If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Daisy…a good book that helped me was Meaning from Madness by Richard Skerritt..
Laura,
I’m new here and having trouble following up with my posts so I missed Truthspeaks duck analogy but I can guess if it walks like one…lol. I had posted a response earlier to you but it seems to have not posted?
I, too, have proof of lies, lies and more lies. I can identify with most of the stories posted on here but yet there is not one that parallels mine. Our relationship had many details that were specific that if he or anyone he knew stumbled across this site he would know it was me. That is why I am not comfortable posting specifics. I guess it would help me to be able to tell someone this is something he did and them validate my opinion. I really think he is one but I just need that final AHA!
Like you, I want to know more about his previous r/s because I’m sure I didn’t get the true story from him.
I haven’t read anything yet other than just what I have read here and online. I had been doing fine with NC for about 6 months until I found out something that triggered it all over again. I actually feel worse than I did when it ended months ago.
Some questions I have are what caused his bizarre behavior at the end, at the end I mean in the conversation when I told him I knew he had been lying. He reacted completely different than he had ever acted. Why is he stalking my FB.
Thank you MoonDancer, I’ll put that one on my list to read also.
An old friend of mine who has been in and out of my life since I was 16 has contacted me. He is out of a long term relationship again and wants to meet and catch up? Hmm where has he been the past ten years when I could of used a friend? I miss him dearly, really I do but I have been discarded by him because (1) I didnt have the same feelings he had for me, (2) when he is in a relationship he had no need for me..
He didnt honor my friendship..why does he need me now? At first I was kinda excited about the possibilty of rekindling this friendship but I dont know, my gut tells me no.
Daisy,
without knowing your full story, with details, it’s hard to answer questions. You can always delete your own post, later. All you need to do is EDIT the post and just leave a period or other punctuation.
I will tell you though, that bizarre behavior at the end of a con, is typical for a spath. It’s hard to say WHY that is.
My own spath, a pure psychopath, also acted very excitably at the end. It’s what tipped me off. He just couldn’t keep his drama down. I have a recording of his fake crying, it is so melodramatic, it’s disgusting.
This is a man who has no emotions or feelings AT ALL, yet in the midst of a con, he goes overboard. I think it’s because they think that WE will be affected by it. They think that their drama will infect us. Well, it might to a point, but when we watch something that FAKE, we just say WTF????? Personally, I couldn’t help giggling, it was kinda funny.
The other thing that happens is that they don’t like their masks pulled off. It is their greatest fear. If you called them on their game, they will DO ANYTHING to pull you back into the drama. This can be very dangerous. For myself, I knew that I couldn’t do that until I was safely away from him. Then I told him that he was a sociopath. He replied, “Don’t call me a social spaz” pretending that he had never heard the word sociopath and didn’t understand. All lies.
MoonDancer,
I’ve had a few friends like that. I’ve always tried to “do unto others” but they never “did unto me”. I know what it’s like to not be able to depend on someone and I always said I would not be that kind of person. I wanted to be the friend that people knew would always be there. Probably why I wasted years with my X.
Maybe YOU are THAT friend he knows he can count on.
However…if your gut tells you no, I would listen to your gut.
Skylar,
Would you feel comfortable doing the email exchange through Donna so I can pick your brain and tell you more in detail. You decide and I will respect whatever you decide.
Daisy,
Healing and recovery from a spath is a very painful thing. It means being triggered and discovering injuries that we pretty much ignored at the time they were inflicted upon us. That’s why it’s called post traumatic. But it’s the only way to heal from those wounds imo. To be triggered and suddenly remember that that was very hurtful. Then we can hurt, cry and be angry over it.
Are you in therapy? It might help you through this.
The xspath actually gave me the key to his soullessness and I didn’t pick up on it until now. He went to a seminar on relationships once and he told me that the one mantra; that he took away from it was this: “Be committed to do whatever it takes to get what you want”. Now if that isn’t sociopathic I don’t know what is. I think I want to know why he did this because I have to find a new frame of reference for who I am. I have been told things about myself that were untrue for 12 years. The compliments that I was given by the xspath were lies designed to deceive and destroy. Accepting that and keeping my ego out of the way is the challenge. Now God has granted me the time in this life for me to get to know me.
Sun flower and denbroncos007 ,
Thank you for the kind words, deep down i know my life isn’t over even though there was a point where i wanted it to end. That’s probably the scariest part of this whole thing…the fact that i almost felt like i had no other choice. But that feeling has gone away for the most part..i think because hes gone. Its like the cloud in my brain is gone and i can think clearer. But I’m terrified of having to see him again and i have to go to court on the tenth for the restraining order hearing. I know he will lie about everything (If he even shows) and he is very convincing. And I’m afraid i will not be able to stand up for myself because i was never able to when we were together. My friends and family tell me not to feel that way because i know that he is a pathetic, lying piece of sh** and of course i know that now and when I’m away from him. But for what ever reason everything changes when we’re in the same room. I’m so intimidated by him and i cower at his feet with one look. They just don’t know what it feels like to stand next to him and be me. Any advice? I’m not good at speaking in front of people in the first place, and now i have speak against him in front of the whole courtroom with him there??? I’m so scared i will just be dumbfounded and speechless especially after hearing his defense. And if that’s how it goes down i wont get the RO and i NEED it…not just to keep him away from me but to keep me away from him …my worst fear is that he’ll come back with some other huge story and apology and ill believe every word and get sucked right back into HELL. If that happens then i know i will end up killing myself, I’d do just about anything to stay the F*** away from him. That’s what most of my nightmares entail anyways. That or i dream of him being uber angry that i exposed him to my family, who then had him removed from my apartment by the sheriff. He just screams at me until i cower over and give in with tears while begging for forgiveness. Both nightmares have the same result…me bowing out like a coward and falling right back into his tyranny. I just want to get some sleep. I feel like a zombie..