If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
LetGo,
Love, love, love the SONG! Thanks so much for posting that, went and listened to it and it made my day!!! It’s exactly how I feel… Many blessings to you
🙂
I am doing better. Trying to be positive. Trying to look at the bright side of everything that happens day to day. Like today…if I was still working at the insane asylum, I would have had to go back to work today after our holiday break, but when I realized I didn’t have to go while I enjoyed my tea this morning, I got a smile on my face and felt victorious for a moment! I thought of everyone else going back (even if some don’t go back until next Monday) and it felt good that I am not a slave to that place anymore. So even if I felt better in that moment, it was enough. It’s those small moments each day that can get us through the next month and then the next year.
My best friend said to me on the phone today that she wished I could meet someone this year. I have to admit that made me teary because it made me think how can I ever risk trusting someone again?? What IF I gave someone a chance and they left me?? I just know I can’t risk that…I can never feel this hurt again. I know next time, I will not make it out alive. So how will I ever risk it?? I KNOW all the red flags now, but still, I could be duped perhaps like so many have been on here. It would be nice if society didn’t put so much emphasis on being “coupled.” It doesn’t help these feelings. But I guess it’s more than a societal thing; it’s really a human race thing…I guess we are all wired to want to be with someone. I never used to care, but as I get older, I find myself caring about it a bit more. I could still stay alone the rest of my life if I had to, but I don’t know how I would ultimately feel about that.
I think I am having all these feelings because this is the EXACT same time when he started pursuing me three years ago. Sorry, it is just bringing back a lot of memories and drudging up a lot of feelings.
That was a HUGE red flag in itself…I should have realized that anyone who would pounce on someone as soon as we came back from our break had a PLAN. It was so calculated…
Louise, I think I must have felt much the same as you described above after my husband died and I kicked the P BF to the curb…I felt so ALOOOOOONE…but no I am not lonely, I am CONTENT with ME. IF I ever do find someone that I can put my faith in, he will EARN my trust, I will not give it away…but if I never find someone that is OKAY TOO.
I will just be content with me today. Savor those special moments of sipping your tea in peace.
Oxy:
I think you just said a lot by saying someone would have to EARN your trust. That made me feel better. It made me realize THAT is HOW I could perhaps risk it again. They would have to EARN it and EARN it big time! I agree…I will be OK if I don’t find someone. It’s not the be all and end all.
Ahhhh, yes…sipping tea…now that, I could not live without! 🙂
Louise,
I just wanted to say that I agree that we as humans are wired to want to be with others. We are social creatures. We NEED companionship. That’s why humans live in communities. I really struggle with the idea of never finding the right person. And I KNOW that’s one of the reasons why I was vulnerable to the ex-spath! He picked up on my intense desire to be in a relationship. But, we DO need companionship, and we can and should get that social interaction in non-romantic ways. Fill our lives with friends. And, hopefully, there are good men out there for each of us, too!!!
Laura19:
I do fill my world with friends and other activities. I think it’s really hard to find a man to be compatible with. At least for me it is. I see so many people being with someone just to be with someone and that’s not me and it never has been. I would rather be alone than do that, but I see so many do it because they don’t want to be alone. Well, I’ve been alone a long, long time by choice. I could have someone if I wanted and I could have probably remarried three times over if I wanted, but I guess I am just not wired that way…really not the marrying kind. Plus, I want it to be right…I want to feel something. I can’t be with someone just for the heck of it. I have found that doing that drains a lot of energy from me and that’s not a good thing.
Louise,
I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t have friends, so I hope you didn’t take it that way! I was saying it more to myself, to reassure myself that I can get enough companionship from friendship…even though I long for a romantic partnership. And I agree, a lot of people are in relationships just so that they can say they are in them, and I don’t want to do that either. I was married before the exspath, and I divorced him because it was an empty relationship (although he was an honest, sweet person). And now I have so much pain from what’s happened with the spath that it’s going to be a while before I am ready to even look around for someone new. One step at a time…
I’ve spent the last few days just reading and reading as many articles as I can and the comments as well.
I can identify with so many of your stories, I sit here and cry as I read them because I know the heartbreak you’re feeling but I still have so many unanswered questions. I know that healing begins with me and it doesn’t matter why he did what he did but why do I feel the need to have answers?
Daisy,
I feel a very strong need to have answers too!! I want to know FOR SURE if he’s an spath, but I KNOW that I can’t know FOR SURE. I like when Truthspeak shared her duck analogy with you. That’s what I need to remember…I have a lot of evidence of lying and cheating and my memories of what he said and did throughout our relationship. It all fits with what I’ve been reading about these worthless people. I like how Ox Drover called them worthless. Have you read Donna’s book about the red flags of love fraud? That was the most helpful thing I’ve read. I just highlighted things in the kindle app on my phone, and attached notes related to behaviors I saw and things he said. I just need to go back and reread and reread.
So, if you want to share, what are the questions you have? I know that I am wondering what really happened in his previous two relationships, because I feel like he lied to me much more than he did to them (he kept me away from his family and friends, for the most part). But then, I don’t really know what he said/did to them…
Laura19:
No, I didn’t think that at all! I’m easy to get along with…no worries! 🙂