thoughts. As you do, you are helping others to find their escape too. Isn’t it wonderful being an empath? Even though it hurts too, it’s wonderful to be there for other people. Spaths will never feel that. I’m sad about that, though.
Katy,
Yes, exactly like the naked emperor.
The vacine is actually a total accurate analogy. A vaccine is not a medicin: it is a minimal amount of the virus inserted into your bloodstream, so that you’ll make white bloodcells against it. If you would be targeted by the same virus in the future, you’ll already have an army of white bloodcells specialised for your defense.
Once you learn from a spath encounter that past encounter becomes your vaccine against spath. You now have knowledge and understanding both of the spath and yourself, as well as love for yourself, that if ever another spath comes along, you can ward it off easily.
Thank you skylar i will.
I downloaded that song and listened to it 3 times in a row on the way home from work….powerful words thank you music always makes me fee better
bebe09,
Welcome to LF. You’ve come to the right place, you are not alone.
Skylar:
Your dream … You attended a conference right? Meaning you’re at life’s school educating your self. The vaccine is yours. It is your protection. The vaccine is what we teach eachother in here. Seems to me like you are dealing with your past experiences, learning from them and vaccinating your self from it. The spath’s represent your lifeline of bad experiences.
I do not where I get it from but… it was just a thought that crossed my mind… this is tha place for a daredevil spath to try and up is game. I’m actually thinking spath “attack” or “infiltration”. It would be the most pleasurable place for a spath to win a game. It was actually the first thought I had when I read your post about your dream.
Bebe09, welcome to LoveFraud and I’m sorry that you’ve had experiences that brought you to this site. But, of all the sites to find, this one has been the most supportive for me.
Speaking out loud about our experiences typically falls upon deaf ears because “other people” really do not “get it” about what we’ve experienced. To tell someone outside of therapy precisely what the spaths did causes “other people” to stare at us in disbelief. But, here, we “get it.”
Keep reading, keep posting, and brightest and most sincere blessings of healing to you
Other people who have not experienced it do not WANT to know. Especially one year on….we are still ravaged and deeply scarred but it is not of interest. People think you are nuts if you try to raise the topic. This is distressing as I feel we have a moral imperative to educate, communicate, share, enlighten, warn, prevent, expose, name and shame these evil monsters. I could not have that on my conscience…another woman’s pain, devastation and deep deep humiliation. Strength in numbers ladies. happy New year to all. hope your healing continues apace. Have found another- perhaps the most so far- validating book. ‘Puzzling People, The Labyrinth of the psychopath’ by Thomas Sheridan. Order your copy. Fabulous insight
mo mac:
You just said the words that have been in my head. How did you know what I was thinking? 🙂
I am almost THREE years on and I was thinking just as I woke up this morning and was making my tea…WHY has it been so long? It makes me feel crazy that it has been so long and I was thinking just as you said…that people would think I am nuts if I even still raise the topic. So what do I do instead? I pretend I am “OK.” I keep putting one foot in front of the other and when people ask how I am, I say I’m good or great! It’s a fine line trying to balance between not talking about this to people and bringing it to the forefront. Anyone else have any suggestions?
Thanks for the book suggestion, mo mac. I’ll check it out.
Louise it is unlike any other betrayal. Unlike any other failed human relationship. This is why it takes so long. Perhaps forever? We have to grow from it, learn, develop and be deeper, wiser, more compassionate people after it. It was unlike any other ‘connection’….as it was all an illusion…a mirror of our souls. It is as if a sacred part of our soul has been stolen or defiled. i feel as if I lost my joy and innocence. What Donna has done is so great…educating and communicating. This is perhaps what I need to do beyond my small community, who do not wish to know any more about that particular ‘individual’. IT lives among us….tho his track record is the stuff of legend. It angers me that he is tolerated, condoned, accepted as a ‘friend’ by any other human. …but how can they know what we experienced Louise? They will continue to repeat the same cycle endlessly…pillaging lives and reaping fresh souls.It is other women I now want to save, counsel, comfort… Take care and stay strong. He chose you because you are beautiful inside xx
mo mac:
I know you are right. I have had breakups before and nothing like this. It’s because this was so deceptive and a con. I have grown so very much. I have. I have learned so much and have changed a few of my behaviors that serve me well. They may not serve someone else well, but I am being obedient to God and I know without a doubt this is one of the lessons I needed to learn.
I, too, feel as if I have lost my innocence and joy. Again, you took the words right out of my mouth. I don’t feel joy in anything anymore. It’s kind of scary because I have heard lately that depression can be a precursor for Alzheimer’s later in life and my grandmother died of Alzheimer’s and now my mom is going in that direction also. So I have the genes working against me.
I am beautiful inside and he wanted it and he destroyed it. I am going to fight until I die to get it back. 2013 might be the year.