If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
I am an extrovert and do get bored very easily, not a good thing, but I don’t turn & have spath behaviors. I guess when I got bored with the good hubby I would plan things to do, places to go, date nights, but I felt I was the one doing all the work/planning things. He was more than willing to go and do whatever I planned and whenever too, but I guess I got tired of planning- I needed someone else to take “charge” and my ex hubby wasn’t a take charge type of man in our marriage. That bothered me and we then started to withdraw. He’s asked me out to dinner/movies several times but I’m not ready. I feel I need to give myself time to heal from the ex spath and be fair to whoever I MIGHT get involved with later down the road….
Don’t get me wrong, I love evenings / weekends at home, lounging, just watching TV but I still need some excitement to… But the right kind of excitement – drama free though
denbroncos007:
I HEAR you loud and clear!! I feel the same as you do. Even though I am an introvert, I like to go out and I love to travel. I want the right kind of excitement, too…perfect words!
Louise/Denbroncos007
Reading your exchange reminds me of my aunt/uncle. They were married nearly 70 years. They were the model for the marriage I wanted. What they did was have hobbies, two or three at a time. My uncle was the pud (me) and my aunt was the extrovert. Having hobbies gave them something to pursue together. Each other did not have to entertain the spouse (which is what my spath wanted from me, to keep him entertained or else he found someone else to entertain him.).
Over the years, they pursued rock climbing, camping, hiking, motorcycling, nascar, ham radio, geocaching (a form of today’s geocaching), exotic cooking, making wine/wineries, etc. You get the idea.
It balanced them out, Uncle pud knew he could plan and she’d enjoy it, she could plan and know he wanted to participate. They gathered opportunities and ideas. It gave them a social group. And it gave my extrovert Aunt excitement in her life. (I had the BEST aunt, she was one of my angels).
Just thought that my aunt/uncles model for marriage sounded like it would resolve what you were discussing.
Best, katy
Katy
Exactly! That sounds identical of what u had in my 2nd marriage; my perfect man was like your uncle I was like your aunt. We really balanced one another out; we were polar opposites and you know what they say about opposites– they attract!
Your aunt and uncles relationship is perfect! How lovely & thanks so much for sharing!
KatyDid:
Ahhhh, yes, it sounds like a lovely match. If only we could all find that. Thanks so much for sharing! It was good to read!
denbroncos007 and everyone else,
We had a great discussion in the 180 chat room last night. Sorry you couldn’t get it to work, denbroncos007. Would you be willing to try again? It made me feel so much better; it was like a therapy session. It would be wonderful to have another conversation tonight, if anyone is available. Any ideas for a good time?
The previous comments about them mirroring and always agreeing and ‘always being on the same page’, made me think of so many instances where he did just that..and I really thought that it meant that we were in sync with each other. But it made me think of one particular email chain with my spath….
We were talking back and forth about something unimportant, and he made a clever joke about the subject. I told him I was just thinking the same thing, and asked him if was in my head. He replied ‘yes, I’m always in you’re head.’
This is so creepy to me now. When he was lovebombing me and asking me all these ‘I really want to know you questions’, did I really give him enough that he was able to get in my head and that he could know or anticipate my thoughts? I seems really out there, but I’n my head right now I’m thinking it was like one of those computer questionnaires that take your answers and predict what you future answers will most likely be.
Laura
Absolutely!! I’m away from the house right now (using my iPhone right now, hard to use for chatting), but ill be around this evening for sure! It’s great therapy to talk about our situations with others who have experienced similar situations!
I’m PST but will be available around 630 tonight forward
moving past the facade:
Yep, he was only asking you all those “I really want to know you questions” so he could find out what to use against you…find out what you value most and then try to destroy it. That’s why mine went away…I wasn’t telling him anything. He wasn’t asking either, but that’s because he is lazy…he was expecting me to lay it all out for him and I wasn’t doing it so he slithered away…
moving past the facade,
I used to think my spath was reading my mind too, at least during the first half of our relationship, when he still made an effort. Like you, I thought we were so connected. But it was so strange, because when he later began an intense relationship with the new girl (as opposed to more casual relationships/sex with others before that–I didn’t know about them till after our breakup), he became VERY out of sync with me. It was like he forgot who I was. Or I suppose he didn’t want to make the effort anymore.
denbroncos007, thanks for responding. I will be in the chat room tonight at 6:30 PST. Talk with you and maybe others then!!