If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.
1. Charisma and charm. They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Enormous ego. They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.
3. Overly attentive. They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.
4. Jekyll and Hyde personality. One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
5. Blame others. Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact. Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Move fast. They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play. They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Sexual magnetism. If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
For more on this topic, see Donna Andersen’s book, Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you’re dating a sociopath.
Laura
Funny you say that your spath almost forgot or seemed to have forgotten who you are — I feel the same except I don’t think my exspath forgot who I was as more as u didn’t know who he was anymore. I would tell him ALL the time that he us so different from when we first met and he would always tell me that it’s because the “hineymoon” was over and we were more comfortable with one another/ more settled so to speak but it wasn’t that at all I told him…. But he kept saying that was the reason and then would turn it around on me and tell me that I used to be “nicer” and was more attentive / affectionate when we first met… It was like everything I told him he was doing differently he turned it around on me….even if I was different it was because of the way he treated me and confused me…
Unreal how one minute they know you and the next they are not only different but they treat you like a stranger or like you have the plague or something…..
Good afternoon all you lucky-to-be-spath-free ladies…
Katy and Louise, you need to come to Skylar’s chat room and chat with us. It gets a little confusing, at times, with people talking over each other but you can have private conversations also. Like Laura said it really is good therapy. I do so much with that type of personal interaction.
Denver…I know for sure you are not my spath’s new victim. Clearly you are way more intelligent than her~~haha.
I’m an extrovert and my spath was definitely an introvert. I guess he was boring but that felt safe to me. Now I would describe him as passive. That didn’t bother me at first because I viewed it as sensitive. Having had the chance to talk to two other of his “victims” I see similarities in us. We’re all three strong independent women aka bossy~~LOL. He is very easily bossed around. That was one area that confused me when spaths were described as controlling…mine never controlled me like that so I finally put it together that the controlling aspect of our relationship was how he could control me by the yo-yo maneuver.
Is it possible for others to attend the chat room?
Laura,
About him becoming out of sync, and forgetting who you were when intense relationship with the new girl began… That is exactly what mine did, although I didn’t know it at the time. There had been others all along, and he did get a little weird sometimes. But it wasn’t until he started communicating with the newest girl (the one we work with), that he really got that way…dis-connected. When I later found all of the evidence, I was able to line up the times and his ‘puzzle’ started to come together. I’m sure I’ve posted this before, but he became consumed with her…even though it they were just exchanging ‘friendly’ emails at the time.
But even during that, after, and since, he has tried to keep up some sort of relationship, or friendship with me. I’m not sure if it’s so that I keep his secrets, so that he can have me on stand-by, or just part or his game.
denbroncos007,
I agree with what you’re saying about the changes in HIS behavior. The same thing happened with mine, except he never blamed me for anything. He was really good at the fake apology and the fake “I feel so bad that I’ve hurt you” ploy. It seems that some of them take that angle, another way of controlling things, I guess. You said that behavior is unreal, and that really is a good word. My life seems unreal now, although I am glad that I know what he really is. You know, his new girlfriend says she knows the “real” him. Actually, I am the only one who knows the “real” him!
Daisy,
My spath came across as passive, too. He always would do what I wanted to do, and the new girl said the same thing, that he always wants to do what she wants to do. But, really, he’s being passive aggressive because of all the lies and the behavior behind our backs.
Sunflower, anyone can go in the chat room, so please join us!
moving past the facade,
Oh my goodness, it is so amazing that you said yours was acting disconnected, because that’s EXACTLY what mine did, and HE even said to me, “I know I’ve been really disconnected lately.” It all really intensified when mine met HIS new girlfriend. AND, he wanted to keep me hanging on when we had our breakup conversation. He had faked depression for a couple months and said he just needed to get better and then we could try again. He even said he would text me! Can you believe that?! I said no to that and then backtracked a little a couple days later (although not completely, I told him we should wait a month to text so that I could figure out what to do). Anyway, all of that was before I found out about the lying and cheating. Once he knew that I knew even a little bit of the truth about him, he cut things off immediately. He even blocked me from his Facebook page, which is how I found out about things. His last attempt to control me, I suppose!
Lara19,
I have no clue how that chatroom works…
Sunflower,
Here’s the link to the chat room:
http://180rule.com/180-chat-room/
All I did was go there, write a name for myself in the little box that pops up, and I was ready to chat! 🙂
Laura,
What part of the country are you from? I swear this is the same guy, or they went to school together and devised their method during study hall.
Mine actually told me he thought he was clinically depressed, and needed to get better. The day I questioned him about the OW, he blocked me from FB, and friended her. He re-friended me a few days later, but restricted me when I confronted him about his lies.
moving past the facade,
I live in NC. The similarities are crazy, aren’t they? Sunflower and I are chatting in Skylar’s chat room right now, if you want/are able to join us!