If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
darwinsmom,
sheesh, reminds me of a movie I watched once, this man was juggling three wives and he ended up dying from a heart attack.
Daisy
So here’s how I found out about the phone. My ex used to have a phone that gave him so much crap! the service was blotchy and he did need a reliable one for work, but apparently just getting a “new” phone to replace the defective one wasn’t on his mind — His phone ended up going on the blink and he was w/o a phone for almost a day – so he decided to not only replace his original phone, but to also have a “back up” phone for work. At the time this sounded logical since sometimes he is out on jobs where his phone goes crazy, but I work in technology and I know better – it’s like hello dumbshit, if one phone is down then your other phone will be down too (service wise) since they all rely on the same tower based on your location….Anyhow, he never gave me access to any of his accounts, i just know him and he had given me his password at one time to one of his computers and from there I was able to get into his stuff — Anyhow, what is so funny is that I saw his 2nd phone and asked him about it – and then asked him about it and he told me why he had it but from that point forward that phone was NEVER in my sight. always in his work truck….Heck i never even knew what the thing looked like…..anyhow, I snooped in his truck saw all the #’s and text messages not just between him and her but other woman, put two and two together and confronted him…….
He is such a player/womanizer it’s pathetic….I told him I feel so sorry for any woman that crosses your path! I also told him he is SO WRONG in screwing with people’s emotions, you just dont DO THAT! Whether this stuck with him or not, who knows, I’m sure it didn’t but made me feel good to say it!
Did your spath cheat as well ( I assume he did)? How did he try to cover it up or did he ever try to cover it up? Did he try to make amends with you? And did he show any remorse?
Louise,
Pretty much the same as you. He was legally married but separated the entire time we were together. My faith is very important to me and deep inside I really felt that that was where he needed to be. He had kids. It was very hard to pray that while we were together. The selfish part of me wanted him to get divorced so that we could be together but I didn’t want it at the expense of another woman. Thing is with everything I know I doubt she would even want him now. God can fix that though. I pray for Him to change their hearts and restore the marriage.
Daisy – i think the movie you are talking about is a true story. I saw it on Lifetime. It was literally called “The Man With Three Wives” and think is stared Jeff Bridges! He was a doctor and who would ever think a doctor would behave so ill – he got so caught up in his own deception that he couldn’t keep up! It became too much for even him…GREAT MOVIE though. Thanks for reminding me about that! 😉
Darwinsmom/Louise – My spath would always “talk” about all that we are going to do or all that he was going to do for our relationship, but it never happened. When I would try to make it happen, there was ALWAYS an excuse as to WHY he couldnt commit to making any plans with me. He would ALWAYS tell me he can’t “plan” things becasue of his job. My gosh, really?!?!? He acted like he was the gosh darn president of the US and every one and their brother was depending on him – that is how he viewed his job. So of course, we couldn’t plan anything! It was basically a day by day weekend by weekend thing with him – no planning ALLOWED! Sometimes I think he pushed me to end it and I even told him this once; i think he used me to be the actor he wanted me to be and pushed me so far to where i couldnt take it anymore – but he could never be the one who did the dumping….yet he could do the dumping in other relationships? Like I said, I think he kept me around because i gave him something the other woman couldn’t – they were married or not interested in anything serious – whereas I offered the “commitment” lifestyle he portrayed to his kids and family ) i was around his kids all the time…….but what they saw, was far from reality!
Wow Denver, I’m wondering if you’re the new woman my spath is with~lol. You are saying the same things she is telling me.
Oh yes, he cheated. He tried to cover it up. We need to try Skylar’s chat room sometime and I’ll give you all the details. Our situation is so unique that anyone could figure out who I am by what I post. And, no remorse at all except when the new woman confronted him about all the stuff I told her.
Daisy –
Isn’t it difficult to even speak to his current victim? Are you two friends and/or does this person believe what you say about your ex?
I can only imagine how taking to his current victim somehow feels you’re still “involved” but not in the degree you were before…..So glad to hear you are handling things well and I agree, having people like you and Louise, Truth, Ox Drover, Skylar to talk to really does make a HUGE difference!
Louise,
He did it nightly… He would suggest we’d go home, end the night, even walk me back home to the door, and then at the last minute sprint away to a bar on his (with some excuse). Or he’d come home, tell cheerfully he was home (after I lay awake for hours and finally dozed off the final half hour) and by the time I was awake, he’d suddenly reveal there was still someone downstairs he needed to say goodbye, and how he’d be back in bed with me in another 10 mins, and of course disappear for hours already.
It totally drove me NUTS and depraved me of sleep chronically. I was never at peace as long as he wasn’t home, either in Nicaragua or in Belgium. You just never knew what kinda crap he would get “suckered” into.
As for tickets, denbronco. He missed his first flight (I paid for), because his visum for Costa Rica did not extend for as long as the return flight. And of course it was much too late to book an extra flight from San Jose to Managua, and since he only found out about it at the gate, I couldn’t get any refund on that missed flight either, not even because they refused him admission on it. So, I paid the next ticket to go. He got that one. But when he had to catch his return flight, he had to go to Germany by train, and he “missed” his connection in Brussels. Couldn’t get a refund on that return ticket either. Plus I had to put down a LOT of money to pay for a ticket on such a short notice. I wanted him out of Belgium before the 3 mnths were up… I had signed a financial responsibility paper on him, and if he was in the country illegally and they would put him on a forced flight back to Nicaragua with all the legal stuff that would have cost me even more… I would be financially responsible up to 2 years, unless he returned to his home country… and the risk of him getting into trouble with the police was actually big… he’d already gotten into a fight. Luckily this flight was from Brussels, so I could drive him personally to the airport and see him off, even though his visum for Costa Rica was not yet in order (no connection flight available from the airport he would land). Luckily for me, the EU law says that tickets must be refunded if companies refuse passengers, and so they took the risk of him being refused admittance in Costa Rica and having to fly him back to Belgium. Since the airport was only 100 km away from the Nicaraguan border, eventually even Costa Rican border police preferred to give him a police escort to the border over putting him on a flight back to Belgium.
That whole adventure was the main reason why he couldn’t convince me to pay any plane tickets for him anymore before his papers were in order to stay here legally longer than 3 months and without me having to sign that financial responsibility paper again.
One night that he stood me up was the most heartwrenching. I had seen some stuff that shocked me some in the month before that, enough to think I should get away from this guy, but his croco-tears made me change my mind. But that night, was the first time something of my love for him started to really die. An expat had a hotel on a beach several beaches more down south of the main one of the village. It was reclusive and at least for backpackers quite unique. That owner’s wallet had been stolen, along with his passport, driving license, etc… Police did nothing. The ex offered to see whether he could find out those who had done it and get the papers back. The expat didn’t want to know who they were, didn’t want his money back… just preferred his papers (big hassle otherwise). ANd irregardless of the success of the ex he’d give us a free weekend stay in one of the honeymoon-cabana’s there, including free meals. Now, the ex had been complained for the last 2 weeks that I hadn’t taken him on a trip within his country yet (with my money… which I could have if he hadn’t wasted it on drugs). So, finally we have our getaway. Then one of the villagers needed to get something from the next village, and he would help out… and basically he disappeared the whole night and simply returned to his village to party there. In other words, I slept in honeymoon paradis ALL ALONE. I knew the whole thruth when the villager returned (his family had been banging at my door already in the hope of finding out what had happened to their brother-in-law): that he still wanted to party and not return yet. The next day the earliest bus was an afternoon bus. And he even LIED that he had been busted by the cops for buying drugs for the villager and had to spend the whole night in jail, and that the villager had bailed on him. I didn’t put up a fight to any he said. I just said, “Whatever. I know the thruth.” And that evening I told him I was convinced he was the one behind my robbery. I took him along to Costa Rica where I had to catch my plane, paid for his bus to San Jose to get him to his sister. But I stopped any funds to him after that. I still gave him a chance to prove himself worthy, but not with my money anymore. He proved himself totally unworthy.
I can contrive from tells and some vague posts on his FB that he had cheated me probably extensively already, but nothing long term. He started to look hard for another long term replacement in the few months after that when he realized I was pushing him to be more responsible on what he should responsible about (his papers, his divorce – he was divorced for US law, not Nicaraguan law yet – his job, his money). It took several before one bit.
Daisy, I would really be interested in speaking with you in Skylars chat room – name the time and I will be there.
I am sure anyone who knows me could figure out my true identify; i wasn’t really secretive by creating the “Screen name” I did – hahah! But sometimes I find myself wanting to give more details, like places, names etc and I find myself backspacing and thinking crap I can’t write that! 🙂
Can never be too careful — But again, it would be great to speak with you further! I did join Skylar’s chat room, but now can’t seem to find the link….lol!
Yep Denver, thats it. I think Pam Dawber and Joanna Kearns was in it also. I remember one line in it he said something along the line of…the woman he was with was the one he loved the most…meaning he loved them all.
Darwinsmom –
Horrible, horrible horrible, to take a trip like that to a far away destination – and be left alone the entire night?? What was this menace thinking — actually I know he wasn’t but still — how in the hell can these “mutants” sleep and eat! I am so sorry for what you had to endure – I can’t even imagine; your story, like others makes mine seem like a “cake walk” — Sounds like you are doing well and are recouping the best you can —
thank you for all your responses this evening and I truly enjoyed your insight and feedback on my own salutation so many thanks to you! 🙂 If I can return the favor in any way, please post away!