If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Darwinsmom,
The thing is, the spath I was involved with mirrored me and acted like HE was an introvert too. He sent me a text one time about being so happy to be alone at his apartment reading. And he made a big deal out of supposedly loving to read (like I do, of course), said the ex made fun of him when he was reading. And he always wanted to do what I wanted to do…when he didn’t have an excuse for not being able to come see me, that is. But now that I have more factual info about him, I think he definitely enjoys going out to places and having that stimulation. I don’t know if he’s SO extraverted, but he’s definitely not a true introvert like I am. He sure did fake it, though!
Laura19,
Mine did the same thing. He morphed into the man he thought I wanted him to be.
I go to church, don’t smoke or drink and of course that is who he became. Or, that is who he pretended to be. I questioned his sincerity so many times.
In the beginning when we first met if I sent him a text his immediate response was “I was just about to send you a text. You can read my mind” I soaked that stuff up at the beginning. Ugh!
Oh and let’s not forget, regarding the discard… they will try to keep the door open to try and lure you back on the merry-go-round if they feel like it again; to make a victim a back-burner in case they happen to be low on drama-rama food.
With that “nice mail”, Denver, he’s trying to put the mask back on, and make these women think – after the WTF discard – “I had it wrong. He’s not that bad after all. He’s a decent guy.”
Ex-spath pulled his mask off with the discard, proved it with his manipulations and threat mail… and then thought he’d have a chance in showing himself not to be such a jerk after all in his polite mail. Many of his ex-es are actually still “friends” with him. He has their couple pics on his fb, has them chat with him, and uses that in many ways to make his latest target believe what a good guy he is. These ex-es wouldn’t still be friends with him and there wouldn’t be all these happy times pictures if he’s a jerk, would they? He’s able to use them for “trust me” reasons as well as “envy” reasons (the ex is still pining for me crap). I removed as much history as I could about him and I. I was just about to defriend him – because I had just removed EVERY line of him on my wall as well as my lines on his wall and posted “fake” on each pic he had of us on his own profile + a warning to women to get tested for STDs – when he discovered what I had removed and then defriended me himself (spared me the trouble).
Daisy,
From what I understand, the mirroring is exactly what spaths do with all of their targets.
What you said about the text he sent you is so eerie! Mine would often text me with statements like, “I agree 100%” and “We’re always on the same page.” And mine went to church with me a handful of times, too. It’s interesting, because I definitely noticed that he was SO fidgety while he was there, every time. He didn’t act like that during any other activity. He was perfectly still when he was “into” something. Eventually he made up excuse after excuse not to go to church with me, all the while saying he wanted to go. Finally, I told him that he really didn’t want to go, that I noticed the difference. And I said I only wanted him to go if he really wanted to. He denied it and kept saying he did want to go! He refused to acknowledge the truth. I thought it was so weird, because I had no idea about the rest of his lying at that time. Craziness.
By the way, Daisy, if you and some others start a chat session on Skylar’s website, let me know when it is. I would like to have a chance to write back and forth with you more in depth, if you’re interested in doing that.
Darwinsmom,
It’s good to hear the discard stories, because it sounds so familiar! Mine had every intention of keeping me hanging on to him. He had already started a “main” relationship with another girl and made it official on Facebook behind my back, all the while acting like he had anxiety and depression and coming to see me less and less. (Incidentally, he had told me when I first met him that he had shut down his Facebook account, so our relationship was, apparently, a secret from everyone, even though he told me I love you all the time from the third week on and said we were very serious.) This went on for almost three months, and JUST when I was ready to follow through with an ultimatum of needing a lot more time spent together with him, he told me he couldn’t see me anymore. He had an uncanny sense that I was reaching the end of my rope! BUT, he said, he just wanted to “get better” and then we could try again. I went off on him in that conversation! But since I didn’t know about the cheating or lying at that time (although I suppose many broken promises equal lying), I wasn’t very resolute and backtracked a little via texting a couple days later, although I told him not to text me again for another month, so I could figure out what I wanted to do. Then a week and a half later I accidentally found out about the new girl, thank God! Ugh. He’s just so disgusting. They all are.
Laura19, the “try, again” thing is just a candy-coated carrot dangling on the end of a string for us to grab after. It’s ALWAYS unattainable.
As for the secrets…..eugh…..I forget where I first heard it, but it was in some movie and the line was, “Secrets kill.” Well, in one way or another, they do.
And, whomever he’s with now, she’s going to have a rude awakening if she isn’t as strong as you are. Seriously. You are one lucky gal, and his new victim may not be so lucky.
Brightest blessings
Truthspeak,
I agree, secrets do kill. And it is good for me to be reminded that I am lucky, so thank you. I am definitely lucky that I found out the TRUTH!!! And the great thing is, I found it out because I was worried he might be suicidal, and I was looking for his roommate’s Facebook page and found HIS instead. Hah! And the new girl…he has her completely snowed, even though she talked with me twice and knows that he lied to her about me (and about other things, like his first wife) and that he essentially cheated on her with me. He gave her his passwords to his Facebook and email accounts, and he told her he’s just been so messed up since his ex (the second wife), and that he will do anything to make it right with her. It’s funny, he said the exact same thing to me when I was upset that I hadn’t met his parents at the four month mark. Anyway, good luck to her!
darwinsmom says: posted “fake” on each pic he had of us on his own profile + a warning to women to get tested for STDs~~hahaha, you go girl! This sounds like something I would have liked to have done!
Laura,
Let’s do it. It is 7:30 pm CST where I am. If you or anyone want to chat, lets meet in Skylar’s chat room in 30 mins.
http://180rule.com/180-chat-room/
Truthspeak says: And, whomever he’s with now, she’s going to have a rude awakening if she isn’t as strong as you are. Seriously. You are one lucky gal, and his new victim may not be so lucky.~~So true.
Daisy,
I will be there. 🙂